New York – Editorial: Lessons From a Tragedy

New York – The heart-wrenching events of the past few days have all of New York in a state of despondency – Jew and non-Jew alike. One walks into the office, into shul, into a food establishment, and encounters solemn, glum expressions, which is a fact reflective of the deep bond that we all share with one another. And like all tragic events in life and in our history, our task must be to take some lesson home from all this senseless tragedy.

One lesson is the ever deepening realization of how much we all care for one another. When Osama Bin Ladin was caught – we all shared that joy – together, because finally the countless victims of that horrific Twin Tower devastation have received justice. Their family members have achieved closure. And when young Leiby was missing, thousands of us reached out and searched.

I don’t know who first asked the question, but it is wrong to express the sentiment of “where have all our heroes gone.”

They are here among us. Heroes laugh with us in times of joy. Heroes help us when we need assistance. And heroes cry with us when there is what to cry about.

Heroes are those in the public service who gave of their time to search and comfort. Heroes are the members of the police department and the FBI. Heroes are Shomrim and Hatzolah, and the many NY politicians who where on scene, such as Assemblyman Dov Hikind who did not move for two days from the command post.

Heroes are the owners of businesses who took of their time and from their business to help others. Heroes are the people that came in from Monsey and the Catskills to help search. Heroes are those who stood outside handing out water to those that were searching.

Leiby Kletzky, alav haShalom, has the merit of letting us see our heroes.

We are all a bit at fault. We didn’t really see them before. We do now.

But let’s not stop here. Let’s try to make a more substantive change in our regular, every day discourse. Let’s try to not be so critical of others, and start seeing the good. Aharon HaKohen saw the good in everyone, and doing so allowed him to do foster remarkable growth – both in ruchniyus and Dveikus Bashem. Not just in him, but in others around him too.

This is one important lesson.

But there is another lesson too. No one can ever be sure what prompted this evil abhorrent act. No one can truly fathom what lay in the depths of another’s heart. But most people who kidnap or abduct do so for quite nefarious purposes.

And, in our quest to maintain the purity of our souls and those of our children, we have perhaps erred in our observance of an important piece of advice.

We have perhaps ignored the wisdom of of our sages in the classical Jewish sources (Derech Eretz Rabbah) of “Kabdeihu veChashdeihu – Honor others, but don’t assume that everyone is above suspicion.” If we know the person that is one thing, but in regard to strangers there is an obligation to assume the worst. Not that this should be expressed, but at least we should teach our students and our children to be wary.

Let us truthfully ask ourselves the following questions – answer them, and answer them honestly.

If a religious individual approached your nine year old child and said, “Excuse me what’s your name? It’s very important..” – would your child answer?

If the person then answered, “Oh, Boruch Hashem, I found you! Your mother was in a terrible car accident, she will be all right but she wanted me to bring you to the emergency room right away!” – What would your child do?

Question number two: Your son is waiting for you at the pool. He is waiting to be picked up. In the meantime someone that he marginally knows, perhaps from shul, offers him a ride home. What will your son do? Will he respectfully decline? Should he?

The prudent answer is yes. And yet, our kids will probably miss the mark.

I know that I, personally, have been negligent and that my child would probably not be distrustful. He would take the ride, in both cases.

If we love our children, we should tell them how to act in such a situation. It is a Derech Eretz Rabbah (chapter five) and a Kallah Rabasi (chapter nine).

The takeaway from lesson number two? Let’s sit down with our kids and make sure that they know – never to go with people they do not know. Let’s also make sure that we create a list of trustworthy people among the subset of people that they do know. This is not alarmist, or over-reactive – it is completely rational. It is what I plan to do this evening.

And, finally, one third lesson. Now again, a disclaimer: It is not known if the motivations of the perpetrator were of a deviant nefarious nature or whether he was just murderously ill. But since this is the modus operandi of most kidnappings, let’s assume that perpetrators of such horror do so because they wish to molest young children.

If so, perhaps it is time to change the way we, as a community, deal with known and identifiable molesters.

Why is it that our “respectable,” reputable and highly regarded media never identify known dangers in our community?

A highly regarded, well-known Posaik told me just today that it is a Mitzvah Lefarsaim – a commandment to publicize such people, as long as we are fairly certain that it is true. It is a Mitzvah lefarsaim. Yet scour the pages of our publications and, with a handful of exceptions, we just don’t find it.

In keeping with the first lesson mentioned above, about looking at the good and keeping a positive tone and outlook, we must take care how we make this change. But a sea change is definitely required. Human life depends upon it.

Change is happening, to that there is no question. Rav Moshe Sternbuch of the Eida Chareidis, and a Talmid of the Chazon Ish zatzal, has always been at the forefront of reporting. Last week a member of Moetzes Gedolei Torah himself went to the police department to turn in a child molester. This week the Bais Din in Crown Heights ruled that there is no prohibition of of Mesirah when dealing with a child molester.

However, it is happening too slowly, and in some areas, sad to say, not at all. In this area, change should not come on tiptoes.

When will we realize that it is not just emotional depression and possible future suicides that can happen – but it is an issue of “lo saamod al dam rayacha” itself?

The author can be reached at [email protected]