New York, NY – Linda is whisked to a private, VIP room that has been graced by assorted NYC elites. She’s a young, fashionable, Louboutin-loving mom from Forest Hills who gladly spends as much on her shoes as she does haircuts. A fact that normally wouldn’t turn heads — except that these costly sessions, which run about $325, aren’t for her own hair. They’re for her wig.
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While her fellow Orthodox Jewish friends schlep to Brooklyn to visit the basement beauty salons of the “sheitel lady,” Linda, a 29-year-old home-care nurse who asked that her last name not be used, breaks tradition: Her chosen one is 15 stories above Fifth Avenue, at the Louis Licari salon. There, she’s spent thousands of dollars, since getting married nine years ago, to see her stylist and wig artiste, Arsen Gurgov.
“It’s my wig,” Linda says. “I can’t just trust any woman with it. I can’t afford to get it wrong. I don’t think I’m extravagant in my day-to-day life, but if people consider my sheitel maintenance extravagant, so be it. My wig is not something I would try to save money on.”
Like Linda, a growing number of Orthodox women in NYC are stepping out at upscale Manhattan salons and spending anywhere from $300 to $1,600 on the styling of their wigs just before the High Holy Day of Rosh Hashanah, which begins at sundown tomorrow.
“Everyone does their hair before Rosh Hashanah,” says Gurgov. “Even if they neglect their hair all year, this is the time.”
For years, Orthodox women have lamented that their wigs could be spotted like a bad toupee. There were fewer salons that specialized in the styling of these wigs, and less of an emphasis on fashion or style in the community.
But as more frum (pious) women started to demand a more contemporary — and convincing — look, that’s not the case anymore.
“It’s definitely more expensive, but it’s worth it,” adds Linda. She’s on her fifth wig in nine years.
With upfront wig costs climbing well into the thousands, maintaining a haute wig hairstyle is no easy — or cheap — feat. Even lower-end blended wigs with partial human hair will cost $500, while top-of-the-line, 100 percent European-hair wigs can run up to $6,000. It is customary for the husband’s family to buy a woman’s first wig.
And whether it’s the Kardashian, the Rachel or the Jackie, Orthodox women show up at salons with ripped magazine pages wanting a cutting-edge cut like everyone else.
“More women are leaving the sheitel lady behind and coming to me,” says Gurgov, who boasts a few dozen Orthodox clients.
Modest = 6 grand on a wig and another 1000 to style it? Who knew?
Everyone is entitled to their own meshugaas. If it somehow makes her feel better about herself to spend this money on somthing as stupid as a sheitel, and she is spending her own money, rather than money she gets in welfare or from her inlaws, its her business. Further, it might make her more confident in here teffilot and dealings with other people.
“But as more frum (pious) women started to demand a more contemporary—and convincing—look”…isn’t that an oxymoron. If you are pious, why are you demanding a more convincing look?
so much for “Bnos Yisroel Tznuin.” How much gashmiyos do we need?
There is more to a tzniyut life than long hems, long sleeves, and a high neckline…
This is the new lows we have come down to and the whole world is finding out about how low we have all sank.
It defeats the whole purpose of a woman covering her head! Rav Ovadia Yoseph Shlita knew what he was talking about when he forbade Sheitels! He foresaw where this meshugaas was heading to!
FYI, Arsen is a Bukharian guy, I am sure that people that spend thousands on self insurgencies will find a heter for negia and uncovering your hair in public. Maybe this need is a sickness so he is like a doctor.
It is important to look and feel good but where do you draw the line?
so sad. this is the focus before rosh hashana? women going to such extremes w time & $$, now & anytime? no wonder we are in galus.
How about being so concerned with looking tznius yet if you look at the picture on the post’s website a man is styling the wig? Oxymoron anyone?
would be better off doing other things before rosh hasonah like your soul
Sick Sick Sick, I understand its before yom tov you have to look nice, but to point out ROSH HASHANA, and to spent this kinds of Money, Salons in bp and flatbush ask about $200-$300 is a lot, this is way too much, especially in this times when people don’t have $$$ to make normal yom tov in their houses and to dress their kids normal,
i am sorry to say but this is embarassing. there are so many people out there these days who cant afford their childrens tuition and to put food on their tables or pay their mortgages and to read that someone can spend this kind of money on wig styling….i really want to puke.
i can jsut about imagine what other people say when reading this.
You spent $1,000 to style a wig?? Whoever spent that money is a sucker and whoever took it is a ganif.
abselutly sick and i pity her husband!!
perhaps modernity isn’t so good after all…
And here we go again with the predictably judgmental comments. It’s sad that we’ve reached the point where the only way to feel good about our own yiddishkeit is by putting down others. So a woman wants to spend money (even a lot of money) on her wig. So what! The only people who have the right to weigh in are the parties involved, her and her husband. Everybody else? Worry about your own finances and priorities, and make sure that you are doing nothing that others could criticize.
this article will invite thieves to rip off the sheitel from the heads of women…or grab the boxes that they are put into…..dont flaunt your riches out in public
For all you do-gooders with your self rightousness putting down people while referencing Rosh Hashana. Look at yourselves. Its almost Rosh Hashana. Stop judging people! Leave that to Hashem. AND FYI- in th eashkenazi world, a woman covers her hair primarily because
A) a married womans hair is called “ervah” . If its covered it alleviates the issue. Whether or not it looks covered does not take away from the reality .
B) A woman should have the reminder that she is married and thus will act differently. If she is wearing a wig she knows it. No matter how natural it looks to an outsider.
While I am not advocating for natural looking wigs, and yes this does bring on some issues of maaras ayin , people mistakenly think that the main reason for shaitels is so that a lady should not look attractive for other males. Some poskim do hold this reason is primary AS WELL, and therefore restrict sheitels etc
But many many poskim of charedi nature don’t view this as the primary reason and thus natural sheitels came into play.
One last thing- get your hands and minds out of other peoples wallets. She can spend her money on what she’d like. Until someone named Linda with a $1000 styling job comes knocking on your door for a hand-out, let her spend her money as she deems fit
shana tova
I hate wearing a sheital! I hate it! But I wear one because I am at work all day, I can’t wait to come home and take it off and put on a comfortable tichel. I just bought a new sheital for the first time in 10 years, for $800.
So the new definition of tznius is spending $6,000 on a wig to make sure it looks exactly like your original hair? My wife wears a beautiful $20 Snood, even on shabbos. Of course, the women at shul told her its not appropriate and she should look into finding a more “modern” community that accepts such dress type. Something tells me Hashem is not pleased with the direction his religion has taken with regards to certain things, such as wigs that cost more than used cars.
Wow. On Erev Rosh Hashanah, when there are so very many important things to do, (pay your debts, cook, teshuvah, anyone?) you sad, lonely people sit in front of your computer MOCKING others. Just for the fun of it. Are you bored? Are you lonely? Put your money where your mouth is. Stop posting stupid things, get out of your chair, take one dollar out of your pocket, and give it to someone in need. Then, if you’re still bored, ask your wife if you could help out for Yom Tov. Review a Gemara. Do ANYTHING for Rosh Hashanah. ANYTHING BUT speak evil about others. Are you looking for someone shine a flashlight at everything YOU do with your money? I suspect, if we examined your ‘distinguished’ life, we’d be less than impressed with your stellar accomplishments. (Yay. You can blog. Put it on your headstone if you’re that proud) One day you might have money (if you ever get away from the computer and DO something) and you won’t give the world an account of how you spent your money, will you?
EREV ROSH HASHANAH! At least, PRETEND those words mean something to you! May Hashem bless us all with a wonderful new year, and may we all be zoche to learn how to be dan l’kaf zechus our fellow Jew!
I don’t understand why you people think that a women is not aloud to look the best!
Especially when the husband asks for it!
I’ve been buying wigs thru mail order or online for years. I felt really guilty when I paid (gasp!) over $100 for a new wig. Granted, it is synthetic, but because I prefer shorter hair, most people can’t tell it’s a wig. As for cleaning & styling, I do it myself.
If Linda and all those that this much are paying full tuition for all of their children, let her spend 30,000 on each shaitel – gezunterheit! May G-d grant you all gezunt, nachas, and plenty of parnassah so that we can all do what we please with our money.
Disgusting
I am not sure what the source is of the original article. CAN you cite an example of a $6,000 wig or even $5000???? or was this just another ploy to demean and degrade Jewish women, as if they are not already enough degraded?
However good a sheitel is, with a little bit of experience anyone can tell that its a wig. If you have the money, spend it gezuntaheit – its a parnossa for someone else. For all those that cant afford expensive sheitel or styling, then you are foolish for copying everyone else & going into debt over it. As for psak of wearing a sheitel – ask YOUR OWN Orthodox Rabbi & let everyone else ask theirs.
Sick Sick Sick, I understand its before yom tov you have to look nice, but to point out ROSH HASHANA, and to spent this kinds of Money, Salons in bp and flatbush ask about $200-$300 is a lot, this is way too much, especially in this times when people don’t have $$$ to make normal yom tov in their houses and to dress their kids normal,
This must have started with the lady who sent her 3,000 dollar wig to the cleaners and ended up in a “lawsuit” on people’s court. Now these women go to high end stylists, really lshem shamayim so as not to end up in a situation that may be chilul Hashem. It’s all good. (wink, wink)
It annoys me how people love to judge other people’s finances. Anyone who just left a comment telling people to stop spending so much money on this please send everyone your financial breakdown and how you spend your money so you can get judged on it. Dont judge people. Leave that to God. There are far FAR worse things that people can spend money on besides a Sheitel.
1) Question: Why does your wife wear only a headscarf, and not a wig?
Answer: First of all: why is a married woman not allowed to walk with her head uncovered?
There are two different prohibitions:
A.) “Pritzut degavrey” – a Torah prohibition – forbidden to expose hair in the presence of a strange man (Shulchan Aruch -Orach Chaim 75, Mishnah Berurah 10, Geder Olam preface and chapter1) [Geder Olam – is a book by Chofetz Chaim about the prohibition to walk bare-headed).
B.) “Seahr ba_isha erva – a Rabbinical prohibition – it is forbidden for a man to utter a “davar shebakdusha” , for instance – the Name of God or a prayer – in front of the hair of a married woman – even if it’s his wife. In such a situation he must turn to another direction, not enough to just close his eyes (Shulchan Aruch – Orach Chaim 75:2, and Mishnah Berurah, same… siman 5).
“Erva” (see Talmud, Tractate Brachot) – is the part of the body that is supposed to be covered on the street. That’s why a wig is not “erva” since it’s not part of a body. This is a Rabbinical prohibition.
But the first prohibition – “pritzut degavrey” – is the Torah prohibition – refers to the beauty and attractivenes
But the first prohibition – “pritzut degavrey” – is the Torah prohibition – refers to the beauty and attractiveness of hair – so the husband can look at his wife’s hair, but a strange man cannot. Therefore, if the wig has the same power of attraction as the hair, the wig is prohibited as well as the hair. Here is what Chessed leAvraham (Rav Avraham Azulai (years 1570-1643), a (great?)Grandfather of the well-known Rav Chida) writes: “since the whole point of the prohibition is because of the “pritzut degavrey” – It attracts the attention of men, there is no difference between her hair and a wig – it is one and the same Torah prohibition, because it is the external attractive-appearance that Torah forbids; many more Poskim write the same.Meaning: at home, if there are no strange men around, a woman may wear a wig and her husband may say “davar shebakdusha” like G-d’s name or prayer. But she may not go on a street wearing the wig.An ex for comparison: a woman is not allowed to wear a red colored clothing – it’s immodest (see commentaries on the Shulchan Aruch – Yoreh Deyah 178:1).
2) Question: It is known that it’s already written in the Talmud that women wore wigs -and that is the basis for the permitting opinion of rabbis of past generations (Shiltei Giborim, Rama, and others…). – Is that so?!
Answer: Here is what all the Rishonim (first and main Talmudic commentators) write:
Women, who have had their good, beautiful, full hair, did not wear wigs at all.
In the house and in their backyard, they walked with their heads uncovered (Ktubot 72:2 and in the commentaries there, the Magen Avraham 75:4); and on the streets they wore a headscarf. In those generations the book of Zohar was not yet revealed, requiring to cover hair additionally in the house and in the backyard; and it has not yet become widely known that the righteous Kimchit merited to have seven sons serving as Cohanim Gedolim (High-Priests), because even the walls of her house had not seen her hair (the story of Kimchit is brought up in Talmud, in Tractate Yoma 47:1), so in their house and their backyard they did not have to cover their hair.
An important note: at the time of the Talmud there was a fence around the yard, because in the yard, not in the house, they cooke
An important note: at the time of the Talmud there was a fence around the yard, because in the yard, not in the house, they cooked and washed- and strange men generally were not present there (see Rashi, tractate Bava Batra top).
Women who did not have good, full hair (i.e., bald, gray, etc.) wore wigs in the house as well as in the yard to please their husbands. On the street they covered the entire wig with a scarf to look like all women – and all married women went on the street with a kerchief on their heads. Specifically that was the whole point of the wig – “to look like everyone else “- in the yard and on the street. The wig created the effect that underneath the headscarf there is good, full hair. Besides, in case the scarf would accidentally move, nobody would see that there is a problem with the hair. Here is what many commentators of the Talmud write – to quote two of them:Ritva (Tractate Shabbat 65:1): “a woman wears something UNDER a headscarf because of a defect in her hair.” And it is the opinion of all Rishonim (first and foremost Talmudic commentators).Vilna Gaon (Shnot Eliahu Tractate Shabbat Chapter 6 Mishnah 5): “a woman comes out in a wig – it means she ha
3) Question: But our great-grandmothers in Russia and Europe wore wigs! We have a tradition which we rely on! Answer: The custom of wearing wigs in “reshut harabim” (i.e. on the street) appeared in the latest generations of about 150 years ago due to the decree of the Russian Tsar for Jews to change their attire:
Aruch HaShulchan Ohr hAChaim 551:11: “in our time – because of the order of the authorities we have changed the dress code” – and Jewish women were forced to walk bare-headed – the idea was thought of and promoted to the Tsar by the renegade Jews (maskilim). Rav Shlomo Kluger (in the book Shnot Chaim 316): “There was a “gzera” in Russia (an order decreed by the authorities) to go bare-headed – and in our time many walk that way deliberately.” I.e.: first, there was a “gzera”; afterwards this “tradition” spread from city to city and from country to country, from Russia to Europe. Unfortunately, even the wives of Rabbis walked with uncovered head. Attempts to justify (already after the gzera was canceled) that this “tradition” is contrary to the Torah brought no results – see Aruch HaShulchan 75:7, Kaf HaChaim 75.
Righteous Jewish women could not walk in a kerchief during the gzera, as expected by the Torah law, but did not want to walk bare-headed – so they had chosen the lesser of two evils – wearing a wig. So, for the royal gendarmeries, they looked like women with their heads uncovered. But they intentionally made their wigs such that they did not attract attention, not like today’s wigs, which are more beautiful than one’s own hair.
Now please tell: Is this the tradition on which we rely? Is this the tradition that we should continue?
4) Question: A wig is forbidden because of “Mar’it Ayin” as, for example: fish blood is forbidden (if some may think that it’s a blood of an animal which is forbidden). Meaning the whole point of prohibiting wigs is that people may think that it’s a woman’s own hair. But today there’s no such problem since everyone knows that it’s a wig.Answer: Those who write that the reason for the prohibition on wigs is – “mar’it ayin” as, rely on the words of the author of the book Be’er Sheva (he was the first who wrote that the wig is prohibited due to “mar’it ayin”).
He writes that the wig is prohibited, and continues: “… because a lot of things were banned by the sages FOR WOMEN because of mar’it ayin…”. That is: Precisely for women there are many restrictions due to ‘mar’it ayin’.
It can be concluded that the Be’er Sheva has in mind “mar’it ayin” analogous to the ban on the blood of fish (which is really allowed, but may think that this is the blood of animals, which is not allowed). If so, then why does it say “for women”? There is NOWHERE in the Law where not only “a lot”, but even one issur-prohibition of “mar’it ayin” for women is mentioned. He had to write just “…
He had to write just “… because a lot of things were banned by the sages because of “mar’it ayin”…”
There are other meanings for the words “mar’it ayin”:
A.) The Talmud Tractate Shabbat 64:2
“… Why the Jews in that generation needed atonement – because” they ‘zanu’ (satiated) their eyes with what was forbidden to see …” – Rashi explains: The Jews had “mar’it ayin” – here “mar’it ayin” means – to see what is forbidden to see.
B.) The Mishnah tractate Bchorot Chapter 7 mishnayot 3 and 5: The physical defects of the bodies of Cohanim are listed – because of which they cannot work in the Bet HaMikdash (Temple). The reason for this prohibition is – “mar’it ayin”. – Tiferet Yisrael writes: The “mar’it ayin” that the Mishna is talking about is not something that looks like a trauma- but it is something that has an unusual outer appearance.
That is: other than the usual for us understanding of the words “mar’it ayin” – to cause suspicion – there are at least two more. The common implication in them all is: “mar’it ayin” – see that which attracts attention. Also, in our case – Beer Sheva writes: a wig is “mar’it ayin” – attracts attention, it is immodest. The problem is t
The “mar’it ayin” that the Mishna is talking about is not something that looks like a trauma- but it is something that has an unusual outer appearance.
That is: other than the usual for us understanding of the words “mar’it ayin” – to cause suspicion – there are at least two more. The common implication in them all is: “mar’it ayin” – see that which attracts attention. Also, in our case – Beer Sheva writes: a wig is “mar’it ayin” – attracts attention, it is immodest. The problem is that the wig is immodest, and not that it will be mistaken for your hair.
Otherwise it is impossible to explain why he writes: “… a lot of things were banned by the sages FOR WOMEN because of “mar’it ayin”…”
5) Question: The purpose of the obligation to cover one’s head is for other’s not to think that a married woman is not married-but today they know she’s married.
Answer:
A.) This is incorrect. This is not the purpose of the ‘kesui rosh’ (the requirement of a head covering) regulation.
Imagine a school for girls where teachers wear wigs. If these girls will put on these same wigs and hence look as if they’re married – will anyone say that it is against the law for the reason that now one can’t tell who is married and who is not?
If, on the other hand at a school for girls where teachers wear headscarves, the students will put on the similar headscarves – obviously, none of the rabbis will say: “No! How will we now know who is married and who is not?” On the contrary, they’ll say: “Very good. This is more modest”.Moreover, in many eastern communities – the girls as well as married women walked with headscarves – according to you this should be forbidden.B.) If this would be the point of the hair covering, the Torah could require of the married women to make a special mark on their clothes, as do police officers, as did Canaanite slaves (see Talmud, Tractate Shabbat 57:2).
Why the necessity to take away from a woman all her beauty? And even if the Torah wanted to make this special sign to be clearly visible – that it should be principally on the head – enough to put on a little hat or a scarf in the middle of the head – and already she would be clearly seen as married. Why completely cover the hair? The whole essence of the prohibition specifically for the married women is that:
– The penalty for violating the issur-prohibition for somebody’s wife is much stricter than the issur-prohibition for an unmarried woman;
– The inclination for that which is forbidden – yetzer-haRa – for another man’s wife is stronger (because the “forbidden water tastes better” – see Talmud tractate Sanhedrin 75:1, and a tractate Avodah Zarah 20:1);
– She has no reason to be liked by outsiders / strangers. But an unmarried lady may adorn herself to find a bridegroom (see Talmud, Tractate Ta’anit 13:2 – girls beautifying themselves even in the days of mourning for their father – to look pleasing to a prospective groom). The fact that some girls wear headscarves in certain eastern communities – is a stringency of the law, for greater modesty.
See: Chofetz Chaim
See: Chofetz Chaim in the preface and in the fourth chapter of the book Geder Olam where he writes: “It is obvious and clear to everyone that the meaning of the law of ‘kesui rosh’ – is ‘tzniut’ – modesty …. One of the reasons why women walk with their heads uncovered is – ‘yetzer-haRa’ which “encourages the woman to adorn herself and attract attention with her hair; and for that she will answer in the future.”
From the words of Chofetz Chaim we see that (1) the gist of the commandment to cover the hair is – modesty, and (2) that it is obvious, and (3) that the hair of the married make her more attractive and that is why they must be covered. Wigs – today – are more beautiful than one’s own hair and the fact that people “know” that it is a wig, does not in any way kill the ‘yetzer-haRa’ for another man’s wife – a human nature perseveres in men.
Talmud Tractate Ktubot 72:2 and all the commentators there, Trumat Adeshen 10, Levush Even haEzer 21:2: Jewish women must not walk with their heads uncovered on the street – because it is ‘pritzut’ (immodest/not dignified) for them; and also there’s a kabalistic connotation in this prohibition. Furthermore (this was already brought in the first section), when Chessed LeAvraham writes: “since the whole point of the prohibition is because of the “pritzut degavrey” – It attracts the attention of men, there is no difference between her hair and a wig – it is one and the same Torah prohibition, because it is the external attractive-appearance that Torah forbids; many more Poskim write the same.
Conclusion: A woman is not obligated to look married, but IS obligated to look modest.
About 35 years ago (or more precisely: since 1975) a group of Rabbis began to scrutinize the details of all laws relating to wigs, and found in the book – Makor Chaim (the author is known as “Chovot Yair”- lived about 300 years ago) and in other books – that there is no dispute and that Shiltei Giborim prohibits the wig in reshut-harabim and in his permission – he has in mind – the yard. [And Rama and a few more authors understood his heter-permission the same way – they also allow the wig ONLY in the house and in the backyard].We have already mentioned (with more details in the second section of the book) that: (1) the yard at the time of the Talmud was surrounded by a fence and strange men were not generally there, (2) only in the yard of a woman walked in wearing a wig without a headscarf on it, (3) in reshut- harabim / on the street – the wig was worn with of a headscarf on top that covered the wig completely.Why is it generally accepted that Shiltei Giborim writes about ‘reshut- harabim’? Talmudic commentators tried to understand what exactly Shiltei Giborim allows:
Talmudic commentators tried to understand what exactly Shiltei Giborim allows:
– If he allows the wig with a scarf on top of it – it is clear that it is permissible – it is not necessary to write about that;
– If he allows an uncovered wig in the yard – it is also clear that it is permissible [they held that in the courtyard one can walk with the head uncovered – what’s the purpose of writing about the wig].
So what comes out is: Shiltei Giborim allows a bare wig on the street (if only by default / there are no other options left), although he himself never writes in his book that he permits it. And with this resolution dozens of rabbis of following generations began arguing: in the Talmud, there are no proofs that it is allowed to wear a wig in ‘reshut harabim’. Where are the three (!) proofs that it is mutar/permitted, if there is not even one? Moreover, if there is proof – it is that – wearing a wig in public / ’reshut harabim’ is prohibited. And how could Shiltei Giborim contradict all the commentators who were before him?
Chovot Yair draws attention to the following: Shiltei Giborim considered as did part of the commentators before him, that already during the Talmudic times women took upon themselves an additional requirement: to cover their heads not only on the street but also in the yard. This means that the answer to the question “Can one wear a wig in the courtyard” is not self-evident. Hence, it is necessary to understand whether the wig in courtyard is allowed or not allowed. In his book, Shiltei Giborim proves that when they took on the additional restriction – not to walk in the yard with their heads uncovered, they have not extended this issur/prohibition on wigs. That is: if, previously, a woman walked in her backyard wearing a wig, she continued to do so after the onset of this ruling.In the text of Shiltei Giborim itself – there are many ambiguities and obscure places-if we assume that he writes about “reshut harabim. But if we say that he writes about the yard, everything will become clear. Here’s one example: Shiltei Giborim builds his whole evidence on the Mishnah of Tractate Shabbat 64:2, which states: “… a woman comes out … in a wig into a courtyard …”
And ALL (!) Rabbis were saying: assur/ forbidden. This is the Torah prohibition. See, for example, what Chofetz Chaim writes in the Mishnah Berura 75:10, and in his book Geder Olam. Why? Let’s say: we’re all used to the hair of married women – and there is no problem. This is why- nothing changes the fact that we are used to the wigs. The Torah forbids a married woman to expose her hair so as not to attract the attention of strange men, even if they are “accustomed” to see the hair of women. So that the woman would feel that she is married; that she should be liked by her husband, and not by the strange men. Therefore, a wig in our time is prohibited, just like woman’s own hair and even more so.
There are those who object that from under the headscarf sometimes a few hairs stick out but a wig covers the hair completely. The simple answer to this is that – wigs are prohibited as well as fully uncovered own hair. Additionally, everyone can see for himself: laws of Beit Yosef- Kriyat Shema chapter 75 and the Shulchan Aruch there paragraph 2 and see that this objection is wrong.
9) Question: What about “Shlom-Bayit” (peace in the home)-if a husband wants for his wife to wear a wig?Answer: Does the woman have to wear a wig on the street in order to please her husband so that he does not look at other women – while other men are looking at her? It turns out that:she’s “saving” her family, but at the same time destroying another – is this acceptable?Rabbeinu Yonah in Igeret Teshuva writes: “A woman must be modest and cautious so as no men look at her other than her husband. Because those who look go down to gehenom (hell), and she gets punished for all of them put together since she did not behave modestly and she’s the reason this is happening. “Orchot tzadikim: “A woman, who beautifies herself before men, ignites fire in their hearts and initiates forbidden thoughts in the heart; and therefore her punishment is very great.” Was it for this that she got married?The Talmud brings in stories about how a woman adorned herself in the house – for her husband, but walking out on the street she dressed modestly (wife of Aba Chilkiya and others). Rav Chaim Kanievsky writes about this in more detail in his book “Orchot Yosher” p.77. Details