New York – Dear Rabbi Dr. Twerski: I realize I may be out of order, but I am in such great anguish.
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A year ago my husband, a fine talmid chacham, was operated on for lung cancer caused by cigarette smoking. Recently it recurred, and the doctors are not giving him much time. Only a miracle can save him, and I pray for him every day at the Kotel.
I had pleaded with him for years to stop smoking, but to no avail. Now, unless Hashem grants us a miracle, I must face the bitter reality that I will be left with nine children to care for without a source of parnassah.
What do I have to look forward to? A full page ad signed by the gedolim, “Rachmanim bnei rachmanim. Come to the rescue of the widow of a talmid chacham and his nine yesomim, whose father died an untimely death”? Am I to send out letters soliciting help? Why should we expect others to be rachmanim on nine yesomim when their father was not a rachman on them? If he didn’t have enough rachmonus on them to give up smoking, why should strangers care? I love my husband dearly, but as much as I love him, that’s how angry I am at him for what he did to us.
The gedolim who will sign the appeal for me – why didn’t they use their authority to make him stop smoking? What could they have done? They could have said, “Because you are committing the terrible sin of suicide and leaving your family destitute, you will not have an aliyah, you will not be permited to daven for the amud, you will not get a hakafah, and you will be pasul as a witness, unless you stop smoking.” I think he would have listened. They might even say that anyone who dies from a self-inflicted disease will be treated according to the halacha of suicide.
I appeal to the gedolim. You be the rachmanim. You can prevent women from becoming widows and children from becoming yesomim. Your signing an urgent appeal for me and my children will be too little and too late. I need a husband, and my children need a father.
To other wives whose husbands are smoking, don’t just sit there. You have a responsibility to protect your children. Protest to your rabbonim that they should do everything in their power to prevent such tragedies, and they should know that if they are lax in doing so, they must share the responsibility for the tragedy that befalls wives and children.
(The article is reprinted at Rabbi Horowitz web site at the request of its author, Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski, from his book, Dear Rabbi, Dear Doctor Volume 2 published by Shaar Press.)
while she is right in what she says i think its not the nicest way of thinking only about you when your (beloved) husband is about to die
Its simple: too many of the “gadolim” or their chevrah are smokers and they will not impose a chumrah that will deny them somthing they themselves enjoy.
A sad story but there are plenty of activities that one can engage in that are harmful to ones health. I support education early on to dissuade our children from picking up the habit. However, to make it an “eveireh”? Legislating morality and behaviour never works and forcing a confirmed smoker to quit, not for themselves but because of another person, this will only result in that persons resentment to the other and sholem bayis will suffer as a result. Ive seen this too many times when a wife “forces” a husband to quit. It doesn’t work and issues will arise. Careful what you ask for.
Oh common, I’m not a smoker but i dont understand. If smoking was the cause their should be lot of people with the same machla without smoking becase of secondhand smoking. There are somany people that get sick nowadays and they were perfectly healthy followed the rules that they were told to do. It remind of what my grandfather told me once, the malach hamuvas didnt want to be the killer of people he told heshem, when one dies evrone will hate him and dislike, so hashem told him, dont worry, nobody will blame you; the heart failed, he was a somker, it was a stroke, weak imuune systym. Bottom line, when someone is soposed to live he lives if not nothing will stop it. Rachmunu litslon!Btw what do you want from this person you think its easy to stop smoking there are people that duy just from stoping to smoke.
I know this does not address the point of the letter, but as sad as this womans plight is it shows a distorted belief in the ability of Rabbonim that is so prevalent in this generation. The “Gedolim” are perceived as being so spiritually superior that they could willfully change halacha. They are viewed as spiritual superhumans who are not to be disobeyed and they’re command is Toras Moshe. In reality the rabbanim are only able to work within the confines of halacha, and unless halacha dictates that an act is forbidden or permissible the Rabbis are powerless to declare something as Assur or muttar (with the questionable exception of a Rabbinic ban, which either way does not take on the strindencies of a normal halacha).
I agree as it pertains to anybody that started smoking after 1967.
Anybody that started smoking after 1967 knew the truth that smoking causes disease.
My uncle, OBM, stopped smoking the week of the anouncement by the Surgeon General, the damage was done and he perished later of lung ca.
The sight of young bochrim smoking today is obscene and must be eradicated.
To those that point out that many more people would be sick due to second hand smoke and feels this changes the reality- you must be smoking an illegal substance or be otherwise brain impaired.
The sad moral of the story – people listen and adhere to what the gedolim say more than they listen to their wives. Very sad.
problem is that a lot of these same roshei yeshivas and rabbonim are smokers themselves,so it will never happen.
but what they really should do and that might help,when a tragedy does happen and a yungerman who has smoked for years and rachmono litzlon,burns his lungs and develops lung cancer,and dies and leaves an almonah with a housefull of yesoimim,
when doing the hespeidim,they should not lie to us,by telling us this happened because we talked in shull or because our wives stockings are see through or loshon hara,etc,etc, they should tell us the truth that everyone knows it is the reason,
they should scream out RABBOISAI,THIS YUNGERMAN DIED BECAUSE HE COMMITED SUICIDE,ANYONE WHO SMOKES IS A’ M’AVAD ATZMOH LDAAS’
HE IS COMMITING SUICIDE,AND HE WILL LOSE HIS OILAM HABBA.,AND IT IS A BIGGER SIN THAN EATING A PORK SANDWICH ON YOM KIPUR..
this might help and maybe a small percentage of people hearing this will stop smoking.but of course they will never tell us this truth,because they themselves smoke
I get it -elbows are a major sin but putting poison in your body is OK “ushemartem es nafshoseichem”
“However, to make it an “eveireh”? “
Smoking has been an aveira ever since it was known that it causes health problems. We are commanded to safeguard our health. It would be nice if rabbis finally took a stand on this.
“Bottom line, when someone is soposed to live he lives if not nothing will stop it.”
Many sages feel that how hashem decides to treat us is very much dependant on our behavior. If we do reckless and dangerous things, then hashem might decide that we might deserve illness or death because of this.
Why do we need gedolim to tell us what is common sense? People should stop smoking on their own. Leave the gedolim alone.
very trebbile wat has happened. however the rabbis today can’t change halachah. as well if u want smoking made against halachah there r lot of killers out there that should b outlawed. smoking is bad we knw wat the effects are. we must have will power not to smoke and I knw its hard because I was a smoker
What is going on over here?
Did Horav Moshe Feinstein zt”l not already pasken on this very subject.
Are we so great today spiritually that we can disregard Rav Moshe’s psak?
Smoking should be banned and so should all of the junk food. A hechsher should not be given on junk food.
Its not the smoking that’s killing her husband as Harav Vosner said its talking in middle davening that’s causing it the previous Bobver Rebbe said the same thing that’s why the Bobover Rebbe today does not stand on his place he runs around the whole davening making sure no one talks
I am copying a portion of a comment on this article that was posted on rabbihorowitz.com.
In response to an earlier comment, it is already assur, why make another issur? There is a simple reason. There are way too many people, who began smoking even after most poskim had already stated that it was assur. Only Rav Moshe Feinstein ZT”L had chosen not to declare it as an “issur”, though he was clear that “Shomer nafsho yirchak mimenu”. Today’s smokers are defying the issur that all these other poskim stated (see below), and are ignorant enough to proclaim that Rav Moshe gave a heter to smoke, which is disgracefully inaccurate. The purpose of declaring smoking an aveirah is to cancel out the defensive lines of denial that attribute a heter when none exists. The issur was not made by rabbonim, it is an issur min haTorah, dating back to Matan Torah.
From the comment on rabbihorowitz.com:
For several years, I had wondered why Rabbonim who would readily ban various other things were resistant to making smoking a recognized issur. The halachic support for this is well documented, and the names of those supporting the halachic issur are well known to all. Let me list some of them: Rav Chaim Palagi ZT”L, Rav Ovadia Yosef shlit”a, Rav Benzion Abba-Shaul, Rav Chaim Pinchos Sheinberg shlit”a, Rav Eliezer Waldenberg ZT”L, Rav Moshe Stern (Debreziner Rav) ZT”L, Rav Avrohom Yaakov Zilesnik, Rav Shlomo Wolbe ZT”L, Rav Aharon Leib Shteinman shlit”a, Rav Moshe Shmuel Shapiro ZT”L, Rav Michel Yehuda Lefkowitz shlit”a, Rav Shmuel Wosner shlit”a, Rav Nissim Karelitz shlit”a, Rav Boruch Dov Povarsky shlit”a, Rav Matisyahu Salomon shlit”a, Rav Yitzchok Zilverstein shlit”a, Chofetz Chaim ZT”L, Chazon Ish ZT”L, Rav Schach ZT”L, Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach ZT”L, Rav Shlomo Halberstam (Bobover Rebbe) ZT”L. This is a partial list. (I hope I was accurate with those blessed for arichus yomim and those whose memories are beacons for our present and future.)
I raised this question with several Rabbonim when I had such opportunity. I did not find anyone disagreeing with the issur. All felt it was unnecessary to state, would not be obeyed, or were unwilling to take a stand (out of anivus – they felt that someone greater than them should make the statement). Yet, my observation is that there are more smokers now than there were just a few short years ago. In most places where I daven, there are cigarette butts paving the areas outside of the shuls. Every Yom Tov, I catch people taking their cigarettes to the candles in the shul to light up. I have yet to meet a Rav who will ask a smoker to stop or to find elsewhere to daven. There is complacency about this issue. It is not less significant than bugs in the water (chamira sakanta mei’issurah).
This is tragic and I am very saddened by this letter writer for her mishpucha. She definately needs help and consolation from Rav Twersky and I hope she receives many bruchas from HKBH. What hashkafah nekudah can we make when a heavy gazerah is made in Shomayim? Why were there so many Shoahs? Say Tehillim and learn Torah. Do maasim tovim and give tzeddukah. May HKBH help us all.
AFTER ALL PEOPLE HAVE MORE TRUST IN DOCTORS THEN IN GDOLIM IF DOCTORS SAY ITS NOT HEALTHY AND PEOPLE DONT LISTEN WHY MAKE IT AN ISIR AND BE THEM MCAHYIV AND THEY WONT LISTEN EITHER MITAV SYIYAHA SHOGGIN.
Please, this is not intended to offend anyone. It is only a plea.
We do not need rabbonim to tell us smoking is an avaira.
By now, anyone with ANY level of saichel KNOWS smoking KILLS.
There are no longer excuses to continue smoking.
If you are “incapable” of going without nicotine, take the nicotine patches.
They deliver the nicotine, just as if you smoked, but not the cancerous TAR or the CO.
Of course, the patches can be used to gradually cut down from high levels of nicotine addiction, to lower levels, and eventually off the drug entirely.
But for those unwilling to go without the drug, you do not need to kill yourselves with smoking to get the drug. Just buy the patch instead of the pack.
Also, to smoke is not only to kill yourself, but it kills others. Others look at you and copy you. You don’t believe that? If YOU were the only smoker around you would feel foolish and stop. If you deny that, you are a liar.
So, by allowing people to see you smoke, you are committing MURDER.
B’H
There’s an amazing book written by Allen Carr titled “How to stop smoking the easy way” IT IS THE MOST INCREDIBLE & AMAZING BOOK… IT WORKS!!
I was a smoker for 20 plus years…tried everything …stopped with nicotine gum for 3 years then started again & could never quit again.. I read the book one day (smoked a pack while reading it!) & STOPPED COLD.. I’ve never had an urge since b’h…I was so impressed that I ordered 10 books & gave them out to all my smoking friends ..an amazing thing happened …only 3 friends stopped ….the other 7 NEVER even read it!! (smokers are so brainwashed in their thinking that they’re even scared to read a book that may help them quit !….” HOW CAN I QUIT? I’m to afraid to even consider life without my nicotine fix …I NEED IT SO BAD!!!) that is how krum a nicotine addicts brain thinks EVEN THOUGH THEY ALL WANT TO QUIT SO BAD!!!
FACT #1 : NO SMOKER WILL QUIT FROM SCARE TACTICS (stand outside a hospital & see the top doctors & medical professionals who have just witnessed the most horrible effects on their patients PUFFING AWAY!)
FACT #2 : NICOTINE IS A DRUG. IT IS MORE POWERFUL THEN MARIJUANA OR COCAINE
(using the patch or gum rarely works because the smoker is still getting his fix)
FACT #3: NO SMOKER CHOOSES TO BECOME A NICOTINE ADDICT!
(Most started as teenagers & always thought ” I’M NOT A SMOKER I CAN QUIT ANYTIME!)
FACT#4: UNLIKE OTHER DRUGS ,THE PHYSICAL WITHDRAWAL FROM NICOTINE IS MINIMAL AT BEST
(After 3 days most of the physical craving is gone… ITS THE MENTAL PART WHICH IS SO HARD TO OVERCOME… AND THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT THE BOOK HELPS THE SMOKER OVERCOME !
You can search utube for allen carr he was interviewed many times on BBC & other networks. You can also order the book on amazon or barnes & noble online
“THINK OF HOW MANY LIVES YOU CAN SAVE FOR $14!”
I have set up a book gmach l’zecher nishmas a relative. Please email me at [email protected] and I will send you as many books as you need….IF YOU CAN ONLY CONVINCE THE SMOKER TO READ IT …HE WILL STOP!!
KOl HAMATZIL NEFESH ACHAS……
with all due respect and a refuah shelema , yeshuas hashem keharef ein..but it is not the duty of every rav, melamed, poisek to go into everybodys house and police it. and if a rav whoever will see someone speeding he has to stop him?, what about you .why is he rav more mechiav to ….its no comparison to solicit..the rav, rabbonim dont solicit.it is a private individulaL OR individuals who solicit. they go to known rabbonim who know the situation and sign their name as to veryfy this private indivisdual (s) are not frauds…PLEEEEASE POST THE NAME SO WE CAN BE MISPALLEL!!!
It is in fact an aveirah today because it is now well documented that it causes cancer in Many cases, and it is addictive so you cant say I will only have one a day. Yeshivos in the US finally started banning smoking on Purim. They banned giving out Choson cigarettlech (rememebr those)? Now it is left to the Israeli Yeshivos to ban it. Any Rebbe who smokes in public, even outside the BH should be fired. If you saw the Rebbe eating Pork wouldnt you do the same? And while we’re on the topic of health, we should also encourage exercise, walking, eating less, drinking less. No big smorgs, no hard liquor at Simchas. But smoking is the first order of business. WIves- dont allow smoking in the house and threaten to boycot laundry and cooking if the smoking continues.
smoking is an avaireh..’ushmartem es nafshsoaychem’ nobody says other wise..
To the Bnei Torah who smoke (or bochrim that are not yet hooked):
I was present when Horav Yacov Kaminetsky spoke during a Sholosh Seudos and said ‘after my heart attack, the doctor forbade me to smoke. I stopped smoking and eventually found my head to be much clearer than before’. And he continued, ‘and who knows how much Torah has been lost to klal Yisroel because I smoked’!!’.
As a smoker. this letter ripped me a part.. this picture is ugly.
Reply to some of the above:
In the era of the bais ha mikdash, when someone got sick, they would go to the navi or kohen, & they would tell them what they did wrong, & how to do teshuvah, & after doing so, the machala would disappear. Unfortunately, we lost this ability, firstly because we have no neviim, & secondly because people found it easier to go to doctors for medicinal remedies, than to go & daven & do teshuva. So we lost this ability to know exactly what we need to fix, & we go to doctors, yet to get the refuah, we must still do the teshuvah; so yes its possible for smoking to be an aveira, especially on these terms, because ….it makes you sick!! And aveiros make you sick.(see the ramban in parshas behaloscha).
Secondly, # 3 – I don’t know how you have the audacity to speak about gedolim that way. We just passed Shavous, & most “gedolim” begin to prepare for yom kippur immediately afterwords, so for you, you must be one of the gedolei reshaim, & well, your preparing real well for. Think before you write & express yourself next time. Quite frankly, i think you should study this weeks sidrah with extrah kavanna (parsha korach- since you probably dont know.if you could speak of gedolim that way) Hopefully you will repent & wont end up in the Be’er Shachas too.
you want smoking to stop, stop supporting yeshivas that allow bochurim to smoke any where but the bais medrash. if a bochur is “redd” for a shidduch and he is a smoker turn it down immediately and let the shadchen let the parents know why.
I smoked for 12 years and then quit by using nicotine gum. The thing to be aware of is that prolonged use of the gum (more than 12 weeks) can cause circulatory problems (which it did to me) and should be avoided. This fact is something I discovered the hard way and want to make everyone aware of it.
This is a tragedy of huge proportions for this family and the pain this woman and her children feel is certainly unbearable.
However, we are way too quick to blame the cigarettes. Don’t get me wrong, cigarettes are bad for you. However, this is a relatively young man (judging by his 9 school-age children). Cancers caused by or exacerbated by cigarette smoking generally do not cause life threatening illness in people this young. Usually those who get cancers before the age of 55 are genetically predisposed, or are exposed to high levels of cancer causing agents (asbestos, radiation, etc).
In my family (as I have written about before), my grandfathers who smoked lived into their 90’s. My aunt who never smoked died at 62 when an unstoppable cancer ravaged her entire body. My cousin who never smoked died around 50 from lung cancer.
My heart cries for her and her children. However, to make wild assumptions that this was caused by cigarettes is irresponsible. There are many factors at play with cancer such as diet (eating processed foods may be worse than smoking according to some), environmental factors (air pollution, asbestos, radiation, etc.), and most importantly GENETICS.
Please realize that the average person in NYC breathes in far more carcinogens just walking outside than someone in Palm Beach, FL. That difference (according to environmental studies) is similar in effect to the smoking of 3 cigarettes per day. Your lifestyle and where you live may have a huge impact on your chances of getting certain cancers.
I know some will say that I am being insensitive to the woman’s story. I’m not. I know how this goes. Someone writes a story, everyone gets up in arms about smoking causing cancer, and then the story fades away while all the self-righteous non-smokers feel a phony sense of pride that they somehow have less of a chance of developing cancer. It is not true. Cancer rates among smokers are higher… but not MUCH higher. We all need to look at our family histories, the disgusting processed foods that we allow into our homes, the horrible chemicals we allow to be sprayed on our produce, and the amount of air pollution in the cities we live in.
If someone can say that a person who smokes a few cigarettes a day is “committing suicide”, than anyone who chooses to live in a city with extremely high levels of air pollution is doing the same thing. It is an irrational argument driven by emotion. You can read all sorts of books about the effects of various carcinogens in food, drinks and the air you breathe.
As for what this woman is going through, I can’t imagine the pain and long-term suffering her family will go through. If there was some piece of me I could give to help her husband, I would it in a second. This is a genuine tragedy and she has my utmost sympathy.
don’t delude yourselves, i personally know three poeple one who passed away and two who are battling lung cancer-they were not smokers nore were they around smokers.
While I may think that smoking is not smart, enhaling chimney smoke down your lungs. There is enough evidence that it definitly harms your health.
There is a component in cancer and in all diseases- if your destined to a number of days on this earth you can not outlive your predestination by HaKadosh Borchu.
If the rabbonim were to accomodate this request to issue an issur against smoking, they would have to issue similiar churmahs against eating red meat and fatty foods which today kill more yiddin than smoking. Indeed, given even if smoking were no longer an issue, than are many more “lifestyle” issues that could be invoked. Do we really want the gadolim functioning as “nannies” telling us what we can and cannot eat (outside of kashruth of course).
to #26 ,if you realy believe that,you belong in a mental asylum for the criminally insane.
someone smoking two packs a day,and eventually develops lung cancer and dies
the reason is NOT BECAUSE HE WAS TALKING IN SHUL,NO,NO.NO
it is BECAUSE HE SMOKED,YES BECAUSE HE SMOKED,
and any rov or rebbe or roish hayeshiva who tells you differently is nothing but
a cheap demagouge,because he knows it is not true,
why isnt driving assur its definetly dangerous even with a seatbelt? how many almonos and yisomim were nebech left behind because of a fatal accident? take public transportation its definetly safer. granite counters also cause the machala. posibly cellphones too. oh but you wouldnt wanna give up driving or your cellphone, so why does everyone pick on smoking?
the gedoilim are confortable on their throns why should they endanger their lofty positions they are like figure heads dont really care about the ordinary working person
or for that matter who smokes or doesnt there are so many things today that is unhealthy for instance the everyday polution from cars pesticides not only physically but mentally the noise everyday stress its up to each one of us to care about ourselfs some of us just dont have the willpower to quit or stop eating to much
The foolish arguments of
“Other things can kill you too, and are not ossur.”
“Non smokers also get lung cancer.”
as well as the rest of the foolish arguments.
Look, we ALL know that smoking kills.
Shooting one’s self is also bad for your health, and will likely kill you. But, others die without shooting themselves. Should we therefore consider it a good thing to shoot ourselves?
Sometimes people get shot and don’t die. Should that make it okay to shoot people?
Just because some people find other ways to die, does not mean they should not have avoided smoking!
Anyone who still believes smoking does not severly harm one’s health, is soooo stupid that maybe he should be forced to smoke. Maybe it will prevent him from reproducing more idiots!
While I am NOT for any anti-smoking legisltation, since we do live in a democracy, and people should have the legal right to harm themselves, I do believe it is absolutely ossur to smoke.
For you who keep reminding us that Rav Moshe stopped short of assuring smoking, let be bring up a few thoughts.
1. We have MUCH more concrete proof and evidence now than we had only 20 years ago.
2. It is a major responsibility to Ossur something, since it places an avaira on a person who does not listen. It is bad enough he is doing it “b’shogeg” not understanding it is ossur. But, once it is publicized that Rav Moshe assured it, and if keeps on smoking, every puff would be an avaira. Hence stating that issur clearly is a scary thing for a rov. Maybe he believed his clear discouragemente of smoking would stop those who had already not started.
3. Rav Moshe may have believed that it was impossible or just too difficult for the smokers, the heavy addicts, to stop. Now we know we have anti-smoking aids which DO WORK.
4. Back then the number of successful quitters was small. Today we all know many former heavy smokers who succeeded in quiting. So, now we know it can be done.
back before the surgeon general said smoking caused cancer everyone smoked everywhere all the time. why didnt they all get cancer or other smoking related diseases. based on the statistis a very very high percentage of the world should have gotten smoking related disease?
this letter was not written by by a distress wife, this was written by some anti-smoking activist, the letter is 100% right
Was there ever an answer to the letter?
Anyone a Rov or Posek around here?
All of The life insurance companies who put their money where their mouth is considor the risk of healthy ciggerette smoker to be identical with a healthy person who had
has triple bypass two years ago. Therefore if you are the type of person who would undergo a triple bypass operation that is not medicaly needed then you should continue smoking.cigerettes with confidence
any addiction can kill – compulsive overeating – (think kiddushim), alcohol abuse, drug abuse. it is an illness – a mental obsession – just like inappropriate relations, internet abuse. ONly having a clear connection to Hashem can help avoid and get rid of these obsessions. Tefillah, davening works well.
I do not think the author of the letter is authentic.
#1 ok now, since everything is b’h ok by you, are you thinking of doing something regarding this subject. if nor dont be a hypochrate
#68 ..driving in itself is no sakonah if you observe the rules….so dont compare..you might as well say dont walk, a car might hit you or dont live you might die
#76 no, i would nottell him to stop, and if i see someone speeding i also wont tell him to stop, and if i see someone …etc etc.. i am not going to police the world, i will never finnish
GOTTTA LOVE IT !!! people bash, criticize, question the gedolim ALL DAY LONG, then come runnig to them to blame them for their own pitfalls “i’m killing myself smoking cause you didn’t assur me” HAHA!!
A plea from a deperate women is ONE thing, but the rest of this is PURE bs.
1)take responsibility for your own actions,dont blame gedolim who you dont listen to anywa.
2)case in point almost every gadol today either assurs smoking, or strongly opposes it, many hold not to smoke on yom tov-noone gives a damn. so it dont matter what they say they’ll get blamed by ignorant people anyway.
3)people here have accussed gedolim of not assuring because they themselves or “their people”smoke. JOKE, JOKE!!! as people have pointed out gedolim DO assur. and MOST of them DONT smoke, therehave been many gedolim even years ago who immediately stopped when they discovered that it was unhealthy.
If one person stops smoking from this she has accomplished a major fear of saving a nishama!
A refuah shelema for the patient.
can ahyone mention a few of these ‘gedolim’ your refferig to so i can contact them. or are these just phamtom beings , imaginary humans so you can play the blame game?