London – Having fathers present during childbirth could lead to longer more stressful labours, a world renowned obstetrician has claimed saying a female midwife is best.
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For those fathers who make it through without fainting, the miracle of childbirth is an entirely unforgettable experience.
But according to one of the world’s leading obstetricians their presence in the delivery room could also be harmful.
Michael Odent, a childbirth specialist, claims it can lead to caesarean sections, marriage break-ups and mental illness.
It can also make the labour longer and more painful as the woman senses the anxiety of her partner or husband.
Delivering children would be much simpler if women were left alone in the care of their midwife, he says.
well many years ago the Lubavitcher Rebbe said that husband should not be in the delivery room…..so this is not surprising.
All I can say moshe emes vtoraso emes my rav told me to leave the room because of tzniyus shailos now we see even the goyim say that the torah way is the true way
#1 and 2..
These are very dangerous attitudes!
My frum lamaze teacher encouraged all expectant fathers to be present for moral support
All the women I spoke to prefer to have their men out of the room when these are getting serious. For starters, it makes the issues of family purity simpler.
She can say what ever she wants, the fact is, ladies are comforted by having their husbands in the room. And as far as tznius – just stand back near the head board.
Just my 2 cents: a husband who is educated in what to expect and coached to be supportive can be very welcome by a laboring mother. As for tznius, we understood the separation applies at the time of actual birth, but during the hours of labor it is ok
For your info. There sure is a Tznius problem with your wife during childbirth as at a certain point she becomes a Nidda and it is Assur to look.
With blessings for Ubnei Yisrael Paru VaYishretzu etc.
Although my husband tries to give emotional support, as he paces in and out of the room. He has fainted quite a few times. Our Dr jokes that he has to worry about delivering the baby, (not him fainting) but we make sure to keep a nurse or someone available in case it happens. It is part of the delivery experience bh!
I would definitely be upset if my husband was not in the room during labor. Most women need their husbands for moral support during this stage.
Once it progresses to the delivery stage, there are different minhagim as to where the husband should be. Actually, the halacha is that the husband is allowed to be in the room during delivery but he should not look. He can turn the other way or sit behind a curtain if the room has one. If the husband is uncomfortable to stay in the room during delivery, or that is his minhag, then I don’t see anything wrong with him leaving the room at that point.
Another reason is that you might want to assist by holding your wifes hand, or wiping the sweat off her face.Both of those are forbidden acts once she reaches a certain point in the delivery.
To #4
Check your statement. There IS a BIG issue with tznius with your own wife during childbirth since she is rendered tamah at that point.
Read the article people, this loon says male Doctors shouldn’t be in the room either
I delivered my 7 kids, KA”H with my husband present and a female midwife present for 5 of those births. I guess I had the best of both worlds. Besides wanting to have my husband with me during labor and childbirth, I know my husband would never have wanted to miss the experience of seeing his children born.None of them were delivered by Caesarian and noone in the family is mentally ill KA”H. Can’t imagine him not being there!
As a lady that gave birth to 3 babies I don’t need my husband only by conception, by labor & delivery I can do without him
I wanted my husband in the delivery room. It made me feel more secure and protected, especially since I did not have anyone else with me. I delivered most of my children in the days before doulas and labor coaches, when midwives weren’t yet so popular. The doctor or nurse only came in the room occasionally to check up on me while I was in labor, so it was beneficial to me to have my husband there. Of course during the delivery he didn’t look at anything that wasn’t appropriate.
Rav Moshe Feinstein also said that men should not be there (not only the Lubavitcher Rebbe)
Mind your owen business all of you readers. This was just a London Doctor talking he trying to become famous. So give me a break and stop telling each other what to do by delivery. Besides the point my pupa rabbi did not allow the husband and wife in same delivery room.
#31 : Why don’t you first polish your OWN grammar?! Quite comical…And what does grammar have to do with the psak of his rav?
#35: Anyone who disagrees with your viewpoint doesn’t care about their spouses’ feelings?! Why are you spouting such closed minded views? They care so much that they will stay outside even though they would really rather be there! They will sacrifice their own desire for the health and tznius of their marriage. You may disagree, but don’t be so disrespectful of others’ views.
#37: Really? A man can look at anything he wants as long as he doesn’t touch…Not quite the facts of Halacha as I’ve learned it…
Coming to a store near you……..
All the way from Lakewood NJ it’s the “birthing vision” . That’s right. If you don’t want to be in the labor room there will be centers where you can go “look” at the monitor and see what you missed. Gedolim have endorsed this new “birthing vision” monitors.
No more wasted expense of traveling to the Hospital for emotional support that your wife does not need or want from you.
What a great bunch we (vin readers) are. We have on board therapists, marriage counsellors and poskim, not to mention big talmidei chachomim and groisa tzadikim in our midst. I don’t think anyone is going to base his decision regarding what is the correct answer to this question by what he reads on vin, so my 2 cents is it really is unnescessary to get everyones opinion on this topic. There are clearly defined rulings on this topic and I don’t think this is the place where these topis should be addressed.
With apologies to that sensitive person who can’t stand hearing ” the lubavitcher rebbe this the lubavitcher rebbe that wherever I look”, at that farbrengen the Rebbe spoke of births, and we all understood that being at labor is fine. Sometime later N’shei Chabad asked the Rebbe more specific questions on the issue and the REbbe said Lnolabor and no delivery.
If someone has more details it would be appreciated.
I wish this doctor’s views are going to be accepted in the good ole USA. I don’t understand why OB/Gyn has to be part of the student’s rotation in order just to pass? They don’t make you do any specialty except for OB. OB in my opinion is not part of primary care and I shouldn’t have to rotate in it unless I’m going to work in that field, just like I don’t have to rotate in Cardiology, Neurology, etc. Finally a doctor who says what most students think.
Never in today’s age leave anybody alone in the hospital.! Also their is no issue of tznius and touching she then a choleh and only if have a sick mind then you will have not pure thoughts during delivery ! You assist the nurse or the doctor or say tehilam for this very special miracle. ! Never leave your helpless loved one alone in the hospital!
#46
I didn’t find your comment funny at all. I found it rather childish.
Never in today’s age leave anybody alone in the hospital.! Also their is no issue of tznius and touching she then a choleh and only if have a sick mind then you will have not pure thoughts during delivery ! You assist the nurse or the doctor or say tehilam for this very special miracle. ! Never leave your helpless loved one alone in the hospital!
Leaving aside the discussion bout husband yes or not being in delivery room:) every one should do as they wish or seek rabbinical advice. However my close relative went to hospital in labour by one of her kids without her husband and unfortunately had a still born. all the others she had her husband in the room with her. so here we go, dr’s theory and personal experience. may all women experience easy births and a healthy family.
Let’s get something stragiht here, as far as HALOCHA is concerned:
Your missus is tomay when her water breaks as there is ‘dam’ in the water.
It is also very shayuch that she is tomay when the mucus plug comes out.
If the husband is in the delivery room he needs to be standing/sitting far enough away that there wont be any physical contact.
If the husband is in the delivery room he must be situated in a place where he wont see the actual delivery as looking at that mokom is ALWAYS WITHOUT ANY DOUBT assur.
Bottom line is you need to speak to a COMPETENT ROV about what to do. Also remember that you have been used to living one way for almost 9 months and if the missus is in labor, that changes for a while so you better brush up on those halachos.
this is true ! the father shouldn’t there when the woman giving birth… but I can also tell from experience, this is true true true it’s more stressful…nobody should be there expect the doc, the nurse… that’s enough people already !
Reb Moshe z”tl and the Lubavitcher Rebbe Zt”l have their psak published and recorded, why don’t all commentators see what they say before expressing opinions, both of these Torah giants were most understanding and highly sensitive to every single individual male and female husband and wife, as is obvious from their tshuvos and talks!
btw many commentators should be a bit more respectful, it wont hurt you! and # 47 seek help!
If I am correct, a husband can and should accompany his wife even on shabbos as its important for her well being to be calm and secure. Everyone has their psak. Its not a balnket statement. And its extremly special to be there when your child is born. Regarding tzinius, use your brains and common sense and most important have your posek phone number in case important questions arise that must be answered.
So in light of this, when my wife goes into labor I will just call a cab for her and tell her to call me after the baby is born.
if a husband being in the room and yes, touching her, relieves her stress and calms her, why are you any worse than the doctor or nurse caring for a critical (sakana situation) patient??? (which is permissible)
To answer #4 . I think your attitude is disgusting and cannot imagine what your character is like.
if the mother asserts that having her husband being in the room and yes, touching her, relieves her stress and calms her, why is he any worse than the doctor or nurse caring for a critical (sakana situation) patient??? (which is permissible)
Aside with the bickering whether our husbands be in delivery room or not. but the story of a close relative of mine who didn’t take her husband (by one of her labours)with her to labour unfortunately ended in a still born. A well known rabbi told her after that she should always make sure to have her husband with her. may all women experience easy births and healthy kids.
a husband will watch the birth because the wife demands it of him. not because his moral support, or whatever , is needed. She thinks that if he watches, he will have more compassion for her, will see everything that she goes thru blah, blah, blah. But the truth is, it has the opposite effect. He watches the birth, goes into the bathroom, throws up and faints. Then he has to tell his wife that it was the most extraordinary, wonderful and special experience he went thru. Anyway, it is not TZNIUSDIK!!!! The husband is NOT ALLOWED to watch. See what the Rebbe says on this subject.
#53 - chas vsholom…please go learn halachos with your posek.
Touching a tamay wife if she’s a choleh is only if there’s no one else there to help her. But while she gives birth there’s a whole team of nurses this.
It is absolutely ASSUR to touch her and also ASSUR to look on certain parts.
I dont think we need to argue this issue.Its a clear Haluche that User Lhistakel (no need to go into details)….The menores hamuer writes that the punishment for a husband is Bad children…Now wonder why so many kids go off the derech.? I am sure u will blame the rebbes or teachers…
this may sum it up….dont hire ur hubby to be ur ob/gyn….
Husbands always accompanied their wives to the hospital, or assisted in home delivery before hospitals. Today it is accepted that a wife in labor is in sakana, and must have someone there with her, preferably her husband. Husbands are not there to look, but to assist in any way that is halachically permissible and to encourage and talk to his wife at this miraculous time. This is the chasidic view, not including Lubavitch, Kohanim,and Ger and anyone else who chooses to stay away from a hospital for whatever reason. This London doctor did not mention the many mothers that go with their daughters to the hospital, who technically “give birth” to every grandchild….is that normal? Does the baby only have a mother, or does it necessitate a father too? Fathers belong in the delivery room, period. They cannot carry the child or give actual birth, but they should share in the experience and come to understand and appreciate the process.
Since I am in the medical field and had already the opportunity many times to assist women (jewish and non-jewish while training in hospital) with emergency home/ambulance delivery, I couldn’t hold myself back from being there at the delivery of my own child and my wife was very happy having me watch and explain to her exactly what is being done on each and every step!
Did any of you think that the reason the Rebbe said this is because he never had the opportunity to be at any of his own? Just a thought! I was at all 6 of mine! Loved every minute of it! Nothing personal but looking at the delivery with all that blood and scissors cutting and the rest of the things that doctors do to prepare for a delivery is really not something that gets me thinking of impure thoughts. I looked and cried each and every time, knowing that I was witnessing first hand “Yad Hashem”. My wife was happy that I was there and never would have imagined having either her Mother or Mother in Law there.
just to note that the Rebbe accompanied his mother ON SHABBOS into the ambulance in 1965 and was more sensitive than the chachomim on this forum
Once again Doctors and Buerocrats are telling us how to live our life. This decision should be made between the Father and the Mother. End of story.
There is definitely an issue of tznius especially when the wife becomes niddah, but there is an easily resolved remedy, just have the father stand next to or behind the mother as she delivers. B’H, I was fortunate in having both my husband and mother with me during all 4 of my deliveries. Honestly, my mother served as a much better support system for me during the actual labor since she was able to massage my back etc., but having my husband there was also very comforting. For my first 2 he was a bit ambivalent and anxious, but B”H, he got the hang of it and really seemed more a ‘part of things’ by our last two. Ideally, the woman should make the choice of whether or not her husband should be present, but I know some men who are very pushy and controlling and insist on being the only people involved during the whole process which definitely makes the wife much more stressed and uncomfortable.
If you look back at the Torah. We see that Yocheved and Miriam were midwives. Women were called in to do the birthing. It’s in our heritage. As a mother who attended the birth of my grandchild, I was thrilled to be there, but was also careful in the privacy and tznius of my daughter. It’s one thing if you are the only one around to be with your wife, but you guys who were in there with your mothers and mothers in law, how interesting!
it is very difficult to be tznius at the point of advanced labor and durring childbirth
(take a look at the hospital gown for example)
labor, up until a certain point is fine for the husband but beyond that he can deffinetly do more for his wife and soon to be born baby with his tehillim
I have been in and out of the delivery room
and when in – seated out of the view
and said tehilim
out is safer for your eyes
but runs high on the emotions you may miss that first cry
there is nothing like it
I BH have heard it 8 times KAH