Brooklyn, NY – Charedi Rabbi Says Divorce In Orthodox Community Stems From Misleading Hashkafos; Blasts Current System

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    Rabbi Mendel Epstein, a Brooklyn rabbi who helps women obtain gets. (Five Towns Jewish Times)New York – In a recent interview, Rabbi Mendel Epstein, a dayan, and a to’ein of over thirty years, holds nothing back in expressing his “disgust” with the current system that, too often, he says, results in women finding themselves in “unbearably difficult situations due to incorrect hashkafos and advice that they have received and therefore come to blame the Torah and rabbanim for their plight.”

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    In the 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES (http://bit.ly/16Fcz3j) interview, Rabbi Epstein says he has “seen enough suffering” throughout his thirty years of service and the over 2,000 divorce cases he has handled.

    So much so, that he has drafted a “Bill of Rights of a Jewish Wife” which he released last week.

    Among the proclamations listed in the Rabbi’s Bill of Rights are:

    (1) A wife must be treated with respect and not be abused. A woman in an abusive relationship has a right to seek a get.

    (2) She is entitled to be supported by her husband. Read the kesubah.

    (3) A husband is obligated to honor and respect his wife’s parents.

    (4) She is entitled to a normal conjugal relationship.

    In speaking on the “proliferation” of divorces within the frum community, Epstein says that the inordinate number of divorces comes about as a result of infidelity in marriages, and that the dalliances leading to infidelity very often “start in shul” and with people coming and going freely in and out of each other’s homes.

    Epstein puts no age restrictions on divorce, and says that it doesn’t matter whether couples are married for a “few months” or a “few decades.”

    In opening the interview, Epstein is asked why he chose this time to come forward and speak out.

    Epstein says it is the “proliferation of the divorces” within the community that brought him forward.

    “There are so many women left in limbo by the process,” Epstein says, “There is hardly a family in the community that is not dealing with divorce or a yeshiva that does not have one or two children at minimum in every class whose parents are either in the process or already divorced.”

    Epstein says it is the “impact,” too, on women and children involved in divorces, that is negatively affecting their views on the rabbanim in general.

    “Don’t minimize the impact this is having on frum homes, as mothers begin to view trying to live according to a halachic or Torah lifestyle as being a prime cause of their problems,” Rabbi Epstein says, adding that this attitude can easily trickle down to the children, where it can emotionally resonate for years.

    “It’s not the Torah and it’s not the rabbis that are at fault or responsible for all the misery, heartache, and broken marriages and families out there,” Epstein says, noting that more than anything else it is long-held false ideals and misguided hashkafos that have turned the way our community looks at these situations upside down.

    Rabbi Epstein insists that he is not functioning in a vacuum, claiming as evidence a number of prominent rabbinical figures who concur with his outspoken approach, agree with his formulation, and who have encouraged him to publicize his points—among them; Rabbi Peretz Steinberg of the Queens Vaad HaRabonim, Rabbi Hershel Kurzrock of the Rabbinical Alliance/Igud HaRabbonim, and Rabbi Moshe Bergman, a prominent rav dealing with gittin in Brooklyn.

    In stressing both his point and his frustration, Rabbi Epstein relates a current case involving a woman who has been waiting over three years for her get.

    Rabbi Epstein says he called the rabbi holding up the get, inquiring as to why it was taking so long. He said that there was already evidentiary proof that the husband was no longer observing Shabbos and was also already dating other women, so why the delay? Rabbi Epstein says that the rabbi told him that he requires a therapist as a third party to independently verify that the marriage could not be repaired or saved.

    “There is no basis in halachah for this opinion,” Rabbi Epstein says, adding that “all this ignorant approach does is prolong the process and increase the suffering, usually on the woman’s side of the equation.”

    Epstein explains that, while the goal of many of the rabbis involved in these situations is to keep the couple together and try to keep the family unit intact, it may look like the best situation from the outside, but internally it can be doing more damage than anyone can imagine.

    “There are a lot of stupid women staying with their husbands,” the Rabbi says, “even though by right the marriage is over and for everyone’s good they should be out of there.”

    Epstein says that, aside from infidelity and disloyalty in a marriage, the second-most-common reason for divorce seems to be economic pressures.

    Two of Epstein’s ten point Bill of Rights are dedicated to these matters.

    Rabbi Epstein states clearly that “a woman is entitled to be supported by her husband,” and that “this is clearly and unequivocally defined in no uncertain terms in the kesubah that is the documented centerpiece of every Jewish marriage.”

    Rabbi Epstein chides, “The money that she brings in before the wedding should be used to enhancing the living standard of the couple, not for the husband to waste on buying electronics or other gadgetry.”

    Elaborating further, Epstein says, “There is a wild idea out there that a kosher woman has to put up with abuse because that’s the way Hashem wants it. What father would want their daughter to suffer in that way?”

    On the system, Rabbi Epstein explains, “Another great error that women often make is that they run to court instead of the beis din. No court can grant her a get,” while adding that it is a mistake to run to retain a divorce attorney that unfortunately all too often mislead their clients and take them through a wild and very costly ride through the judicial system—only to find that after a few years they have accomplished nothing except the spending of tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees. “The proper beis din is relatively quick, fairly cheap, and knows where the cash is hidden.”

    Epstein confessed that there are, however, occasions where going to court first is beneficial, especially when there is a particularly obdurate and uncooperative husband involved. Unlike beis din, the court can demand and compel the husband to disclose all his personal financial information, which a Jewish court does not have the full legal ability to do. Sometimes this process will be convincing enough for a man to voluntarily give his wife the get.

    When asked to comment on the campaign that is encouraging families to allow their young men to marry earlier than has been the norm in an attempt to address the so-called “shidduch crisis,” Rabbi Epstein says simply, “It’s a terrible idea and it will increase the divorce rate.”

    Rabbi Epstein is also asked whether verbal abuse, or being spoken to harshly or with a lack of respect for either party in a marriage is grounds for divorce.

    The Rabbi answers, “Cursing her or her family could be grounds for a get. Or to quote Chazal, ‘Ein adam dor im nachash bekefifa achas’—you can’t live with a snake.”

    Finally, when asked why he believes there is so much dysfunction to which he attributes failed marriages and the inordinate number of divorces in the community, Rabbi Epstein for the most part points toward the young (and not-so-young) men.

    “The main reason many young people are just not ready for marriage or parenthood is that many of the boys are just sitting in yeshiva. They are not tested or evaluated and all too many do not even make it to morning minyan,” says the Rabbi, before adding that that he thinks that this idea of sending boys to out-of-town yeshiva at such a young age is finally backfiring on families and the community.

    “We send our kids to dormitories, and during his formative years the child hardly ever sees what a normal husband–wife relationship looks like.” says Epstein, while noting that “too many children grow up thinking that their parents are little more than ATMs.”

    “So when Mr. Spoiled marries Ms. Spoiled, why are we shocked that they cannot make a marriage work or successfully assume the responsibilities of parenthood?” Epstein questions.

    In closing, Rabbi Mendel Epstein says that he has “observed this sad reality playing itself out and most community leaders just looking away as the problems that plague our people and wreak havoc are spiraling out of control. He says that it needs to be said not to G‑d forbid embarrass anyone, but rather to put the issues out there so that we can tackle them, take them on, and try to figure out some solutions.”


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    159 Comments
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    10 years ago

    How about women using thier kids as weapons then screaming aguna. I have seen many cases like that too. But no its always the guys fault.

    10 years ago

    Rabbi Epstein says he called the rabbi holding up the get, inquiring as to why it was taking so long. He said that there was already evidentiary proof that the husband was no longer observing Shabbos and was also already dating other women, so why the delay? Rabbi Epstein says that the rabbi told him that he requires a therapist as a third party to independently verify that the marriage could not be repaired or saved.

    “There is no basis in halachah for this opinion,” Rabbi Epstein says, adding that “all this ignorant approach does is prolong the process and increase the suffering, usually on the woman’s side of the equation.”

    While I can’t comment on the specific case generally there is a basis to verify that marrage is broken assuming there are children. Many women are too quick to run away without thinking about the effects this has on a child. R Epstien should listen to some R Avigdor Miller tapes regarding staying married no matter what before he comments.

    10 years ago

    A Freilichen Purim!!! Mine opinion; this subject definitely doesn’t belong on this or any other website… this belongs on the desk of rabbanim & morah ho’ruha…

    adamemes9
    adamemes9
    10 years ago

    I wonder how many mamzeirim this so called “Rabbi” has helped produce. Does the “Rabbi” feel that the Torah has mistreated woman by making it hard for her to receive a get that he feels that he must help them out?

    ChareidiMan
    ChareidiMan
    10 years ago

    Attention frum community:

    You don’t have to respond and find a critic on everything in this article. Just accept it for what it is and learn something from it. If we will always say “who asked him” or “keep your opinion to yourself” we will never grow and that is the problem in the first place. Just learn and see how you can improve.

    IMO this is a great great article and yes we have to make strides in the community!

    Nobody
    Nobody
    10 years ago

    This guy is a Toen who apparently only attracts female clients (I guess they recommend each other to him). In his world, no women cheat, no women withhold normal conjugal relations, no women disparage their mother-in-laws, no women hurl verbal insults, no women control, belittle and henpeck their husbands, etc. etc.

    That destroys the credibility of his whole interview.

    sighber
    sighber
    10 years ago

    (2) She is entitled to be supported by her husband.How can a husband afford this with tuition costs so high? He needs to address how other areas of Jewish life, such as tuition, can be managed too.

    thecommissioner
    thecommissioner
    10 years ago

    This is like the pot calling the kettle black, Mendel Epstein is no dayan.

    10 years ago

    Finally a Rov with the guts to voice his opinion which is based on his bitter experience with over 2000 Gittin. You may not want to agree with him but the man speaks from first hand experience and therefore should be taken seriously. If you read between the lines you will see that he is also issuing a wholesale indictment of the current Yeshiva and Kolel system which discourages boys from getting an education so they can support a family and encourages them to live off of parental support. So in effect Rabbi Epstein is taking to task many Roshei Yeshiva as well. Rabbi Epstein is clearly placing the predominant blame on the men and especially men who do not earn a living for the proliferation of failed marriages in the community and specifically does not put the blame on the internet as other people have tried to suggest.

    10 years ago

    Finally a BREATH OF FRESH AIR from a ruv!

    epsteinthehypocrite
    epsteinthehypocrite
    10 years ago

    This article is very hypocritical, why doesn’t someone ask Epstein why he’s currently representing someone who’s holding a get back from his wife for close to 3 years?? People like Epstein are the problem

    jacob
    jacob
    10 years ago

    What about demanding unhelpful disrespectful women?

    akraus88
    akraus88
    10 years ago

    This is the biggest joke. No system is perfect,but the jewish system is the best int he world.

    Do you really think that 2 people that are born with selfish needs (yes every person is selfish), can really be living with somebody especially from the opposite sex without giving after and working on their middos. The jewish system works because people will try to make it work, there are abusive marriages, there are bad and scary people out there, but most people want to make it work, and have an incentive to make it work.

    Go on the “goyishe” marriage sites, and you’ll see what it’s going on the other side of the coin, and yes this is after dating for 8 years, and “knowing” each other…….

    I am very proud of what we have to offer!

    10 years ago

    It seems like allot of people with a guilty conscience are insulting Rav Epstein in the comments.

    cholent
    cholent
    10 years ago

    What no one wants to say either is that with unlimited access to media and all types of peritzus, it has a definite effect on men (and maybe women).
    Not just pornography but social sites and friending. Ask any active Rav and they will tell you that these are home destructers.
    When there was an asifa at Citi field it was not just show and tell. There were Rabbonim there that had experienced the breakup, destruction and collapse of yiddishe families of all backgrounds because of the internet.
    Even if one does not get drawn into a shady life on line, seeing all the ads erodes one’s temimus and sensitivity. I know in Manhattan you see it as well. But why the hell do you have to bring it into your house!
    Filters are not important. They are imperative to your future!
    This true in the goyish world as well. In general, trends in the goyish world seep into the yiddish world. Vi se kristels zach azoi yiddels zach.
    Vetaher libeinu leavdecho b’emes.

    AshMan
    AshMan
    10 years ago

    K’shot. Cannot believe a Rav would be this open and this public. That’s leadership.

    Mekav
    Mekav
    10 years ago

    I personally know of cases where the wife was the instigator of the divorce, ran to secular court, ignored Beis Din and then cried Agunah. The article is biased and should be taken with a grain of salt. Remember there are 3 sides to every story. His side, her side and the Truth.

    AshMan
    AshMan
    10 years ago

    Where can you get the whole list? Even the original article has no link.

    yaakov doe
    Member
    yaakov doe
    10 years ago

    Over 15 years ago my rebellious ex wanted a get after meeting someone at work. Rabbi Epstein handled everything fairly and handled the crazy women well. I’ve heard the accusations over the years, none have which have been proven to my satisfation. As far as I know, he’s an honest well meaning rav who generally takes the side of the one that’s in the right, which usually is the woman.

    10 years ago

    Today I heard of the 3rd divorce of my friends and it’s only Monday. In all 3 cases, the husbands refused to work and the wives had to work to support the husbands and 5-10 kids. No wonder there is so much divorce in our community. Everyone is tired.

    10 years ago

    what about HUSBAND BEING ABUSED by wife and taken advantage of with money, children, etc. etc.

    10 years ago

    It’s the Men !!!!! Not ! It’s what it always has been. The women !

    Oh btw, do you know what else it is ? It’s Toanim becoming Dayanim, and Dayanim charging 200 dollars per hour, per Dayan, (going rate). It is not just contrary to what the Torah wants. It is also why people have less respect for Beis Din. (Chillul Hashem)
    If each community had one Beis Din that didn’t charge any money, without “Zabla”, without Toanim, and Dayanim who would recuse themselves from people they know, with ONLY the klal in mind, perhaps people would be more willing to respect Din. (Kiddush Hashem).
    Instead of women’s bill of rights, perhaps a bill of rights for those who are being judged at Beis Din is necessary.
    I wish NO ONE went to courts, but until we revamp our Batei Din, and make them FREE, and places where people serve the KLAL, we will have problems getting people to run to Beis Din.

    Realistic
    Realistic
    10 years ago

    How about a bill of rights for Husbands

    1. Not to be abused (Abuse doesn’t need to be physical)

    2. The wife has to respect his parents.

    3. The wife should realize that the husband doesn’t have a cash machine, and should try to take some responsibility when possible.

    4. He is entitled to a normal conjugal relationship.

    5. A father has the right to his children even after a divorce, and should be respected.

    6. A father should not be accused of doing horrible things with the children, simply because she doesn’t want him to have visitation rights.

    7. A Husband should have the right not to give a get until all issues regarding child support and visitation are straightened out.

    Out of all 4 rights in R’ Epstein’s bill of rights, there is none for the husbands protection, so I had to come in and do my share.

    Realistic
    Realistic
    10 years ago

    “Epstein confessed that there are, however, occasions where going to court first is beneficial, especially when there is a particularly obdurate and uncooperative husband involved. Unlike beis din, the court can demand and compel the husband to disclose all his personal financial information, which a Jewish court does not have the full legal ability to do. Sometimes this process will be convincing enough for a man to voluntarily give his wife the get.”

    Is he recommending people to go to court?

    RobertS
    RobertS
    10 years ago

    “(2) She is entitled to be supported by her husband. Read the kesubah”… Why don’t the full-time learners read that instead of making their wives and in-laws support them?

    heyward
    heyward
    10 years ago

    Sorry Rabbi Mendel Epstein does not have the knowledge to intervene into any marriage. “Period” My cousin with seven children was involved with Mendel Epstein and his wife wasn’t to easy and they both mutely agreed to stay in the marriage and go for consoling and Mendel Epstein did not rest until he made sure that there is a divorce.

    How dare you take such big responsibility’s to leave seven children in the limbo. Rabbi Mendel please do your home work. At times the man can also be on the right. Please do Tashuva send your clients for consoling and stop breaking up family’s especially when there are kids involved.

    Kasiva Va’csima Tova

    10 years ago

    Nothing was said here about the over demanding wives who want, want, want, vacation, furinture, maids,fancy clothes, fancy sheitals, trips, fancy nights in restuarants, fancy house,fancy summer place and the list goes on. He is in the city for the summer and she is vacationing, he is tryiing to pay the bills and eating cold food for 8 to 10 weeks except for shabbos. I believe the problems is from BOTH sides; but the main problem the door to the house is open; open for listening to goyish ways. Our parents fought and their parents fought but the mainly fought to survive instead of each other. Close the door to the goyish life and start enjoying our Jewish way of living.

    10 years ago

    Use your common sense:
    Why do people go to the doctor, Why do people have infections
    Why do people see therapists, Why some couples have arguments,
    Who should they turn to -Rav – Doctor – Parents – Inlaws – Police – Court.
    Why do people devorce, Is it better to devorce or to suffer,
    and more and more questions, some people want one answer for all, here it is ,SEICHEL BROSH each case is different use your seichel, if you don’t have seichel nothing will help, cause you can’t buy it.
    This is the truth after handling many many cases without a fancy 2000 number.

    Anonymous1234
    Anonymous1234
    10 years ago

    I’m still waiting for a halachic prenup to become standard in Lakewood-type communities
    half this Agmas Nefesh will be saved

    10 years ago

    It seems the man is all bad. But tell me, the woman always treats her husband and contributes?? Huh?? What about the wife who makes no effort to look good for her husband; doesn’t excersize, or watch what she eats, or takes care of herself. Isn’t that a reason for infidelity??? Or the wife that spends TOO much time doing that thereby neglecting her husband and kids. Or the wife that is moderate about that, but doesn’t allow her husband to get physical, and when she does, she makes him feel like a heel. Huh??? Or what about the wife that never cooks and leaves her husband to eat cereal for supper? Or what about the wife that simply doesn’t speak nicely to her husband??? Or what about the wife that only serves takeout for shabboss?? Or the wife that runs around the avenue buying herself frappacinos and gets manicures everyday??? These too can cause infidelity and friction. So while some men are dogs, and lot of women are their female counter-parts.

    10 years ago

    Epstein is a royal hypocrite! He is encouraging a man to withhold a get because he knows that he could get more money out of the poor girls family. This woman is not at fault in the situation and worked really hard to keep the marriage alive- there is no saving a marriage when the husband sleeps around with the town whores-and its public knowledge!! He writes this article to sound all high and mighty when in truth, he’s a ganef who feeds off people’s misery. I have a family member who is an aguna for close to 4 yrs because of Epstein’s encouragment for the guy to get as much money as possible. What a drek.

    curious
    curious
    10 years ago

    I am confused. Is the Rav saying there should be fewer divorces? Or that women should have more power in arbitration because many husbands are lousy. The two positions are exclusive of each other. I believe that finances are even a greater factor in Jewish divorce than in the secular world. We are necessarily very money conscious as a frum lifestyle is so financially pressuring. A friend told me today about how pressured he was to spend twenty thousand dollars to semd his daughter to seminary. Our community structure turns marriages into powder kegs.

    10 years ago

    Since every to’en has his pluses and minuses, it is foolish to pass judgment on any of them. Many do better representing the women, others the men. R’ Mendel has long been an advocate for women, who tended to fare more poorly in batei din, and he exerts himself to insure that such abuse does not happen. There are many who dabble in gittin, and there are some major resho’im in the field who are grossly dishonest and abusive to one party (could be either). The shame is that dayanim are supposed to pasken halachos and implement them, not take sides. Once they have a bias, they must exclude themselves.

    Spousal abuse is a real problem. The challenge is that it is easily fabricated, and there is no recourse to the husband who was falsely accused.

    I support the Women’s Bill of Rights. I equally support the Men’s Bill of Rights.

    We’d all be better off if chasanim and kallahs were prepared better for marriage. Rabbonim need to refer couples in trouble for professional help.

    I concur with the abuse of the “kollel” system. Such a shame.

    10 years ago

    Maybe if the frum community learned to think independently and were not so fixated on the views of individual rabbis like Epstein and Miller, there would be more common sense solutions and fewer divorces. As so many posters have noted, a woman whose husband refuses to work and support his family is absolutely entitled to a divorce although in many cases, his laziness and likelihood of using learning in kollel as an excuse to remain unemployed was probably known before the chassanah. Indeed, there have been stories posted here on VIN that some girls actually tell the shadchan that they only want to date and marry a bochur who is “a learner” and not a “worker”. Those girls deserve what they get and don’t deserve a get…hamayvin yavin.

    simchad
    simchad
    10 years ago

    I normally don’t write in public, but this I will.
    One of the main cause of divorce is one of the sides having mental health issues and not disclosing it. Even the friends and Rabonim ,many times will not disclose a problem not wanting to ruin his chances of getting married. Again I am talking thru my own personal experience . I won’t go into details, but I will say, my ex was abusive, paranoid a control freak, and wasn’t able to be a man. Halacha dictated that he gives a get and pays a kesubah , but that is not what happened to me. I paid the extortion money to get free. Some say, I was lucky because some boys don’t give gitten to make their spouses suffer even more.
    I am still not married. Now all this could have been prevented if when I asked information we were told the truth.
    Now do you expect me to believe in Rabonim after this?

    10 years ago

    So it took him 30 years. busy making money off divorces and now he had it and wants to retire.
    what about husbands that are abused in marriage and are affraid to talk? and what about wifes mental illness that are destroying families.. instead of them taking the blame they blame others.

    Election2014
    Election2014
    10 years ago

    My ex went to Mendel we agreed to have him as our mediator, Mendel convinced her to hire him as her toen, he’s a rasha

    10 years ago

    We need to be honest in the beginning of our relationships. If we are gay and being forced to marry by our parents, we need to divulge that information. The same is true for mental or physical illness. It’s too late to salvage anything once the marriage is legal…why waste everyone’s time and cause additional pain? I know of dozens of people who are homosexuals in a man-woman marriage. It’s a disaster waiting to happen.

    yosefben
    yosefben
    10 years ago

    75 comments? This article sure hit a lot of nerves!!

    jewish234
    jewish234
    10 years ago

    there are alot of women who just want to look their way and the husbend should b a shmate, shame on this ugly women n askunim n so called rabbis who helping them

    shmuelg613
    shmuelg613
    10 years ago

    He has really good points of course, but seems to be favoring women. Statistics show that 2/3 of all divorces are instigated from the woman. The system of Jewish marriages is certainly going through terrible times. Yet his one sided comment of “There are so many women left in limbo by the process,” – leaves men as the aggressor. This is not the case is so many of times! What about an ex-wife that holds her kids as ransom to harm the father? Or even cases where the ex-wife yells child abuse, just to put the father in jail?!!! In my own community, this has happened all too often. There is a problem, yet it is NOT one sided at all! If your ex purposefully withheld your children, wouldn’t you do whatever you can…FOR THEIR SAKE…to get them back, even to hold back the get? There are some terrible situations for many women out there. Abuse should never ever be tolerated! EVER! My comments merely reflect that Rabbi Epstein’s opinion do not reflect the totality or the majority of cases out there.

    10 years ago

    I was never married and in no rush to. I am competent 28 year old male.

    Society is punishing heaven help us. Both sides cheat and abuse. Both sides are shallow and selfish… Where are the good sincere people ?

    And its heart breaking to read the comments of women divorced and crying st spousal abuse. Tell me, did you look for a emesdike mench or were you blinded by the fake stuff ?

    10 years ago

    What about the women who receive a get right away but continue to drag their husbands thru the court system for many years after that! And refuse to give proper visitation to spite the father. Mendel epstien is either a fool or a rat.. I would say he’s a foolish rat!

    frummie
    frummie
    10 years ago

    this is so heart breaking to read this kind of foolishness,

    it hurts to see someone with power that 100% takes the woman’s side of things, even the court system especially the Family court has been opening up their eyes to see that woman take advantage when they have the power and upper hand,

    yes they shlep the man through mud, and do things spitefully, to hurt him, they loath the system at its best ,,

    Rabbi I am not religious anymore for this reason,

    a hunk of Cr,,p

    Palleeeze

    TexasJew
    TexasJew
    10 years ago

    In this day and age, everyone should have a prenuptial agreement signed by the same witnesses that sign the k”subah. No Rav or Rabbi should perform the ceremony till this is done.
    Teach this in schools now so in five years from now it will be the norm.

    someone7777
    someone7777
    10 years ago

    I agree that something needs to be done. yes there are cases of both men and women being abused. And something needs to be done about both. I think that this rabbi is great for speaking up about fixing the situation. We are the chosen people who have a mission to spread light. Let’s not throw away our special quality. Both men and women need to be respected and given what they need. A man needs to be able to support his family. A women needs to be able to take care of her family without being overburdened. Together, the couple can help each other complete their mission

    PatersonMan
    PatersonMan
    10 years ago

    According to Torah and Shulchan Orach law, the male children of divorced couple should reside with the mother until age of 5 or 6; then he should reside with the father! Yet the “system” (I’m talking about Beis Din) automatically “assigns” them to the mother, and the father has to fight for visitation rights. This is against the Shulchan Orach, and the burden of proof is on the mother to show that the father is incapable of raising the boy. The Batei Dinim is going against Halacha!!!

    Also, the article implies that. many times, the father goes off the Derech. I have numerous divorced friends where the mother goes off the derech and just maintains Yiddishkeit for “show”, in order to keep the children; yet the father remains strictly religious . Even in such circumstances, and even with male children over six, the children are “automatically” assigned to the mother, because “it’s better for the child to be by the mother”. This is anti-Torah, yet it is the norm with many Batie Dinim. Shame on them!

    shlomozalman
    shlomozalman
    10 years ago

    To all those arguing over what Rabbi A. Miller said or didn’t say: You will all be better off ignoring everything he said or wrote.

    10 years ago

    The biggest problem is that parents are not raising marriage ready children. It’s easier to raise them to look the part according to what your neighbors think ex. placing them in the right yeshivas or seminaries, leasing the right cars…etc. We have a warped sense of what “marriage ready” means.
    However, parents are not the only ones culpable. Rosh Yeshivas should guide each boy properly even if that encourages some to go to college and/or work.
    We have a perverted sense of what frumkait really is.