Welcome, Guest! - or
Easy to remember!  »  VinNews.com

New York - Op-Ed: Debunking Perry Reich, Hasidic Women, And Drawing Inspiration From Struggle

Published on: March 2, 2012 01:13 PM
Change text size Text Size  
Bookmark and Share
Screen-writer and lecturer Chava Tombosky takes on Dr. Phil & America’s Fascination with Chassidic WomenScreen-writer and lecturer Chava Tombosky takes on Dr. Phil & America’s Fascination with Chassidic Women

New York - I was invited to attend the Dr. Phil show last week to offer commentary on their feature story about a young and beautiful woman who had a tale of unsettling circumstances in regard to her Hasidic background.

As the Dr. Phil show unfolded, I listened intently to a young woman named Pearlperry Reich (aka Pearl) who, at the age of 17, was betrothed to a man for whom she was clearly unsuited at her parents’ discretion and against her will. Pearl shared claims of sexual, emotional and physical abuse by a husband who had never trusted or loved her.

Pearl depicted herself as a desperate woman with four young children trying to escape an abusive and loveless marriage—distancing herself from the Hasidic community of her childhood in an attempt to seek her own path as an actress and a model.  Pearl purported that her husband was so incensed by her path of self-discovery and self-actualization that he now refuses to give her a Jewish or legal divorce and is even threatening to take her children away if she does not abandon her acting and modeling career, a pursuit that her husband claims is against the moral values on which they based their marriage vows.

Advertisement:

As I listened to Pearl, I was struck by the great contrast between our experiences in the Hasidic community.  As my readership knows, I am a Chabad Hasidic woman who lives in the public eye as a writer, speaker, filmmaker and singer who has an incredibly supportive husband and community that champions my individuality and artistic pursuits.  The idea that this woman had no choice in whom she married or that her own identity and self expression was at stake left me shocked and troubled.  It is my understanding that Hasidic philosophy is meant to support one’s individuality and uniqueness.  The very philosophical foundation of Hasidic mysticism, based on its founder Rabbi Yisroel Baal Shem Tov (1698-1760), is that each person is like a musical note in the symphony of life and that each individual possesses G-d given talents meant to be shared with the world. We have an obligation to seek out our own skills and talents and use them to reveal the majesty and G-dliness found even in the most mundane and corporeal parts of our existence and the world.  When we actualize our talents for the purpose of elevating our surroundings we also reveal the holiness inside all of us. 

Every time I get up to sing or speak, I am reminded of my own opportunity as a Jewish woman to reveal the gifts that I have been graciously given by the One Above. Obviously, Pearl’s unorthodox account of a troubling marriage that has threatened her spiritual quest in no way represents the Hasidic philosophy of how women should be treated or how husbands and wives should support each other in their individual spiritual journeys.  Judaism supports romance and encourages women to seek out their own spouse.  Hasidism encourages the personal quest for individuality as well as marriages that celebrate mutually beneficial and healthy spirituality.  Abuse of any kind should never be tolerated or condoned.

I am also not naive and realize that people are people—human beings are fallible creatures capable of perverting the beautiful and deeply spiritual precepts taught by the Baal Shem Tov.  The matter begs a serious conversation: How can one become enlightened and create a spiritual relationship with one’s Higher Power despite being cast away by those who promised to love and protect them? When any individual we look up to fails us so remarkably, how do we recover?  How does a person ever rectify one’s own faith when corrupted personalities with bad principles cloaked in good ones take over?

When our spirituality is tested, as Pearl’s was, how are we supposed to respond, and does Hasidic philosophy really have those answers? 

When I was a kid my father used to tell me, “Chava, remember, always place principles above personalities.”  But one Shavuot (you know, that holiday when Jews eat cheesecake and celebrate the giving of the Torah) many years ago, I can remember feeling deeply unmoved by my faith, for the personalities I relied on to guide me had let me down, and I had no idea how to come out of my deep dark cloud of disappointment. I began judging everyone I met and failed to remember the lessons of the Baal Shem Tov.

Dr. Phil says, “I was raised Southern Baptist and I always said I loved the Lord, it was Christians couldn’t stand,” before going on to explain that he was 14-15 years old when he felt that way and has since changed his opinion. This fundamental human challenge is not a Hasidic issue, but a human one that humanity grapples with in every faith across the board.

The Baal Shem Tov used to say that when a person peers into a mirror and sees stains of soil on his own face, it is only because he has failed to wash himself. So too, when someone sees imperfections in another, it is a sign that those imperfections may live inside him.  Clearly, I needed to have a shift; I had only disdain for those around me and could not muster the courage to see how that disdain blemished my own personal faith in myself, and in my own Higher Power as well. 

That Shavuot I had decided to challenge a friend and rabbi, Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak Jacobson, with a letter sharing my great pain highlighting my inner conflict.  When Rabbi Jacobson came to town that Shavuot to address the entire community, as was the local tradition each year, I never really thought he would have customized his speech to directly answer my letter.  I didn’t really expect any answer. The only reason I had gone to the speech that year was to prove my point that religion is uninspiring, and no one could prove to me otherwise. The truth was I got more spirituality from my Al-Anon meetings (AA meetings for friends and family of alcoholics) than from going to synagogue. In Al-Anon, I felt understood. In synagogue, I felt like a phony. I just didn’t fit.  My resentment toward my world and myself began to creep up on me.  Something had to give. I found myself able to live with the outfit but without the heart. I hated my hypocrisy.

Rabbi Jacobson approached the pulpit.  He stood there wearing black and white. I expected a black and white speech. What emerged instead was a fresh and empowering message. And his voice boomed (I am paraphrasing of course):

“Moses was the greatest man in history. He was a man who was known for his humility. What made Moses so humble? What was the inspiration that created his ultimate humility? Moses was the leader of a great generation. It was a generation that witnessed the splitting of the Red Sea, ten plagues, clouds of glory, Manna from heaven. They had seen G-d in full “exposure,” with all His miracles. Yet they were not a generation who were able to bring great change in the world. However, Moses looked into the future. And through the future he saw the last generation who would usher in the world’s utopian vision, a world of peace and prosperity where G-d’s living presence and the inherent unity of mankind would be revealed.  This generation would not have miracles to count on. They would be a generation born out of the ashes of Auschwitz and the flames of 9/11. Unlike previous generations, they would not have great Kings, dazzling prophets, or holy men and women to lead them. They might even come to observe leaders who are corrupt, and trendsetters who are unethical and unscrupulous. And yet, they would still have the ability of seeing the leaders as humans, humans who are flawed and who may make grave mistakes. And they will become people who make the decision to become leaders in their own right and change the world despite itself.  It’s time we take the responsibility of leading our generation into goodness on our own. Moses saw that our generation had this exceptional quality—the quality that small, ordinary people would become their own leaders, living extraordinary lives and creating dignity out of doom. Become your own leader, become your own leader.”
I expected tolerance. I received acceptance. I expected a party line. I received out of the box. For the first time, I understood that I had no one to blame for my lack of faith but myself. I had to start to trust my own instincts. I had to become the person that I assumed and expected others were supposed to be for me.

I decided to take that moment only to judge myself. I had to ask myself a difficult question: Was I being all that I could be? Or was I truly living with resentment and rage that had hindered my own spiritual growth? Was I projecting my own insecurities on others, blaming them for not taking responsibility for my life? Was I tolerating myself or accepting myself with all my weaknesses and accepting others with all of their shortcomings? Tolerance is not Hasidic. Acceptance is Hasidic.  Living inspired by our own struggles and challenges rather than in spite of them is Hasidic. Morphing into leadership by example and trail blazing through a complicated world that uses pain and suffering in its narrative to illuminate important life lessons rather than using them as an excuse to be trapped into victimhood, is Hasidic. Making a mental and emotional accounting of one’s humility, kindness, personal discipline, exposing the world’s beauty, ambitiously living with joy, bonding with our creator and the world around us, and taking the time to judge less and examine more is Hasidic.

So many times we look to others as our role models for Jewish values before adopting them as our own.  When the others fail to prove those values by example, we are deeply disappointed. Man was created to be challenged, and at times fails, giving him the opportunity to climb that ladder of personal growth with new perspective and courage.  Unfortunately, many of us don’t have the fortitude or resolution to recognize our faults or that our ladder of personal growth is no longer upright, but has fallen flat—becoming a bridge to the extramundane and sacrilegious.  Putting too much stock into the infallibility of human beings creates huge disappointment and challenges our inner compass.  Many people spend a lifetime without ever getting on the ladder and most of us get on only to climb and fall and climb and fall. In truth, we must never stop climbing, and as we learn to accept our human condition and challenges, they afford us the great wisdom that ancient books write about. Human beings are created as material creatures infused with spiritual longing. We must be careful not to allow our own flawed whims to take over our sleeping spirits.

I truly empathize with Pearl and I am so sorry for the pain she has endured and continues to endure. My heart goes out to this wonderful lady and her children and I pray for her well-being and full happiness and serenity. I wish Pearl the good fortune to, in time, have the perspective to see her journey from a new and a fresh vantage point. To realize the very beauty she possesses is also a product of the pain and suffering she has endured. That the heavy weight on her shoulders currently pinning her to the ground can become the wings on her back lifting her ever higher. Together, maybe we can fight for faith, acceptance and personal leadership, and finally bring about the world’s utopian vision of peace and prosperity where authentic and genuine spirituality is finally revealed.

Chava Tombosky is a recording artist and the author of the “My Big Fat Jewish Life” blog. Chava is also an award-winning film producer and a noted lecturer who offers her listeners a refreshingly humorous and down to earth perspective on Judaism and Torah values.


More of today's headlines

Athens, AL - Apparent tornadoes destroyed houses, sent people to hospitals and tore up the roof of a maximum-security prison in northern Alabama as bad weather... Newark, NJ - Federal officials in New Jersey have announced charges against 29 people in what they say is a massive international counterfeit goods operation. New...

 

Total86

Read Comments (86)  —  Post Yours »

1

 Mar 02, 2012 at 01:44 PM MeirYaakov Says:

Is she not aware that every other Chasidic sect would forbid her to sing in public?

2

 Mar 02, 2012 at 01:50 PM KevinTheMevin Says:

Well spoken

3

 Mar 02, 2012 at 01:50 PM Anonymous Says:

here we go again

4

 Mar 02, 2012 at 01:54 PM Yoilish Says:

New way to get attention:

Denounce your upbringing.

5

 Mar 02, 2012 at 02:09 PM Respect My Virtue Says:

Everyone wants their 15 minutes of fame.

6

 Mar 02, 2012 at 02:13 PM Facts1 Says:

Chava;

Why are you exploiting your wish to outreach with this unfortunate woman at the expense of her husband and her family? Do you know that she was abused that you write "was betrothed to a man for whom she was clearly unsuited at her parents’ discretion and against her will."?

Sometimes I wonder why the people like Chava (liberals) have all the tolerance and understanding to people who are irresponsible oppressive and evil in nature, but have zero tolerance and suspicious for those that try to live according to the tenants of their religion without any intent of hurting others.

I dont know what the story is and neither do you, but one thing is for sure that neither Pearl or the other woman that just released the "unorthdox" book, have been raised or married in the life of attention and media, the only ones who were "clearly" wronged are their husbands. Pearl and unorthdox seem to greedy, evil and have no support among their own family

7

 Mar 02, 2012 at 02:21 PM Phineas Says:

I am not confident that today's CHasidism has anything to do with the Baal Hashem Tov's teachings.

Also, it sounds lie this Pearl woman was coming from a much stricter sect than Chabad.

8

 Mar 02, 2012 at 02:24 PM ALTERG Says:

The kids are born jewish & they need to stay jewish & I don't believe by ther nother who is publishing such ugly pictures from her self half naked to be a model they will grow up jewish + they war by a jewish beit din & made agreements but she don't wane follow it, btw even her perents,freinds,family is not on her side, so she sounds completly wrong

9

 Mar 02, 2012 at 02:27 PM Lakewoodguy Says:

Her husband is a nice, honest, good, beloved Jew, A role model in the community. She's just another psychopath gone astray.

10

 Mar 02, 2012 at 02:34 PM yochtzel Says:

Wow Chava! all i can say is WOW! what a well written article. You even hit some of my soft spots. In away you can start your own chasiddisha dynasty, just like Divora haniveya, she led men and women alike in the time of the naviyim, so why can you be a Rebba in the time of todays Rebbi's? you give a better message then them.

11

 Mar 02, 2012 at 02:39 PM facethemusic Says:

Attention all; firstly debunk? Excuse me, how on earth do u know that perry wasn't abused?? I am confident and armed with information that perry was abused physically and mentally. Her father is a similar psycopath as her ex and for that reason she didnt have his support, he forced her to marry this guy and forced her to stay in this marriage! Attention #9 there are many pple are wrongly respectes, gimme a break here!

12

 Mar 02, 2012 at 02:41 PM ikleinit Says:

Judging from these comments it appears like ur missing the picture of what this chava lady is trying to say . On a side note , these incidents are becoming more frequent , perhaps there is something the chasiddic community should address, where there is smoke there is fire , meaning not all these allegations are true , but there must be some basis for these complaints

13

 Mar 02, 2012 at 02:45 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #9  
Lakewoodguy Says:

Her husband is a nice, honest, good, beloved Jew, A role model in the community. She's just another psychopath gone astray.

Thanks for confirming what could be inferred from your prior postings. When you identify the abuser and a "nice, honest good and beloved jew".."a role model"..etc. and the abused as the "psychopath" it speaks volumes as to your own midos. While I'm sure there was some exaggeration, as there always is in these cases, your pathetic comments affirm much about of what these women are now speaking out

14

 Mar 02, 2012 at 02:46 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #8  
ALTERG Says:

The kids are born jewish & they need to stay jewish & I don't believe by ther nother who is publishing such ugly pictures from her self half naked to be a model they will grow up jewish + they war by a jewish beit din & made agreements but she don't wane follow it, btw even her perents,freinds,family is not on her side, so she sounds completly wrong

"they war by a jewish beit din & made agreements but she don't wane follow it, btw even her perents,freinds,family is not on her side, so she sounds completly wrong"

It's an education like you have that she is opposed to. You are living in the US, but still don't speak or write proper English. Make spell check your best friend if you want to be credible.

15

 Mar 02, 2012 at 02:49 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #8  
ALTERG Says:

The kids are born jewish & they need to stay jewish & I don't believe by ther nother who is publishing such ugly pictures from her self half naked to be a model they will grow up jewish + they war by a jewish beit din & made agreements but she don't wane follow it, btw even her perents,freinds,family is not on her side, so she sounds completly wrong

How can you be a singer? Do you sing in front of men? I hope not!!!

16

 Mar 02, 2012 at 03:11 PM I Know Myself! DO U?? Says:

Truly A Shame this Op-Ed just comes to show how "ignorant" people are, and how selfish people can be. This woman "Chava" is looking for publicity and she will do anything to gain it. Even on other peoples pain and suffering. Even though she definitely doesn't know the facts!! As the article speaks for itself.
There's a famous joke. "His Story, Her story and the neighbors story! Sadly everyone here in Lakewood has been "a Neighbor to this story!
This women, PPR and her "ADVISERS" (as these "MEN" are now called) know that they have absolutely no chance in court!
This has absolutely NOTHING to do with religion. This is about a troubled woman, who has a history of mental health issues. Who her own Doctor has deemed her an unfit parent. A doctor she chose!
She can try to spin this anyway she wants to. But it is not OK in ANY society be it Orthodox Judaism to Non Orthodox, to Christianity to the non believer. In NO society is it OK for a married women to have extra marital affairs and more than one! This is a sickness in all societies, Like a drug addiction or any addiction. This woman will do whatever it takes to get "this". Even if that means leaving her four young children....

17

 Mar 02, 2012 at 03:12 PM Election2012 Says:

some of you haven't realized that she isn't putting anyone down but is debunking Perry who instead of having the interest of the kids first put her selfish self first.

18

 Mar 02, 2012 at 03:22 PM bubii Says:

Reply to #17  
Election2012 Says:

some of you haven't realized that she isn't putting anyone down but is debunking Perry who instead of having the interest of the kids first put her selfish self first.

The apple doesnt fall far from its tree,she is selfish because that is the kind of household she was bought up in its that simple.

19

 Mar 02, 2012 at 03:24 PM I Know Myself !! Do U?? Says:

Even if it means leaving her Children with a 14 year old babysitter and her boyfriend for a few days!!

We all know that NOBODY is forced in to any marriage today days. Yes the "DATES" are arranged. Yet we all have the say whether we want to go out further or not. We all have to agree to the marriage, or move on!

Hey, I met my wife 5 times "Arranged" and I am madly in love, even 10 years later . Oh and yes we got married VERY young!

Truth be told, the lies are overwhelming and it is a shame that these children have to suffer! This woman is looking to win in the eyes of the MEDIA and she knows she has a CAPTIVE audience. This is what the LIBERAL Media loves... "Orthodox Jewry still leaving in the 16th Century" Hey lets not bother to verify these accusations, lets not bother to hear both sides. Because the story wouldn't be juicy without all the lies and fabrications!

But we leave in this Glorious Country called America, where we are we have a Judicial system and a 6th amendment.
I just hope that the Judges are not influenced by the MEDIA and let the facts speak for itself.
God Bless America

20

 Mar 02, 2012 at 03:31 PM I Know Myself! Do U? Says:

As an after thought. Our orthodox society is a sheltered society, and we dress modestly, yes we do not have men and women mingling, yes we shy away from the media and do not have televisions at home, yes we have our ideologies.
But look at the percentages.
How many of our children are on drugs?
How many of our children have teenage pregnancies?
The divorce rate is so much lower?
How many of our children are murderers, thieves, homeless!
Yes in every society people fall through the cracks but less so in ours!
Look at all the good and charity we have in our society! Absolutely NO ONE can compare the amount of support people from our community give to others -No matter their race, religion or sex- be it monetary or emotional in their times of need.

We don't see anyone talking about all the good, in our community, well why would you? Its not as Juicy as the stories of the few "crazies"


Good Shabbos and I hope that one day all we see in each other and the entire world is the good side of people and not the dark, Because we truly live in a brighter world!!

21

 Mar 02, 2012 at 03:33 PM DavidCohen Says:

Reply to #12  
ikleinit Says:

Judging from these comments it appears like ur missing the picture of what this chava lady is trying to say . On a side note , these incidents are becoming more frequent , perhaps there is something the chasiddic community should address, where there is smoke there is fire , meaning not all these allegations are true , but there must be some basis for these complaints

Actually, these incidents have always happened. But in the past it was easy to assume it was isolated and local. Now that the Internet has made the world a much smaller place the reality of the magnitude of all that is broken is becoming increasingly more apparent.

22

 Mar 02, 2012 at 03:37 PM Unasked_Question Says:

Kol Hakavod VIN!

Finally there is a frum outlet that's has courage to write such a article.

While she writes very nice about "Judaism" and "Hasidic philosophy" she does point out very clear how wrong we in "Chassiddish Yiddish Speaking" community went. Reading this article it's easy to feel the extreme confusion that we -in the Yiddish Speaking community- has to deal with. (and that's only if we ever get to the point where we have five minutes to "think". Luckily our lifestyle is so, that it doesn't leave room for clear thinking.)

This entire article kind-of supports one sentence the Reich says so painful: "It's not a religion, it's a cult!"

So... Good for all of you that grew up in "Hassidic" communities where the values Chava describes is a reality , not just a OpEd on VIN. You can keep discussing if her husband is a good guy or not, and write me of as another Self-hating Chassid. Enjoy it! while we will keep living this empty, impossible, full-of-conflicts life.

Gut Shabbes to all of you
And gut Shabbes to the few people that can identify with what I wrote)

23

 Mar 02, 2012 at 03:39 PM HaNavon Says:

The orthodox world is on the verge of a major, widespread problem, the likes of which haven't been seen, even during the time of haskalah, and the fault lies with no one but the rabbonim of this and the previous generation, who lacked the foresight to plan for the clash of the religious and the secular worlds, and to institute the necessary infrastructure that would be capable of withstanding its impact.

24

 Mar 02, 2012 at 03:43 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #16  
I Know Myself! DO U?? Says:

Truly A Shame this Op-Ed just comes to show how "ignorant" people are, and how selfish people can be. This woman "Chava" is looking for publicity and she will do anything to gain it. Even on other peoples pain and suffering. Even though she definitely doesn't know the facts!! As the article speaks for itself.
There's a famous joke. "His Story, Her story and the neighbors story! Sadly everyone here in Lakewood has been "a Neighbor to this story!
This women, PPR and her "ADVISERS" (as these "MEN" are now called) know that they have absolutely no chance in court!
This has absolutely NOTHING to do with religion. This is about a troubled woman, who has a history of mental health issues. Who her own Doctor has deemed her an unfit parent. A doctor she chose!
She can try to spin this anyway she wants to. But it is not OK in ANY society be it Orthodox Judaism to Non Orthodox, to Christianity to the non believer. In NO society is it OK for a married women to have extra marital affairs and more than one! This is a sickness in all societies, Like a drug addiction or any addiction. This woman will do whatever it takes to get "this". Even if that means leaving her four young children....

Shame?? Shame on you "know it all"! What do u know? Do u know that whatever has happened to perry is ONLY a result of the hell she went through!! All the men and stuff are all a result of her abuse! What do u know??? All u know is how she is behaving now. Do u have an inkling as to how this happened?? Does it at all enter ur mind that she has been abused by a mentally sick individual and that has affected her???

25

 Mar 02, 2012 at 03:54 PM bubii Says:

Reply to #19  
I Know Myself !! Do U?? Says:

Even if it means leaving her Children with a 14 year old babysitter and her boyfriend for a few days!!

We all know that NOBODY is forced in to any marriage today days. Yes the "DATES" are arranged. Yet we all have the say whether we want to go out further or not. We all have to agree to the marriage, or move on!

Hey, I met my wife 5 times "Arranged" and I am madly in love, even 10 years later . Oh and yes we got married VERY young!

Truth be told, the lies are overwhelming and it is a shame that these children have to suffer! This woman is looking to win in the eyes of the MEDIA and she knows she has a CAPTIVE audience. This is what the LIBERAL Media loves... "Orthodox Jewry still leaving in the 16th Century" Hey lets not bother to verify these accusations, lets not bother to hear both sides. Because the story wouldn't be juicy without all the lies and fabrications!

But we leave in this Glorious Country called America, where we are we have a Judicial system and a 6th amendment.
I just hope that the Judges are not influenced by the MEDIA and let the facts speak for itself.
God Bless America

You write that you are madly in love with youre wife even after 10 years,but the question is ,is youre wife still madly in love with you you forget to include youre wifes oppinion about you, youre sort of also selfish.

26

 Mar 02, 2012 at 04:03 PM FinVeeNemtMenSeichel Says:

Reply to #16  
I Know Myself! DO U?? Says:

Truly A Shame this Op-Ed just comes to show how "ignorant" people are, and how selfish people can be. This woman "Chava" is looking for publicity and she will do anything to gain it. Even on other peoples pain and suffering. Even though she definitely doesn't know the facts!! As the article speaks for itself.
There's a famous joke. "His Story, Her story and the neighbors story! Sadly everyone here in Lakewood has been "a Neighbor to this story!
This women, PPR and her "ADVISERS" (as these "MEN" are now called) know that they have absolutely no chance in court!
This has absolutely NOTHING to do with religion. This is about a troubled woman, who has a history of mental health issues. Who her own Doctor has deemed her an unfit parent. A doctor she chose!
She can try to spin this anyway she wants to. But it is not OK in ANY society be it Orthodox Judaism to Non Orthodox, to Christianity to the non believer. In NO society is it OK for a married women to have extra marital affairs and more than one! This is a sickness in all societies, Like a drug addiction or any addiction. This woman will do whatever it takes to get "this". Even if that means leaving her four young children....

How do you know anything about what her doctor's confidential patient records state?

27

 Mar 02, 2012 at 04:04 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #12  
ikleinit Says:

Judging from these comments it appears like ur missing the picture of what this chava lady is trying to say . On a side note , these incidents are becoming more frequent , perhaps there is something the chasiddic community should address, where there is smoke there is fire , meaning not all these allegations are true , but there must be some basis for these complaints

"some basis"?
As someone thats part of this "lyfestyle" i can tell you that its so much worst then what feldman writes in her book.
Brainwashing is working!
When people realyze how they lost both world and were fed with emptiness, distortions, ignorance and racism its usualy to late in the game to start over...
So we lie to ourselves, we hang on to denial as much as possible and when the quest for truth and inner peace awakens, we suffer....live and suffer!!!

28

 Mar 02, 2012 at 04:04 PM Yoilish Says:

New way to get attention:

Denounce your upbringing.

29

 Mar 02, 2012 at 04:25 PM cocoaman Says:

YO!!!!! a woman can not be a singer? says who? does it say anywhere she sings in front of men? she's a frum lubavitcher for heaven's sake! use ur noodle and deduce that she means she's a singer who performs for WOMEN!
sheesh!

30

 Mar 02, 2012 at 04:30 PM Babishka Says:

Pearl Perry is an "aspiring" actress and model: this means she is a WANNABEE just like the thousands who line up to audition for "American Idol." "Aspiring" models usually accept jobs posing in their underwear, or with no clothes at all: is she willing to do this to advance her career?

I really don't see why Chava Tombosky has to go out of her way to "debunk" some wannabee. At least wait until she has achieved some actual success as a "model and actress" instead of just whining how she's ENTITLED.

31

 Mar 02, 2012 at 04:34 PM kopmaidel Says:

Please let us clarify:
Chava sings in front of women only.
Second she is quoting from what the women said about herself she is not saying it is true or not just that you control your own destiny.
People on this forum are always ready to jump to conclusions!!!!

32

 Mar 02, 2012 at 04:40 PM judith Says:

Not so, Chava! husband had a friend in Chabad Crown Heights about 30 years ago, who, as a bochur, was consistently reprimanded by his roshei yeshiva for eating in a kosher pizza shop. It was unsuited for a yeshiva bochur. He wanted to move to israel and live as a acrpenter on a frum kibbutz...again chastised by his rebbeim. he was told he needed to continue learning until he gets married and then go on shlichus. He finally went off the derech.

33

 Mar 02, 2012 at 04:56 PM Anonymous Says:

There is an old saying, that where there is smoke, there is fire. Unfortunately, it has been shown that even in very frum communities, there are instances of spousal abuse, including physical abuse, mental abuse, and even sexual abuse. These stories should not be swept under the rug, and those who are bringing this to the attention of the general community should not be dismissed as weirdos. Sometimes, the truth hurts; however, for too long, abuse has been tolerated in observant communities.

34

 Mar 02, 2012 at 05:01 PM mewhoze Says:

seems to be that this is becoming fashionable and people are jumping on this anti frum band wagon. everyone wants to tell their story, real or made up. please fellow Jews, be respectful to the religion. if one has had a problem it doesn 't mean that the entire religion does what happened to you.

35

 Mar 02, 2012 at 05:13 PM Shaul in Monsey Says:

Based on the show, Pearl came off angry and possessing a lot of misplaced hatred, and for taking only a minimal amount of responsibility for where she is in life. It's easy to blame everyone else, but the hate will only consume her. Until she understands this, she is not being the mother she can be.

And when children are raised frum, and a parent chooses to become not frum, that parent does not have the right to expose the child to whatever the parent wants and feels like doing. My guess is these kids are not going to have it easy, and neither parent is going to step up and stop the pain.

36

 Mar 02, 2012 at 05:17 PM what Says:

Reply to #11  
facethemusic Says:

Attention all; firstly debunk? Excuse me, how on earth do u know that perry wasn't abused?? I am confident and armed with information that perry was abused physically and mentally. Her father is a similar psycopath as her ex and for that reason she didnt have his support, he forced her to marry this guy and forced her to stay in this marriage! Attention #9 there are many pple are wrongly respectes, gimme a break here!

"he forced her to marry this guy". What I know someone who knows her very well, (she's eaten over his house quite a few times) and she told him and his wife that she went out with over 20 guys and went out with her husband at least 10 times before getting engaged. She is a big liar with other "claims" as well!!

37

 Mar 02, 2012 at 06:04 PM wow and wow Says:

Amazing. So well said n to the point. Any one who writes a negative comments needs to really reed this again. As the saying goes Truth hurts. This is a wonderful woman writing a jerny she took. And look how happy and a god serving Jew. Keep up and plz spread it message we need to hear it more

38

 Mar 03, 2012 at 12:24 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #24  
Anonymous Says:

Shame?? Shame on you "know it all"! What do u know? Do u know that whatever has happened to perry is ONLY a result of the hell she went through!! All the men and stuff are all a result of her abuse! What do u know??? All u know is how she is behaving now. Do u have an inkling as to how this happened?? Does it at all enter ur mind that she has been abused by a mentally sick individual and that has affected her???

MY mother was abused and she never ever acted the way this nut is acting.. sorry.. and we grew up Modern Orthodox.. There is NO excuse for her behavior. sorry.. maybe wearing pants and short sleeves.. but the lewd pictures and partying behavior is not excusable by this.. sorry.

39

 Mar 03, 2012 at 07:20 PM lbpss Says:

Reply to #26  
FinVeeNemtMenSeichel Says:

How do you know anything about what her doctor's confidential patient records state?

If u watch the clip it was clearly stated that she was declared unfit by a court psychologist no confidentiality at all.

40

 Mar 03, 2012 at 07:25 PM bracha18 Says:

Reply to #6  
Facts1 Says:

Chava;

Why are you exploiting your wish to outreach with this unfortunate woman at the expense of her husband and her family? Do you know that she was abused that you write "was betrothed to a man for whom she was clearly unsuited at her parents’ discretion and against her will."?

Sometimes I wonder why the people like Chava (liberals) have all the tolerance and understanding to people who are irresponsible oppressive and evil in nature, but have zero tolerance and suspicious for those that try to live according to the tenants of their religion without any intent of hurting others.

I dont know what the story is and neither do you, but one thing is for sure that neither Pearl or the other woman that just released the "unorthdox" book, have been raised or married in the life of attention and media, the only ones who were "clearly" wronged are their husbands. Pearl and unorthdox seem to greedy, evil and have no support among their own family

well said!!!! was chava in the marriage? does she know what went on there? does she know the personality issues pearl is known to be battlin since childhood? how can she comment on this very personal matter? the only thing one can say is that a chilul HaShem was caused by both pearl and deborah and yes, their husbands are the victims as they are not even being given the chance to defend themselves or say the truth.....even gentiles don't trash their husbands or ex husbands or parents, and their entire religion the way these 2 women have.
saying judaism is cult is saying that- chassidim, litvish, modern orthodox, sepharic, yeshiva university, young israel, misnachlim. daati leumi, and secular jews are all part of a cult....it is an ignorant rant at best and diesgusting defamation of G-Ds Torah at worst.... i wish the children of these mothers the best. both pearl and deborah have selfish intentions in mind and tht is fame. the victims are the 5 precious innocent children. poor neshamos.

41

 Mar 03, 2012 at 07:27 PM I Know Myself! Do U? Says:

Gut Voch
A. Regarding the comment about her DR this is all public court knowledge. Look out for it
B. Regarding me being madly in love with my wife. The only answer I have to your ridiculous comment is. If you have ever loved anybody you would know that a "happy marriage" and true love is mutual otherwise it isn't a "happy marriage" for anyone!
C. Regarding "how dare I since we dont know what led to this behavior. My only response is; refer to comment 38. There is absolutely no excuse for this lewd and slutty behavior. Unless its really just an 'excuse' Thats what she is. Not what anyone made her.

It's time people start taking responsibility for their own actions rather than blame the entire world and their different religions and upbringing. For what they are, for the choices they make. To all of you hatred out there! Step up and take responsibility for once in your life for your actions!

42

 Mar 03, 2012 at 07:49 PM Doula Says:

Reply to #38  
Anonymous Says:

MY mother was abused and she never ever acted the way this nut is acting.. sorry.. and we grew up Modern Orthodox.. There is NO excuse for her behavior. sorry.. maybe wearing pants and short sleeves.. but the lewd pictures and partying behavior is not excusable by this.. sorry.

I totally agree with you; leave the religion, or become modern orthodox, but the chutzpah of this person to go on national TV & bash "Boro Park, Lakewood, Williamsburg & Monroe"; woe unto her ....the fires of gehenom is much worse than anything she went through......also she may have her little children now but as they grow up they will see what their mother is, & that's when she'll have nobody....including the lowlife boyfriend....
"al eileh ani bochia"......Perry, you owe every frum, orthodox, Jew a public apology.

43

 Mar 03, 2012 at 07:59 PM qazxc Says:

When do we start taking a good look at ourselves and our societal values to see why the OTD numbers keep growing and the anger burning in so many of them seems to be burning hotter and hotter.

Can a torah - true chinuch really cause or even leave room for this???? Something seems to be going really haywire.

44

 Mar 03, 2012 at 08:13 PM GEULA Says:

facethemusic: knocking all of the reich family leaves you with little credibility since too many of us know the family and have had very positive experiences knowing them. Secondly, for those that think that pearlperry is from a stricter chassidish family. They are also chabad and got a bais yaakov upbringing in a very relaxed atmosphere.taking your hard life and or unhappy marriage and throwing it all out against a community or your upbringing is simply being a cop out..

45

 Mar 03, 2012 at 08:16 PM qazxc Says:

Reply to #38  
Anonymous Says:

MY mother was abused and she never ever acted the way this nut is acting.. sorry.. and we grew up Modern Orthodox.. There is NO excuse for her behavior. sorry.. maybe wearing pants and short sleeves.. but the lewd pictures and partying behavior is not excusable by this.. sorry.

So every victim of abuse has to act out in exactly the same way you mother acted out?

No one else is allowed to act out in their own way? Are all people the same? Is all abuse the same?

I knew a person who committed suicide after suffering for over three decades after the abuse. Does that mean that anyone who doesn't commit suicide was never abused?

46

 Mar 03, 2012 at 08:19 PM Knowsall Says:

All I heard when Perry Reich was speaking was ME ME ME I I I. Where was my children come first. Get real at her age she is not going to make it as a model. I am sure that there is more to the situation then her wearing pants. Perhaps it is giving a mixed message to her children when she behaves one way out of the home and another at home. Maybe parading around half naked is something that is conflicting to Chasidic values. Mothers throughout the world and history have put their children and their needs first. Perry hasn't learned to do that. It is not that big a sacrifice for her to dress modestly if that is what will help her keep her children. Its a no brainer unless you don't have a brain to begin with and you can't see past yourself and your needs. So maybe if she is so intent on herself the best thing would be for her husband to have the children which would allow her all the time in the world to pursue her non existent career as a model. You blew it, I guess you didn't use your five minutes of fame that well

47

 Mar 03, 2012 at 08:27 PM qazxc Says:

Reply to #41  
I Know Myself! Do U? Says:

Gut Voch
A. Regarding the comment about her DR this is all public court knowledge. Look out for it
B. Regarding me being madly in love with my wife. The only answer I have to your ridiculous comment is. If you have ever loved anybody you would know that a "happy marriage" and true love is mutual otherwise it isn't a "happy marriage" for anyone!
C. Regarding "how dare I since we dont know what led to this behavior. My only response is; refer to comment 38. There is absolutely no excuse for this lewd and slutty behavior. Unless its really just an 'excuse' Thats what she is. Not what anyone made her.

It's time people start taking responsibility for their own actions rather than blame the entire world and their different religions and upbringing. For what they are, for the choices they make. To all of you hatred out there! Step up and take responsibility for once in your life for your actions!

100% CORRECT.

It is time for you to take responsibility for your pin headed small minded judgemental sanctimonious self righteousness and apologize to everyone you've juded before standing in their spot.

(Very happy to hear about your wonderful marriage though. Your wife must be a true tzaddaikes if she can tolerate someone with your holier than thou attitude. I certainly hope you appreciate her. Living with someone with your attitude would drivve most mortals to leave, write nasty things about you and your religion, steal your kids............)

48

 Mar 03, 2012 at 08:30 PM qazxc Says:

Reply to #42  
Doula Says:

I totally agree with you; leave the religion, or become modern orthodox, but the chutzpah of this person to go on national TV & bash "Boro Park, Lakewood, Williamsburg & Monroe"; woe unto her ....the fires of gehenom is much worse than anything she went through......also she may have her little children now but as they grow up they will see what their mother is, & that's when she'll have nobody....including the lowlife boyfriend....
"al eileh ani bochia"......Perry, you owe every frum, orthodox, Jew a public apology.

Maybe we owe an apolgy to all the kids like her who have been so turned off by some of the attitudes in the frum world? (See above for some examples.)

49

 Mar 03, 2012 at 08:36 PM Open-minded Says:

Translate this article-op-Ed in Yiddish and distribute it to all hasidic shulls, not an hour will go by and denouncements against you will be posted on all walls in the Hasidic neighborhoods, Kol m'vaser will report that missionaries spreaded fliers

50

 Mar 03, 2012 at 08:58 PM What A Shame Says:

Chava Tombosky is a wonderful person. However, it seems she fell for this Pearl girl bubbe meise, hook, line and sinker. What a shame.
Its obvious that this girl is lying and exaggerating about her courtship and marriage.

Before pulling out all the apologetics, lets get the facts straight.

51

 Mar 03, 2012 at 09:08 PM Menachem Says:

I feel bad for all these poor souls. 4 kids, a Husband, a wife.. Unfortunately something went very wrong...
Judaism is not a cult. It is a religion. We love it and cherish it.
And you are wrong. When one leaves the jewish faith, they don’t get ostracized, they don’t lose their children.
It is when 2 people decide to get married (and they can say no) and have kids, they raise them a certain way. If one decides to take the kids in another way-, they have no right. And that’s when you will lose your job.
There are enough divorced people living in neighborhoods in Lakewood, working and owning stores. It is when a lady goes off with her boy-friend(s) and wants to take her kids, will everyone fight.
She is waging a war. Not against the frum people against the RBSH, and she is sure to lose.

52

 Mar 03, 2012 at 09:21 PM eli845 Says:

Reply to #1  
MeirYaakov Says:

Is she not aware that every other Chasidic sect would forbid her to sing in public?

#1 it is not true what you are saying!!!! all chasidish girl schools have plays plus there are concerts for women all the time ASK YOUR MOM ;-)

53

 Mar 03, 2012 at 09:25 PM Also madly in love Says:

Reply to #19  
I Know Myself !! Do U?? Says:

Even if it means leaving her Children with a 14 year old babysitter and her boyfriend for a few days!!

We all know that NOBODY is forced in to any marriage today days. Yes the "DATES" are arranged. Yet we all have the say whether we want to go out further or not. We all have to agree to the marriage, or move on!

Hey, I met my wife 5 times "Arranged" and I am madly in love, even 10 years later . Oh and yes we got married VERY young!

Truth be told, the lies are overwhelming and it is a shame that these children have to suffer! This woman is looking to win in the eyes of the MEDIA and she knows she has a CAPTIVE audience. This is what the LIBERAL Media loves... "Orthodox Jewry still leaving in the 16th Century" Hey lets not bother to verify these accusations, lets not bother to hear both sides. Because the story wouldn't be juicy without all the lies and fabrications!

But we leave in this Glorious Country called America, where we are we have a Judicial system and a 6th amendment.
I just hope that the Judges are not influenced by the MEDIA and let the facts speak for itself.
God Bless America

I am a Hassidic woman and I agree. I am married for over 20 years and my husband and I have wonderful, fun, loving relationship that is filled with laughter and joy. We are also madly in love and we barely knew each other at marriage.
I speak only for myself, but the friends and family that I know, by and large have happy, healthy and fulfilled lives. That is not to say that it is paradise every day, but it is truly a blessed life.

54

 Mar 03, 2012 at 09:30 PM Yiddish-heart1 Says:

I know her husband very well, he's such a lovely Smart person, and I wish him lot's of luck, I know that a few people will jump against me, but how long I'm close to this situation I'm confidence to come out And say the truth. And to perl: even you feel hurt, and sometimes you feel rebellious because of the pain people have been done to you, just remember that hasham still love's you, and he's waiting for you to come back, and think over ones again if you doing the right thing by posting such ugly naked pictures which is just the opposite what hasham is telling us to do. And I can promise you as a child from God that if you'll stop with all the modeling stuff, and you will stop to embarrass your lovely father in heaven, even it's very hard for you, then your situation will definitely soon

55

 Mar 03, 2012 at 09:33 PM eli Says:

Reply to #51  
Menachem Says:

I feel bad for all these poor souls. 4 kids, a Husband, a wife.. Unfortunately something went very wrong...
Judaism is not a cult. It is a religion. We love it and cherish it.
And you are wrong. When one leaves the jewish faith, they don’t get ostracized, they don’t lose their children.
It is when 2 people decide to get married (and they can say no) and have kids, they raise them a certain way. If one decides to take the kids in another way-, they have no right. And that’s when you will lose your job.
There are enough divorced people living in neighborhoods in Lakewood, working and owning stores. It is when a lady goes off with her boy-friend(s) and wants to take her kids, will everyone fight.
She is waging a war. Not against the frum people against the RBSH, and she is sure to lose.

you are rite but 1 thing i have to correct you, Judaism is not a religion its a way of life, just wanted to make that clear. Hatzlacha

56

 Mar 03, 2012 at 11:37 PM Anonymous Says:

I watched the show. I was disgusted by Pearl who is a very angry woman. She's smart enough to know how to manipulate the system. What she said was true in some parts - we all know that many Chassidim meet 2x then don't have contact till they get married. But did her poor parents drag her kicking & screaming to the chuppah?

Shmuely Boteach's only good line was when he said he never expected to hear anti-semitism on the show. But he never elaborated & every time this fool opened his mouth he apologized to Pearl. What for? Because she's a loser? Because her poor parents are humiliated? Because her poor children have to live with the shame they call Mommy & her sleazy boyfriend, another drop-out?

One last thing. Chava's nauseating hand-on-heart sympathy & intense about-to-cry little speech made me ill. The only good thing was that her hand near her throat helped cover up the gaping neckline of her shirt.

What I wanted to see was someone give her a verbal potch in punim. A modern orthodox guy did try & she was so disgusting & abusive to him. Poor guy had to take it because Dr. Phil didn't take this lunatic to task. It was a 1-sided show that made frum people look bad.

57

 Mar 03, 2012 at 10:42 PM judy Says:

At the begining of the show, Pearl and her boyfreind Shauli agreed they have been in a relationship for 5 (yes, five) years, and this is whilst she has not yet received a get or a divorce and is an eished ish .... Enough said !!!

58

 Mar 03, 2012 at 10:47 PM Deborah Says:

Want the scoop? here it is. I WAS a friend of hers. I was intensely involved with other askanim, trying desperately for their sake, and for the childrens sake to work things out between them. Speaking with perry for hours, I was unable to see any signs of the abuse she kept on refering to. Conclusion: They were Incompatible. Simple. He was not abusive in any which way. She was just moody, (bipolar) and very, veery needy ,emotionally, monetarily, and sexually. She would rack up ridiculous bills (Marshalls) which he kept silent about, in a desperate attempt to try to appease her). Living with her, or being her friend, like being on a roller coaster.(she has very few female friends. And an ABUNDANCE of male friends) When they seperated, She called many girls, and some of my friends, and asked them to " be nice, and give him a call" in a desperate attempt to have some kinda leverage over him, and Try to frame him. Luckily, he didnt fall for any of her sly cunning traps. She dated him, and married him willingly. She is vain, selfish, and narcissistic.

59

 Mar 03, 2012 at 10:49 PM david Says:

Anyone supporting this individual has to have their brains tested, everyone talks about her claims of abuse by the husband etc but if that's true why didn't her family and freinds support her? Why didn't the Rabbis come out for her?
No, no -- the truth is that what she says & the people on her FB page say: she went off the Derech, admiting she wears pants, dresses and has a boyfreind/s (whilst having children in Bais Faiga), dresses un-tzniusdik, seldom is home, pictured like a zoinah, goes on goishe TV with her OTD boyfreind to bashmutz frum yidden, and that's why she can't get a divorce!

60

 Mar 03, 2012 at 10:49 PM smartandthinking Says:

i believe that a desire to launch a modeling and acting career at this stage is indicative of a lack of focus realism and maturity. her very sane and rational husband would not have objected to a realistic and attainable professional career. her unfitness as a mother is not a religious issue but an issue of emotional health. thus connecting this most unfortunate episode with chasidus is misguided. its simply a story of one self absorbed immature young lady chasing a pipe dream at the expense of her loved ones

61

 Mar 03, 2012 at 10:50 PM david Says:

Anyone supporting this individual has to have their brains tested, everyone talks about her claims of abuse by the husband etc but if that's true why didn't her family and freinds support her? Why didn't the Rabbis come out for her?
No, no -- the truth is that what she says & the people on her FB page say: she went off the Derech, admiting she wears pants, dresses and has a boyfreind/s (whilst having children in Bais Faiga), dresses un-tzniusdik, seldom is home, pictured like a zoinah, goes on goishe TV with her OTD boyfreind to bashmutz frum yidden, and that's why she can't get a divorce!

62

 Mar 03, 2012 at 11:01 PM david Says:

I say to ev eryone count your blessings, borich hashem our community despite all its deprivations, has all types, and yes some abusive people, but let's be sure -- the percentages are tiny compared to the non-frum communities, go outside the public schools and see for yourseves the issues out there, in our community we are civilized, happy and bring up our children well.
This woman claims that she was abused -- where's the proof, Ms Reich? Your family doesn't think so, the Lakewood community doesn't think so, your neighbors don't think so? Should we trust Ms Reich when she goes on TV to bashmutz yidden?
You yourself Ms Reich don't dress like a frum girl no more, you have a boyfreind (whilst still married), the court-appointed and beth-din didn't. think like you!!
Can you really be trusted with the kids -- who after all are the important part of this story -- after all this modeling, going out at nite, and relations with your boyfreind who by all accounts is not on the derech etc ???
And is it really like Chava says Ms Reich wanted to be "free" or is it that she wanted a promiscous lifestyle?
Let's be honest many chassidshe yidden and ladies are "out there" in the world and didnt become OTD ...

63

 Mar 03, 2012 at 11:06 PM Deborah Says:

I myself went through a divorce here in Lakewood, and unlike the nonsense she says on Dr phil, THATS when my life started. I kept all my jobs, and had an awesome support system, Rabbis and all. I had plenty of dirt to air, but for my childrens sake I wanted to channel all my remaining energy in a positive way. THIS IS NOT A RELIGIOUS ISSUE! Even sleazy Jerry Springer would tell her, that to bring guys into your home every night, and expose your precious children to all of it(as heard from them alone)Is destructive! Her Children are on eggshells around her, not knowing when she will lash out next.(You cant really blame her, working the night shift can be really exhausting) She is OUT partying, IN making out(with the kids witnessing it all)and EVERYWHERE cheapening herself. Disgraceful.

64

 Mar 04, 2012 at 01:03 AM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #22  
Unasked_Question Says:

Kol Hakavod VIN!

Finally there is a frum outlet that's has courage to write such a article.

While she writes very nice about "Judaism" and "Hasidic philosophy" she does point out very clear how wrong we in "Chassiddish Yiddish Speaking" community went. Reading this article it's easy to feel the extreme confusion that we -in the Yiddish Speaking community- has to deal with. (and that's only if we ever get to the point where we have five minutes to "think". Luckily our lifestyle is so, that it doesn't leave room for clear thinking.)

This entire article kind-of supports one sentence the Reich says so painful: "It's not a religion, it's a cult!"

So... Good for all of you that grew up in "Hassidic" communities where the values Chava describes is a reality , not just a OpEd on VIN. You can keep discussing if her husband is a good guy or not, and write me of as another Self-hating Chassid. Enjoy it! while we will keep living this empty, impossible, full-of-conflicts life.

Gut Shabbes to all of you
And gut Shabbes to the few people that can identify with what I wrote)

The only cult i know of in the yiddish speaking community (including the new era of yiddishistin) is the one that it sounds like ur affiliated with ( i hope im wrong )

65

 Mar 04, 2012 at 02:38 AM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #38  
Anonymous Says:

MY mother was abused and she never ever acted the way this nut is acting.. sorry.. and we grew up Modern Orthodox.. There is NO excuse for her behavior. sorry.. maybe wearing pants and short sleeves.. but the lewd pictures and partying behavior is not excusable by this.. sorry.

my mother was abused as well and didnt either act this way. However there is no excuse for abuse either!!

66

 Mar 04, 2012 at 02:41 AM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #41  
I Know Myself! Do U? Says:

Gut Voch
A. Regarding the comment about her DR this is all public court knowledge. Look out for it
B. Regarding me being madly in love with my wife. The only answer I have to your ridiculous comment is. If you have ever loved anybody you would know that a "happy marriage" and true love is mutual otherwise it isn't a "happy marriage" for anyone!
C. Regarding "how dare I since we dont know what led to this behavior. My only response is; refer to comment 38. There is absolutely no excuse for this lewd and slutty behavior. Unless its really just an 'excuse' Thats what she is. Not what anyone made her.

It's time people start taking responsibility for their own actions rather than blame the entire world and their different religions and upbringing. For what they are, for the choices they make. To all of you hatred out there! Step up and take responsibility for once in your life for your actions!

The way she dresses has nothing to do with being an unfit mom. There is enough excuse to dress the way she does, and most importantly there is NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE!!

67

 Mar 04, 2012 at 02:42 AM put on the pants says Says:

i don't think we have a issue if she wears pants the problem is she is not

i don't see her trapped in her marriage she roaming free and parting all night

the case about her husband or kids she is just a unhappy person

and that Shauly guy too since when do so many thousands get married by 17 or 18

and thousands are trapped like he was we need to take a census how many people live in kiryas yoel or square town

all the things she saying to the outside world or there isn't one these days is to cover up the real her and bashmutz the chassidish community or what ever name applies i think the next place she will go to is Michael savage but he wont give her time of day he is smart and see thru her the other media is just hungry for sum gossip

68

 Mar 04, 2012 at 02:42 AM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #44  
GEULA Says:

facethemusic: knocking all of the reich family leaves you with little credibility since too many of us know the family and have had very positive experiences knowing them. Secondly, for those that think that pearlperry is from a stricter chassidish family. They are also chabad and got a bais yaakov upbringing in a very relaxed atmosphere.taking your hard life and or unhappy marriage and throwing it all out against a community or your upbringing is simply being a cop out..

uh, i also know the family, her father forced her to stay in the marriage. just because he may have helped u with his organization, that doesnt mean he helped his own daughter.

69

 Mar 04, 2012 at 07:59 AM Moishe Says:

For the love of Hashem may no Jew be held in bondage by his own people.
The bond has been broken between husband and wife as the wife is no longer in love with her husband. For the love of the children, husband and wife must must not do battle in public, but chose to rationally come to an agreement. If our sages have agreed that a person born from a Jewish mother is Jewish, it gives the children their Jewishness from their mother and not from the father. The father may miss his mate, but he must relent as his children are Jews because their mother, is a Jew. The father needs to act with the love of Hashem and swallow his pride that his arranged marriage was not made in heaven. Time for him to be a mensch,grant her custody of the children and to follow the spirit of the Torah as every Chassid should do. The parents on both sides should understand this also. May the Chassidic Rabbinacal Court leave no Jew behind and not hold any Jew in bondage against their will and grant custody to the woman who bore the Jewish children. Only "cults" hold their flock in bondage. Does this Chassidic Rabbinical Court want to be known as the Jewish Court that handed down a decision similiar to what "cult" would decide? For the love of Hashem, may not the Chassidic commmunity nor its judges, bar any fellow Jew from its houses of worship or community. May the Chassidic community understand that they do not have ability to talk against a fellow Jew and displace their judgement for Hashem's judgement for they will never be able to fully understand the mysterious ways in which Hashem works. May the Chassidic community as a whole stand up and be a mensch and open up their hearts to the love and understanding to those who are Jewish. Does any Chasssidic sect want to be known as the group that left a fellow Jew behind? Instead of bonding Jews together, why seek to hold your fellow Jews in bondage? May you follow in Hashem's divine guidance of love and compassion in all your actions.

70

 Mar 04, 2012 at 11:06 AM is it a cult? Says:

i believe this is a VERY important topic that has to be addressed by the leaders of the orthodox communities.

Our torah is a beautiful way of life! It teaches us how to behave like proper human beings and serve g-d in a meaningful way. that being said we need to acknowledge the following:
Chasidus & Yeshivish lifestyles are not for everyone, the customs that are followed are designed to be insular, those who don't follow said unwritten rules get shunned by their community, financially & emotionally and bring much shame to their family (even to the best of them).

In all cults there is always a leader whose every word and desire is followed (even what is not said and just understood), hence in Chasidus and Yeshivish that exists, in all cults when one is not following as expected the shame and guilt is bestowed on the him/her along with their families is very great. And if they approach a public arena denouncing the cult, they are accused of being insane or deranged.

I don't doubt for a minute anything Pearl said, I've seen first hand a lot of "Pious" Rabbis behave like criminals in the name of Torah - but we need to look past our communities because yidishkeit is from within

71

 Mar 04, 2012 at 12:46 PM lary Says:

Reply to #69  
Moishe Says:

For the love of Hashem may no Jew be held in bondage by his own people.
The bond has been broken between husband and wife as the wife is no longer in love with her husband. For the love of the children, husband and wife must must not do battle in public, but chose to rationally come to an agreement. If our sages have agreed that a person born from a Jewish mother is Jewish, it gives the children their Jewishness from their mother and not from the father. The father may miss his mate, but he must relent as his children are Jews because their mother, is a Jew. The father needs to act with the love of Hashem and swallow his pride that his arranged marriage was not made in heaven. Time for him to be a mensch,grant her custody of the children and to follow the spirit of the Torah as every Chassid should do. The parents on both sides should understand this also. May the Chassidic Rabbinacal Court leave no Jew behind and not hold any Jew in bondage against their will and grant custody to the woman who bore the Jewish children. Only "cults" hold their flock in bondage. Does this Chassidic Rabbinical Court want to be known as the Jewish Court that handed down a decision similiar to what "cult" would decide? For the love of Hashem, may not the Chassidic commmunity nor its judges, bar any fellow Jew from its houses of worship or community. May the Chassidic community understand that they do not have ability to talk against a fellow Jew and displace their judgement for Hashem's judgement for they will never be able to fully understand the mysterious ways in which Hashem works. May the Chassidic community as a whole stand up and be a mensch and open up their hearts to the love and understanding to those who are Jewish. Does any Chasssidic sect want to be known as the group that left a fellow Jew behind? Instead of bonding Jews together, why seek to hold your fellow Jews in bondage? May you follow in Hashem's divine guidance of love and compassion in all your actions.

Here comes another chuchem...(wise guy).

I'm not saying she wasn't abused or she wasn't pushed into this marriage. And if that's the case I would have pity her. But you know what?! This was her personal story. Doesn't mean that all the Jews or chasidim live that way. There ARE crazy people in every community. But to paint that picture on a whole community is a shame and a big Chulel Hashem. And if will tell you that I have a wonderful ARRANGED marriage, and I'm a chused... And my wife became friends with a nurse (secular) from a doctors office she visits frequently, and she has a miserable NOT ARRANGED relationship, what are you gonna tell me??!! Hey, Shulem beias problems are all over the place, chassidm, modern orthodox, secular alike. But to wash her dirty laundry in public and to twist ALL the chassidem lifestyle to her personal situation is a Chutz

72

 Mar 04, 2012 at 02:39 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #9  
Lakewoodguy Says:

Her husband is a nice, honest, good, beloved Jew, A role model in the community. She's just another psychopath gone astray.

your 100% right! i personally know Perry and her husband. Perry is a terrible liar. Noone believe a word she said. VIN should not post articles if they dont know the story, Chava DOES NOT THE TRUTH. Hopefully PErry will lose her kids, so that they can remain frum

73

 Mar 04, 2012 at 03:20 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #71  
lary Says:

Here comes another chuchem...(wise guy).

I'm not saying she wasn't abused or she wasn't pushed into this marriage. And if that's the case I would have pity her. But you know what?! This was her personal story. Doesn't mean that all the Jews or chasidim live that way. There ARE crazy people in every community. But to paint that picture on a whole community is a shame and a big Chulel Hashem. And if will tell you that I have a wonderful ARRANGED marriage, and I'm a chused... And my wife became friends with a nurse (secular) from a doctors office she visits frequently, and she has a miserable NOT ARRANGED relationship, what are you gonna tell me??!! Hey, Shulem beias problems are all over the place, chassidm, modern orthodox, secular alike. But to wash her dirty laundry in public and to twist ALL the chassidem lifestyle to her personal situation is a Chutz

I totally agree with you. You cannot deny that the problem is that the Rabbinical Court sought fit to hold her in bondage. The Rabbinical Court in their wisdom should have sought instead to ease the pain and suffering of all those involved behind closed doors. Perhaps they tried, but could not. It is their failure to help reach an agreement that made her feel that she had to wash her dirty laundry in public and label such Chassidim as a "cult." It is from the Rabbinical Court from which the the branding of them by her comes as describing Chasssidim as a "cult." The bottom line is that the Rabbinical Court has acted to hold her in bondage. It is this bondage that caused her to label such Chassedim as a "cult." And so I ask again, why not bond theJews together instead of holding them in bondage by a fellow Jew? Can you give me your scholarly Torah learning answer? from a chuchem (wise guy) like yourself.

74

 Mar 04, 2012 at 03:37 PM lakewoodmom Says:

If you notice all of pearl's friends who know her for a number of years, all say the same thing. The only ones suporting her now are newly found friends. As a mom living in her neighborhood, I decided to some research and I spoke to a few people who know her and a former close friend. First of all she was not forced into the shidduch. She had dated a number of boys before her current husband, and had 10 dates with him. Quite normal for a bais yaakov girl. As her accusations of abuse, none of her neighbors, family and friends witnessed or have any reason to suspect that she is physically or emotionaly abused. My husband also talked to an askan who does not cover up abuse cases and i personally know two battered woman that he helped. He said this is not the case here. She is narcissistic and selfish. She is charming and manipulative, but obviously sick with some kind of personality disorder. I have much more to write about what i have learned but i'll cut it short. She also has been aressted for drug possetion. She is a troubled soul and is obviosly unable to care for her children.

75

 Mar 04, 2012 at 04:45 PM lary Says:

Reply to #73  
Anonymous Says:

I totally agree with you. You cannot deny that the problem is that the Rabbinical Court sought fit to hold her in bondage. The Rabbinical Court in their wisdom should have sought instead to ease the pain and suffering of all those involved behind closed doors. Perhaps they tried, but could not. It is their failure to help reach an agreement that made her feel that she had to wash her dirty laundry in public and label such Chassidim as a "cult." It is from the Rabbinical Court from which the the branding of them by her comes as describing Chasssidim as a "cult." The bottom line is that the Rabbinical Court has acted to hold her in bondage. It is this bondage that caused her to label such Chassedim as a "cult." And so I ask again, why not bond theJews together instead of holding them in bondage by a fellow Jew? Can you give me your scholarly Torah learning answer? from a chuchem (wise guy) like yourself.

What don't you understand?! Even in the secular world and court system, when someone changes their believe, religion, etc. They don't have the right of dragging along their children with their agenda. Again, I do not say she hasn't had a difficult marriage relationship.... All I'm saying is: don't paint the whole community based on your personal life experience. And as if there are no marriage counselors in the secular NOT ARRANGED marriages....

76

 Mar 04, 2012 at 11:17 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #75  
lary Says:

What don't you understand?! Even in the secular world and court system, when someone changes their believe, religion, etc. They don't have the right of dragging along their children with their agenda. Again, I do not say she hasn't had a difficult marriage relationship.... All I'm saying is: don't paint the whole community based on your personal life experience. And as if there are no marriage counselors in the secular NOT ARRANGED marriages....

So you are saying she should not be dragging her children along with her and that her children remain with and be brought up by their Chassidic father? Or the only other alternative for her children to have a Chassidic upbringing is to give her four children up for adoption to another Chassidic family? But no matter how you look at it she will still be held in bondage by her fellow Jews. And this is a danger to all Jews when Jews not only have to worrry about being held in bondage by non-Jews but by their own Jewish brethren. And that my fellow chuchem is the much deeper question.

77

 Mar 05, 2012 at 05:03 AM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #69  
Moishe Says:

For the love of Hashem may no Jew be held in bondage by his own people.
The bond has been broken between husband and wife as the wife is no longer in love with her husband. For the love of the children, husband and wife must must not do battle in public, but chose to rationally come to an agreement. If our sages have agreed that a person born from a Jewish mother is Jewish, it gives the children their Jewishness from their mother and not from the father. The father may miss his mate, but he must relent as his children are Jews because their mother, is a Jew. The father needs to act with the love of Hashem and swallow his pride that his arranged marriage was not made in heaven. Time for him to be a mensch,grant her custody of the children and to follow the spirit of the Torah as every Chassid should do. The parents on both sides should understand this also. May the Chassidic Rabbinacal Court leave no Jew behind and not hold any Jew in bondage against their will and grant custody to the woman who bore the Jewish children. Only "cults" hold their flock in bondage. Does this Chassidic Rabbinical Court want to be known as the Jewish Court that handed down a decision similiar to what "cult" would decide? For the love of Hashem, may not the Chassidic commmunity nor its judges, bar any fellow Jew from its houses of worship or community. May the Chassidic community understand that they do not have ability to talk against a fellow Jew and displace their judgement for Hashem's judgement for they will never be able to fully understand the mysterious ways in which Hashem works. May the Chassidic community as a whole stand up and be a mensch and open up their hearts to the love and understanding to those who are Jewish. Does any Chasssidic sect want to be known as the group that left a fellow Jew behind? Instead of bonding Jews together, why seek to hold your fellow Jews in bondage? May you follow in Hashem's divine guidance of love and compassion in all your actions.

Why does she deserve custody any more than he does?? just because she is the mother.. that has to be the dumbest reason ever. There are mentally ill women ..

78

 Mar 05, 2012 at 07:22 AM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #77  
Anonymous Says:

Why does she deserve custody any more than he does?? just because she is the mother.. that has to be the dumbest reason ever. There are mentally ill women ..

No where have we heard the Rabbinical Court say that she was mentally ill. Under what grounds are you saying she is mentally ill? I have never heard the Rabbinical Court in their decision say she is mentall ill. Have you? Can you tell me what her husband was doing to satisfy his sexual desires while she was not present for all those years? Accusations and counter accusations of mental illnes will flow from both sides. Enough is enough and the two of them should not be bitter that their marriage did not work out. Again the point needs to be made that no Jew should be held in bondage by their fellow Jew. No one is perfect and no one here is mentally ill. This was never what the divorce was about. The battle of the divorce is only about the custody of the kids and their upbringing. Is it not mentally ill for a Jew to hold another in bondage? Since there is no determination that either one of them is mentally ill then that is enough reason to give her custody of the kids withould holding her in bondage.

79

 Mar 05, 2012 at 10:03 AM lary Says:

Reply to #76  
Anonymous Says:

So you are saying she should not be dragging her children along with her and that her children remain with and be brought up by their Chassidic father? Or the only other alternative for her children to have a Chassidic upbringing is to give her four children up for adoption to another Chassidic family? But no matter how you look at it she will still be held in bondage by her fellow Jews. And this is a danger to all Jews when Jews not only have to worrry about being held in bondage by non-Jews but by their own Jewish brethren. And that my fellow chuchem is the much deeper question.

" What don't you understand?! Even in the secular world and court system, when someone changes their believe, religion, etc. They don't have the right of dragging along their children with their agenda"

Why don't you answer me on this??!! Cuz you don't have an answer.... It's just common sense that even the secular curt system understands that way...

Cuz if she were to have legal power, she wouldn't have do all this... Now she is just trying to fight her way this way.

Whatever it is.... You won't agree to me anyway cuz you are another wise guy! Thinking you know it all! Have a happy purim!

80

 Mar 05, 2012 at 02:36 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #79  
lary Says:

" What don't you understand?! Even in the secular world and court system, when someone changes their believe, religion, etc. They don't have the right of dragging along their children with their agenda"

Why don't you answer me on this??!! Cuz you don't have an answer.... It's just common sense that even the secular curt system understands that way...

Cuz if she were to have legal power, she wouldn't have do all this... Now she is just trying to fight her way this way.

Whatever it is.... You won't agree to me anyway cuz you are another wise guy! Thinking you know it all! Have a happy purim!

Chassidism, and there are many different groups of Chassidim, is a way of living the Torah. Following one group rather than the other Chassidic group does not take away a person's Judaism and no Jewish group should decide to hold another Jew in bondage. Yes, I do understand you, you are afraid of her dragging her children along and the loss of those children from having a Chassidic Torah way of life because of how she is living her life. But, to me the more deeper question remains as to whether or not a fellow Jew should hold another Jew in bondage. That is what is happening here. Will you invite me to your Purim party? See you there if you invite me my fellow chuchim.

81

 Mar 05, 2012 at 03:17 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #78  
Anonymous Says:

No where have we heard the Rabbinical Court say that she was mentally ill. Under what grounds are you saying she is mentally ill? I have never heard the Rabbinical Court in their decision say she is mentall ill. Have you? Can you tell me what her husband was doing to satisfy his sexual desires while she was not present for all those years? Accusations and counter accusations of mental illnes will flow from both sides. Enough is enough and the two of them should not be bitter that their marriage did not work out. Again the point needs to be made that no Jew should be held in bondage by their fellow Jew. No one is perfect and no one here is mentally ill. This was never what the divorce was about. The battle of the divorce is only about the custody of the kids and their upbringing. Is it not mentally ill for a Jew to hold another in bondage? Since there is no determination that either one of them is mentally ill then that is enough reason to give her custody of the kids withould holding her in bondage.

Even my mother who WAS abused with black and blues and all.. says that Perry is going about this in all the wrong ways.

82

 Mar 05, 2012 at 05:29 PM lary Says:

Reply to #80  
Anonymous Says:

Chassidism, and there are many different groups of Chassidim, is a way of living the Torah. Following one group rather than the other Chassidic group does not take away a person's Judaism and no Jewish group should decide to hold another Jew in bondage. Yes, I do understand you, you are afraid of her dragging her children along and the loss of those children from having a Chassidic Torah way of life because of how she is living her life. But, to me the more deeper question remains as to whether or not a fellow Jew should hold another Jew in bondage. That is what is happening here. Will you invite me to your Purim party? See you there if you invite me my fellow chuchim.

My friend.... It's a matter between Jewish and not Jewish! Not between one chassides to an other....

83

 Mar 05, 2012 at 06:05 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #82  
lary Says:

My friend.... It's a matter between Jewish and not Jewish! Not between one chassides to an other....

Are you simply saying that following the Torah is necessary for a person to be called Jewish? What do you mean it is a matter between Jewish and non-Jewish?

84

 Mar 05, 2012 at 07:13 PM lary Says:

Reply to #83  
Anonymous Says:

Are you simply saying that following the Torah is necessary for a person to be called Jewish? What do you mean it is a matter between Jewish and non-Jewish?

So what's means Jewish??

85

 Mar 05, 2012 at 09:23 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #84  
lary Says:

So what's means Jewish??

You tell me your meaning of what makes a person Jewish and I will respond on how I agree or disagree.

86

 Mar 05, 2012 at 10:09 PM lary Says:

Reply to #85  
Anonymous Says:

You tell me your meaning of what makes a person Jewish and I will respond on how I agree or disagree.

Absolutely! Following the Torah. Observing or at least trying to observe the mitzvahs. Behave modest. Makeing a kidush hashem and not the opposite. Observing shabos and on and on.

87

Sign-in to post a comment

Scroll Up
Advertisements:

Sell your scrap gold and broken jewelry and earn hard cash sell gold today!