Monsey, NY – It is difficult to describe the sickening, gut-wrenching sensation I experience when I get phone calls from parents whose children were sexually abused or from adults who have carried the horrible scars of childhood abuse for decades, often shredding their relationships and ruining their lives. And, I am sad to report that those calls are getting more frequent as time goes on.
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L’maan Hashem – what will it take for us to take this issue seriously? How many more indictments of frumpedophiles will it take for us to cut through the denial and deal with the fact that we have a real problem? Not a Jewish problem, but a human one. (As I’ve written in the past, abuse and molestation are issues that all communities face. It only becomes a Jewish problem when we choose to bury our heads in the sand and ignore it.) How many more suicides or drug overdoses do we need to endure before we will start understanding that this is one of the pressing challenges that we need to squarely face? And, in my opinion, sexual abuse is by far the leading cause of high-end drug use and ruined lives of the teens in our community.
The saddest thing of all is that the steps that need to be taken to prevent today’s innocent children from future abuse are not terribly complicated. From my vantage point; all it takes is to:
1. Raise the awareness level by having community leaders write and speak about this issue in a forthright and unequivocal manner
2. Teach our parents and educators how to speak to their children about personal privacy. And this can be easily done in a modest, Torah-appropriate manner.
3. Develop the righteous indignation to finally protect our children by sending a clear message that those who molest them will be treated like the rodfimand murderers they are – reported to the authorities, arrested and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
This is not only a school issue; it is a communal one. Abusers are far more likely to be family members or kids on the block, rather than educators. This is not to say that schools should not address this matter squarely; rather to note that simply dealing with it in the limited scope of school will not eradicate the scourge of abuse. We are all in this together and it will take broad-based initiatives to improve things.
Is there any more sacred obligation than protecting the children entrusted to our care? Shame on us, for failing to treat it as such.
Shame on us, for allowing ourselves to repeatedly get distracted with meaningless and often silly non-issues raised by self-appointed “askanim” that purport to pose spiritual risk to our children while our paramount communal responsibility to keep evil people from destroying the physical and spiritual lives of our children keeps getting bumped to the back burner.
Shame on us, for allowing people like Avrohom Mondrowitz, and others like him, to live peacefully in our communities while their victims live tortured lives. Please excuse my sarcasm, but lately, when people ask me what they ought to be doing to rally support in their communities to keep our children safe from predators, I occasionally tell them, tongue-in-cheek, that it might be a good idea to spread rumors that the pedophiles are distributing non-kosher candy to their children while molesting them. Who knows; maybe that might get people to take notice.
I began writing about sex abuse in these pages more than four years ago – before this was thrust in our faces when we were shamed in the national media with reports of the abusers in our community. I wrote about the scandal of our silence over Mondrowitz’s alleged crimes months before it became public news, when efforts were made to finally extradite him to America to face a small modicum of justice after all these years. Shame on us that little has changed in that time despite all the chillul Hashem we have endured over this matter since then.
Recently, my wife and I had the incredible zechus of walking our fourth child to the chuppah and it is exactly one year since Hashem blessed us with the birth of our first grandchild. Knowing what I know and listening to what I listen to on a daily basis, makes me fearful for his safety and the safety of our grandchildren yet to be born. For so long as we do not make every effort to have the warped pedophiles in our midst locked up in prison or in treatment facilities − trust me, when I say that none of our kids are safe. At this moment of great simchain our lives, I am committed to see to it that our grandchildren will be raised in an environment where the evil monsters that prey on our children live in fear – not the parents and grandparents of our kinderlach.
Here is how I ended a column I published on the matter of sex abuse in these pages in January of 2007. The final question is one that I still ask – on behalf of the many silent, silenced and voiceless victims of sex abuse in our community.
I think it is a terribly sad statement that an individual who sold non-kosher food in my hometown of Monsey ran for his life the moment the story broke and was not seen since, while a fiend who allegedly molested both Jewish and non-Jewish children in Boro Park is living comfortably in Jerusalem while evading extradition. I am most certainly not promoting or condoning vigilante violence. But it would be a positive step forward when child molesters in our community need to ask for police protection for fear of being harmed by righteously indignant people.
Incredibly, in that case, only the non-Jewish parents pressed charges. Here is text from a Nightline article on the subject: “The only victims that cooperated with the investigation were Italian. They were neighborhood boys who trusted the rabbi because he bought them gifts like bicycles. Not a single Orthodox Jewish boy or their parents would talk to the police. The statements of four Italian boys aged 11 through 16, were the basis for the indictment against Avrohom Mondrowitz. He was facing eight counts of sexual abuse in the first degree, endangering the welfare of a child, and five counts of sodomy in the first degree.”
I ask, “Are Jewish children less sacred and worthy of protection than are non-Jewish children?”
Nucham Rosenberg, why did fall to pressure? We need you back, please!
Rabbi Horowitz you should team up with Dov Hikind
Lets bring down all these Sick Men
put them in Jail for life….
Yes Rabbi Horowits
For your information a young six year old was trying to recruit a group of young boys and girls to show them how to abuse, when one parent aproached a parent of the recruiter the answer was its your child causing all this not my child, so he made sure no other parent would talk about this.
Co incidently this happened in your immediate area
Rabbi Horowitz – so true.
All teh Monsey “Rabbonim” spoke at length about trife-chicken and kashrus (when in truth the only person they should have had issue with was masgiach who failed the community). None stand up and tell the kehilla that any molester must be prosecuted and purged from our community. Monsey rabbonim put out tapes of tehir shiurim heard by thousands — how about something important like a p’sak on this issue reaching thousands world wide to bring attention to this. No, much easier to sell k’lal on treifa chicken being t’zibur’s fault and ta’aneisim…… how about real leaders step up–keep up the fight Rabbi Horowitz — the opnly one sticking his neck out.
…. ……..Shame on us, for allowing ourselves to repeatedly get distracted with meaningless and often silly non-issues raised by self-appointed askanim ……
who decides who is self appointed these askanim are appointed by choshive gedolim and they hold that these issues are very importent to klall yisrael you do not have to mock other rabonim and askonim to promote your askonus
keep up your good work !!!
Rabbi Horowitz, the saddest thing about your article is that the “Rah”bonim scream against you and Rabbi Dr. Twerski and Dov Hikind for making waves. And the poor victims who are often labeled as shkutzim who need rationalization for going off the derech. Maybe the yeshivos can learn something from corporate america in how to deal with sexual abuse investigations. Maybe the eruv and bugs in strawberries are easier topics to confront than this?
Chaim S…. BRILLIANT!!
Very important words,that need to be heard.
I hope that Rabbi Horowitz’s words,will go into the
HEARTS,OF THE LEADERS,when they read his message.
Altough,they are not supposed,to have internet
connection,I am sure Most do.
This blanket ISSUR on the internet,is another example,of hypocricy.
As this is an extremely potent,and effective medium,and can be used,in very constructive ways.
We should not allow ,and let FRUMAKS,declare
new bans,as they see fit.
How Borei O’lam must wonder how His Torah got so “twisted” B’zmaneinu – – Torah constantly refers to everything in this Parsha as To’evah – ABOMINATION – yet our leaders think it is to be swept under rug or not discussed b/c “dirty topic” — Torah discusses, so must we!
that was the best thing i have ever read on this site. how about a website with names and pictures of those who are known to commit these horrible crimes, so he cannot just move to a new community and start over
What exactly is an Asken?
m hatznioss:
Who appointed the guy that took upon himself to run around to rabbonim misrepresenting the facts so as to rescue the world from the Lipa concert?
you will never be one Asken…
Rabbi Horowitz……….Bravo!!
These issues are slowly being recovered from under the rug. Let’s hope we get this to the forefront and eradicate it completely.
RABBI ROSENBERG Where did you disapear? What happened? Why did he become quiet? Rabbi Rosenberg dont give up when your almost there
a asken is a self promote individual who have a dream that he needs attention that his parent did not give him or was abused too.can someone point out to us a askan with a bet din approval [3 rabbis blessing]you can find them on any shame issue that dont belong to them
its a shame that yanky horowitz only cares about himself and now that dov hikind became the champion against sexual molestation he writed this article by bashing rabbanim and askanim to further himself and his career who gave him a mandate? who put him in charge? where was he the whole summer when kids were all over the catskills?
Eli: You are misinformed, go back to rabbi horowitz web site and he is the FIRST and only person who started to write about this issue since 4 years ago
Eli
11:50
You’ve got everything all wrong. The point is that many people get into the thick of discussing issues with zero direction toward doing anything. Media discussion helps with awareness, and this is critical to getting anything done. The saying goes, “It’s the squeaky wheel that gets the grease.” There are many askanim in the areas of various problems in the community. Some are just do-gooders that do more harm than good. This observation is nothing new.
There were askanim working with kids in the street who sanctioned the kids using marijuana and alcohol, as long as they stayed away from the harder drugs. This was grossly irresponsible, as well as completely ineffective. These do-gooders were maintaining the kids in their drug problem without referring for help. They had great hearts, but did not have the training or knowledge to do the right things. There were and still are many like this. Some of this goes on in the areas of shalom bayis, domestic violence, problems with chinuch, etc.
Your accusations against Rabbi Horowitz are baseless. How will you face Yom Kippur?
Yasher Koach Rabbi Horowitz, we need you to team up with other people who can keep these articles coming so that this issue can really be dealt with. There was a case in a frum community in NJ where a frum pedophile moved in with his family from bklyn. all the rabbonim got together and didn’t allow him to daven in any shul and he had to leave the neighborhood, that is achdus. Let’s stop the Shtuse of banning concerts, and the other silliness and address this with a koach, so that the future generations can be rid of this shamefulness. Let us not forget that children who are abused are hurt for life and have a harder time of marrying and bringing up children in a healthy way, again Yasher Koach let’s not any of us be silent on this matter any longer.
……………Who appointed the guy that took upon himself to run around to rabbonim misrepresenting the facts so as to rescue the world from the Lipa concert?…………….anon. what misrepresentation was there? you are one of the people that if you don’t like what a rov paskens u just say he was misinformed (its still better then the people who say the rov dosent know what hi is talking about like the people in the times of modchai when he BANNED the seuda of achashverosh)
m hatznioss:
Let’s assume that you have a point that perhaps the facts were not misrepresented (although it is my understanding that at least one prominent signer later expressed misgivings for not having made sufficient inquiry into the facts. And when things like that occur, a large share of the blame belongs with the endless parade of hockers who vie for the attention of rabbonim.), the question remains, “Who appointed him”?
I do believe that many of these “askanim” are, in fact, self-appointed hockers who derive their self-worth from seeing how much “face time” they can get with gedolim. I guess I’m as entitled to my speculative opinion about what motivates them, as you are to your speculative opinion about what motivates me.
k’sivah v’chasima tovah
An Askan is someone who is Osek B’Tzorchei Tzibbur B’Emunah not someone who has a business from his “Askonus” who is giving people excuses to give up Yiddishkeit.
We shouldn’t talk about it. That will only make things worser. Please, Rabbi Horowitz, stop causing more trouble!
Rabbi Horowits does not address the real possiblity of overducating children about these issues. There will come a time when an innocent Rebbe or teacher is accused by a spitefull child and will suffer from these accusations the rest of thier lives.
Rabbi Horrowitz and Dov Hikind would do better leaving Dass Torah in charge of these decisions
The act as if they were G-ds appointed messengers while they epitomize the Torah description of a Navei Sheker
I commend Rabbi Horowitz on his staunch support of victims within our community but I am appalled that Rabbi Horowitz and many others were so quick to jump on the bandwagon of the latest abuse case and want to believe all that was spewed forth by a young low-life.
As a very close relative to a young man who has gone off the derech years ago, I can only say that the latest allegations need to be taken with a ton of salt. Just because a person cries wolf and makes a sob story of his failed lifestyle (read: choices)we don’t all have to fall at his feet. My relative too, had tried to point fingers at anybody and everybody; he was always proven wrong. He is full of negative hallucinations, dreaming up stories of how he was wronged by this one and that one and when investigated by professionals, his allegations were full of hot air.
I don’t believe in sticking our heads in the sand, but I think we are promoting an across-the-board image that most erlicha melamdim are child molestors, and that is horrible!
I personally know of a person that approached Rabbi Horowtz regarding their child that had an addiction problem and needed his help on a certain issue. Guess what these were simple nononsense people just your regular every day family no movers or shakers and he DID NOT HELP THEM!!! We need people that will help and get involved even if their names will nor be all over the papers and head lines we need people and leaders that are EMES!!!! and truly care. Not those that will only get involved if its benificial to them.
Forgot to add this to my post above: a young kallah recently went to a local linen store to purchase her ‘shtofeer’. After the sales were rung up and packaged, she reached for all the bags and started to walk out of the store without paying. When the male store proprietor started to question her she told him to keep quiet or else she’d start a scandal on him (that he tried to rape her). Such is the education that our children are getting.
Look at what has happened to divorces r’l lately; they are no longer about lack of shalom bayis; they are all about child molestation. This has become the greatest topic for mud-slinging. It is one that is hard to get to the bottom of, but very easy in bringing down entire families and communities. We need to re-evaluate where we are going with all these allegations.
Cautious is great but doing is even better
Doubtful,
That’s why we need someone like Dr. Twerski to evaluate such allegations.
We are a part of the larger society.
When America supports deviant debauchery, it affects us too.
Unfortunately, we, in the Orthodox Jewish community, do not have “clean hands.”
For the sake of the almighty dollar, we have sold our souls to the devil and made a Faustian bargain to support low-life politicians, who are pollting our children’s environment with their legislation that encourages public immorality.
eli:
something tells me you are against anybody who cares about klal yisrael.
deepthnker, your heart is in the right place but think a bit deeper tate’le. america does not support debauchery. the silent majority of americans are decent conservative folks who, like many of us in the jewish community, are only commiting the same sin of iyov sh’shusak. what you see on tv and on billboards is not america. its the drek that happens to live in our generation.
that aside, pedophilia is not an exacerbation of ta’ava. its something in a class by itself, it is an inappropriate interest in children, not women. many of the monsters are victims themselves, but thats not a discussion for now. my point is no matter how we clean up our act these demons will still be lurking. we just have to do what rabbi horrowitz mentioned, talk to our kids about it. i told mine that there are people who try to touch children in private places and to always be suspicious in an adult that gives them undue or prolonged attention and to simply stay away from him (usually him, on rare occasion her). not more than that.
as far as the dominant in appearance culture of debauchery is concerned, we got rid of the tv which has no place in a jewish home; i encourage all to do the same. but please – this has nothing to do with child molesters.
I would like to hear a psak from our Rosh Yeshivas i.e. Rabbi Rosenbaum Rabbi Kotler and Rebbes like the Rachmistrivker and the Skulener etc. about how the askanim should go about this thing. Sometimes they could do more damage then help. right now it’s who shouts the loudest is a bigger askan. But solutions ???
Doubtful said:
“I don’t believe in sticking our heads in the sand, but I think we are promoting an across-the-board image that most erlicha melamdim are child molestors, and that is horrible!”
Doubtful,
This kind of argument is called a setting up a “straw man”. That means that you twist what the opposing viewpoint has said into an extreme misrepresentation of what it really is (i.e. a strawman) and then knock it down.
NOBODY has suggested or believes that “MOST ehrlicha melamdim are child molesters” I don’t think anyone believes that anything but a small fraction are. The fact, however, remains that SOME are. And that’s too many. So long as people like you continue to misapply the notion that our duties to avoid lashon Harah and mesirah include avoiding bringing such people to accountability, we will be left with the sorry state we’ve had up until now. Worse yet. The perpetrators will be emboldended by the idea thta the chances of their being reported are slim to none. Rabbi Horowitz and others are not asking for an iquisition, they are simply begging for our community as a whole to react to these allegations (and yes, they are only allegations) with something other than the self-righteous dismissivenss that has been the order of the day until now.
FinVeeNemtMenSechel: think much deeper.
The Talmud says: “Ein PirTza, Ella Min HaGedolim.”–The elite leaders of society break down the barriers of moraliity, and destroy society.
What difference does it make that AmCha are decent people, like Sarah Palin.
Most of the leaders are vile degenerates, like the media and Obama.
They are the establishment who set the pace and control the public discourse.
This weeks parsha, parshas Shoftim, perek 17, posuk 11. ” al pi hatorah asher Yoruchoh…. Lo sosoor min hadovor asher yageedo lechoh, yomin oosmol”!!!! The Rabbi’s are given the power to paskin, to give gedorim, to place people in charim, etc.. (look at the klai yokor on this posuk). The Rabbonim have to speak up! They can’t just be busy with choomros, ie: strawberries,shaitils,bugs,etc… these are real issues that border pekuach nefesh!!! PLEASE RABBONIM, GET INVOLVED!! Rabbi Horowitz, you are doing a great job! Wish you keep it up!!
kol toov.
We are truly seeing a change in attitude towards alot of things that always ended up being swept under the rug.
The time to act is now! Everyone should take part in supporting those that are willing to do what’s necessary.
Let those that live off the community’s back actually do something useful, and let those that voice their opinion be heard.
True Change, and Democracy can be achieved in our circles. It Will Be Done!!!
rabbi horowits u made my day at least some one cares about the kids and not fake hair and water bugs and frozen strawbeerrys or whatever its crazy how the minute something happens with a piece of lettuce all the robannim get together and come up with an eitsa u kow/
but when they gear a child got sexually assualted in a yeshiva in the kadshei hakodoshim quote on quote the answer is uy vay thats terrible. WHY u want to know why? ill tell u why!! the reason is noone wants to be the bad guy to put someone in sheirim or to lock the person up but to save milliions from eating not kosher strraberries thats a hero so Rabbi Horowits please be the one who actuallly is a person who gives a darn and be the oine who we can come too and talk to and u wont just say thats terrible i cant even lisen cause its loshon hora ………… PS i met u in a hotel a few months ago
why does the gerer rebbe protect mondrowitz?
Baruch Hashem that we have a man like Rabbi Horowitz, who has literally put his life on the line for the sake of our children. To those who attack him now or who have attacked him in the past—shame on you!!!
RE: “rockaway” why does the gerer rebbe protect mondrowitz? You mean the gerer Mafia..Mr get it in your head there is no more real chasidus,,its all a farce an entity to shnur and controll ..The old satmar rebbi was so right when he said,,Nisbatal toras chassidus,,That what the bal shem tov meant does not exisist anymore today .You could look it up in sefer Devrei Yoel
deepthinker: again, you are 100% right about the lax atmosphere that’s conducive to rampant immorality. but it is not related to the sickness that is pedophilia.
Every molestation complaint is different.
We have so many different communities within that’s hard to set up a central body that should have authority over all the communities.
Its a shame but this is the fact.
Therefore trashing rabbanim in general does no good for anyone. After all the rabbanim are the authority on the community and they also control the schools.
Every community/organization should take care if they have a problem. If the proper care is not taken, the parents (who are responsible for the child) should go to the authorities.
The best way to deal with this problem, is to make an example of the perpetrators. That will bring awareness to all pedophiles that its serious business.
Kids also need to be aware to be able to report any misconduct.
But I still don’t see the point of publicly lashing out at the rabbanim. This is not the way to change anything.
This is a very sensitive and complicated issue and perhaps rabbi Horowitz is involved in a few cases. If he is having a problem with particular Rabbi or organization that is letting a pedophile on the loose, he should publicize it. Then he would need the popular opinion to go against that rav.
Brushing all rabbanim as pedophile backers is just wrong.
Rabbi Horowitz: you just gained yourself a chosid.
This is Dr. Twerski. I would like to clarify a few statements, especially those made about me.
I am not going to be a sole evaluator of accusations to determine whether they are credible. This would be just as fallible as having a menahel evaluate such an accusation against one of his faculty. The issue is that the process of evaluating is extremely sensitive – a double edge sword. Erring in either direction is frightening. Multiple minds and experts need to be involved.
The goal is to develop a process that will meet all criteria of having several minds and perspectives, and conform to halacha as well as secular law. While this has not been developed or proposed, it is likely that some investigative resources that exist within the secular authorities of law enforcement and child safety will need to be used. How to do this within the confines of halacha is a major issue, and it is the one which will be guiding the development.
Quite similar to a doctor or therapist, Rabbonim are approached by someone asking for help, and usually this becomes the mission of the Rav. When this is done at the expense of others and/or without regard for dangers to others, this is a major problem. The Rav that does this is a problem rav, and this issue will need to be addressed.
Several comments made reference to false reports. I have not yet located any statistics on this, but I have heard reports that were later retracted as false. I shudder at the destruction inflicted on an innocent man, and this is not different from the horror in reaction to a child being victimized. Neither is acceptable. That is why every accusation needs to be evaluated properly. No names of either victims or accusees should be made public. This is not what either need. That does not provide the safety for either of them. Why should someone who is innocent be publicly shamed? Why should a victim be ostracized for making accusations of the unspeakable?
One comment made a reference to a perception that all melamdim should be considered suspect. I agree that this perception is not accurate, and it is extremely distasteful. However, the true (rebbe) molester looks much the same as any other rebbe. He does not wear a pin announcing his matzav. His wife does not know, and he takes great care to be secretive enough to elude detection. I do not want to suspect the majority of melamdim who are fine, innocent, and most dedicated members of the chinuch community. I do not advise being suspicious. I suggest being cautious, having boundaries that prevent situations in which things can happen. This will not interfere with the best of melamdim doing their jobs well.
Another comment referred to the overeducating of children about these matters, which can easily turn into false reports. That is an unfortunate truth, and that is why the evaluation process will need to be good. As noted earlier, this is a double edged sword. We cannot afford to undereducate our children. Things happen, and these can CH”V involve strangers or others known to us.
The efforts being passionately driven by Dov Hikind are not targeted at any single category of abuse. When it occurs with perpetrators who are family, neighbors, friends, or strangers, it somehow lacks the notoriety or sensationalism that is associated with a yeshiva or school. The statistics seem to be (not thoroughly researched) that the percentage of molestation that involves faculty in schools or yeshivos is quite small. We should be equally upset by the family that seeks to shield the relative that committed such atrocities as we are by the yeshiva or rav that tries to protect a molester. I have no interest in trying to find yeshivos to malign. The goal is to improve the safety for our children wherever they are – yeshiva/school, home, shul, camp, on the street, etc.
Rabbi Horowitz is to be commended for his untiring efforts to keep this issue a matter of discussion to promote awareness so that we can better succeed in making our world al least a bit safer.
yaakov horowitz is at best an oppurtunist i know him personally he is all talk and will seize any chance to promote himself and advance his career stepping on kids at risk and now as the crusader againt the child molesters he has done nothing about it and never will neither is he as involved as he makes it to be thats the problem its all talk no action we need leaders who act not self made community askanim who think they can give their vies on any challenge or crisi that klal yisrael faces for this we need GEDOLIM not yanky horowitz and his friends on the left
vote MCcain palin 2008
There is only one way to stop child molestation.
HAVE THE PERVERTS ARRESTED. Don’t bother going to Rabbonim, Askonim or Batlonim. They’ll just keep you from doing the right thing. Just contact the sex crimes unit at the 71st precinct and they’ll be very glad to help you. Don’t go to your local precinct such as Boro Park or Williamsburgh. The community leaders will put pressure on the detectives to let the pervert go. We got this advice from a wonderful Boro Park leader.
It worked.
meyer silberstein, who is the chief rav for gerrer in jerusalem from the 1970s till today, said on the phone to those who call about mondrowitz, that victims should just get over it and that if we demand justice for his victims then his elderly parents may die of grief. when asked what about the suffering victims of his rape and sodomy, he answers that god will treat them kindly in the world to come.
If this is chas vasholim chassidus and jewry we are all better of or equaly better off as athiest, pagans or hindus sexists.
Don’t believe a word i said here. Call this idiot yourself.
I have very good relationships with the Police Department and many times detectives ask me why is the jewish community so unhelful when it comes to solving molestors, robberies and witnesses coming forward after they have seen something not right.
These are valid questions and we cause a tremendous chilul hashem. We are always begging police for help and help in a timely manner when we call 911 and then when they need our help we look the other way. This is rude and disgusting behavior and this must stop already. We are yidden not shkutzim.
Do we know the difference between right and wrong anymore?