Jerusalem – Gowing up in the small Modern Orthodox contingent in the larger Cleveland Orthodox community, most of whom were Yeshivish (the American version of Chareidi), my family was one of the few in my neighborhood in which the girls wore short sleeves and pants. I’ll be honest- I sometimes wondered why we wore short sleeves and pants when most of my neighbors didn’t, but my parents explained to me that our Rabbis interpreted the halachot of tzniut to mean that women could wear pants and short sleeves, and we follow those Rabbis and therefore wear them, even if most of the community didn’t.
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When I was 10 years old, my family took a trip to Israel, where we stayed with my secular grandmother most of the time, and in the heat of the summer we dressed for the weather, short sleeve tee-shirts being our mainstay, and because I was under Bat Mitzva, I wore shorts a good chunk of the time as well.
One day, my mother told us that we were going to go visit our cousins in Bnei Brak. I got dressed and was “ready to go”, but my mother asked me to please get changed.
“Why, Imma?” I wanted to know. “I’m totally tzanua.”
“Ronit, we’re going to Bnei Brak. When you go to a Chareidi community, you respect the people there, and you dress according to their standards, even if halacha doesn’t require it. Respecting people is important, and its important that when you go to their home and their community, you don’t do things that offend them.”
This was a lesson that has been ingrained in my heart ever since there.
It doesn’t matter if halacha or the law permits something. You should respect people and not do things that you know will upset or offend them, especially when going to “their turf”.
A story comes to mind.
A few years ago, my mom bought me a pair of shoes from a store, knowing full well that there was a chance that they wouldn’t fit me and they’d need to be exchanged. She was told that though they usually take returns within 48 hours, because those 48 hours were over Friday and Shabbat, they would give me until Sunday to return the shoes if necessary.
Well, inevitably the shoes didn’t fit, and when I went to the store on Sunday, they told me that it was past 48 hours and they wouldn’t accept my return.
A whole argument ensued, with me getting very upset because I only had my mother buy the shoes on the condition that they’d be returnable after 72 hours.
But the unfriendly manager just pointed at a sign at the register that said in Hebrew something about a new law and returns within 48 hours, and therefore I wasn’t allowed to return the shoes. My reading in Hebrew isn’t so hot, so I wasn’t able to understand it fully, but got the gist- the law is that returns are within 48 hours only.
When calling my husband to vent about how frustrated I was with the situation, I told him about the sign with the law.
“Wait a minute!” He said. “What the saleslady told you is wrong! There’s no such law about only being allowed to return things within 48 hours! The law is that a company absolutely must take returns within 48 hours, not that they’re forbidden from returns after 48 hours. This is a law to protect customers, not the store owners. They absolutely are allowed to take your return now, even after 72 hours.”
Armed with this new found piece of knowledge, I turned to the manager and said “Listen, what you told me about the law is wrong. You’re allowed to take my return. Yes, by law you’re not required to, but just because you’re not required to do something doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t. There’s the exact law that you’re required to follow, and then there’s human decency. You don’t have to take my return now, but especially since you promised me that I could return them within 72 hours, the proper, decent thing for you to do is to take the return,.”
(Eventually, I did manage to get my refund for my shoes, but that isn’t the point of the story.)
The point of the story is exactly what I told the sales person.
Halacha requires certain things of us. Laws of the land require certain things of us.
But that’s not the end of the story.
In Judaism, there is a concept called going “lifnim meshuras hadin”, doing more than the bare minimum that the law requires of you. It’s what is expected of decent human beings, to not look for the bare minimum that we can get away with, but to go above and beyond.
There’s also a concept called “Naval Birshus Hatorah”- being disgusting within the parameters of halacha. Examples brought down of this are gluttons- people who stuff themselves to the gills with kosher food, or those who make their life’s mission the pursuit of (kosher) physical pleasures- it’s terrible behavior that God frowns upon, even though there is nothing halachically forbidden about what they’re doing.
Judaism doesn’t look highly upon people who see what they can get away with that isn’t an explicit sin. Judaism expects us to be good people, considerate people, thoughtful people, and go above and beyond the bare minimum, and be righteous and holy people, to be Chessed oriented people, seeking to emulate God in all His ways.
Recently, there was a court case where a Jerusalem magistrate judge, Moshe Sobell, ruled that what the Women of the Wall are doing, going to the Kotel wearing tallis and tefillin is not against the law, and therefore they shouldn’t be arrested.
Ever since then, I’ve heard nothing but gloating from their camp.
“Haha, look at this! You can’t stop us now- the law is on our side! Watcha gonna do now?” They seem to be shoving this ruling in our face at every moment possible. (And because I was accused of using quotation marks incorrectly before, let me verify- the above wasn’t a quote- it was that attitude I’ve picked up from articles on this court ruling- paraphrased.)
To that I have to say- yes, the law at the moment is on your side, even if it wasn’t before. Yes, now the judge ruled that you can’t get arrested for what you’re doing. It’s legal.
And as some Orthodox supporters of Women of the Wall like to say “There is nothing halachically wrong with wearing tallis and tefillin! Rashi’s daughters wore tefillin!”
So, you have the law on your side. And halacha permits it. According to some.
But this argument isn’t about the law or about halacha at all.
Its about human decency. Its about respect. Simple as that.
And while the law and halacha don’t forbid what you’re doing, if you cared about human decency or respect, you wouldn’t do it.
Women of the Wall have zero respect for the sensitivities of others.
They demand that people respect what they do. Demand people put up with what they’re doing.
They have zero concern about respecting the people who come to pray at the Kotel at all hours of the day, who come to pour out their hearts to God, to plead with Him to intervene with Divine mercy. They have zero concern about the people who want to be able to pray in peace and not be part of the media spectacle and political protest that the Women of the Wall are insisting on making in this holy, holy place.
They have zero respect for the holiness of the place and thousands of years of traditional Judaism, as evidenced by Anat Hoffman’s recent proposal to turn the Kotel into a National Monument, and take down the mechitza for 6 hours smack in the middle of the day, and according to some reports “open it to everyone but Orthodox men.”
If the Women of the Wall were interested in praying to God, and connecting to God— I’m having a hard time believing that is the case- I can’t seem to find any quotes in which Anat Hoffman mentions God, and their mission statement sadly doesn’t mention God even once—
If the Women of the Wall were interested in praying to God, and connecting to God, and were decent human beings who cared about the feelings of other people, and respected other people’s rights to pray, instead of just demanding that people accept their rights-
They would find a way to pray as they wished, without making a scene.
Three options are:
Prayer at Robinson’s Arch, an area designated for non traditional prayer services, the place where the Masorti movement in Israel has their minyanim, and according to some people who pray there, is far superior to the regular Kotel plaza.
Prayer at the Kotel HaKatan- another stretch of the Kotel, even closer to the Kodesh Kedoshim, the Holy of Holies of the Beis Hamikdash.
Accepting Sharansky’s Compromise Plan- in which the Robinson’s Arch area would be enlarged and raised so there would be another section of the Kotel plaza equal in size and set aside for egalitarian and other non traditional prayers.
Women of the Wall are interested in none of the three.
The only thing they’re interested in is praying specifically where they know they will cause provocation, where they know they will upset many people. They don’t care about the feelings of all these worshipers.
They only care about pushing their political agenda, that of upsetting the delicate balance of religion and politics which allows Israel to function as a democratic and Jewish state.
And without the media spectacle that they will get by putting on their “prayer show” at the Kotel, they won’t “see and be seen” as Anat Hoffman has stated is her goal.
Women of the Wall should take their political protests to the Knesset and the Supreme Court and shouldn’t subject people who simply want to pray to this whole media circus and drama.
Women of the Wall may not be breaking any laws or any halachos per se, but they certainly haven’t been acting with any human decency, and have shown absolutely no respect for the feelings of Traditional Jews, to God, to the traditions that kept us unified as a nation for the past few thousand years, or even to themselves.
Self respecting people, who respected their own connection with God, would be after a peaceful solution that doesn’t disturb anyone, so that everyone, including the Women of the Wall, could pray in peace. But the Women of the Wall don’t even respect their own prayers, let alone anyone else’s, and the only thing they’re interested in is whether or not they’ll be appearing in the media this week.
The above OpEd was first posted on May 2 2013, by The Times Of Israel.
Ronit Peskin has made it her goal to increase Torah and increase love between Jews in Israel and around the world. She is the founder of WomenForTheWall.org, an organization created to preserve the traditional sanctity at the Western Wall. She comes from a Modern Orthodox background, has been in Dati Leumi, Chareidi, Chassidic, and non religious circles, and because of that, has a unique perspective on the goings-on in Israel.
This article is truly a masterpiece. Lots of timeless wisdom.
Ronit,
Your message of respect is 100% on target. It applies always and to everyone. There is now power to accomplish things like by being respectful. When every group recognizes this, the atmosphere will change everywhere and everyone will receive more of what they want and everyone will be happier. It is contagious and empowering!
Keep up the good work.
The author of the Op-Ed expects the WotW to be accommodating of others. That requires an openness to compromise.
In my experience, once a group plays the “rights” card in its campaign, they have effectively declared that they are uninterested in compromising their position and that any accommodations must come from the opposing side.
I would expect WotW to turn each of the arguments in the Op Ed around and respond that they reject the notion that they are “guests” at the wall, which connotes a lesser status and that the onus is upon others to act “lifnim meshuras hadin” and not behave like “menuvalim b’reshus haTorah”.
Essentially, no one in this controversy is open to arguments, proofs or advice that do not advance their objectives.
I was waiting to see that she now understood that women had to be tznius – meaning sleeves below the elbow & skirts below the knees ALL THE TIME.
At least she’s partially on the correct side when it comes to the WOWzers.
Well said.
Very well said. The women off the wall are looking to protest, not to pray.
Don’t expect decency from a group of people who hate that there are Laws in Judaism. For them, their bed is made with spin and their closets with paid fraud.
well written… Well done.
Beautifully written Ronit! Great job at exposing those off the wall provocateurs.
An amazing article by Ronit Peskin. I think this is a collectible. Kol haKavod!
This article is a breath of fresh air. Unfortunately, in today’s world, respect and human decency is a thing of the past. Kudos to you for having the courage to print such an article. Thank you
I didn’t read through the whole article but i get what she meant,
Awesome article right on target.
The story she tells of her mom about “Ronit, we’re going to Bnei Brak. When you go to a Chareidi community, you respect the people there, and you dress according to their standards, even if halacha doesn’t require it. Respecting people is important, and its important that when you go to their home and their community, you don’t do things that offend them.” Is something we Chareidi people should learn something of it. We may think that modern orthodox Jews in Israel all of them are doing things in spite of Chareidi jews.Here we have an example that not all MO are so.Many MO do show respect. We should show them that not all Chareidi Jews are as bad as we are portrayed in the media.
I think she makes the best possible case for retaining the status quo…however, I don’t agree. When it comes to davening at the kosel, there are too many different hashkafos for one group to say “my way is right and yours is wrong”. As long as they are not engaging in loud or disrpectful behavior (obviously a relative term) and do it within the confines of the varbeshe section behind the mechitza no one should dictate to them what they wear, what tefillos they say or in what nusach.
The message is spot on, and obviously from the heart. And while those who understand agree and sympathize, unfortunately the targeted audience is not listening. Such is the world of chutzpah, sheker, and hypocracy in which we live today.
Our only hope is that it is indeed a sign of Ukvesa D’Mishicha.
This article is a masterpiece, in the way that the U.S. Supreme Court’s Dredd Scott Decision of 1857, which upheld slavery and the right for slaveowners to hunt down slaves even in non-slave states, was a “masterpiece.” Or, moving forward almost a century, the way the Nuremberg Laws were a “masterpiece.”
Sure, the Women of the Wall are royal pains in the butt to some. So were Rosa Parks, Jackie Robinson, Medgar Evers and those black kids in Little Rock in ’57 who marched into Little Rock High School with National Guard protection while being taunted by white kids and their parents who didn’t want their little Caucasian sanctuary to be “violated” by those Knee-grows.
Twenty years from now, women will pray at the Western Wall wearing men’s-style tallises and will recite Kaddish, too, and nobody will give the matter a second thought. Except perhaps die-hards like Ronit Peskin. But maybe not. Even stubborn-as-a-mule “segs” like George Wallace modified their positions later in life.
while i myself belong to the chareidi community and am absolutely against what’s going on right now at the kosel, i can’t say i understand your argument. how can you compare getting dressed as a child to go to bnei brak to davening at the kosel? you are missing the whole point. the kosel is a place for all jews…it’s not bnei brak. these women feel as if that’s the whole problem, a place for all jews has turned into bnei brak!
…just saying…
I want to see how you dress when you pass “Shar Shcem”. Respect for their dress codes…
There is no source in any rabbinic writings to the claim that rashis daughter wore tefilin. the first time this claim appears is in the 20th century from feminist writers.
Not to say that these women arent troublemakers in their own respect, however, bottom line is that frum people feel that they should have a monopoly on anyones relationship with god.. I love bananas
When going to Bnei Brak or Mayeh Shorim, dress as they do, be respectful.
The charedim , or ultra-orthodox, or whatever you’d like to call them, would like to presume that Kosel is their home and their domain.
Problem is , it was fought for in 1948, and liberated in 1967, by all groups except……. those who are telling others what to do.
Bottom line: in Yiddishkeit, or Mentschlichkeit, or any “keit” is , Don’t tell others what to do. Especially if you don’t serve in the Army that brought you the Kosel.
to #21 – the army DID NOT bring you to the kosel. The ONE ABOVE the Eibershter brough you to the Kosel or better brought the Kosel to you the Yiden. So whatever “keit” you belong to doesn’t matter because you need to listen to Hashem and the Holy Shechina who never left the Kosel as it states in the Talmud.
what an amazing article, what I came to realize from previous comments, that we fail to see, this is not only about the women praying at the kosel, this is respect between chareidim and chareidim,
this may very well be a punishment for not respecting one another, therefore the women not respecting our traditions
Learn from this and become wiser! 🙂
Reply to #16 : Dan Silagi
Pretty neat trick, bestowing both your approbation and your condemnation on they same lucky group of guys. Sort of like squaring a circle. How do you do it? Approbation by day, condemnation by night? It might be wise to check a dictionary before venting.
Great article WOW have lost all credibility as far as I’m concerned, and I was ready to give them some, forget about it….
Her article above is very sound, but the reality is that it wont change a thing in the mind of the wicked. Either way you look at it, we need to pray to Hashem for the change to happen and overall, we are not going to win by Force. Torah does not work by Force and only by Spirit. So the Women FOR the Wall Group is a great accessory. I would donate if I had a link.
The problem with these women is that they don’t really wear talleisim to be more religious, but, to disrespect our traditions. They are the opposite of religious and they are just noise makers in the name of a cause. If they were doing it to be more religious then they should start with dressing more tsniusdik. Tradition isn’t good enough for them, because whatever the tradition they want to change it for spite.
Anat Hoffman should not be arrested for her antics. But she should be ejected and barred from the kotel. She is a hater of Judaism, she hates God for making her a woman and thus she hates women too. She hates Torah unless she can change its meaning to suit her hatred. The only good thing about her is that she and those who hate judaism, god, and Torah like she does will eventually assimilate into the goyim, like such people always do. Nebach, for the loss of Jews to transient secular priorities. But Torsh has always outlasted our enemies and our self-hating brethren. Am Yisroel chai !
nonsense article written by a thinly veiled (no-pun intended) hareidi woman posing as an enlightened person.
The Kotel does not belong to the hareidi cults. The Kotel belongs to ALL Jews & as such ALL Jews should have the right to daven at the Kotel as they see fit.
You have tried to bully the rest of the Jewish People for the past 40 years or so but now that we are standing up to you, you don’t like it. Tough Luck!
Typical. Oh, please be respectful of Chareidi “sensitivities”, although chareidim will NEVER be sensitive to YOUR sensitivities! Chareidim take, take, take but NEVER give.
After reading the article about respect, I take it the author would expect any Chareidi to dress according to the norms of a secular neighborhood when entering. After all “when you go to their homes and their community you don’t do things that offend them”. I take it that includes not throwing rocks at cars on Shabbos.
Excellent article. I recall about 40 years ago when I was in college and not yet observant. For the Yomim Noraim, the university had “services” in the student union, which were Reform. Those of us who were more traditional (ie Conservative) went to the Hillel. There was a mechitza set up in the chapel. We made an announcement at the beginning that we would like to take down the mechitza, but if there was a single person in the room who objected, we would not do so. After all, we could daven in a room with a mechitza, but those who were more observant could not daven in a room without one. There was one person who objected, and the mechitza remained. (The person who objected was willing to allow a division down the middle instead, which allowed enough room for the women who wanted to attend). Women of the Wall should have similar sensitivity and respect.
Are any women respected in Israel? These women deserve to pray just like the men do. There is no monopoly on prayers.
Women reading from the Sefer is Asur. Furthermore, the practice amongst Jews nowadays is for women not to wear Tefillin and Tallit and that is the Minhag. This must be respected.
Of course, some need to be thankful to the Women of the Wall. Those who believe it is possible to enter into the Temple Mount courtyard can use all the legal precedents of the ladies for their campaign.