“ Why doesn't Yoel just keep quiet? His Nov. 27, 2002 conviction for second-degree sexual abuse of an 11 year old girl was chillul Hashem enough, and he was only sentenced to 6 years probation.

Didn't he realize this story would make the papers? If I were even accused of such proclivities, I would move away and hide.
”

“ I have some direct knowledge on both these offenders. They both may have been charged for offenses commited while teenagers. At least one explains that he learnt this "art" from others in the mikva and that it was r"l commonplace. Both claim that it was thoughtless acts commited as immature juvenile-like semiadults. They long regret the deeds they did, and yearn for some normalcy by living with parents. The parents have lived in these areas for some time and besides, the management of these child facilities have stated in court that they have no problem with these 2 convicted guys living around children. I tend to think that those responsible for the safety of numerous children and state the above in court are the real problems we should turn our attention to. ”

“ well people u gotta be dan likaf zuchus. He got married had 2 children, a boy (now age 6, and girl now age 4) and his wife dumped him....so now he is alone. maybe he feels guilty..........his wife remarried b"h yo super yingerman ”

“ Iam a personal friend of joel Oberlander, a father of 7 children which really worries for the safety of my children & I have no problem for him to visit, eat, sleep, at my house. Yoel was never a CHILD molestor, he has taavos like a lot of us & is a little foolish, would he have been more chevraman, he wouldn't have gotten to this point, I feel terrible for him that his name & picture is on this website & so would all you readers feel about him if you knew him (even his ex wife and ex shver) ”

“ Iam a personal friend of joel Oberlander, a father of 7 children which really worries for the safety of my children & I have no problem for him to visit, eat, sleep, at my house. Yoel was never a CHILD molestor, he has taavos like a lot of us & is a little foolish, would he have been more chevraman, he wouldn't have gotten to this point, I feel terrible for him that his name & picture is on this website & so would all you readers feel about him if you knew him (even his ex wife and ex shver) ”

“ Iam a personal friend of joel Oberlander, a father of 7 children which really worries for the safety of my children & I have no problem for him to visit, eat, sleep, at my house. Yoel was never a CHILD molestor, he has taavos like a lot of us & is a little foolish, would he have been more chevraman, he wouldn't have gotten to this point, I feel terrible for him that his name & picture is on this website & so would all you readers feel about him if you knew him (even his ex wife and ex shver) ”

“ are these two guys married or still single? ”

“ Isn't 6 years enough torture for the kid? ”

“ This man did indeed commit a crime, maybe a really yucky one, but it was while he was almost a kid, and 6 years ago.

When do we stop this hatred and persecution?

Everyone who knows him vouches for him, and says he did teshuva.

Let's stop being mean people.

Is this the way Jews are supposed to be? Filled with hatred for those who made a mistake? Unwilling to forgive? This makes me embarrassed to be a member of a people who are so mean, uncaring, and unforgiving. ”

“ Isn't 6 years enough torture for the kid? ”

“ Isn't 6 years enough torture for the kid? ”

“ Yes, but.... his crime was 6 years ago. He has not repeated it. He has been a good boy for those 6 years.

6 years may seem to be a short time to me, as I am much older. But to him, it is almost 1/4 of his life. Actually it is a much larger portion of his adult life.

Many people of all backgrounds do gross things as teens or very young "adults" which we deeply regret and wish we could make disappear as if they never happened.

I know a few people, find people who did a gross thing or two at an age similar to his, and they keep thinking about those actions every tachnun, and every slichos, and every Yom Kippur during Ashamnu Bogadnu. Sure, they were lucky, they were never caught, and NEVER repeated those actions, and NEVER WILL REPEAT them. But, they confessed them to me in talking about teshuva.

I would trust any of them with my own kids or with my grand children now.

I do understand the concept of, "Maybe he did teshuva, but I will keep my kids away to play it safe." That is not invalid, if you don't know him or trust him well enough to feel otherwise. But to continue with hateful words, and actions, and showing his photo in public like this is not only cruel to him, but cruel to his family.

Can you imagine how humiliating it is to his family every time his photo and name is posted and he is attacked?

And, how long do we not allow him to visit family or rov or a shul or beis medrash that is "too close to children"

There was a middle-aged man in my shul, who was accused of something like this back when he was 20. He regretted his behavior and did teshuva, and never repeated his actions. But, for the rest of his life he has to register with the police every time he moves. He joined our shul when it was mostly older people, and there were few if any kids. Then, over the years, young families moved in, and the shul opened a pre-school. This occurred when he was 50, 30 years after his "crime."
Well, one day the police came to check up on him, since he had given the shul as a place where he hangs out to learn. They came to do one of their "visits" where no one is supposed to understand why they dropped in to check up on him. Well, when they realized the shul now has a preschool, they arrested him.
At the time, his was simply sitting learning with his chevrusa.

The punishment for these crimes is beyond anyone's comprehension. It is a life sentence of humiliation. When the police officer took him away, he, the officer nearly cried, as he knew this guy was a safe person, and that his position in the community was now ruined, but he did not know what else to do. He had to obey the law. He apologized to this man, and whispered to him, "Walk to the police care outside, and I will follow in a few min. I will go and use the bathroom first."

How did I hear? I was the chevrusa. The officer then quietly begged me to not lose my respect for my chevrusa. His words were, "This man, as you know, made a mistake many, many, years ago, but the new laws punish him for a lifetime. I wish I did not need to do this. He is a good man."

All I am asking from all of us, is to try to be more compassionate, and to try to stop humiliating him and his family.

There is a certain other heimishe blog which pulls out a photo of another of our fellow Yidden who misbehaved in the past. They pull his photo out and begin a post about him every time things are slow and they want to bring action to their blog. All this with no thought to the harm and damage it does to the poor man's family

Remember, the family consists of totally innocent people, who are hurt and damaged every time we publish these kind of stories.

No one is saying, G-d forbid, that we should allow or condone this kind of behavior, but isn't there a limit to the punishment. Even malkos must stop at 39! ”

“ Yes, but.... his crime was 6 years ago. He has not repeated it. He has been a good boy for those 6 years.

6 years may seem to be a short time to me, as I am much older. But to him, it is almost 1/4 of his life. Actually it is a much larger portion of his adult life.

Many people of all backgrounds do gross things as teens or very young "adults" which we deeply regret and wish we could make disappear as if they never happened.

I know a few people, find people who did a gross thing or two at an age similar to his, and they keep thinking about those actions every tachnun, and every slichos, and every Yom Kippur during Ashamnu Bogadnu. Sure, they were lucky, they were never caught, and NEVER repeated those actions, and NEVER WILL REPEAT them. But, they confessed them to me in talking about teshuva.

I would trust any of them with my own kids or with my grand children now.

I do understand the concept of, "Maybe he did teshuva, but I will keep my kids away to play it safe." That is not invalid, if you don't know him or trust him well enough to feel otherwise. But to continue with hateful words, and actions, and showing his photo in public like this is not only cruel to him, but cruel to his family.

Can you imagine how humiliating it is to his family every time his photo and name is posted and he is attacked?

And, how long do we not allow him to visit family or rov or a shul or beis medrash that is "too close to children"

There was a middle-aged man in my shul, who was accused of something like this back when he was 20. He regretted his behavior and did teshuva, and never repeated his actions. But, for the rest of his life he has to register with the police every time he moves. He joined our shul when it was mostly older people, and there were few if any kids. Then, over the years, young families moved in, and the shul opened a pre-school. This occurred when he was 50, 30 years after his "crime."
Well, one day the police came to check up on him, since he had given the shul as a place where he hangs out to learn. They came to do one of their "visits" where no one is supposed to understand why they dropped in to check up on him. Well, when they realized the shul now has a preschool, they arrested him.
At the time, his was simply sitting learning with his chevrusa.

The punishment for these crimes is beyond anyone's comprehension. It is a life sentence of humiliation. When the police officer took him away, he, the officer nearly cried, as he knew this guy was a safe person, and that his position in the community was now ruined, but he did not know what else to do. He had to obey the law. He apologized to this man, and whispered to him, "Walk to the police care outside, and I will follow in a few min. I will go and use the bathroom first."

How did I hear? I was the chevrusa. The officer then quietly begged me to not lose my respect for my chevrusa. His words were, "This man, as you know, made a mistake many, many, years ago, but the new laws punish him for a lifetime. I wish I did not need to do this. He is a good man."

All I am asking from all of us, is to try to be more compassionate, and to try to stop humiliating him and his family.

There is a certain other heimishe blog which pulls out a photo of another of our fellow Yidden who misbehaved in the past. They pull his photo out and begin a post about him every time things are slow and they want to bring action to their blog. All this with no thought to the harm and damage it does to the poor man's family

Remember, the family consists of totally innocent people, who are hurt and damaged every time we publish these kind of stories.

No one is saying, G-d forbid, that we should allow or condone this kind of behavior, but isn't there a limit to the punishment. Even malkos must stop at 39! ”

“ Many perpetrators of these kinds of things do not repeat. Especially when they are done at such a young age.

Also, what did he do? What is 2nd Degree sexual abuse? Obviously, whatever he actually did was not severe enough to put him in prison. He was given probation only. There alone is some indicator of something to do with the original circumstance. Certainly any sexual misbehavior is bad, but there are degrees. and he was almost a kid himself. Most heimishe men of 21 are barely at the maturity level of a goyishe 16 year old in these matters. ”

“ To #34

You write it beautifully, & I must say I thought about what you said. I believe YOUR story, but for every 1 molestor who never repeated, there are thousands, if not more, repeat offenders. These are sick people who are very good at not being caught. So I have to vote for caution, Cherem, & anything else we need to do to protect our children. ”

“ I almost barfed on my computer.
This is sick. Do these people have rabbonim or families? are they not embarrased?
Vus gait fur in mein velt?! Tatte in himel helf unz.
I'm going to chazer todays daf and get to know my neshomah.
Moshiach zul shoin kimen.
”

“ Question to all those law abiding poeple, you say his tshuva is between him and god therfore he is still an offender, how about his case should be between him and the court and not here to wash his dirty laundry, since we are Jews, I thing we should accept that he did tshuva. ”

“ I have some direct knowledge on both these offenders. They both may have been charged for offenses commited while teenagers. At least one explains that he learnt this "art" from others in the mikva and that it was r"l commonplace. Both claim that it was thoughtless acts commited as immature juvenile-like semiadults. They long regret the deeds they did, and yearn for some normalcy by living with parents. The parents have lived in these areas for some time and besides, the management of these child facilities have stated in court that they have no problem with these 2 convicted guys living around children. I tend to think that those responsible for the safety of numerous children and state the above in court are the real problems we should turn our attention to. ”

“ There were no perve lists and reporting 30 years ago, but vindictive ex-wives making out new reports to the police department of an ex's new residence, CAN make them include him in the restrictions. Not fair, but that is how it is in many areas. Not even constitutional, I believe, but still done. ”

“ I was arrested once, not for this type of thing. The police officer understood that I was not a risk, and also whispered that I should walk to the car. In cases where the person is not a flight risk, or a risk to harm anyone, this IS done. In my case it was over failing to appear. I had forgotten to appear at an appeal on a traffic misdemeanor. Sure, he cuffed me before bringing me into the Police Station. He pulled over about 1/2 mile before the station to cuff me. Some cops are nice, and know whom they are dealing with. ”

“ this is bs. how can this happen? AGAIN? you know what...maybe its good that its being published....there are many sex offenders out there...this might just scare them a bit. ”

“ Great, i have a good shidduch for him. the israeli haredi woman on the vin news this morning whose husband dumped her and took child. ”

“ This man did indeed commit a crime, maybe a really yucky one, but it was while he was almost a kid, and 6 years ago.

When do we stop this hatred and persecution?

Everyone who knows him vouches for him, and says he did teshuva.

Let's stop being mean people.

Is this the way Jews are supposed to be? Filled with hatred for those who made a mistake? Unwilling to forgive? This makes me embarrassed to be a member of a people who are so mean, uncaring, and unforgiving. ”

“ Why would this convicted creep not choose to sink into obscurity & hide away? Doesn't he have any shame? What about his family? Sorry, I don't know what he did, but it must have been bad if he's convicted of such a crime. I just don't understand him or his buddy. ”

“ This man did indeed commit a crime, maybe a really yucky one, but it was while he was almost a kid, and 6 years ago.

When do we stop this hatred and persecution?

Everyone who knows him vouches for him, and says he did teshuva.

Let's stop being mean people.

Is this the way Jews are supposed to be? Filled with hatred for those who made a mistake? Unwilling to forgive? This makes me embarrassed to be a member of a people who are so mean, uncaring, and unforgiving. ”

“ This man did indeed commit a crime, maybe a really yucky one, but it was while he was almost a kid, and 6 years ago.

When do we stop this hatred and persecution?

Everyone who knows him vouches for him, and says he did teshuva.

Let's stop being mean people.

Is this the way Jews are supposed to be? Filled with hatred for those who made a mistake? Unwilling to forgive? This makes me embarrassed to be a member of a people who are so mean, uncaring, and unforgiving. ”

“ Interesting, you say most offenders do not repeat their crime. How do you know this? what professional source did you consult? Actually, a little research reveals that most adult offenders do repeat thier abuse even after receiving jail time. This person was a teenager when he commited his crime. I am not sure if teen offenders have the same rate of repeat offenses but do not just spout out random "facts" that you can not prove and the first part of you statement (most offenders do not repeat) is definetly false).

In general, it is interesting to me that some people argue that this man may have done teshuva. It is unlikely that this is the case. I believe we learn that hashem does not forgive sins that are Bein adam L'chaverei. Thus, the victim (or her parents since she was a child) would have to forgive him and we do not know if that occured. So just feeling bad may not be enough even if he never does it again. Also, doesn't teshuva include humility, recognizing what you have done wrong, and seeking to make ammends? How does his actions seem humble to you. Here he is trying to fight his restrictions and live near children again. He engaged in action that are likely to result in getting into the news and thus possibley re-traumatizing his victim who would likely want to never see his face again. This hardly seems like true repentence. ”

“ That's what he did & he only got 6 years probation?? You get more for dropping an apple core on the street. Shame!

Dov Hikind, isn't this for you? ”

“ Yes, but.... his crime was 6 years ago. He has not repeated it. He has been a good boy for those 6 years.

6 years may seem to be a short time to me, as I am much older. But to him, it is almost 1/4 of his life. Actually it is a much larger portion of his adult life.

Many people of all backgrounds do gross things as teens or very young "adults" which we deeply regret and wish we could make disappear as if they never happened.

I know a few people, find people who did a gross thing or two at an age similar to his, and they keep thinking about those actions every tachnun, and every slichos, and every Yom Kippur during Ashamnu Bogadnu. Sure, they were lucky, they were never caught, and NEVER repeated those actions, and NEVER WILL REPEAT them. But, they confessed them to me in talking about teshuva.

I would trust any of them with my own kids or with my grand children now.

I do understand the concept of, "Maybe he did teshuva, but I will keep my kids away to play it safe." That is not invalid, if you don't know him or trust him well enough to feel otherwise. But to continue with hateful words, and actions, and showing his photo in public like this is not only cruel to him, but cruel to his family.

Can you imagine how humiliating it is to his family every time his photo and name is posted and he is attacked?

And, how long do we not allow him to visit family or rov or a shul or beis medrash that is "too close to children"

There was a middle-aged man in my shul, who was accused of something like this back when he was 20. He regretted his behavior and did teshuva, and never repeated his actions. But, for the rest of his life he has to register with the police every time he moves. He joined our shul when it was mostly older people, and there were few if any kids. Then, over the years, young families moved in, and the shul opened a pre-school. This occurred when he was 50, 30 years after his "crime."
Well, one day the police came to check up on him, since he had given the shul as a place where he hangs out to learn. They came to do one of their "visits" where no one is supposed to understand why they dropped in to check up on him. Well, when they realized the shul now has a preschool, they arrested him.
At the time, his was simply sitting learning with his chevrusa.

The punishment for these crimes is beyond anyone's comprehension. It is a life sentence of humiliation. When the police officer took him away, he, the officer nearly cried, as he knew this guy was a safe person, and that his position in the community was now ruined, but he did not know what else to do. He had to obey the law. He apologized to this man, and whispered to him, "Walk to the police care outside, and I will follow in a few min. I will go and use the bathroom first."

How did I hear? I was the chevrusa. The officer then quietly begged me to not lose my respect for my chevrusa. His words were, "This man, as you know, made a mistake many, many, years ago, but the new laws punish him for a lifetime. I wish I did not need to do this. He is a good man."

All I am asking from all of us, is to try to be more compassionate, and to try to stop humiliating him and his family.

There is a certain other heimishe blog which pulls out a photo of another of our fellow Yidden who misbehaved in the past. They pull his photo out and begin a post about him every time things are slow and they want to bring action to their blog. All this with no thought to the harm and damage it does to the poor man's family

Remember, the family consists of totally innocent people, who are hurt and damaged every time we publish these kind of stories.

No one is saying, G-d forbid, that we should allow or condone this kind of behavior, but isn't there a limit to the punishment. Even malkos must stop at 39! ”

“ he is a lechtige neshume I know him personal he had a Meshugener freind that did mabey wild meshugene zachen but he was only a friend & of cuirse this freinds are coming from being GEGET nebach oif him ”