Nassau County, NY – A new anti-bullying program for girls is available to Jewish schools in Nassau County.
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“Girls can be mean,” pointed out Sara Diament, the Jewish liaison for the Girl Scouts of Nassau County, which developed the program.
“People think of bullying generally as a male model of a bully: an aggressive eleven year old getting a kid in the corner to steal his lunch money,” she explained. “Girls bully as well. Instead of the violence — usually there isn’t – it is more in terms of manipulating another person’s relationship with their friend.”
Girls who bully other girls are subtler than male bullies, she explained, and when a girl is a bully, there usually is an underlying issue.
“She’s trying to get her emotional needs met by putting down someone else. On the one hand, the bullies are very strong social leaders – alpha girls, queen bees. They appear very powerful in their ability to control. They’re savvy, but underneath that veneer there are issues of being anxious and the fear of rejection. Instead of allowing themselves to be rejected they’re doing the rejecting. A lot of times girls who are bullying have critical and dominating fathers.”
ABOUT TIME!!! I taught in Frum girls’ schools for many years & the way some of these JAPS treat the less privileged/popular/academic girls is a shanda. I am not sure, though, that all the schools will participate. What about Brooklyn? The problem is really bad here.
I don’t feel so sorry for the bullies. I feel for their victims. No matter what “underlying issues” there are, there’s no excuse for what goes on & it starts in PRE-SCHOOL!
Parents: you make a birthday party for your Tzatzkeleh? INVITE THE WHOLE CLASS! That is a good start. When you exclude girls you have no idea of the pain & rejection you cause.
It’s about time something is done about this. I wish all the real heimish schools will be on board as well. Having been bullied through elementary, for a few years, I must say that people underestimate the effects bullying can have on a child.
Having also been bullied myself during the younger school years and seeing some of my siblings go through the same, I emphatically urge all Orthodox Jewish schools to adapt such a program. Being bullied is debilitating and destructive. Thank G-d I’ve gotten past that era in my life without significant scarring but those hurtful memories are forever ingrained.
It’s sad but true. I remember when I was in a (very orthododox) elementary school, we actually had “wars” between different cliques of girls…no joke! We actually called it “wars”!
I have been bullied in class from when i was 10 years old till high school. Thank hashem i married a very chushiveh husband who b”h is also very succesful financialy and i watch some of those girls who bullied me now living in misery. What GOES aroind Comes around..
The bullying is done during recess and lunch. When one teacher is watching 3 classes because it’s her turn to be ‘on call’ how can she be aware of what is happening. I remember being bullied and ridiculed all throughout elementary school through high school. The same kids go through and the torment continues. Even if the main perpetrator has left the routine is established and the bullying continues. Teachers should wake up and switch kids around all the time. Put the popular kid with 2 or 3 unpopular kids and supervise a project. Stand back and monitor what happens and then teach a lesson on the subject of ‘bain adom l’chavairo’. Parents – instill the same to your children from toddlerhood. Repetition repetition repetition until it is ingrained in their midos.
My daughter’s school drives them crazy with tests nearly every day. The middos of the girls are terrible. Who care about these silly tests. Teach them to mentchen instead.
i was tortured in elementary school to the point where i simply refused to stop going.i’ve told my own children that if i ever hear that they bullied anyone,they’d BE SORRY.this basic mentschlichkait is more important than all the chumash or math etc one could possibly learn.when parents get that,the problem will be on the way to being solved and that will help bring moshiach!
i was bullied by girls even in an all boys school, finally time for justice!!
and i had to deal with a girl(!) who used to threaten me that if i didnt listen to her she would slap me till i bleed! now shes a older single who wonders why she cant find a shiduch, i love it when i meet her….
The worst outcome for the victims is when the school won’t accept that it could happen (not in MY school syndrome) and instead the victim gets blamed! The victim is told they “have low self-esteem, or provoked the bullying, “. This can harm a victim for the long-term, while the “alpha-type bullies” are off the hook. Helps when their families have money/yichus.
“When a girl is a bully, there usually is an underlying issue.”
Oh, please. There’s no underlying issue. A girl is a bully because she enjoys feeling powerful and putting other people down and intimidating them.
If you’re too nice, or if people think that you’re weak or unassertive, they’ll be nasty to you, because they think that you can’t fight back.
If you have a “big mouth,” or if people know that you won’t tolerate being abused, they leave you alone.
The bullies know whom to start up with and whom to leave alone.
I’ve been on the receiving end, so I know what I’m talking about.
I’m so surprised to read all these comments. I went to a regular frum BY school (actually more “frum” than average) and any bullying issues that I remember stopped by 4th grade. The only thing I remember is a certain girl tormenting another girl in grades 1,2 and 3 because she was overweight. Interestingly enough, the girl who bothered the overweight girl is now very overweight herself.
hold up. some who posted here about them being bullied and now “the tables have turned”, well this isn’t either in the path of the just according to our tora (forget mentchlichkeit). just because you were wronged by some insensitive individuals/s that does not make it right to be happy to see them in pain. “binfol ovecha al tismach”, and like the gemara in megillah (14a) says this passuk is reffering to jews. the gemara in berachos (10a) records the story the story of someone who would “bully” one of the tanaim, when he wanted to curse him, he was told/proven that the correct tore action was to pray that they be chozer betshuva. lets not worry about doing the job of the sar of gehenom. hakadosh baruch hu is the melech, our father too, he will do justice with middas hadin. thats not our jurisdiction. besides how can you preach “where is the mentchlich” and then be “happpy when i see her” [still inmarried], or simply seeing someone in mosery even if they wronged you?! THAT is beyond me too.
When a parent has one child who annoys/tchepaz another, and then gets punished, while the second child is happy with the first’s punishment, is that chinuch to let the second enjoy the other’s pain
Finally, finally, they’re trying to do something about this. I am a pre-school teacher of 4 and 5 year old children, and believe me, it starts at this age. Parent don’t want to take any responsibility for their children’s behavior so the bullying type of child is allowed to do whatever he or she wants to do in order to “be happy.” I do think that when there is a bully, in maybe one out of 20 cases, the bully does have an underlying self esteem issue. But in the other 19 cases, the bully is just a bully-plain and simple. He or she likes to put someone down so that he or she can feel powerful. No-one in my classroom is allowed to bully someone else. But the bully will only listen to a person that he or she respects, so the teacher really has to develop that type of relationship with the bully (which is what a good teacher does anyway.) If the teacher has a genuine relationship with the children in his/her class, he or she can elicit the other children to help stop the bullying behavior. It’s not easy, but to save the feelings of even one child, it’s not only worth the effort, it’s the teacher’s responsibility.
Dear Yidden! Please forgive each other! What do you have that another person is in pain today because of faulty behavior done years ago as an immature child. What they did then was terribly wrong but forgive them and let them have a good life. Your reward for the forgiveness simply because of caring for another yid is Ein Leshaar!!!
now where are all those that stick up for women during a divorce without knowing the facts? i thought only guys can be bad well now at least women have to protect themselves from other women, anyone out there being bullied by orgs sticking up for women? send a copy of this article to your attorney, and im referring to the innocent guys ot the guys that are bullies too, its on both sides of the isle but its wrong to stick up for a woman just because she is a woman….
Why are these schools called “religious” or “Torah” I will never know. These girls act like shiksas, and most shiksas don’t act like that.
I was bullied for a few years- in later elementary years. It is not particular to one age group. There is no one type that will bully. It is not just the rich or fashionable. Or have yichus. Yes, those are the likely candidates because they have what to mock others about or may get off the hook easier. But others come in more subtle forms. I had bullies who were secretive about it. The teachers all ignored the situation, did not pay attention to what was going on (it seemed kind of obvious), or blamed it on the wrong person/concept. There were real cliques and if they didnt like you, they would push you out, mock, tease, talk behind girls backs….
Please- pay attention to all the students, even the ones that are doing well academically and might not seem like “nebs”. They can be the ones most hurting- they stick to their studies as they have no friends. I went home many days from school crying. You dont want that to happen to the next generation of students.
This should never happen in a religious Jewish school, because the main and first thing that should be taught in these schools is DERECH ERETZ. That seems to be the problem in most schools everywhere, but it is inexcusable when you find that in a yeshiva or Jewish school of any kind. Derech Eretz kadma l’Torah! There should be a special class from first grade on in all classes teaching derech eretz, ethics, respect for another human being, respect for their fellow classmates, etc. It should be just as important as other Torah classes and secular classes. Then maybe we wouldn’t have this unbelievable generation of stupidity, immorality, disrespect for elders, and the disrespect for each other.
I’m surprised at some of the comments regarding the bully’s current difficult plight. Even though I was bullied, I understand that kids are kids. And kids can be cruel. I can’t understand why you’d hold it against someone when you are an adult already. Even though they might have done it out of spite, again, they were kids. I doubt whether they would have done the same thing now. You could have just as much been the bully as they were. People grow up, people change. Give the kids a break and try to find it in you to forgive them. And even if you can’t find it in you to forgive, at least don’t gloat over their misfortune.
I won’t say I’m good friends with the one who bullied me (for 6 years!) daily, but I see no reason to still hold it against her.
girls are so much worse than boys they always have their cliques and treat some other girls like garbage.
You cant be happy to watch a woman live in misery today or r’l be unable to find a shidduch. Im not justifying what they did as kids , but you have to forgive them. Its not the jewish way to hold a grudge against those who hurt them as kids.
Frummies harassing and bullying each other? Impossible Yidden are precious and wonderful. They never ever ever do anything wrong. LOL