Silver Spring, MD – This should have been a good New Year’s for Aharon Friedman, a 34-year-old tax counsel for the Republicans on the House Ways and Means Committee. He spent time with his 3-year-old daughter, and could have been thinking about the influence he will have starting Wednesday, when his boss, Representative Dave Camp of Michigan, becomes chairman of the powerful tax-writing committee.
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Instead, Mr. Friedman, an Orthodox Jew, finds himself scrutinized in the Jewish press, condemned by important rabbis, and attacked in a YouTube video showing about 200 people protesting outside his Silver Spring, Md., apartment on Dec. 19. They were angered by Mr. Friedman’s refusal to give his wife, Tamar Epstein, 27, a Jewish decree of divorce, known as a get.
Continue reading at The NY Times
Why does this personal matter have to be everyones business?
Maybe she should have treated him with a little respect. Instead of:
1) Unilaterally moving to another state with their child,
2) Allowing a court to grant visitation rights to the father which would require the father to violate Shabbat to see the child for more than one day (read the whole story–he would have to drive on Shabbat)
This is not the typical agunah case.
One must read the complete article before coming to any conclusions. Clearly this is. A custody dispute not a aguna case. If Mr Friedman would give a “Get al Tnai” divorce contract which will only be valid if the terms were fulfilled(his custody request) I’m sure Ms Epstein would refuse it.
The Silver Spring/Kemp Mill/Potomac frumme community is united in this matter and will relentlessly keep the pressure on Friedman to grant a get to his former wife. He is risking the destruction of his professional career in addition to his failed personal life. Its his decision. The pressure will not subside and soon even his Republican colleagues will shun him.
The secular divorce is final. Not giving a get at this point – for any reason – is pure achzoriyus.
Yesh din, v’yesh Dayan.
This case should have never gone this far. It’s very telling when a man withhholds a Get over a visitation issue and does not seek to modify it in the only place he can, the court. At the same time, he was awarded three weekends a month and it is wrong of the mother to not agree to some sort of modification if Shabbat is the only thing interfering with the visitation. There is an unspoken subtext here, and the Get is tied up in the middle. Resolve the sebtext and the Get falls into place.
You are all under the false impression. The same impression these wayward ex husbands are under. There is never a condition by which to withhold a Get. The Get should be given regardless of what is going on with custody and alimony and child support. No women should be made to suffer by a man who withholds a get. Custody is determined in civil court and the arbitrator can be trusted to make the judgment call on that. That has nothing to do with a Jewish divorce. Shame on you for making the true victim – the Agunah into the criminal.
I think he should withhold the get. If the story is accurate, it is completely her fault.
I don’t agree with the argument that he should just give it and worry about the custody issues later. I think if someone is acting unfairly to you, you can act unfairly back to force them to be reasonable.
Are we dealing with grownups here or children? Mr. Friedman does not have vacation or sick days coming to him? Why can’t he take Fridays off or leave early on Friday to get to Philly in time to spend Shabbos with his daughter. And if he does, why can’t Ms. Epstein allow him to take the child early on Friday in order not to be mechalel Shabbos. Shabbos has nothing to do with this at all. Stubbornness has everything to do with it.
What is best for the child here? What is best for the child is that both parents work together for her benefit!! The court awarded normal visitation to the father which is weekends. Weekends start and end the same for all divorced fathers. However, I am sure Ms. Epstein does not want her daughter nor her ex-husband to be mechalel Shabbos and she should accommodate that as best as she could according to candle-lighting time. It is important that the child spend time with her father and if her mother denies her that right, it will take its toll on their own relationship.
It might be easier for the father to take the child back home to Baltimore, but that might not be the best for the child right now.
The trauma of being an agunah and withholding of a get to pressure the wife is too important a matter to be left solely to a beis din which may be biased. Having the entire kehillah involved has been shown to expedite the submission of the husband into giving his wife the get she is entitled to under halacha.
The comments on the Times website are frightening. I never bought the stereotype that Times readers fall into this stereotype of the liberal anti-religious lunatic. But it’s almost comical how well that describes them! Feh!
The ONLY reason to withhold a get is if he still wants to be married to her. I see no evidence of that. Furthermore, he has created a chilul HaShem by letting this make the NY Times.
The custody issues are irrelevant to whether he wants to be married or not.
(without getting into the details of the no get) they dont say a blasted word about the crook who ran the House Ways and Means Committee – Charlie CROOK Rangel YMSH – but this guy doesnt give his wife a get becomes a bigger story than the late jc?!?!??
Farshultina Slimes!!!
Oh yes pray tell. Run run run to a secular court get a divorce and than ask for a Get. Why not go to the Beis Din get a get and than agree to go to the secular court to rubber stamp the agreement. WHY OR WHY very very simple the woman runs to secular court to get more and she is entitled to and then cries.
Well let her cry. First go to Beis Din. She is out of line period. I don’t know the story but the fact she did not go to Beis Din shows she was not interested in the Get until she got MONEY.
He should give his wife the get!! The fact that this went to the NY Times shows an act of desperation. I don’t know if she put it there or he. If he wants to see his child so badly why does he not go to a hotel?? Chabad house?? All chabad houses can make sleeping arranmgements for him unless his name is so black that they will not take him in?? I do not think so. Have him inquire. It does not hurt. It’s only a phone call. If he loved his child, he would have done this a long time ago. The fact that he did not shows that he wants to PUNISH his wife by withholding the GET!! I see no love for the child!! He is just making a lot of noise!! He should maybe see the child once a month and his visits should be supervised!! I do not trust this man no matter who he is!! I hope VIN posts this!!
This guy should give her the get and get on with life.
With arrogant contempt for for Torah law, the Reform feminists ruthlessly attack any Jewish man who dares stand up for his G-d given Torah rights.
ORA ( Organization for the Resolution of Agunot ) a Reform feminist organization lead by Herschel Schachter of YU, is leading the lynch mob against Mr. Friedman. ORA is responsible for numerous coerced & PASUL GITTIN. ORA promotes terrible violations of Torah law and great injustices against Jewish men. Google “ORA Report”.
Do not join the wicked ORA organization in their feminist war against the Torah and Jewish husbands!
Any Jew concerned about preserving authentic Judaism should know:
1. A screaming feminist mob has no standing in HALACHA. Until a kosher Bais Din rules that his wife is entitled to a Get AL PI HALACHA, Mr. Friedman has no obligation to give a Get, and his wife is no “Agunah”.
2. Normative HALACHA for centuries has required all issues to be settled before a Get can be done – see Igros Moshe, Evan HaEzer Chelek 4, 115 &116;.
3. All primary HALACHIC authorities prohibit harassment & coercion against Jewish husbands. Any Get resulting from harassment & coercion is invalid, and the wife remains an EISHES ISH.
To #38 , mr truth be told….
‘the whole truth, & nothing but the truth?’ get your facts straight please…your first fact is so wrong, it makes me wonder abt the rest. ORA is not a reform organization, rabbi shachter is not a reform rav, it never has been. just bc you don’t agree w them, is not a reason to label someone ‘reform’. that is a very strong harsh term that should not b used lightly againt orthodox ppl, just bc YOU don’t agree. so pls reform yourself b4 you speak such lies.
Whilst in no way condoning the withholding of a ‘get’ as a lever for negotiations, I think that the easiest way to resolve the problem here would be to arrange for a qualified non-Jewish childminder to drive the child, Friday night, to the father’s home to spend the weekend with him. The mother could hardly then complain that the child was being forced to desecrate the Sabbath, as she appears to be demanding that the father do just that. Also, since the child has a court ruling to be with the father, the court certainly took the emotional well-being of the child – by staying with the father – into consideration, and thus the car journey would vital for the child’s benefit, and since the non-Jew would be doing all the work, it could be permitted. Bingo! Problem solved.
If there is one lesson we can learn from this and similar tragedies, it is that we should marry or allow our sons to marry ONLY true bnos Yisroel. If any of you gets a shidduch ret for what you suspect might be a feminism-infected modern orthodox girl, either reject it outright or conduct a VERY thorough investigation if the shadchan insists that the girl is really frum and has good middos despite having been brought up in the modern family, before your son is allowed to meet her. Many feminism inspired tragedies will be be’’H avoided with such due diligence.
To all of the readers of this blog and commenters, I ask that you cease and desist from conjecture as to who is at fault here. Any intelligent individual knows that there are two sides to every story, and I can’t fathom why you believe that the NYT, Washington Jewish Week, or any other print or online news source would a) have all of the facts or b) report them accurately and without bias even if they did! If you want to take issue with Rav Shmuel Kamenetzky shlit”a or Rav Herschel Schachter shlit”a, I suggest that you a) not hide behind pseudonyms or abbreviations and b) reach their ankles in Torah or Yiras Shamayim. There have been lies flying around about this case for a while now, and uninformed blog posts are not helping the situation. Rather than posting inflammatory comments that certainly don’t help the situation, why don’t we all practice a little self-restraint and simply daven that this conflict be resolved quickly and fairly?
Leib Geffen
RBS, Israel
I dont understand how these people are saying these gets are invalid. The gemara clearly says kofin oso ad sheomer rotzeh ani.
so can someone educate me how these gittin are invalid.
To #40 If anybody is quick to judge it is you. I do not do the things you say I do. Since you do not know me don’t be so quick to judge either. If you have a child, the first and last thing in the world is your child!! Nothing else comes first!!Apparently, this man has forgotten that!!If he truly loved his child he would have made some sort of arrangement to see his child by now!! Children grow, They need love, chinuch, education. etc. and parents. He has not been by for a while. Do you think the kid will remember him?? He is using the get as a weapon!! Enough!! It is about time he grew up and faced reality. Let them both go on with their lives!! When this child grows up and sees what he did to the mother , I do not think the kid will want a relationship with a CRUEL MAN!! I hope VIN posts this!!