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Israel - Rabbi Metzger: Married Women Should Give Up Maiden Name |
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"We are currently in an era of permissiveness and there are many messages that create cracks in the Jewish home's whole structure," the rabbi told the women in attendance.
Turning his attention to the question of last names, Rabbi Metzger said that even though this was not a Jewish law issue, but rather, a move that took root in the past 200 years, a woman should stick to the husband's last name and renounce her maiden name.
"The agenda whereby a woman wants to bring the independent entity of her last name to the home should be reconsidered," the rabbi said. "If this came out of unity it's one thing…but If there is a message that the woman is an independent entity and the husband is an independent entity, this does not unite the home into a whole home."
At the end of his talk, Rabbi Metzger recommended that women "reconsider the phenomenon."
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Read Comments (22) — Post Yours »
1
Jul 30, 2008 at 12:12 PM Joseph Says:
The sad part is that it was even necessary to give this advise.
It should have been obvious common sense.
But considering the downward spiral our society has gone, it is in fact unsurprising.
2
Jul 30, 2008 at 12:28 PM Charlie Hall Says:
WADR, Jewish women do NOT change the name that matters when they get married: Their Hebrew name. Rabbi Metzger should be discouraging the use of family names which is not the Jewish tradition but rather one of gentile Europe, rather than encouraging their use. (There are other traditional cultures such as China in which a women does not change her name when she gets married.) Furthermore Jewish women have always kept a separate legal identity, with specific responsibilities; in Christian Europe the identity of a married woman basically disappeared upon marriage until about 200 years ago.
In this spirit my wife kept her maiden name, with my approval. An additional consideration is that she is a physician and needs to use the name she used in medical school and in her initial clinical appointments.
3
Jul 30, 2008 at 01:10 PM Chareidi Leumi Says:
Charlie: Technically there is nothing wrong with a woman retaining her maiden name. Rabbi Metzger was warning about the "slippery slope" where one thing will lead to the next and will ultimately break down the values of a Jewish family. For some, the slippery slope is not an issue so there is nothing wrong with retaining a maiden name.
4
Jul 30, 2008 at 01:19 PM Anonymous Says:
charlie raises the good point of physicians. I was going to say that if people in business know a woman by a particular name, it's very understandable for her to keep that name.
it may be possible, though, to distinguish and separate her business life and personal, family life.
5
Jul 30, 2008 at 01:30 PM Wolfish Musings Says:
Quote from R. Metzger:
but If there is a message that the woman is an independent entity and the husband is an independent entity, this does not unite the home into a whole home.
So, then, I assume there is no problem if a husband wants to adopt his wife's name?
The Wolf
6
Jul 30, 2008 at 01:34 PM Anonymous Says:
according to the torah a woman that comes from one Tribe (shaivot) and then marries into another Tribe the family becomes part of the husbands tribe.
being said all this I can fully agree with Rabbi Metzger on that as this has changed today with modern society where woman are no longer meant to be mothers of children and good wife's rather become executives of large corporations and try to become the man they were never meant to be...
7
Jul 30, 2008 at 01:45 PM Moishe Mulva Says:
Of all the things that plague our environment, is this the best the 'Chief' can come up with? How did he get elected?Who does he represent? Only hope is for him to step down at the next 'party' primary.....
8
Jul 30, 2008 at 02:31 PM anonymous Says:
Studies have shown higher divorce rates where woman retain their maiden names.
9
Jul 30, 2008 at 02:36 PM anonymous Says:
I DONT UNDERSTAND RABBI METZGERS PROBLEM, A LEGAL LAST NAME IS NOT A TRIBE WHAT DOES THIS MATTER TO THE HUSBOND HOW THE WIFE IS CALLED ON THE LEGALITY PART. MATTER IN FACT LOT OF JEWISH PEOPLE IN POLAND DID NOT MARRY LEGALY THE WIFE KEPT HER LAST NAME AND HER KIDS TOO THERE WAS NO PROBLEM WITH ALL THESE SHTISIM
10
Jul 30, 2008 at 03:18 PM Shomer Torah Says:
anonymous 1:34 you said what I was thinking... It is evident that the goyisha mindset has taken a hold of many Jews today. This is merely one more effect of galus. I would go one step further and say that Jewish women who keep their last name are following minhag shtus.
I noticed that Charlie, who supports women changing their last names, cites goyisha culture instead of Torah? The Chinese also eat dog, should we eat dog because it has been a custom of the Chinese for thousands of years? Furthermore, Charlie dont you know that you have a name when amongst the goyim and a name when amongst Jews?
11
Jul 30, 2008 at 03:18 PM moshe klass Says:
I know of an instance were the whole family uses a hypenated name (e.g Gold-Friedman) of both names. A little bizzare, but is in line with the thinking here.
12
Jul 30, 2008 at 03:34 PM LeiderLeider... Says:
C'mon guys. He is only saying that retention of the last name is "indicative" of the recent style of women's independence. This is not a "Jewish" vs. "Non-Jewish" issue. His point is that when you enter into a marriage with a fear of losing your independence, you are entering into the marriage shakily and with insufficient resolve.
13
Jul 30, 2008 at 03:50 PM Anonymous Says:
stop being so narrow minded a woman changing her name is stating that she now belongs to her husband its just a way of proclaiming it and i think its an important thing in a relationship and no i am not a chauvanistic male person far from it
14
Jul 30, 2008 at 04:22 PM Charlie Hall Says:
"cites goyisha culture instead of Torah"
Did you read my comment? Jews don't change the name that matters! It was a practiced limited to European gentiles. How can Rabbi Metzger support us taking on gentile practices?
15
Jul 30, 2008 at 08:44 PM Anonymous Says:
#11 Moshe Klass
What happens when if they're children keep family tradtion,that will be 4 last names?
16
Jul 30, 2008 at 10:23 PM Anonymous Says:
In Quebec a woman has to use her maiden name on legal documents whether she likes it or not. I had some business there with my husband and we both had to sign and I was told to sign my maiden name. I protested and said I hadn't used that name in 30 years, yet the lawyer insisted that I sign my maiden name.
17
Jul 31, 2008 at 02:19 AM Anonymous Says:
The Lubavitcher Rebbe protested this decades ago. Even a hyphenated dual purpose last name was never used by Jews and is reflective of a goyisha women's liberation ideal that destructive to the family unit, the pillar of civilization for millenia. I would like to see someone conduct a study on the stability of husband last name families vs. hyphenated last name families. Anybody looking for a good thesis topic for a Phd?
18
Jul 31, 2008 at 06:44 AM Anonymous Says:
A ship has a captain and a first mate. A ship with two Captains is in trouble. Eishes chayil oysa retzon ballah If the Baal is proper an eishes chayil does his will if he is not proper then she makes and has the power and ability to make his will proper. This is the role of Jewish Women.
19
Jul 31, 2008 at 09:48 AM moshe klass Says:
Anon 8:44 I think in the case I mentioned we would have to wait about another 10 years to find out.
20
Jul 31, 2008 at 09:58 AM Houlihan Says:
Aren't there more important issues for our community to deal with?
21
Jul 31, 2008 at 10:39 AM Anonymous Says:
Finally someone talked about this issue. When I got married my wife hyphenated her name to my last name. It came to a point where I told her, either you marry me completly, including my name, or go back to your father's house and use his name. She changed her name:)
22
Jul 31, 2008 at 11:12 AM Joe Says:
I thought "Feminesim" died 15 years ago.