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Baltimore, MD - Monday, 9 Elul marked the Sheloshim of Chananya Backer Z”l a 16 year old who was seriously injured [reported by VIN News] in a car accident and was niftar on Tishah B’av. A siyum mishnayos was held in his memory, attended by family and close friends. A group of his friends in Eretz Yisroel also made a siyum mishnayos in his zechus.

Chananya was a sweet boy who was beloved by his family and friends. Although he was not in school, he was committed to learning and 'leind' regularly in Shul on Shabbos

When Chananya was seven years old, he was the only boy among five siblings. He longed so much for a brother that he gathered his friends to say tehilim to ask Hashem for a brother.

When his request was not immediately granted he was disappointed. His mother davend “Hashem for the sake of this sweet boy please answer his request”. Not long afterward, the Backer family was blessed with two more boys. During the Shiva Chananya's sister remarked "if not for Chananya it would be just the four of us”.

When Chananya's grandfather lived nearby assisted-living home, it was his responsibility to pick him up and bring him to the Backer home each shabbos, a task he performed with love and compassion. When his grandfather became ill, Chananya spent many hours at his bedside.

Mrs. Backer commented that Chananya’s tragic death touched the lives of many people. A man named Reb Shimon came to the Backer home to collect tzedakah a month before the accident. He played with the younger boys, and Mrs. Backer asked him for a bracha for the older son, which he granted warmly. Shortly after the Shiva, Reb Shimon returned, and Mrs. Backer told him that her son had been niftar. Reb Shimon began to cry and sat down again with the younger boys, this time to comfort them.

A Muslim woman from Jordan who had business contacts with the relatives came to the house during the Shiva. She told the family that she had planted trees in Israel in Chananya’s memory. Among the many cards that came after the Shiva, Mrs. Backer opened one stating that a donation had been given in Chananya’s memory to help battered woman in Uganda. Mrs. Backer was not quite sure how to react but than said “if Chananya’s death can help battered woman in Uganda, surely he can help Klal Yisroel”

Chananya was as sweet boy who struggled with many life challenges. His death occurred under tragic circumstance; he was a passenger in a car whose driver was inebriated. The family wanted the incident to serve as an impetus for changes in the community. To address this need, Rabbi Moshe Hauer, Rav of Bnai Jacob Shaarei Zion, addressed a community gathering on Sunday evening, September 8.

Mr. Ephraim Backer, Chananya’s father, opened the program by thanking the Baltimore community for their amazing support throughout the entire ordeal. Mr. Backer, a kohen bentched the community and asked Hashem protect and preserve it.

Rabbi hauer spoke about how parents, educators, and the community as a whole need to work together to assure the success of our children, and he cited many areas that need to be examined. For example, he said, we need to broaden our definition of success; not all children can succeed under the current narrow definition, and it’s not fair to them. Additionally, we need to show more simchas hachaim. Too many people express their yiddishlkeit trough seriousness and tension. Our children need to see happiness.

Our day schools and yeshivas are understaffed, and staff members are underpaid, making it difficult to undertake the crucial task of forming relations with each student. Rules need to be made within the context of this relationships; otherwise, they very often backfire. We cannot push with the left without pulling harder with the right. This must be done within the context of a strong, loving relationship. Guidance counselors and big brother/big sister programs in schools are imperative.

Parents need to be very involved in their children’s lives, and a child should never be cut off from them. If for some reason a child need to spend time out-side of the home or cannot continue in school, everyone involved should nevertheless remain in contact with him or her and continue to show interest and offer assistance.

Rabbi Hauer begged the community to establish more safe recreational programs for kids and teens. Several young married people approached him recently and said “that was me a few years ago. I want to help.”

One teenage boy told Rabbi Hauer that his aunt and uncle had called him up and said “We know what you are up to and that you are drinking. Please, we beg you, wherever you are, whatever time it is, if you need to get home, call us. We will come to get you.” The boy was extremely touched. He realized that someone really cared, and her also realized how dangerous drunk driving can be. This helped him turn around and change his ways.

Rabbi Hauer mentioned that often, when a child is having trouble, people blame the family. They don’t realize how many hours of personal anguish and hard work family has been trough. In addition, the reality is that the entire community is involved in creating the situation, and the entire community needs to be involved.

A question-and-answer session followed the address. The evening ended with hopes foe continued dialogue and, b’ezras Hashem, much-needed change.