New York – While our community leaders are busy dealing with the very important issues of helping Rubashkin, Grossman, and other communal issues – there is something happening each week and each day that is receiving very little coverage.
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It is a ticking time bomb that is about to explode. Many of our kids have lost their direction.
Yeshiva boys are driving on Shabbos. Not only secretly, but out in the open. They are also smoking on Shabbos. Girls and boys are texting on Shabbos and using their iPods on Shabbos too. Our Yeshiva boys are smoking pot. Yes – pot.
Somehow, someway, we have failed to inspire our children in the traditions of our forefathers – to love Hashem and His Torah.
And it is not just the fringe kids. These are children from good families. Good homes.
The blight is happening across the nation, from California to Monsey to Lakewood and Flatbush. A doctor friend of mine recently observed that one of his patients was not wearing Tzitzis. He commented to the young man about it. The young man responded, “Tzitzis? I just woke up. I am not even holding by Tefillin anymore. Tzitzis is nothing..”
We have on our hands a problem of devastating proportion – the new assimilation that we last saw one hundred years ago when our great-grandparents first steeped foot on the shores of this country. Every Rabbi, every Yeshiva, every Torah organization should be having emergency meetings about it. But they aren’t.
I spoke to a Chassidish business colleague and to my utter shock – they are having the same problems in their communities. Their kids are falling and the Rebbes aren’t talking about it.
Rubashkin may be facing 25 years in jail and that is important. But where are the mass meetings about our fallen children? Where are the petitions and Youtube videos about our sons and daughters? I want a mass tehillim rally. I want to hear our community leaders talking about this.
The problem is so pervasive that there is probably not a Yeshiva in New York without a Pot problem or a “not davening” or “not putting on Tefillin” problem. So why aren’t we talking about it? If it is not spoken about – it won’t be addressed. If it is not addressed, we will lose our children and grandchildren forever. Not just for 25 years but forever.
Agudah, Torah UMesorah, where are you?? I await any response.
In addition to your other suggestions, perhaps you should consider the reasons why this sort of thing may be happening?
Rav Yaakov Horowitz has listed five reasons:
1. Child abuse/molestation/neglect
2. Lack of simchas ha’chayim/shalom bayis at home
3. Poor parenting or overbearing parents
4. Undiagnosed or unaddressed learning disabilities.
5. Extremism (lack of flexibility in raising children and forcing them into the same mold)
WELL PUT!
Why always look to criticize? There are hundreds of organizations, people, yeshivas, programs and more that are working to help these kids. Could we do better? Maybe. But don’t be blind to the great work that many are doing.
it seems to me that you are probably one of the commentators who always right how much rubashkin is a criminal etc…
you bring up valid points but why bring up rubashkin. theres no connection!!!
if u want to write an article about this issue then gezunteheit but why on rubashkins cheshbon?? asi fi to say ‘there are other issues’.
seems to me you arent as sincere as you make out and are just looking for comments and feedback…
Hi,
If the children see us standing united for Am-Yisroel, they will be more enthusiastic about the mentshlichkeit and frumkeit.
I heard 2 kids talking “Wow, I’m proud jews are finally standing up for each other… But I hate the “rabbis” who always say bad about klal yisroel”.
“United” will be all of am yisroel
The opposite chas vhsolom means pogroms, libels, and kids wandering around without any sense of direction.
Take a kid of the street this shabbos, tell him what YOU dear author did to help klal yisroel. What did you do for Grossman or Rubashkin… Then you will have brought a neshomoh one step closer to hashem.
good shabbos.
The problem is very simple: The religion keeps moving further and further to the right and coming up with more and more chumrahs and this causes kids to go off the derech. For example, many right-wing Rabbis and yeshivas forbid boys and girls from interacting with each other. This of course is not healthy and leads to serious problems down the road. I can go on and on with similar problems but the real solution is in people following the derech of MO and acting more normal and not making up new Chumrahs every day of the week.
did you hear about mymef the menachem educational institute? I know they are working that the teachers should be professional and the kids should at least know what they learn the should know what torah is they should know what they are giving up
kids aren’t dropping what they like but if yiddishkeit is just a burden and class is boring what do you expect.
if teachers teach with yiras shomayim and know how to cater to every kid then it might help
Great letter, well thought out.
in Flatbush they have Our Place and Home Sweet home but no such thing exists in another community
It’s not just the heimich young people…it’s everywhere. Everywhere children are less respectful of their parents and community. It’s the smut on the idiot box that started this and not it’s grown to computers, i-pods, WII’s, etc.
#1 – you are 10000% correct. could not have said it better myself. everyone cares about felons and they let our youth slide down a rabbit hole. amazing. how low we have sunk. i guess these kids’ tzedakah boxes are not full enough to warrant letters from rabbis and trips to Des Moines.
don’t unermine the tragedy of rubashkin.
in addition to doing pidyon shvuim we MUST start dealing with the youth
You make a great statement.
Although I’m not sure the point of bringing Rubashkin into it is fair.
I know there are many organizations that are trying their best by putting in 25 hour days to help these kids.
To name a few: The staff
Yeshiva Ohr Yitzchok in flatbush
Home Sweeeet Home
Our Place
Eizer L’buchrim
However I feel the public lacks an education of how to treat and show respect to these kids.
I am not a Rebbi nor a Social Worker but I often meet some of these “teens on the streets” some were very studious in Yeshiva but they have become “turned off” for one reason or another.
Instead of always leaving it for someone else to pick up the pieces. Why don’t you approach a “teen at risk” and talk with him ?
Show him you care about him.
Invite him for a meal one night, it doesn’t have to be shabbos.
Go for a walk even if it’s only around the block.
It may not be easy at first and I’m not saying it always works but you can try.
All I can ask of the other blogers is to keep this positive.
Gut Shabbos
When you are forbidding everything it leads to that at the end of the day nothing will be seen as forbidden!
why dont you always preach about these problems and not always use someone else’s problems or tzaros to preach your agenda. I agree its a terrible tragedy thats happening every day in all sect’s of klal yisrael but whats happening to R’ Sholom Rubashkin is just as tragic.
Some people are talking about it, others are not.
It is painful for parents to open their families for scrutiny, there is shame and worry i.e. shidduchim.
However as the article said all sections of the Orthodox Community are effected.
Now what do we do.
We speak openly, parent to child, parent to parent, within the leadership of our schools and Yeshivos; and the Rabbinic leadership should be open and frank about the level of this epidemic
It is not something that happens ” over there, somewhere else, with someone else’s child or student”.
Amongst things to be discussed are access to therapy, vocational training so a young person who is not in a Yeshiva can earn a proper parnosoh,how do bring back those who no longer are frum
Let us be open and direct, there are the sons and daughter of Rebbes, Roshei Yeshiva, Talmedei Chachomim and well know community leaders who are being Mechalel Shabbos, eating treif and having sex etc………….it is not just the children from dysfunctional families.
Wake Up Yidden Act Now!
Just as the circumstances demanded that every community call an Asifa for Mr Rubashkin, it behooves us to gather in a similar style to save our “street kids”.
The answer is they simply don’t care. So a few guys and girls leave the fold. That seems to be have been the response for years with molestation cover up. I as an adult is at risk. And why not? Our leadership is corrupt, all the frum are cheating someone and they have convinced themselves that it’s OK. As you point out with Grossman and SMR they go all crazy about. We live in crazy times. May hashem help us all.
The fact is it’s very easy to do help these kids.There are thousands of Jewish Families who sit down and eat with there families with either
1: not caring to invite others
OR
2: Don’t understand the concept of doing so.
I have a few friends who come from dysfunctional Families who are dying for a place to stay / eat for Shabbos.
Many people are happy the way things are goin with there life and have no interest in reaching out.
Why does this writer choose to remain anonymous? There is nothing to be ashamed about when you bring up true and valid points. It is heartbreaking!!!! Something definitely needs to be done on a massive scale. This is so true and sad. Not to diminish the communal outpouring for Rubashkin, Grossman, etc. but this problem with our teire children must be addressed and fast. The kids in Boro Park wander around like zombies without any direction. Rabbosai we need to gather and have meetings and act upon them. Fast. Very fast. These children need mentors. They need love. They need direction. If you sincerely reach out to them they will respond in kind. If the effect is not immediate, you can be guaranteed in the long run when they hopefully come back it will be do to your outreach. KIRUV KEROVIM NOW!!!
i cryed reading this post
It’s easy to come out and say nothing is being done…Things are being done. Organizations are in place. People have been working on this for years…Some things are done in a public way. Some in a private way. Let’s not accuse a whole community of doing nothing. Sure, more can be done. But to make a blanket statement accusing a community is just wrong.
Contrary to your belief that religion is baseless and will become extinct, the exact opposite is happening. There have never been this many Baalei Teshuva as there are today. Yes we have a problem as there are those that are leaving the fold, yet way more are coming back.
I heard a wonderful line to help explain this terrible tragedy.
When the derech is a millimeter wide, it is easy to fall off.
In our attempts to drive a higher level of frumkeit, we have equated chumras with basic Mitzvos. If you don’t wear a Hat on Shabbos you are not a good Jew. The next step to Chillul Shabbos is not a huge step.
If you cannot sit and learn for 5 hours in a row, you are not a Good Jew. So why learn at all.
There are many more such examples. We have taken “A Good Jew” to incredibly ludicrous extremes and we wonder why we have these problems?
I believe that the Gedolim are playing the percentages. As long as a large percent of Yidden are Shomer Torah Umitzvos within the gedarim they have invented in the last 20 years, who cares if we lose 10 or 20% of the Klal. I hope that the Gedolim take a hard look at the outcome of this movement and react accordingly. IMHO, until then, the number of children and adults that go OTD will continue to grow just as it did in Europe before the churban.
Lets raise their self esteem and help them find a goal in life.
Who is ready to help in New Jersey?
And this my freinds is the reason why Zweibel and the Agudah “Gedolim” are as relevant today as a snow storm of a century ago. If it can”t bring the Moetzes fame or money it isn’t a concern to them. I can afford to talk like this, ’cause I am in the trenches doing kiruv krovim EVERY DAY, and have yet to hear of rabbis sacrificing for another jew. Why do we have leaders galore and not one who makes kiddush Friday night without a penny to his name like the Sanzer would do, having given every last kokpek away for the neady? We have hundreds of Sanzer einiklach, and thousands of einiklach of roshei yeshivos and rebbelech and nary a single one of these holy soles would give the shirt off the back for a wayward yiddishe kind! So why wonder why these teens leave the fold, wonder why we have not kicked these imposters out from our fold.
The reason we have these problems is simple.
OUTSIDE INFLUENCE IE. MOVIES TV SHOWS INTERNET NON JEWISH MUSIC….
OR RATHER THE REASON WHY THESE THINGS ARE BRINGING OUR KIDS DOWN IS BECAUSE WE AREN’T EDUCATING THEM WITH ENOUGH EMUNAH AND TEACHING YIRAS SHAMAYIM.
The answer is we need better Rabbeim. There needs to be special training for Rabbeim. Knowing 200 blatt gemara isn’t. Enough to make you qualified to teach our dor.
An asifa to say tehilim feels frum. A conference to address problems in our kehilos doesn’t.
Frum is in. It makes us feel good and keeps us distracted so we don’t ask the tough or make tough demands for leadership.
We need big changes in our Chinuch System / style, in our Davening, in what we allow both in & out of our mouths, in our Derech Eretz of Mikomos HaKidoshim – Mikdash MiAt, and fixing the things the Gemoro Shabos 139a talks about !
YES! YES! we have this problams now all over but vary littel is being done to provent it from happing over and over and over, we need ledders that care for us and not for them selfs, when you r a RUSH HYSHIVAH or a RABBE or RUV its your responsobillty to look around you and see whats going on, the times of haveing a yshiva or chasidus (or villege) just for power and kuved is over if you are taking the seat, titen your belt and be radey for a tugh ride, you can NOT seat ther just becuse your father had this chair, COME ON you now and you now whats going on outside so take all the strant that you have (to rais $ or pr) and start working,
As the saying goes if there is a problem dont whine just do something about it! I am in my early 30’s and i learn every night with one of these boys. He is a doll and a sweet kid that is totally misunderstood. Also my wife and i make sure to say hello to everyone of these kids and just be friendly. I nor my wife know anything about psychology or chinuch but we just try and be nice. A simple hello can go a long way!
The Rebbeim in the yeshivas must look at themselves carefully and make sure not to belittle their talmidim with their words, and must also be honest examples of good Jews themselves. The student’s questions should be answered, even if they are difficult questions about hashkafa. And favoritism based on yichus or money, so that certain students get away with things other students cannot, must be addressed.
lets not kid ourselves, the reason our rabonim dont try to get to the bottom of the problem, is the fear of what they will find in the bottom. which is our system as a whole is rotten at its core and the kids at risk is not a result of a narrow specific problem {not accepting them in yeshivahs etc} but it is connected to the core essence of our chinuch system as a whole. if we keep giving mussar to our children and making them feel guilty all the time for what they are doing wrong without any thought to the underlining reasons to why the child is doing wrong, and then helping our children to deal with them and become stronger, how can we expect our children to love the religion and embrace yidishkeit if he associates it with felling guilty all the time. escpecially the child with complicated traits who get the brunt of critisicism and unfortounetly those are the ones who get the brunt of the mussar {you are a no goodnik, you are bad, you listen to the yetzer horah, why cant you be like your brother}
and if some stand up machanech or rosh yeshiva tries to change this they are villified as some apikores lets pray that the silent majority will wake up before its to late
I blame the worms in the fish and people eating g’brux on pesach. if people arent careful what they eat, their children will grow up to be bad people.
BS”D
Contrary to the impression of this article, there are a number of very active programs dealing with Frum, Yesivish and Chassidish bochorim and maidelach in Flatbush, Boro Park, Crown Heights and Williamsburg. “Our Place” in Flatbush – the kosher pool hall is one of these programs that has fairly succesful seperate programs for boys and girls. My son, who learned in one of finest yeshivas, went from pot ( and probobly worse) smoking pony tailed, black leather jacketed to black hat, gartel and learning full time in Eretz Yisroel for the past six years. It didn’t happen overnight and was a LOOOng haul. Well, Boruch HaShem and thanks to the hard working community people who run these programs. HaShem should bentch them with Bracha, HaTZlacha b’Ruchnius u’b’Gashmius.
Shalom Al Yisroel, yg
We don’t hear about this issue because unfortunately our leaders don’t have a simple solution to the problems. If our community was more outspoken and acknowledge how widespread this problem is, the unfortunate families that have to deal with these devastating situations would not feel so isolated and would have more information and access to organizations and professionals that could help them deal with their situation!
In regard to your question where is the Aguda? It’s got to generate more publicity and they will be there. Recently there was a big gathering with somewhat 40 or so Rabbis discussing the children from Yemen. Instead of discussing our children at home that is what is on their mind. They have their priorities mixed up.
simcha greenwald has a hundred ben yochids
we need to help him and those like him!
While a 10-15% “failure” rate is a big deal, these numbers have always held constant. It was not better in Vilna or Cracow and it certainly wasn’t better in America 50 years ago. Yes, we should all let our children know we love them and make shabbos and yom tov exclusively sason v’simcha, but as many have suggested, it happens in the best of families. If it can happen to the children and grandchildren of the gedolim who most certainly love their children, it can happen to anyone. And we forgot the most important suggestion-daven with kavanah.
“believe that the Gedolim are playing the percentages. As long as a large percent of Yidden are Shomer Torah Umitzvos within the gedarim they have invented in the last 20 years, who cares if we lose 10 or 20% of the Klal.”
You hit the nail on the head.
What’s the connection between Rubashkin and kids going off the derech?
For this post alone and the ensuing discussion, and B”EH a start to bringing this horrible probelm to the fore, this website was worth it.
I agree with so many of the comments above. The children do need goals, an outlet and most importantly, a secular education. They need to see it is not just seven plus hours a day of study with no prospects of self-development. Think of it like this. When a home is a warm, nurturing, loving environment, kids enjoy being there. But when a home is a military camp where compliance with the ever changing rules turn them into “drones”, why stay? I see this more as the problem than the greater media assault of the outside world. My favorite thing to see is my boys playing “hoops” with their Tzitzis peaking out from under their shirts. Respectful, thinking children toeing the line of Torah but being boys and having some fun and seeing a future! Good Shabbos.
There is a school for children who are borderline like this in Minnesota.
They are about to go broke on the 15th unless they cover their mortgage payment.
So far no big Jewish donors are interested in things like this as there are no big honors and kavod in supporting these mosods (or so they think).
If you do really care about helping things like this, you can donate to them
http://www.myyeshiva.org
One answer exposure to INTERNET!!
Contrary to popular belief, movies, music, TV and the like are not the cause. We need to look INWARD.
Kids of all stripes want to be successful and happy. When they feel they can’t be, or won’t be, they look elsewhere. Kids today are forced to stay in yeshivos where they know they have no chance at a successful future. They know they are uneducated and have no real opportunity to become educated without alienating their families and ruining their chances of a nice shidduch. This is the same mentality that leads other poor groups of people to make bad life choices. It is no different.
Nobody doubts that we love our children and want to see them happy and successful. But somewhere along the line we made it nearly impossible for them to be, and they KNOW IT. Nobody ever asks their kids what they want to do or be anymore. It is just assumed that they will stay in yeshiva, get no job training or formal education and then suddenly be faced with having to support a wife and children. They see their older friends and siblings having to struggle, live on welfare and foodstamps, and never really find a way to make it. My parents did better by me. We have failed.
Trust me Im just out of yeshiva. Trese numbers are not inflated. If anything their waaay more than most people think . The weed problem in the Jewish community Is out of control
Seemingly the author who hides under Anonymous doesn’t realize or know that the 2 organizations mentioned are trying to deal with it as best as possible. There is no ONE reason why this occurs, rather its usually a case of zeh v’zeh v’zeh gorem. We all have nisyonos & sometimes some people are better able to deal with their nisayon than others.
The good news is of the kids I know who have gone off, is that they USUALLY come back. It takes time but they do return.
In todays materialistic world, where 80 percent of the news is filled with celebrity news, Tiger Woods cheating,Michael Jackson etc, Im shcocked
the survival of Orthodox Jewish principals in the younger generation. 
least 80% of our communities next generation, remain God fearing Jews. I dont see such a high rate in the Christian/Hindu/Muslim American population.
There is allways work to do, but U seem to blame the community for a lack of ideas and effort on this urgent problem, rather than put blame on the rotten Western Laisez Faire atmosphere. I dont know what paper u read or what streets u walk, but have u heard of Britney Spears? Lady Gaga? Your son did.
The rotten and lust culture today is the root cause of Orthodox decline.
Again, I beg the ones that have the power to be Mekarev a fellow Jew (young or old-I don’t know if u know but todays culture has killed 30 year old’s religous values too) to True Torah values to do so. But blame the kiler,not the killed.
I agree with #65 that the author is hiding under anonymity. Our focus shouldn’t be on our youth putting on tefillin or wearing tzizis. We need to have open dialogue with them about WHY they aren’t doing it. We need to be talking TO our children, not AT them. The more we push, the faster they’ll run.
Have a Good Shabbos.
Dear #11
Huffington Post would be a better outlet for ur blogging. VIN is an orthodox blog. Recommending mingling of teenage boys and girls is outright against orthodoxy. Chazal have warned “al taarbeh sichah im haisha”! etc. Ur calling for minling of Males and females and believe ur orthodox?
Besides the point. Your Idea defies logic. How will it help to strengthen Yidishkeit by mingling of boys and girls in teenage years?
Even if ur logic works, We folowers of the Maimonidies say daily “shezois Hatoirah loi sehei michleifes”
I see the writer of this column has a point when I see posters like U 🙂
The writer was very poignant in pointing out that our system has driven us economically off a cliff. Our youth see that. This recession, which the rest of the velt is slowly coming out from, had exposed the brick wall we are driving full speed into. Rabosai, a real (dare I say college and professional) education is necessary. “Frummy” jobs, and Frum-style entrepreneurship will fill very few of our job demand and pays poorly. Our youth graduate high-school and beis medrash writing and speaking at a 6th grade level (but they can shteig on a daf – that is nice). If you work in the real world, and encounter doing business with the frum world, it is truly a sad picture. Our Youth have grown up in Cheder and Yeshiva with subpar, poorly trained Rebbeim and Administrators, who can teach rashi but cant inspire emunah or derech eretz. A generation has suffered from our collective failure to deal with this. Now these kids and c”v many more to come are the korbanos. Stop this juvenile shidduch system with silly rules, and upgrade our teachers, employ the masses so we can pay those teachers too….. are we too late for this generation?