Israel – Matchmaking, money and everything in between: With some 10,000 couples marrying every year the world of haredi matchmaking has become a major industry.
Subscribe to our Daily Roundup Email
According to the Central Bureau of Statistics (CBS) there are 135,000 households that see themselves as part of the haredi sector, and with an average of six members in each haredi family, roughly one million people belong to the haredi sector in society. This means that nearly every haredi family has a family member undergoing the matchmaking process at any given time.
Within the haredi population each community has its own clearly defined rules and regulations.
For example, in the Gur Hasidic sect the current rebbe has determined that only a certain number of people will be invited to the wedding, what kinds of gifts guests can give the couple, what the parents can give the bride and groom and whether to have a dessert table at the engagement party. He even has a say in where the young couple will live.
In haredi-Lithuanian (Misnagdim) circles it is more customary to “pay” for a good groom, one that sits and studies at the elite of yeshivas: Ponevitch, Chevron and Ateret Yisrael. A groom who is considered by his rabbis to be a scholar will receive the “full settlement” i.e. – the bride’s parents will pay for everything.
Though when the parents on both sides are considered to be equally wealthy it is often the custom to divide the expenses 50/50.
It should be noted that haredi wedding expenses are considerably cheaper than in other sectors of the population. An average plate will cost no more than NIS 100 ($26) and it is even possible to find settings for NIS 50-60 ($13-16), including tax.
But before the wedding, one must make a match. The matchmakers themselves have no easy task: Each must promote his “wares” in the best possible way, which is why they have the most intimate data on each and every candidate in their files; including each family’s financial information.
Why are the parents of a Litvasshe kallah willing to pay a “full settlement” for a chasson who will sit and learn at a top yeshiva, rather than hoping their daughter would find a bochur who has good midos, has graduated from a good yeshiva but also has a professional degree so he will be able to provide a parnassah for their daughter and their grandchildren? Is it just chassidim who care about such mundane matters as being able to support your family?
$13 – $16 a plate? Where is the wedding, at an outdoor falafel stand?
No mention is made in the article about the demand from the boy and his mommy that the potential kallah be no bigger than a size 4 and have had plastic surgery if her nose is not perfect.
I feel like throwing up.. Parents can barely support themselves, let the young man get a job and support his new wife.
I feel like throwing up.. Parents can barely support themselves, let the young man get a job and support his new wife.
I have married off my six beautiful daughters and have one more to go. It cost me between 100-150 thousand dollars for each wedding. The grooms study all day and night and my daughters work hard to help me support their families. I think I will be working until I die to help support my extended family, but I feel blessed to be able to do it.
This article is from YNet and was written by some person who is a “marketing” professional, whatever that means.
Well in vitznitz and.new square its about $13 a couple.yes its a simple meal and edible 85% of the time. I have gone to lots of weddings in both places. Yes its not the lavish Manhattan affair like the wedding I went to in the Ritz .do what u can afford its only five hours kol hakovod to the families who keep it to.the rare minimum as they really have no means of extra.monies. most people in my circles do not support there children. So if u have it very nice and u should feel.blessed.so many parents would love to give but they can’t.
I was in israel by a wedding and I know there is mo money there and I was shocked how thinks was servers so so fancy! For what? For whom?
wow, even as someone who is against the current kollel system, im still shocked by the outrage everyone here has at poster #7 .
I mean its one thing to complain about a system that cant sustain itself (which i believe is true), but in this case, this person has decided she wants her children to marry guys in learning and IS WILLING TO WORK TO PAY FOR IT.
i think that if you cant afford it, and are going to be asking the community to support your children that you are wrong, but everyone has the right to do what they want with their money, and this person decided they want to support their children.
Many years ago I was quite frustrated at the lavish cars and weddings I saw coming out of my (at the time) local neighborhood. Then I saw that same shul generate nearly a quarter millions dollars for a tsedaka on a single shabbos appeal. I saw one neighbor who I had always wondered about give over $100,000. If someone is giving that kind of tsedaka and wants to make a massive wedding, kol hakavod to him.
On the other hand, I was recently at wedding in Kiryat Sefer where the food was likely in the 50-70 shekel range and it was perfectly fine. It wasn’t the Hilton, but nobody there expected the Hilton and it was a beautiful wedding.
May we merit to see true simchas in our lives, regardless of our finances. Trust me, money doesn’t make you happy.
My daughter just got married in Satmar and they charged us less then $9,000 for 400 people (200 couples) and that included the built in cameras instead of a photographer, full computerized band (DJ), Badchan, flowers (fake), and Mazal Tov tables for another 300 people.
And Yes we were left with $141,000 extra so my son-in-law can sit in Kolel for another few years.
So you are to support your son-in-law as he learns…
You then a’h have grandchildren who are let us say 3 girls. How is your son-in-law going to be able to afford to pay for their weddings, and support their husband learn?
Instead those girls will get passed over to other girls who dads WORK and not sit and learn all day, since the other girls dads will be able to support these guys to sit on their butt and learn.
As a man in my late 30’s who is about to get married in about 7 weeks, I agree that a man should be required to earn a parnasah in order to get married. It is irresponsible for a man who does not have an income to get married, have children and have to be a schnorer and live off the parents. I know a young 22 year old man in Lakewood personally who got married over a year ago and refuses to get a job. He tells me that he is comfortable in his yeshiva and is scared to got out in the real world. This boy is married and has a responsibility to financially support his wife. If you want to learn, work during the day and learn at night like I do.
To # …..(I Don’t want to mention your # – so not to anger you more)
Bach supported his son in law Taz.
If he would send his son in law to work – there would not be Taz on Shulchan Oruch, no Ber Heitev, no Piskey tshuva.
Do me a favor, if that’s your ashkofa – $$$$$$ – keep it for yourself, but not to give a good bochur a chance to become a big Talmid chochom (if you have $) – it’s a krumkait.
If your doughter wants a working husband – great, but if someone wants to give his sons in law a chance to become great – kol akovod!
And don’t poison great parents in law, who support their children in Kollel, with your krume ashkofos!
to all of you
who feeds the birds and fish and animal, just because Adam sinned we were cursed to work by the sweat of your brow. it says if the guy is a masmid his work will be done by others.
Ask anyone in the accounting field and they will tell you that money lasts 3 generations. The generation that earned it, the children of those and the grandchildren. basically, the children blow it all on the grandchildren. Sadly, this is what you will all see very very soon. You have generations of kids of kollel couples who have blown throught the parents money. They cannot make shidduchim, because the princes (aka mamas’ boys) all want a rich girl, so that their son can sit on his fat behind and do nothing all day. anyone that believes that 6200 boys in fakewood are sincerely sitting and learning 8+ hours a day is a fool. So, parents, wake up and smell the coffee – you are subjecting your grandchildren to a life of poverty.
To #35
That might be why some are getting married only after 30
If one’d marry a girl while in Lakewood and still 20-22, learn for 5-10 years in Kollel, he’d end up much further in his life than if someone is working till 30 and than getting married