Rockland County, NY – The boyfriend and 40 additional former ultra-Orthodox friends of an ex-Hasidic woman, who is believed to have committed suicide after being denied access to her children by the Skver Hasidic community, claim they were harassed and given repeated erroneous reports regarding her funeral arrangements after they showed up in New Square to pay their final respects.
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FORWARD.com (http://bit.ly/171sQkw) reports that Deb Tambor is believed to have committed suicide on September 27 at the home of her boyfriend Abe Weiss in Bridgeton, NJ as a result of her depression that began after she left New Square’s Skver Hasidic community.
Tambor left the sect four years ago after divorcing her husband and being disavowed by her family for claiming she was sexually molested as a child by a member of the tight knit community.
Recognizing her depression, Tambor sought psychiatric help, after which her family actively conspired with community members to prevent her from having contact with her young children.
Tambor’s boyfriend, Abe Weiss, said, “Her depression started when she decided to leave the community and was threatened with losing her kids. Her biggest issue was that no one cared for her, everyone blew off all her issues.”
Weiss and the 40 other ex-Hasidic members arrived in New Square around 4 p.m. Sunday for Tambor’s scheduled funeral at the New Square funeral home located in a cul-de-sac at the bottom of Roosevelt Avenue.
Weiss and friends reported that within minutes of their arrival a Skver Hasid would slowly drive past them every few minutes.
Weiss said that once they arrived, contacts inside the Skver community began texting them conflicting stories about when Tambor’s funeral would begin.
First it was an hour, then “before dark”, after night fell, then at “midnight.”
At around 9 p.m. an uncle of Tambor’s came and told the group he would “have them all handcuffed,” shortly after which police arrived, and after accessing the situation, told Weiss and friends they were welcome to stay and had a right to be there.
Finally, at 4 a.m., Weiss and friends formed a circle in front of the funeral home and lit candles and had a moment of silence before dispersing.
Within minutes of leaving Weiss was contacted by one of Tambor’s brothers via text who offered to take him to view Tambor’s body.
Weiss was transported by two brothers to remote street outside New Square’s town line where a minivan containing Tambor’s coffin sat parked.
Weiss was not allowed to lift the coffin’s lid or view Tambor’s face.
At 10 a.m the following morning the same brother texted Weiss, telling him that his sister’s funeral was taking place at that very moment in a West Babylon, Long Island cemetery.
Weiss said, “It was nice what they did. It would have been nicer if they’d let me come the funeral.”
New Square community members say Tambor’s family chose to have her buried elsewhere due to the shame she had brought on her family and the community.
“Who wants to be buried next to this lady? said Menashe Lustig, a New Square resident. “It’s very difficult to know where to put her. I hear they called up the rabbinic in Israel and they told them the decision that she be burred elsewhere. The family is ashamed. They’re very ashamed.”
Thank you VIN for publishing this story and not shoving it under the rug. A great un-Justice was done for her by New Square while she was alive and after she died Shame on them!
This is beyond midas sedom – hound a person out of her community for daring to report sexual abuse, ostracize her from her own children, and then take her dead body and bury it in the dead of night far from where any person who actually cared about her can take part.
Simply unbelievable.
Hope there’s more too the story….please tell me there is….sick!
The family and all the skvers should be ashamed of themselves. Levias Mes is the ultimate chesed shel emes and they were bizayon the mes. How far we have fallen, in the alter heim all yidden were buried equally in the community cemetary.
“New Square community members say Tambor’s family chose to have her buried elsewhere due to the shame she had brought on her family and the community”
Wow.. talk about an article with an agenda. Maybe she was buried “elsewhere” because that’s what the Halacha dictates?!
I do like the candle lighting part. Nice touch! Very heartwarming.
On a side note – I find it quite despicable how people feel they can blame their own issues on others. It’s just an easy way out and a cop out so they don’t have to face their own problems.
She has been denied access to her kids because she lost custody. Very sad situation. I don’t think it was the leaders, but the family. They wanted to mourn in private and didn’t need a circus by the funeral.
The story is written in such a biased matter.
The article assumes that this lady’s problems were caused by Skver, while common sense would say just the opposite.
Viewing a body is not Kevod Hames according to Jewish Tradition.
If she left the community at life, there is no reason to bury her there.
The family wanted a Yiddishe funeral, not a Goish one.
So they are more ashamed than sorrowful? I guess they wont be sitting shiva then. If they are, they are hypocrites. Poor woman. Totally unloved and rejected by the people who should have loved her unconditionally.
a funeral is a family affair, why they contacted skver and not the deceased family?
Menashe Lustig “who wants to be buried next to this woman?” This one person sums up the cruel callousness of religious extremism which drives people to not feel basic human empathy towards anyone that is not part of “their people.” New Square and similar orthodox Jewish evolutions are on par with Islamist clans who are taught to not dignify others’ suffering. Miss. Tambor was a victim to a community where conformity at any price is the true religion. People like her pay the toll. But even in death she could not be free from the chains of cruel backwardness. The same rabbis and family will wipe her history off community records and paint her with most disgusting labels so that other followers do not even dare think about her plight, as often is done in such cases.
Who wants to be buried next to Listig?
these thugs congregateing on city streets in hostile areas without permits should of been disbursed immediatly.
I don’t understand the Chasidic community.. not just Skver. A person is a person, whether they go off the derech or not. Further, she has children! A woman doesn’t bear children for her extended family.. they’re hers and I would ask any man or woman on this site to put themselves in her shoes: how would you feel if your children (if you have any) were stripped from you.. for ANY reason.
This is a chilul hashem to the nth degree and anyone disagreeing with the fact that the treatment of people like her is wrong should go back to the 15th century. Yeshivish, chasidish, whatever you are.. you’re a Jew at the core! Sinas chinam and selfish, short – minded arrogance have NO place in Judaism.
The shame is on them not on the woman who died,they the whole of square is shameless and immoral they had her own parents go against her this is truly evil,this is not the first time this square town had such attention bought on itself the rottenberg case is another,somehow i feel the rebbe is the head of the fish and it all starts stinking there this is truly a shame on us all god fearing jews they are commiting a gigantic chillel hashem.
Skver has a big problem. Even if you stay chasidish but marry out of the caln you cannot live in skver. I see their point. The old skvera reba moved from willib because he wanted a town exclusive to their beliefs and minhagim and most important segregated from the goyish culture. But the reality the community grew enorrmously. In addition, we are now in a different generation than the old reba. It may be time to reasses. The skver exclusiveness is now a dangerous path.
Thank goodness my family left NS for safety. Any of us could be this poor woman.
I read this article with pain in my heart:(. It is true that there is two sides to any story, sadly being involved with this issue of teens at risk, I can honestly say even of half the story is factual, then we all should sit shiva for a young woman who passed away in the prime of her life. Everyone of us have challenges, when challenge strikes we need the people who should love is unconditionally, when that safety net is not available it can become a pained life beyond comprehension. It’s easy to point fingers, but now it seems pointless unless we take the lessons of this tragic story. As well any article is generally written from one side…. We should not judge as I have learned in life ….. There is two sides. I am sure the family in a insular community felt threatened by its own. The community must realize that times have changed, with that comes a responsibility to set their needs and agenda accordingly. That said a family has a right to grieve a child in private….. May her soul find the comfort and rest she rightfully earned and deserved
Hashem please don’t judge all Yidden by what was done to this poor woman!
We’re right after Rosh Hashona and Yom Kippur…Hashem, hopefully, has forgiven our sins and Written us all into the Book of Peace, Health, Happiness and all good things….most of you here have passed the “good things” part miserably…at her death she was Forgiven all she sinned…we are not the Judges she has to answer to…This poor woman left Skver because she couldn’t, obviously, keep up the pretense and total control they have on ALL of the community….her family, community, et al, didn’t wait to see her come back into the fold…they just made her life so miserable that she took the only way out….NOONE thought about her innocent children and what their behavior is doing to them and what consequences it can have on their future…wow!! a future without a mother who, it seems, loved them dearly. Hopefully, she’ll be taking care of them from up there and in that NOONE will be able to interfere~~they should be ashamed of themselves…this is not why the Baal Shem Tov started Chassidus and I’m sure he’s very disappointed in what it has become. May we all give her the respec to rest in peace!!
The boy friend needs to take the family and Skver to court. This is mental torture and someone should rot in jail for this.
Very. Sad. From. So many points
1 Way was the Comunity not behind her when she was abused ?
2 if she divorced. She was by right. By law. To see her kids
3. We’re to be buried. Is up to the family
4. The law is when some one
Commits Suicide . At that moment they lost there mind
And when someone loose there. Mind . There not responsible
Skver is a “cult” .If you don’t adhere to their ways , its “off with your “head ” .This is not the first story like this !!!
Frum Jews, across many communities are becoming the negative news du jour on an almost daily basis now.
Instead of minding our own business and staying away from the negative limelight so we can practice our Yiddishkeit undeterred and unhindered we are shining the spotlight upon ourselves. Very sad. That’s far from good!
This is very sad that friends were not permitted to attend her funeral The Skverer rebbe should in a public forum apologize to all of us that cared and loved her.Even martin grossman who murdered two police officers in cold blood had a funeral in monsey attended by hundreds of people.. MAY HASHEM BRING SOLACE TO ALL
I have read all the comments and it’s amazing how people pick up something that was said by her friends and buy it for full value
I happen to know the family and the whole situation and without going into personal details I will state the following facts (which is verifyable)
She decided to become OTD after befriending some goyim at a hospital where she was being treated for a condition, she did NOT want the kids, she felt it was a burden, until the last day she was in touch with her family, as a matter of fact she was in New Square at a family wedding recently where she was sitting together with her family who treated her with the utmost respect
What her “friends” don’t want you to know was that she was depressed because she was living the life of a loser with no normal job or home, she felt she was at a dead end in her life
It is very easy to start the abuse game especially when the supposedly victim is dead and the interesting part that everybody jumps on the bandwagon without knowing the facts
And yes the family wanted to give her a proper yiddishe burial without a gang of OTD guys making a circus out of it
WHAT A SHAME ON SKVER! THESE SKVERE CHEVRA ARE ANIMALS. NO RESPECT FOR A MAIS MITZVAH…FEH..
@numbers 4,7, 15: your lack of compassion is astounding and decidedly un-Jewish.
@number 29: ” more often than not, being sexually abused as a child is a lie “….? Where did you get that drivel from? You are 1000% incorrect. Qualified, educated experienced, professionals ( clearly not you)
who work in the field of mental health report over and over again that if anything, sexual abuse is under-reported and almost NEVER falsely reported.
May Deb’s neshama know the peace she deserved but lacked in life, and may those who truly loved her be comforted by her memory.
Orthodox Jews adhere to the Code of Jewish Law known as the Shulchan Aruch. Following the laws therein isn’t always “pleasant” as we understand it but we follow it nevertheless.
I can assume that they in the family and the family’s community received Halachic guidance from their Rabbonim. Again, Halacha doesn’t have to be pleasant or fit into any particular society or modern age. Those who don’t adhere to these standards could never understand us. Unfortunately today we have across the Orthodox and Chassidic world masses of young adults that don’t want to feel restricted and pick and choose what aspects of Yiddishkeit they want to follow – many times violating serious transgressions which Halachically call for being ostracized from the community. No one wanted to be put in this position I’m sure. Man has a choice in life. G-d allows one to choose but choosing against Halacha has its costs. May G-d rest her soul.
This was so contrary to halachah. Lovoiyas hameis is a mitzvah. What kind of rashoim keep yidden (or others as we see by Yaacov Avinu) from the mitzvah of levoiyas hameis. But what else do you expect from a city where the rebbe’s house bochur is a respected arsonist and molesters get shlishi and shishi while their victims get lied to and expelled and slandered and their children taken away if they dare to raise the issue.
If the Skverer guided the family to deceive the few friends who loved her not to give them the chance to express their sorrow and grief and final show of love, then they are certainly very narrow minded idiots (not the first time they screwed up big time) . It’s precisely this point which got people so furious. It is as if she was killed twice. If the family wanted to escape shame and bury her in the middle of the night hidden away somewhere to be forgotten, then somebody did everything possible to make sure that she and her family shall become famous now that thousands of people are shocked to the core about this tragedy.
People like Rebbe123 make decent, caring people sick to their stomach. How he is permitted to have internet access is a wonder.
You can be a minuval b’rishus haTorah.
“Who wants to be buried next to this lady? said Menashe Lustig,” Really Menashe? You need more publicity? if I were you, I would be on a low profile now. wait… Lemee watch that clip 1 more time
You can all rest assure that the Skvere Rebbe didn’t lose 1 minute of sleep over this whole situation.
Family is ashamed lustig said. Vey to the oiy
The truth needs to be told – I think most posters here might be missing an important point:
This isn’t a story about treatment of “OTD” members of the community.
New Square / Skver acts this way to ANYONE that…
1) Once belonged to the community, and …
2) Dares to publicly express doubts about their false version of Orthodox Judaism.
It his nothing to do with going OTD. Really.
They did the same parental alienation thing to me – a STILL 100% ULTRA-ORTHODOX JEW.
I was punished for getting disgusted by the ongoing moral lapses, financial shenanigans and deceptions that constantly go on in the upper echelons there. I knew what was going on, since at the time I was affiliated with several of their organizations and – at one time – a confident of the Rebbe.
I knew that the Rebbe was (and IS) a fake, because he supported – and continues to support – frightening ethical & moral lapses, INCLUDING SERIOUS HALACHIC AND HASHKAFIC LAPSES.
When I refused to stay silent, a campaign of demoralization, deception, dehumanization, and “gaslighting” followed.
continued….
They’re experts at “blowing off” any concerns that don’t fit their agenda, and making you feel like trash. Tearing families apart? Fair game.
There is nothing sacred in their book, once you dare to expose their failings. They will do EVERYTHING to demolish you, including spreading false rumors of the worst kind.
Ms. Tambor writes:
My very own father,
Not only has he betrayed me
He made up lies
They betrayed me, too – BECAUSE I REFUSED TO STAY SILENT!
Many INSIDERS feel as I do, but they would never dear to speak up, because they know that their whole social support network and life-long affiliations would be DEMOLISHED.
So… let’s call a spade a spade, ok?
As a matter of fact she was buried the same day her body was released from the NJ coroners office which held the body for investigation and every move was done with the guidance of rabbonim NOT from skver
Rachmana Letzlan – arguing the details either way is not going to bring her back, nor will it change the evils that fill our or any other society. It is certainly not kovod hameis, and it certainly is Loshon Horah of the highest degree to publicize this and discuss it. Time to STOP!!!
Orthodox Jews adhere to the Code of Jewish Law known as the Shulchan Aruch. Following the laws therein isn’t always “pleasant” as we understand it but we follow it nevertheless.
I can assume that they in the family and the family’s community received Halachic guidance from their Rabbonim. Again, Halacha doesn’t have to be pleasant or fit into any particular society or modern age. Those who don’t adhere to these standards could never understand us. Unfortunately today we have across the Orthodox and Chassidic world masses of young adults that don’t want to feel restricted and pick and choose what aspects of Yiddishkeit they want to follow – many times violating serious transgressions which Halachically call for being ostracized from the community. No one wanted to be put in this position I’m sure. Man has a choice in life. G-d allows one to choose but choosing against Halacha has its costs. May G-d rest her soul.
it is unfortunate that some frum people care more for what the ‘community’ thinks than their own children. The family that kicked her out with no connection and after she wanted to reveal sexual attacks which would embarrass the family, is sick.
It is easy to understand why people would want out of this sect. They are too concerned with what their frum neighbors think and not enough with their children.
I have seen too much of this peer concern that cause parents to pervert their role as protector of their children and instead become the child’s prosecutor. Too many kids suffer from disgusting thimble brained parents who betray their children. These are the children who go off the derech.
May HaShem forgive this unfortunate girl who had no family member to turn too in her time of need.
When someone dies we say ‘Baruch Dayan HaEmes’ why can’t people believe what they say and not just parrot it?! I hope she is finally at peace.
The article wrote that she committed suicide. But who actually CAUSED her to do this? SKVER!! They took away her children!! They may as well have ripped out her heart and soul!! Who can live without a heart and soul?? They killed her as sure as they would have done it with a gun, knife rope, any weapon!! Only they knew her weakness– her children!! She fell apart after that and had no reason to live!! Skver and her family did the killing!! Such sheyne yidden!!
frumkite and yeriat shamayim:
It is a shame that people are so much into frumkite meaning adhering to the external manifestations of this group or that and worry so much what the other members of the peer group think.
Being frum has an importance, but being yerat shamayim is much more important. there comes a time when one may have to decide between the frum society and its value system and serving HaShem.
In this particular case it seems there was a total mistake from beginning to end. The molester should have been prosecuted and not the victim, the parents should have been more supportive and the community seems to have put their own good above the essential needs of this poor women.
May HaShem forgive us and our leaders for such terrible sins as these.
Please don’t confuse the Skver Town Rebbe with the Skverer Rebbe from Boro Park. They are two different people that are worlds apart in their actions. The Boro Park Rebbe is a true Tzadik, as was his Father, ZT”L.
1/3 – I really didn’t want to comment on this storey coz its a very sad one and i believe no one want to experience it. However after reading all comments i am amazed how ppl will buy anything anyone says for a fact and on that basis they already label the family is evil crazy ppl.
I dont wanna go in the whole issue of why she lost her kids simply coz i dont know all details but let me just tell you this when she had her breakdown it was so severe that the rabunim debated at the time if she will ever be stable enough to be able haluchtic to receive a get. This was coz the doctors were very concerned if she will ever be able to get out of it.
What i do wanna say is that ppl have no idea what happened here since she passed away until she was buried and this is why everyone is jumping up and down on the family and skver.
About 2pm on Friday (simchas torah) her bf came home and found her dead, he called her sister from Monsey who was her emergency contact person but obviously didn’t pick up the phone. Moitzai shabbos she called back and found out what happened, at that time Deb’s body was in a morgue in NJ. The chevrah kadisha of skver only received her body sundey after 12pm.
/3 – At about 3-4 they brought her body to the chapel in skver to make her a taharah. At that time some of her friends started gathering around there. I know there was police there but im not sure why or who called them but most ppl in skvere didn’t even know that something is going on there.
The chevrah kadesha was very nervous coz rumours were going around (might be it wasn’t even true) that nuchim Rosenberg called for ppl to go to skver and make a protest so they decided to take her to Monroe and they made there the tahara. It wasn’t before about 8pm when they brought her body back to skver and put her in a undisclosed location coz they didn’t want anyone to organise a protest there.
Sunday morning chevrah kadishe already asked the rabunim from skver if according to halacha she is allowed to be buried in skver since the official report was that she committed suicide and also coz she wasn’t a shoimer shabbos. The rabunim in skver didn’t want ppl to accuse them either way so they told the chevrah kadishe to ask 4 outside rabunim. The psak came back not to bury her in skver but in a place where chesed shel emmes buries mes mitzvah’s.
3/3 – A few boti chaim’s were suggested but the family decided to wait for her father who was on his way back from Israel and was only due to land at 12 midnight.
Her father arrived to skver about 2ish and the levayah took place about 2:30-3 in the Hatzola garage since her friends were still gathered by the chapel and they were afraid of a commotion.
I know all of this as i used to live in skver and im very close with one of Deb’s brother-in-law’s. He already told me Sunday morning that the levayah will not be before 12 midnight as they are waiting for her father. So no one was mislead or given false information
From the above you can see how ppl just assume things and if someone tries to say differently he’s already a crazy person.
We don’t know the full story from here, but coming from the Chassidish community, I suspect that her depression and suicide had a lot to do with the repression, narrow-mindedness, and intolerance of her family and community. This is the way to make people love Judaism and keep it? If your goal is observance, make Judaism positive, love-filled, accepting. Listen to your children when they ask you questions and especially when they tell you they have been sexually abused!
The community’s short-sightedness will only lead to more defection and more unreligious, unhappy people.