New York – Is Visiting Day at Camp More Trouble Than It’s Worth?

    20

    Photo ilusatration by ColliveNew York – Mom Stacey Udell couldn’t wait for visitors day when her daughter first went to sleepaway camp at age 9.

    Join our WhatsApp group

    Subscribe to our Daily Roundup Email


    “About two hours in she said to me, ‘I think you better leave now. You don’t want to get stuck in traffic.’ We had just sat down to lunch.”

    Six summers later, Udell thinks the traditional day for parents, grandparents and siblings to check out what their campers are up to is definitely more about the grown-ups than the kids.

    “It sets many kids back,” said Udell, whose daughter is now 15 and will return to camp this year with her 13-year-old brother. “I see a lot of kids crying at the end of visiting day.”

    The day isn’t only long and hot. Routines for the kids are disrupted and it can feel more about the goodies parents bring along than quality time. Like Udell’s daughter, the kids may be more excited about water fights, cabin pajama parties and special sports tournaments planned to burn energy and distract them the night after parents leave.

    As many full-summer programs have been trimmed back from eight weeks to six or seven, are parent visiting days worth the trouble? Absolutely, camp directors said, though some acknowledged most kids could likely live without them.

    Every camp has its own policy on whether and when visitors are welcome.

    Some with shorter sessions have done away with a single visiting day for all parents and instead invite parents to come for a few hours if and when they can. Some provide two all-camp scheduled dates so divorced parents can visit separately, according to the American Camp Association.

    Some camps running four-week sessions welcome visitors on the last day so parents don’t have to make a special trip if they were planning to pick up their kids anyway. Others offer a separate grandparents day or the chance for siblings to spend the night in cabins.

    “Often the choice of where to go to summer camp will hinge in part on combining visitors day with other travel plans. Parents are pretty conscious of how to make it work,” said Chris Thurber, a psychologist and camp staff trainer.

    Making it work — and smoothing the way for re-entry into camp life for the kids — depends a lot on making sure parents follow the rules. At some camps, that means honoring guidelines not to haul in an excess of gifts, favorite snacks or banned foods, or following outright prohibitions on care packages of any kind.

    To avoid leaving out kids whose families don’t plan to show up on visitors day, camps often organize special trips for them off the grounds, such as a day at a nearby water park or beach. Or they seek volunteer parents who do plan to attend to take on a child left alone.

    Campers who experienced homesickness on arrival at camp may have a touch of it again once it’s time to say goodbye after a mid-session visitors day, but it usually doesn’t last more than a day or two, camp directors said. Also, anticipation of visitors days can rev up campers ahead of the big event.

    Visitors days come on top of camps offering parents glimpses of daily camp life through their websites, complete with video. That, said camp consultant Scott Arizala, could serve to raise OR lower parental angst, depending on whether they see smiles or sad faces.

    “And they’ll be right on the phone,” he said. “Parents are so connected these days. Camp professionals themselves are starting to see less and less usefulness out of something like visitor day, and maybe more and more disruption.”

    Parents aside, can kids do without visitors day? “Yeah, they could absolutely do without it,” said Marla Coleman, a past president of the ACA who operates a day camp in Long Island. “Camp becomes like this private world for a child where they get to live in an environment where they’re not connected to their parents at all times, but they do like to show their parents what they’re experiencing, how they’re getting better at certain activities, how they’re making good friends, so they’re proud, too.”

    Thurber, Coleman and others in the industry offer these tips for parents to help make visitors day a highlight rather than a hassle:

    .

    ARRIVAL AND DEPARTURE: Don’t be late. Nothing can kill a camper’s spirit faster than scanning the horizon for his tardy parents as reunions are happening all around.

    Don’t linger at departure time. “It’s hard for kids to expect one thing and get another,” Thurber said. “Don’t leave them wondering, ‘I thought my parents had to go at 4, so why are they still here?’”

    Parents aren’t always great at goodbyes, Coleman said. “Be upbeat and happy. Wear sunglasses if you have to. You can say, ‘I’m glad that you’re having a great time. It was so great to see you here.’ Keep it short and sweet and don’t get overly emotional and clingy.”

    DON’T BRING ARMLOADS OF STUFF: “The kids don’t like being overindulged,” Coleman said. “They feel uncomfortable about it. Extravagance doesn’t fit into the camp environment. It doesn’t feel right. They’ve spent a whole summer connecting with nature, learning to be with friends. They don’t need it and there’s no room in the bunk anyway to put all the junk.”

    KNOW THE RULES: Camp consultant Jill Tipograph suggests double-checking the camp’s lunch policy. Will lunch be served, or do parents bring a picnic lunch? Are there food restrictions on camp grounds due to allergies or candy bans?

    If you’re allowed to take your child out of camp, make sure you check when you have to return them and plan some in-town activities beforehand. Keith Klein, co-owner of Camp Laurel in Readfield, Maine, provides kids with a smallish reusable bag for parental treats and hopes they don’t exceed the space. “We don’t want the emphasis on shopping,” he said.

    Klein said visitors day is fun for all but, yes, may be more about parents than kids. “I’m not sure it is necessary,” he said.

    So should visitors day be eliminated?

    “That’s a really good question that maybe we should begin to ask one day,” he said. “At the same time, children are away for seven weeks and, you know, by and large we see a wonderful happy group of parents and campers, so I think it works. It’s tradition.”


    Listen to the VINnews podcast on:

    iTunes | Spotify | Google Podcasts | Stitcher | Podbean | Amazon

    Follow VINnews for Breaking News Updates


    Connect with VINnews

    Join our WhatsApp group


    20 Comments
    Most Voted
    Newest Oldest
    Inline Feedbacks
    View all comments
    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    12 years ago

    Its better for the kids and the parents to just stay home and not go through the trauma of visiting day. Summer camp should be a time of sorely needed separation and allowing the kids to develop without parental intervention.

    12 years ago

    Many camps have eliminated visiting day. For the campers that had been homesick, this can start homesickness all over again. For the campers whose parents are unable to come, it can cause jealousy and angst. By the time visiting day arrives, most of the children have adjusted to the camp schedule and visiting day can through schedules into complete turmoil. As the article states, some parents bring far too many goodies which can lead to jealousy in the cabins. Quite frankly, I think visiting day at camp should go the way of the dodo bird.

    KVETCH
    KVETCH
    12 years ago

    visiting day has nothing to do with camper or parents. ITS ALL FOR THE TIPS. All these camps are squeezing every penny they can from over burdened parents .(not sending isn’t always an option). Then take kids & teens for staff exploiting them to the max. Not only don’t they get paid ,they have to pay themselves for this honor,then they put the pressure & lay the guilt on the campers parents to tip these poor counselors for their job. Its time to stand up to these camps who are raking in a fortune ,& pay their staff.

    Mandel
    Mandel
    12 years ago

    don’t talk about visiting Sunday traffic all over the place, it is a nightmare!!!

    Babishka
    Member
    Babishka
    12 years ago

    The worst part is if the kid is not having a good time at camp and begs the parents to go home with them.

    shredready
    shredready
    12 years ago

    One day is not a big deal and sometimes things need to be discussed between the counselor and parents

    MDSAYS
    MDSAYS
    12 years ago

    Just thinking about visiting day brings on a headache, but the traffic, a total nightmare. After dealing with this for more than ten years, I joined a group of parents who bring their children home. Obviously one has to know their child. Our group of children are not little and don’t mind the drive, especially since they are going against traffic both ways. They also had enough of the usual visiting day run around. In the end, the children still get what they need for camp. Now, instead of the headaches and nightmares, we all get to feel the excitement of the visit.

    bpwife
    bpwife
    12 years ago

    its only not a big deal if ur in the country anyway….to shlep up and back on teh same day is an absolute nightmare!!
    to say nothing of the traffic either way, then if u dont have a base to go to …ex family members then u have to hang out like a ship without a dock…spend a fortune on lunch…then buy some goodies in the groceries….u could think camp aint expensive enough,…then comes visiting day ….adds another couple of dollars to ur already unaffordable summer!!!

    Boochie
    Boochie
    12 years ago

    why is it that camp cost $4,000 per child and they still make us tip?

    CountryYossi
    CountryYossi
    12 years ago

    I spent 9 summers in Satmar camp and there was never a visiting day…Yes there was a Green bus that brought parents up on Sunday and waited for 3 hours and back to the city..This bus was only for parents who did not have a car (those years no one thought of leasing a vechile) …Parents were welcome anytime ,and anyday…
    I had my kids in other camps and have seen kids devastated on visiting days because their parents were working and couldnt get the sunday off….

    12 years ago

    I cant stand reading about the “crying kids” whose parents couldnt make it or some other sob stories.
    Seriously, who raises such wusses?
    My parents came to visiting day once in my 6 years in camp; they were very busy, I understood it, I played games and went swimming and had no complaints.
    And I wasnt so extraordinary; I just had a healthy understanding that not always do u get everything that everyone else has.
    Parents need to be mechanech their kids more, spoil them a little less, and then there wont be such major trauma attached to every part of life.
    Half of me suspects that its not the kids but the parents who are too childish to risk giving their kids “less” than the next guy.

    Secular
    Secular
    12 years ago

    You all sound like spoiled brats!!

    Camp is NOT a necessity. It is a luxury.

    Most people out of New York do NOT send their children to camp in the Catskills. Those who do, usually cannot fly in for visiting day. If children will get homesick and ‘breakdown’ during their parents visit, maybe they are not ready to be sent away. Certainly if children can’t hold out for those few weeks without seeing their parents, that one day, should also not be sent away.

    Every year there is an article or a story about some KVETCH who is upset about having to make the trip ‘all the way up’ to the Catskills.

    These are PERCEIVED and MADE-UP problems.

    People get a grip!

    Some teenagers take college classes or work in the summer , and don’t have the luxury of traveling to never never land for two months a year. Parents need to be firm and not cave in to children (or their neighbors) peer pressure.

    People: GROW-UP !!

    Moser
    Moser
    12 years ago

    The truth is everything in NY is more trouble than its worth. Don’t know why people choose to stay there.

    Chevraman
    Chevraman
    12 years ago

    What is going on in those camp anyway that visitors cannot be allowed in except on visiting day? We are talking about summer camps, right? As opposed to prison camps!
    As for an official visiting day, where parents feel pressured into visiting, I would suggest having only one such day a summer; at the point where the first season ends and the second commences. Since the first half is coming home anyway, and the second is either still at home or just arrived in camp, only those parents whose kids are away for the full eight weeks and are truly missed need attend.

    ALLAN
    ALLAN
    12 years ago

    I went to “camp” in 1966…it was free, compliments of the United States Army and no visitors were allowed. The food wasn’t bad but here was too much yelling and screaming at the “campers” when we didn’t do something correctly.