Elyachin, Israel – Rabbi Agrees to Drop Ban on ‘Hespedim’ Delivered by Women At Funerals

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    file photoElyachin, Israel – A rabbi in northern Israel who came under attack for what some called blatant male chauvinism agreed this week to stop reproaching women for eulogizing their deceased loved ones.

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    Haim Adani, Rabbi of Elyachin, a town of about 3,000 residents located near Hadera, agreed to stop preaching against women who asked to eulogize their loved ones and to join in the funeral procession.

    Adani changed his funeral policy after receiving a threatening letter from Attorney Aviad Hacohen, himself an Orthodox Jew. In the letter Hacohen, who represented Mordechai Avdiel, a member of Elyachin’s burial society, and others, warned Adani that he would take legal action unless the rabbi agreed to stop his gender-based discrimination.

    In response to Hacohen’s letter, Adani wrote that he would stop reproaching women. “Just as it is a mitzva to warn people who are willing to listen, so too it is a mitzva not to warn people who refuse to listen,” he said. In a telephone interview with The Jerusalem Post, Adani said that it caused a desecration of God’s name when women disregarded his calls not to eulogize or to join men in the funeral process.

    “Over the years the residents of Elyachin have become less religious,” said Adani. “Women are less willing to listen to me. So I plan to stop warning them.” Adani said that he took special heed after Hacohen brought it to his attention that restricting women from eulogizing was illegal and constituted discrimination.

    In his letter, a copy of which was sent to outgoing Religious Affairs Minister Yitzhak Cohen (Shas), Hacohen said that Adani’s custom was extreme in its stringency.”

    “Women are not being allowed to stand inside the room where the eulogizing takes place,” wrote Hacohen. “This leaves them exposed to the cold in the winter and the heat in the summer. This is a custom that is not accepted in most cemeteries run in accordance with Halacha. These stringencies are shared by a minority.”

    Adani said that the prohibition against allowing women to eulogize was done out of respect for the men. Women were not allowed to accompany the coffin along with men out of a desire to maintain modesty and separation between men and women.


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    46 Comments
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    samthenylic
    samthenylic
    14 years ago

    At the Satmar Rebbe’s levaya, the Rebbitzin Faiga spoke IN THE BIG BEIS HAMEDRASH- lifnei kol am v’eidah- for quite

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    14 years ago

    A wonderful example of why we should thank Hashem that Israel is a secular democracy and not in the control of these self-styled gedolim.

    PMO
    PMO
    14 years ago

    Who says this is assur? Can anyone show me where this is assur? Of course not! This is why we get mocked… when we just go and make up a phony halocho just to have something to do.

    I never figured out how people like Adani just decide one day that women are of no importance in anything outside the kitchen. It is phony halocho like this that gives the rest of us a bad name.

    Mashe
    Mashe
    14 years ago

    Also the minhug of separating men and women at the funeral home is not universally accepted. There is no halacha to do so.

    MS
    MS
    14 years ago

    Perhaps the Rabbi should consider as well why the people of his town have become less religious and less likely to listen to him.

    Sherree
    Sherree
    14 years ago

    Why would honoring men at a levaya be more important than honoring the wife or daughters or even mother of a niftar or nifteres. Who can say who is more chashuv at a person’s levaya, a Rav who chooses to judge this, or the aveilim who are obligated to be there? Who’s words are more important at a levaya, a stranger who is removed from the family even though they know the family well, or the mother, wife, sister or daughter of the niftar?

    I am not judging, it is not up to me to judge. I am just putting the question out there. If my daughter chose to speak at my levaya nuch 120, I would hope that she would be given the respect to do so, and that no one would have the chutzpah to judge her negatively but understand the pain of a daughter, and the need she would have to give respect to her mother at that final time. If I have the strength and presence of mind to do that for my mother nuch 120, I would hope that any Rav in my daled amos would allow me to give my mother the respect she deserves from me, since I know her and love her better than anyone else in the world. Of course I would never do anything that was not tznuah especially because I would be honoring my mother. And I highly doubt that any one of these women who were hesped their family members were anything but tzenuah either.

    It is so easy to judge others, it is much harder to be dan l’kaf zchus.

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    14 years ago

    FEMINISM at its best. oyyy the goyish culture has such a hold on us that we can differentiate between right and wrong.

    esther
    esther
    14 years ago

    i cv’s would not chastise a mourner and as for the satmar rebitzen,she’s obviously in a league of her own.however for most frum women speaking in public in a religous setting ie shul,funeral, simcha etc is not done.this is a sensitivity ,not necessarily a din ,as with much of sneeus.it’s a feeling az see past nisht.one can see sneeus as a burden or as our crown.

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    14 years ago

    some people take this to an exaggerated degree. a woman should take a step back, fade into the background, don’t speak out, don’t push forward. leave all the important stuff to the men. what an insult!!!!

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    14 years ago

    It is a chillul hashem for this rebbe to tell the wife of the niftar that she cannot give a hesped speaking to her love for her husband and what a wonderful neshama he was…Even in death, these fanatics invoke such hurtful issurim that only increase the pain for the family.

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    14 years ago

    I once went to a levayah in a Young Israel out of town, a few hundred people and the wife was maspid. At first I felt this is just not done in Boro Park, so it is not right…

    But after a few minutes, she cried and eulogized her husband so well, there was a hushed silence and even the “ultra” in the crowd felt this was a most respectful gesture.

    Hard to say though if it could work in the community here on an ongoing basis.

    lamdes
    lamdes
    14 years ago

    so the satmar rebbetzin zt’l came into shul when the rbbe had his stroke in ’67 (?) and oped the aron kodesh in front of the whole cong. (was sahbbos morning..so youre going to have`every yiddene come in too when husband, child etc is sick. anyway, i see thjose who are yirei shomayim and follow the shulchun urech always are on one side of the issue regarding whats right or not and those who are influenced by secular dass ball habais are always on the other side and i leave it up to your imagination which is which

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    14 years ago

    To clarify something that bothered me from #12 and #17 . I believe we are working with poor definitions, and the misuse of words clouds issues such as these. Halakha is not a monolithic body – it contains room for both stringency and leniency. Humrot do fall within the category of Halakha. However, the issue here is that we are not even dealing with a Humra but rather with some kind of invented psak with no basis. This “rabbi” should back away and let his people grieve.

    Kidney Donor from Boro Park
    Kidney Donor from Boro Park
    14 years ago

    Mazel Tov. Women should definately be allowed to give a hesped. I am sure many, many frum women are very frustrated they can’t talk about their parent or sister or brother at a levayah. I can’t see anything wrong as long as men and women are seperated and the women speak in the women’s section – there should be no objection. A man is not allowed to hear a woman sing, but there is not halacha against hearing a woman talk!!!

    May we only discuss simchas in the future.

    Chaya Lipschutz

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    14 years ago

    In hilchos krias megila we see that woman are kosher to read the megila BUT THEY SHOULDN’T READ FOR MEN CUZ IT’S NOT A KOVED THAT MEN LISTEN TO WOMAN.

    chief doofis
    chief doofis
    14 years ago

    A young lady, related to me. lost her father a few years ago. She was prohibited from entering the cemetery. After much crying, cajoling, etc., the compromise was that she could view the Kvura from a distance, sort of like Moshe’s view from Mt. Nevo! What a great way to turn of kids from Yiddishkeit!

    When people adopt chumras, that’s fine. But they have no right to judge others who won’t accept them, nor to impose them upon the unwilling.

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    14 years ago

    While we are not forced to accept a minhag or chumra of someone else’s leaders, we are expected to honor them, and to follow them when visiting them.
    I may allow my wife to wear 70 denier stocking at times, but if we visit Kiryas Joel, I will ask her to wear 100’s with seams, or Danskin black tights, as those are the accepted norm in that community.
    This is called respect.
    It does not mean we are phonies. It means we have respect for others.
    Now shaitel/hat/teechel wise, we are the same. She wears a short teechel with a hat at all times outdoors.
    But, if our minhag was to allow only a shaitel, we would certainly choose only a short shaitel and cover with a hat or teechel for KJ. Again RESPECT.

    Those who cry, “Why should we HAVE to ………..?” are showing their lack of respect, as well as their overall lack of class. A classy person is not afraid to sublimate his/her one needs and desires out of respect for others.

    This applies also to when going into a facility whose leaders have rules YOU do not like or consider too machmir. You can go elsewhere. But, while you are there, respect their rules.

    NEWS FLASH: Remaining “Aam Kishai Orev” is not a mitzvah or chiyuv.

    chief doofis
    chief doofis
    14 years ago

    Certain things are beyond the domain of Rabbis. While I agree with the idea that weddings ought not be extravagant, it’s not the concern of a Rabbi to tell me what sort of wedding to make. Nor can he decide what color I should paint my kitchen, etc. He can recommend that I make a small wedding, and I can agree or disagree.

    The Torah leaves us a lot of room in certain situations. There are farmers, sailors, blacksmiths, etc., all mentioned as professions in the torah and Talmud. If my Rav feel sthat my son will make a good plumber, a good accountant, or a good Rosh Yeshiva, I respect his opinion, but I am not obligated to follow it. On the other hand, if my Rav paskens that it is prohibitted to shave with a certain shaver, or to trust the kashrut of an establishment (ie. an halachik decision) I must follow his ruling.

    Rabbis are not our dictators. Thay exist to clarify and to teach Torah and Halacha. Where they have jurisdiction, we can either follow them, or relocate either physically or doctrinally, to another Rav’s jurisdiction.

    I would be crazy to wear a brightly colored suit in a Chassidisher shul, but I don’t have to listen to someone who tells me not to. What doesn’t violste halacha, is my own concern!

    chaim
    chaim
    14 years ago

    #13 yor easoning is so full of am haratzes its a waste of time to comment in full

    meilech
    meilech
    14 years ago

    321 oh, a new interpetayion of chillel hashem when a rav paskens something not to the liking of a yid he is making a chillel hashem. i mean this beats them all! and when someone will decide to dance the hora male and female at a funeral because the deceased did it and like it your going to come with ‘mitzvah lekaim divrei hames’ eh? and then another poster says no rabbi is going to keep me from kibbud av vieim ad not let me eulogize my foaher, mother etc.yes, all of sudden he’s worried about kibbud etc . what about mitzvah haboh b’avairah (hug , you dont even know what it means?) what about kol kevidah, goirem histacklus etc. you say its only fam. if its more than sister ,brother (not in law) its already not ‘fam’ legabay this inyon. yes, i know, my rabbi, the rabbonim ,where i come from blah blah.

    berish
    berish
    14 years ago

    #1i was there and dont remeber that can anyone verify?

    meilech
    meilech
    14 years ago

    #45 is directed to #21