Brooklyn, NY – As we mourn the heartrending loss of Leiby Kletzky’s pure soul, the stark reality hits hard and can no longer be brushed under the carpet. As a mother of a Chassidic family from the Borough Park Community, I share the grief and anguish of the Kletzky Family. I now fear more than ever for the safety of our innocent children and grandchildren, who have become easy prey.
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Our community has been misguided in creating a safe harbor for dangerous men who hurt our children. We are now paying the price for unwittingly allowing these predators to live freely without being accountable or reported for their actions and thus left untreated. I have counseled many teens who have been hurt by them. They told me, when they cried, no one listened or believed them. When their pain was so great and they couldn’t sit still in class, they were rejected from yeshiva. When their pain was so great and they couldn’t sit still and daven, they were rejected from shul. And, then when they wanted to go to summer camp and have fun, they were rejected too. And, then they cried to me “I wish I was dead.”
Shortly after I began counseling kids in crisis, I realized that change will only come from the bottom – a grass roots movement by the people taking control. Any great historical change in society, whether revolutionary or evolutionary, has been initiated by ordinary people. There would have to be an event so powerful and compelling that would awaken and mobilize parents to realize, “WE” can and must bring about change to protect our children. We must take our heads out of the sand and look into the mirror for the people to bring change. We cannot look out the window expecting someone else to do something — whoever has a child they care about, can do something. The united force created by the combined efforts of all caring parents will, B’ezras Hashem, be the harbinger of the change our community needs.
First, we need to educate ourselves from trained professionals, who are experts in this field, about the people who hurt children and what preventive measures to take. Then, we must communicate with our children in a positive way and explain the risks they may encounter from people they know — not strangers. We must teach our children that they are special, that there are certain areas no one is allowed to touch, no one is allowed to bully or hurt them – not in the street, not in the park, not in shul, not in the mikveh, and not in school. We must teach them to openly share their fears with us, their parents, because we love them and with Hashem’s help, will protect them. We parents must work together so that our shuls, mikvehs, schools, camps, playgrounds and streets are safe for our children.
As a service to parents and at no charge, B’Derech is coordinating lectures by Jennifer Molinari, a Jewish Policewoman, Child Abuse Detective, and Life Coach, certified in methods of child abuse prevention, with experience in cases involving children of our community. She is very sensitive to our needs and has written and lectured on child protection and safety. Also lecturing will be Rachel Schmidt, LCSW, Clinical Psychotherapist specializing with children in trauma. She has written and lectured extensively to parents and counseled countless of children.
While we weep as a community, it is incumbent upon every individual to take the step to bring a change in the safety of our children. Let us come together and learn what must be done. Schedule a lecture at your community, bungalow colony, or home, by contacting B’Derech at [email protected]. May Leiby’s pure neshoma be a Meylitz Yosher for Klal Yisroel.
Ruchie (Rachel) Freier, Esq. is a practicing Charedi attorney, admitted in New York, New Jersey and the District of Columbia, with offices in Brooklyn and Monroe. In 2008 she founded B’Derech, the organization advocating for Chassidic youth. Her dual role as advocate and mother, led to her recent nomination to the New York State Bar Association’s Committee on Children & the Law. She can be reached at [email protected] or 718-259-4525.
thank you.
Kol Hakovod
What makes this so sad is that it was unpreventable
while this a very important topic, it does not relate to Leiby.
Why not let us know from halachik experts if and when we must report to the
authorities
Absolutely. We have to take this terrible tragedy as a message… whatever we CAN do to protect our children we should. HAVE WE? No. Like this article indicates. We still do not get that reflexive community reaction to predators within our community that we MUST have. We have to wake up from our slumber. Just because Baruch Hashem our childrent were not abused, does not mean it cannot and does not happen.
Just in the last few days from speaking to other parents – everyone had 2 or 3 stories about a cousin, brother, or sister that was touched inappropriately, though not so extreme… and NONE of those incidents were reported to ANYONE. Not within and not without the community.
For sure, if we stand up together, start reporting the little things… we can do a “JULIANI” and eradicate the terrible evil from our midst!
The question, as a parent, is where do we start? How do we unite? In a way that does not of course encourage false accusations, but absolutely ensures that every little inappropriate behavior somehow gets to a centralized place – so we can notice a pattern of evil behavior even before it gets to a “molesting” point… a point of NO RETURN for those abused.
Ruchie Freier, well written. Never thought there would be a day where someone would speak up. Thank you for speaking the truth. This becomes a vicious cycle if it isn’t stopped. How does a community who loves Torah, decides to protect evil people, and reject people who want to learn, who want to daven, who look a little different.
Who knows if this levy Aron ever even touched a child? And the police STILL insist that they don’t believe Leiby a’h was molested. Quite frankly this was a terrible tragedy which is unfathomable and heart wrenching, but at the same time i don’t think this can be turned into “another child molestor has struck” case.
All i’m saying is that let’s not turn this whole tragedy into our own fault for not turning over child molestors to the authorities and so on…
This article is correct and i’m all for arresting and prosecuting child molestors w/o ANY mercy. I’m just not sure this was what this tragedy was all about.
I hope i’m entitled to my opinion although i realize i may be wrong.
The “Let’s focus on molesting, to ease our discomfort about this tragedy” bandwagon, is getting full.
How dare you hijack this tragedy to promote your otherwise important agenda? What kind of LCSW creates parity between a psychotic murder/dismemberment, and child molestation? This guy wanted to kill a boy, and did so. None of your methods to “communicate with our children in a positive way and explain the risks they may encounter from people they know—not strangers” would have prevented this tragedy, and the parity you are suggesting detracts from the message Hashem is sending. I don’t know exactly what that message was, but having listened to hours of drashos from gedolei yisroel, none of them mentioned this issue as one of the responses we should be focusing on.
very good article
however she does miss one major factor that many do
dass Toarah leaders.
Until that changes and more than one or two speak up and say one can and must report, the people (Yiddin, goyiom we know is not an issue) simply will not report, no matter how much they want too, how much it makes sense, how much they are convinced it is the right thing. And, know reporting them will protect children from future attacks.
what can be done by average people , when someone goes against the powers or dass torah regarding this . support them. the family and child and shum, put in cheram the perpetrator. (that some well know perpetrators and walking freely in Boro park, willie, and skver with free access to children with support of rebbies is shocking)
Do not think you are going agaist dass torah since there are some who say who MUST go to the police.
If dass TYorah tells you to jump of the Brooklyn bridge would you do it? If yes go ahead and do not report
and if not ask why aren’t we reporting
Very gOod article many valid points, what can be done to prevent this from happening again ? this person had no record by police or shomrim. someone who is a known molester should have to be publicly identified. So parents know to keep their children away. When you commit a crime u loos the rights of a citizen.
Without names. RAISE YOUR HAND if you know of an inappropriate incident that has made your child uncomfortable, (or perhaps someone you know of that has related such an incident) and have not told anyone, other than your spouse/close friend.
Let us by a SHOW OF VIRTUAL HANDS see how rampant this is to those who choose to IGNORE this issue – and claim that Lieby Kletzky’s murder should not be a wake-up call to do whatever it takes to protect our children. That there is PLENTY of space for us as parents to DO SOMETHING preventatively, and collectively.
I raise my hand here!
Why does an article about protecting our children become a forum for arguments? These tragic circumstances showed us what we can do as a united community. Let’s all try and remember that.
Ruchy Freier is once again speaking up on the absolute truth. May she have the strength to continue to make a real difference in our community. This topic is very much the issue here. Levi Aron’s neighbors have attested to how many times he attempted to pick up young boys. If any of them had thought it OK to report this murderer, perhaps, he would have been on the list of offenders who received a visit from the police on Monday night. I am with Mrs. Freier. It is time for the community to step up and handle this issue, or, I am afraid of what might yet happen in the future.
It is true that authorities have not determined if Leiby was molested, and they may never indicate that he was. It is also true that he has no background as being a molester or sex offender, however the article above does in fact have a direct relationship to this case. It has been mentioned in previous VIN reports as well as mainstream news that “after the fact” a neighbor mentioned that Levi Aron did in fact try to lure her child into the same gold car and that his car had been following a child slowly as he was walking the streets. Those sorts of things are exactly what needs to be reported to police. It would not have been a report that would have given the police any credence to arrest him at that time (unless it was an actual “attempted” abduction) however, the police do keep on file reports of suspicious behavior (especially if enough people have mentioned enough suspicious occurrences) and that record might have helped in this situation. In any case, if it was the case of poor Leiby that gave someone the courage to write such an article – it still should be considered applicable. Her words are indeed true and no one should turn a blind eye.
Are we really doing EVERYTHING to protect our children?
Dear Mrs. Freier
Thanks for the great article on VIN.
This shabbas All of us showered our kids with love, we lectured them and taught them what is allowed and what not, no one can touch bully or even be nice to you. there are no secrets from parents, etc etc.
Evil is walking around on every block, and NOTHING is being done to remove them from the streets, you can teach a small child so much, but at the moment when is lost, exhausted, and scared, he looses his common sense and will walk up to anyone that will help him and take him to his mom, our kids are not the problem, it’s the rabbis who
protect the Evil Doers that are the problem, evildoers must be removed from our streets.
You do GREAT work with B’Derech and you need to be commended for that!
Thank you so much,
But is there really no way to remove the danger before it happens? are we really not creating the danger ourselves by harboring and protecting pedophiles, without the pedophiles there will be no need for B’Derech, help us get rid of them before they strike!
What will we do about that?
http://www.niesnow.com/2011/07/are-we-really-doing-everything-to.html
Although he may have tried to lure other boys to his apartment, that still does not guarantee he is a molester. If he is psychotic, he may have wanted to have control over the boys for reasons other than sexual abuse.
Well written piece but its lacking its main point. What will bring change from the ‘ordinary people’? A few lectures? thats nothing.
There needs to be a shift in attitude regarding reporting predators to the authorities in our community. We need to have meetings, discussions and more written articles in order for there to be such a change in attitude. Its time the safety of our children comes first.
So did we have to wait till a Leiby story ? The idea is protect our children ,can also mean protect them from a Melamed who likes to hit them with a retzicho for no good reason ,protect them from bullies ,
I live in teh midwest, not in a typical Chareidi community, but from reading Vos is Neis lo these many years, it really seems there is a molestation problem within the Chareidi velt. Troubling, to say the least.
From experience, Jennifer Molinnary doesn’t understand the needs of our community.