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What does this kind of heroism require, and can we aspire to reach such levels?
With Moshe we are told in the Torah that it began when he went out of the house of the king. "Vayetze el echav" - he went out to his brothers. He knew who his real family was. While raised as a prince - and as the Midrash says, given great power - he nevertheless identified with the lowly slaves who were his people. He was able to understand and empathize with their suffering. He did not keep his head buried in the sand, ignoring the suffering he had no personal need to see. He searched it out. He cared.
Sexual abuse survivors in our community have for too long felt that nobody cared, that nobody heard their silent screams for help. As children, they were scared, ashamed, terrified and helpless. And as they grew up, they continued to carry the burden of their horrible secret alone.
Today, at long last, more and more of us are telling them that we care and that they are no longer alone.
But simply caring was not enough for Moshe. When he saw a Jew being harmed, he put himself in harm's way and risked his own life to protect him. In similar fashion, in numerous cases where the Nazis came to chadarim to take away the children, their rebbeim, who could have remained behind, chose almost certain death over abandoning their students in their final time of need.
We too must stand with our children against those who would harm them.
When he saw one Jew about to harm another Jew, what did Moshe do? Did he look away? Did he convene a bet din? Was he worried about saying something that might embarrass the abuser's innocent family? Did he say, "I'd better keep quiet, because I will be causing a chillul Hashem if I make a scene"?
No. He said loud and clear, "Rasha, lama takeh reyecha?" - "Evil one, why do you hit your friend?" We all know this individual was referred to as evil even though he had not yet hurt his intended victim (the Midrash points out he had only lifted his hand, and for that was called a rasha). Why? Because even to threaten another Jew, to scare him and traumatize him, is an evil act, worthy of intervention.
Moshe did not ask how bad the abuse was on a scale of one to ten. If he saw a Jew abusing another Jew in a way that could cause emotional harm even before he got to the physical harm, this was evil and had to be stopped.
Now, the Torah does not say Moshe was successful in stopping the aggressive act. In fact, the abuser had the arrogance to talk back to Moshe. I suppose in our day he would threaten to have Moshe's children kicked out of yeshiva, or to make sure they would not get shidduchim.
So why does the Torah tell us the story of Moshe sticking up for the victim, if he did not necessarily accomplish anything? What did he accomplish?
The answer is this: He showed the victim he was not alone; that he, Moshe, would stand with him and speak up for him.
Psychologists who study trauma victims - Holocaust survivors, people who've lived through terrorist attacks, children who've been sexually abused - tell us that feelings of isolation, betrayal and abandonment are at the heart of the pain of the experience.
Which is why we must, with one voice, say to the victims of abuse in our community: No More. We stand with you. We will never again abandon you, our kinderlach, to molesters and others who would harm you. We will listen. We will protect you.
And to adult survivors we say: We want to hear your stories. We will embrace you. We are so very sorry for betraying you all these years.
But we must act as a community. It doesn't matter whether your own child has or has not been molested. It doesn't matter whether you are Satmar or Lubavitch or Bobov or Litvish or Young Israel; whether or not you wear a shtreimel or a sheitel or even whether or not you are shomer Shabbos.
We are all Jews and we must all come together to beg Hashem to help us, to protect our children from being abused, and to heal the entire community.
Rabbi Asher Lipner, Ph.D., is vice president of the Jewish Board of Advocates for Children. This essay was adapted from a speech he gave at Assemblyman Dov Hikind's March 1 Boro Park rally in support of victims of abuse.
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Read Comments (29) — Post Yours »
1
Mar 13, 2009 at 07:44 AM Quote it Right Says:
"He said loud and clear, "Rasha, lama takeh reyecha?""
Actually, it's "Voyomer larasha 'lama sakeh rei'echa?'" - He [Moshe] said to the wicked one, "Why will you strike your friend?"
Moshe didn't call him a rasha - the Torah did.
2
Mar 13, 2009 at 07:54 AM surviver Says:
Wow. I'm impressed. Thank you. And even though the community still dosent fight it, at least there are articals like these. Maybe one day this will actually happen.
3
Mar 13, 2009 at 08:04 AM hug a cactus Says:
“ "He said loud and clear, "Rasha, lama takeh reyecha?""
Actually, it's "Voyomer larasha 'lama sakeh rei'echa?'" - He [Moshe] said to the wicked one, "Why will you strike your friend?"
Moshe didn't call him a rasha - the Torah did. ”
and therefore....? how does it change the point he's trying to make? next time post your comment on nitpicky.com
4
Mar 13, 2009 at 08:22 AM Anonymous Says:
Note: moshe saw what the rosha wanted to do. he did not assume. moshe FELT the pain. he didn't talk abiut the pain. Didn't sit in an ivory tower and gave advice.
5
Mar 13, 2009 at 08:16 AM Anonymous Says:
“ "He said loud and clear, "Rasha, lama takeh reyecha?""
Actually, it's "Voyomer larasha 'lama sakeh rei'echa?'" - He [Moshe] said to the wicked one, "Why will you strike your friend?"
Moshe didn't call him a rasha - the Torah did. ”
No, look in the rishonim. Both interpretations are mentioned and can coexist. Before calling someone out on a pshat please check the Toras Chaim (mosad Harav Kook publication) and Otzar Horishonim Chumashim to see if someone is quoting aa rishon or rishonim that you hadn't heard in cheder. You owe Dr. Lipner an apology.
6
Mar 13, 2009 at 08:52 AM abuse survivor and baalei teshuvah Says:
Thank you! Thank you Rabbi Lipner for the courage to speak out so publicly, and thank you Vos Iz Neias for having the courage to publish this article! As a victim I believed my abuse was proof that G-d hated me. I will never forget the Jewish social worker who told me I was a liar because Jews don't abuse their children. As a community we need to worry more about caring for the innocent than protecting the abusers and their precious reputations. We must represent Hashem in both love AND justice.
7
Mar 13, 2009 at 09:07 AM Anonymous Says:
“ Thank you! Thank you Rabbi Lipner for the courage to speak out so publicly, and thank you Vos Iz Neias for having the courage to publish this article! As a victim I believed my abuse was proof that G-d hated me. I will never forget the Jewish social worker who told me I was a liar because Jews don't abuse their children. As a community we need to worry more about caring for the innocent than protecting the abusers and their precious reputations. We must represent Hashem in both love AND justice. ”
give us the name of the social worker if u cant confront him yourself.
8
Mar 13, 2009 at 09:21 AM Anonymous Says:
if moshe rabenu would be around today he would be shunned by the extremist for not wearing a black hat and a velvet kippa
9
Mar 13, 2009 at 09:12 AM bb Says:
“ "He said loud and clear, "Rasha, lama takeh reyecha?""
Actually, it's "Voyomer larasha 'lama sakeh rei'echa?'" - He [Moshe] said to the wicked one, "Why will you strike your friend?"
Moshe didn't call him a rasha - the Torah did. ”
another point: who said he did it in loud & open croud ?. v'yomer is a lushen chiba. he try'd to say it lovly & to be him mekarev. not to put him to jail.
10
Mar 13, 2009 at 09:31 AM Molested In Monsey Says:
This is not at all a critical view about a great article. There are many who say that something must be done about the situation. Has anyone ever said what WILL be done about the situation? Can there be a community where they would go upstate like a bungalow colony or a camp which is no longer in use? Perhaps a 55 and older community where they would not not able to leave without being monitored with an ankle GPS? There needs to be a system of policing abusers if we were to handle it internally, which seems like something which has been preferred by the Rabbonim. The legal statute of limitations has expired in most cases of abuse where the victims have come forward. Just because the statute has run out for the older victims does not mean that they stopped abusing. Most abusers keep doing so until they are in jail. Perhaps we should hand over every suspected molester to the police and let the secular legal system run it's course. We need solutions along with the articles and awareness seminars.
11
Mar 13, 2009 at 09:26 AM Michoel Says:
To #6: I think we should also thank the Jewish Press, which published the article, in addition to VIN for posting it.
12
Mar 13, 2009 at 09:25 AM Anonymous Says:
although not enough action is being taken on this painful issue, but many Rabbonim and askonim are stretching themselves beyond their abilities and going our of their to help victims and to stop those vicious molesters from ruining young lives.
13
Mar 13, 2009 at 08:59 AM Anonymous Says:
with all due respect to Dr. Lipner
it is beyond our small minds to know or to even say what moshe rabbeinu would have done ,chazal say" rishonim kemalachim" how can we even comprehend with our limited minds and know exactly what moshe rabeinu would have done?
the mer fact of bringing the avos hakedoshim or any torah giant to our level is dangerous
the point you made maybe correct but please use a differnt analogy.
14
Mar 13, 2009 at 09:39 AM abuse survivor and baalei teshuvah Says:
“ give us the name of the social worker if u cant confront him yourself. ”
Thank you, but that was 32 years ago in Miami, FL. I don't remember the social woker's name, I had many others in the nine years that followed, before I eventually aged out of the foster care system.
15
Mar 13, 2009 at 10:37 AM Mendel Says:
The Rambam makes it clear that if going to jail will deter criminals than it is the right thing to do. I too was molested in a Chassidic camp and it was a known thing that these "life killers-murderers" were always around.
The problem with Rabbonim is no different than anyone in authority. If THEY are not help responsible for not taking leadership positions THEY should be booted out of their heilikeh positions and exposed for the whimps that they are.
I am 100% sure if Rabbonims heads start rolling and they feel a consequence you'll start seeing results
16
Mar 13, 2009 at 10:32 AM PMO Says:
Wow. This article is certainly a day late and a dollar short, but thank you for publishing it. This conversation is LONG overdue in our community. The idea that we don't make the specific instances of abuse public for fear of a Chilul H' is just nuts. The far greater disgrace is when the abused child turns up dead as a result of his own hand (drugs, suicide, etc) as happened just weeks ago. We need to realize that nobody blames a community for finding a molester in its midst. However, everyone can rightfully blame a community for being aware of a molester and doing nothing about it. The world has the right to look at us traitors to children everywhere. The common theme in all of the stories I have heard and read about is that everyone either stood by and waited, or didn't want to believe the victim.
Think of it this way... What if the prince of Wall St. Bernie Madoff (a revered man with a stellar reputation for honesty and charity) had a compulsion for young boys instead of money? We are seething today at the regulators and watchdogs who did not investigate the claims against him and take action. We are practically yelling "Off With His Head!" One side of my own family lost most of their savings and their lives will never be the same. When I put that against the destroyed lives of abuse victims (I personally know more than one) I think "Thank G'd it was only money".
17
Mar 13, 2009 at 11:07 AM mendie Says:
enough is enough . now is the time to stop the abuse , if the holy molesters dont want to be caught , they should get help and dont do the crime , and they wont do the time
18
Mar 13, 2009 at 11:06 AM Anonymous Says:
so much shtusim, and false pe'shsat in the pesukim
19
Mar 13, 2009 at 11:47 AM dovy Says:
“ if moshe rabenu would be around today he would be shunned by the extremist for not wearing a black hat and a velvet kippa ”
He would wear a hat and koppel and be shunned by those like you eho hate "extremists".
20
Mar 13, 2009 at 12:13 PM shmuel Says:
Face it, it's a great analogy: Moshe cared about everyone, Non-Jewish (Yisro's daughters at the well in Midian), Jewish (as above), animals (see the Midrash) and all. He was the man. And sorry, we do indeed have to invoke the Avos and Moshe, or they have nothing to teach us. As humans, as we are, they have much to inform us. Let's not get so sanctimonious about them that we can't try to get inside their minds, learn the lessons of their behavior, etc. Your approach is so krum, full of false pshat in psukim. Nebech.
21
Mar 13, 2009 at 02:00 PM Ahem Says:
“ This is not at all a critical view about a great article. There are many who say that something must be done about the situation. Has anyone ever said what WILL be done about the situation? Can there be a community where they would go upstate like a bungalow colony or a camp which is no longer in use? Perhaps a 55 and older community where they would not not able to leave without being monitored with an ankle GPS? There needs to be a system of policing abusers if we were to handle it internally, which seems like something which has been preferred by the Rabbonim. The legal statute of limitations has expired in most cases of abuse where the victims have come forward. Just because the statute has run out for the older victims does not mean that they stopped abusing. Most abusers keep doing so until they are in jail. Perhaps we should hand over every suspected molester to the police and let the secular legal system run it's course. We need solutions along with the articles and awareness seminars. ”
I don't think we should leave this internally. Frankly, if one chooses to abuse, they should know they will be turned over. The USA is a medinah shel chesed and a fair country and thus, it's not mesirah.
Thank you for the article
22
Mar 13, 2009 at 02:02 PM Ahem Says:
“ so much shtusim, and false pe'shsat in the pesukim ”
Oh? What's shtissim? That there are abusers? That sick people will try to kill others emotionally by sexually abusing them? That you want to bury your head and continue to live in a bubble until it CH"V hits your own door?
23
Mar 13, 2009 at 03:59 PM Anonymous Says:
i was probably 5 yr old child i went with my mother to a shoe store in boro park it was under the tracks it was called "shoe arcade" . the worker or owner a "frum" guy with a trim beard kept bringing out shoes for me to try, i kept saying i i didnt like any of them. the guy tells my mother instead of all this work let me take your sun into the back stock room and i can show him everything we have. he brought me back there showed me like two pairs of shoes and then started rubbing me against him siko i knew at 5 yr old that something wasnt right and i got away and found my mother. if anyone can help me track down this sico i dont know if it was the owner or not but this guys got to get whats coming to him please email me at getthatsico@gmail.com
24
Mar 13, 2009 at 05:00 PM Anonymous Says:
“ i was probably 5 yr old child i went with my mother to a shoe store in boro park it was under the tracks it was called "shoe arcade" . the worker or owner a "frum" guy with a trim beard kept bringing out shoes for me to try, i kept saying i i didnt like any of them. the guy tells my mother instead of all this work let me take your sun into the back stock room and i can show him everything we have. he brought me back there showed me like two pairs of shoes and then started rubbing me against him siko i knew at 5 yr old that something wasnt right and i got away and found my mother. if anyone can help me track down this sico i dont know if it was the owner or not but this guys got to get whats coming to him please email me at getthatsico@gmail.com ”
how long ago was that?
25
Mar 13, 2009 at 05:35 PM Anonymous Says:
“ how long ago was that? ”
about 25 yr ago i dont remember exactly but in that ball park
26
Mar 14, 2009 at 08:21 PM Anonymous Says:
“ about 25 yr ago i dont remember exactly but in that ball park ”
It is amazing how right the research is. It takes a typical victim to mature into his 30s to properly face a tramatic incident. And that is why Weingarten's younger chidren are in denial. Give them 5 to 10 years now away from the father's influence and they will sing like canaries as to what the menuval was doing.
27
Mar 14, 2009 at 11:05 PM Anonymous Says:
“ and therefore....? how does it change the point he's trying to make? next time post your comment on nitpicky.com ”
The first post is not just about pointing out a minor discrepancy. It actually has a very valid point and serious lesson. Moshe was not a name-caller. He loved every Jew more than he loved himself. Misquoting this part of the text (vayomer larasha....) could be legitimizing the act of name-calling and derogatory speech towards others and this is never allowed. For the Torah to call someone a Rasha though, is another thing.
28
Mar 15, 2009 at 12:12 AM Ahem Says:
“ It is amazing how right the research is. It takes a typical victim to mature into his 30s to properly face a tramatic incident. And that is why Weingarten's younger chidren are in denial. Give them 5 to 10 years now away from the father's influence and they will sing like canaries as to what the menuval was doing. ”
I didn't know that there is such research, but I agree that it takes time for people to be ready to face traumatic sexual abuse and molestation.
29
Mar 15, 2009 at 09:03 AM Anonymous Says:
“ The first post is not just about pointing out a minor discrepancy. It actually has a very valid point and serious lesson. Moshe was not a name-caller. He loved every Jew more than he loved himself. Misquoting this part of the text (vayomer larasha....) could be legitimizing the act of name-calling and derogatory speech towards others and this is never allowed. For the Torah to call someone a Rasha though, is another thing. ”
Again, check the various pshattim offered by the rishonim. Some clearly use this interpretation.