New York – Halachic Analysis: Is A Bracha Necessary For Child Forced To Eat

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    New York – Children, in our socio-religious environment, generally listen to their parents in regard to not “ruining their appetite” before dinner. It would seem, however, that adults in our contemporary society do not have to do so. A famous comedian related that after he had reached adulthood, he would often call his mother and tell her how he had a cookie right before dinner. “In fact,” he told her, “I just had nine cookies, Mom. Nine cookies.”

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    Clearly the comedian has much to learn regarding Kivud Av VeAim. Our attention, however, lies elsewhere. The comedian raises an interesting point regarding the distinctions between adults and children. Are there any halachic implications here to this difference?

    It would seem that, in regard to the laws of Brachos – there just might be.

    The halachic question? The child had decided that he was no longer going to finish the chicken. After the mother forced him to continue eating – is a new bracha necessary?

    There is a concept in halacha called “Hesech Daas” – when the initial blessing that was recited on the food item, no longer is in force. That blessing expires and is no longer valid when an action is demonstrated that indicates the person no longer wishes to continue eating and that his initial blessing is no longer in force. Examples of this range from preparing for bentching by either having washed mayim Achronim (OC 179:1) or by saying, “Rebosai Nevarech. (OC 179:3) to eating dessert (which shows that one doesn’t want to eat the main dish anymore according to the Biur Halacha). Indeed, even taking the Birkas HaMazon cup in hand would create this Hesech HaDaas. Leaving the house has the same effect too. Unless one left people at the table, generally speaking, leaving the house is usually indicate of a termination of the eating session (see Ramah OC 176:2). The original blessing, therefore, is no longer in force. We can term all three of these examples as Hesech HaDaas Type One – or super Hesech HaDaas.

    There is another type of Hesech HaDaas, that is not quite as powerful as Hesech HaDaas Type One. We can call this Hesech HaDaas Type Two. In this type of Hesech HaDaas it is not so clear that the person has definitively and conclusively resolved that he will not continue eating. The Mishna Brurah (179:6) writes that a person who has merely concluded that he does not wish to eat further, even if he said, “Let’s bench,” has not conclusively demonstrated that he no longer wishes to eat. Even still, however, it could very well be that this is, in fact, Hesech haDaas.

    The issue depends upon whether he is sitting down to a set meal or whether he is merely snacking or drinking. If he is just snacking or drinking, then this would constitute a Hesech Daas. If he is eating a full meal – then the interruption of the bracha requires sterner stuff.

    There is another issue too. The Shulchan Aruch cites the opinion of Tosfos in Brachos 42 that if the person is a guest elsewhere and is relying on the table of his host, then his Hesech HaDaas is not sufficient to disrupt his first bracha. Why is this so? Because if the host wishes to continue further, explains the Mishna Brurah (179:10), he would certainly continue to be amenable to whatever the host wants. So we see that a strong Hesech HaDaas is only in existence when one is on his or her own. If one is dependent upon another – it isn’t considered a Hesech HaDaas. [This only applies to Type Two Hesech HaDaases, but Type One Hesech haDaases are so powerful that they even apply to guests at the home of a host.]

    From what we have learned thus far, our rebellious young man does not recite another bracha. Why? Because the mother would be no different than a host at a different home. She is in charge.

    But wait. In a case of a host and a guest, where the host says, “Rebosai Nevarech,” and the guest still wants to eat, the Mishna Brurah (179:11) rules that he may continue without reciting a new bracha. He should just inform people so that he is not suspected of eating without a bracha. But the main point we see from here is that the idea of the host being in charge is just a general assumption that can be undone if the guest has specific intent to continue.

    By the same token, we may extend this to our young man. Even though his mother is generally in charge of him, he can decide that even still he will not continue eating. This, of course, would not apply to a very young child, and it would also not apply to a child that generally loses such arguments with his or her parents. The issue of re-reciting a bracha, or Hesech HaDaas, would therefore be determined by how resolute the young child is against eating – even though his mother wants him to finish.

    So it would seem that our case has many new factors to consider. Is the child so young that he would defer to the mother? If so, then no bracha is repeated. Sometimes, the child does not defer to the mother, but would defer to the father. In such a case no bracha would be recited either. Sometimes the child would only defer to the father when the father is home, but since he is not home, he would be pretty adamant. In such a case, he may have to recite a new bracha.

    Sometimes the child himself is making a stand against his mother and is surprised that it seems to be working. In such a case, it would seem that his surprise indicates that he really did not have a strong Hesech HaDaas.

    A past track record is also essential in determining the nature of his hesech HaDaas. In the past, when he made a stand against his mother in continuing to eat, did he win? If so, then the Hesech haDaas issue is quite real and he may have to recite another bracha if this time he loses.

    Lately, of course, many mothers take an opposite philosophical approach and say, “Look, if the kid doesn’t want to eat, don’t force him.” With this newer approach, when and if a parent does force the issue, a new bracha must be recited.

    Regardless of all this, it is important to note that one of the main reasons why we recite brachos in the first place is to increase our Dveikus, our connection to Hashem. Arguments with our mother, in regard to ea ting or not, are not conducive to furthering that Dveikus. This is true whether one is a child or an adult comedian.


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    11 Comments
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    DRE53
    DRE53
    13 years ago

    As a parent of many children I can say that I never force my kids if they don’t want to. What I do tell them is that if they’re not hungry they don’t have to eat but they shouldn’t ask for other food.

    Kanaim
    Kanaim
    13 years ago

    Forget this, how about we send the mother to jail for abusing her kid? You never force a child to eat, ever! No wonder all these kids today have eating disorders. It’s all due to this behavior. The parent fills the plate with some arbitrary amount of food, an amount he or she decides is the right amount, and expects a child to wipe it clean, threatening any number of punishments. Only the most horrific cases make the news, but it goes on in nearly every household, I guarantee it. A child knows when it is full or not hungry, but they keep forcing it until the poor thing vomits, then they get mad at the kid for messing up the floor! These sick excuses for parents need jail time, a lot of it.

    DAVES
    DAVES
    13 years ago

    Look, whatever you do, please don’t bash Jerry Seinfeld…..

    Babishka
    Member
    Babishka
    13 years ago

    Entire generations of children were raised by parents who forced them to remain at the table until they cleaned their plates, “because there are children in Africa who are starving!”

    In the mean time, the parents of the “Clean Plate Club” did not save even one African child from starvation, but condemned their children to lives of obesity and diabetes.

    Do you have any idea how difficult it is to learn how to stop eating when you are no longer hungry, as opposed to when your plate is empty?

    13 years ago

    I am sick reading the title to this post. What kind of a parent are you by forcing your child to eat?? Forcing anything on anyone is abusive and you worry about Brachos???

    FinVeeNemtMenSeichel
    FinVeeNemtMenSeichel
    13 years ago

    You people are a comedy. So programmed have you become, like silly mindless sheep. Pen and paper, please – the teacher is speaking: not all children are obese, not all children have eating disorders, not all parents are abusive, some children have severe issues because they don’t get enough nutrition as they refuse to eat, and the punishment for parents who have fat children should not be imprisonment.

    13 years ago

    Thanks to the rabbi for discussing the concept of hesech ha’daas, which applies elsewhere in halacha as well.
    As to children’s eating, if a child is forced to eat, food is not appreciated, and the child also learns that he may control a parent by not eating what the parent wants.A quarrel ensues, where both parties lose, and everyone else present feels uneasy.
    The table should not be a battleground. Children should be offered healthy choices, and can themselves determine the quantity. If a child ‘hates’ a partiular food, a wise parent will not serve it to that child. Adults do not like to be force-fed, why do this to babies and children? Barring mental illness, no child wants to be hungry for long, and if less is eaten at one meal, the next meal will suffice. Kids also go through stages, sometimes not being hungry, sometimes very hungry–perhaps this relates to growth periods. Some teens can become like human vacuum cleaners, hungry one hour after a meal!
    In an atmosphere where food is seen as a gift rather a burden, children regard food as something to be enjoyed, not to be fought over, and they develop healthy eating habits, and proper respect for parents.