Monsey, NY – One of the positive outcomes of the brouhaha regarding the harassment of Dr. Benzion Twerski – which led to his resignation from Assemblyman Dov Hikind’s panel on child abuse – was the realization on the part of many members of our community that they cannot afford to sit on the sidelines any longer. However, the question arises: What can I do to become part of the solution?
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Last week, someone posted a remark on my website that sums up that sentiment pretty well in a short-but-to-the-point comment. Referring to Dr. Twerski’s treatment, she writes, “This is an outrage! This is horrible! But what can I as an individual, do about this?”
Well, al regel achas (on one foot), here are some of my thoughts:
For starters, we should resist the knee-jerk reaction of blaming ‘the gedolim’ for everything. These attacks are not constructive and will not save the fingernail of even one child. If you are disappointed or even upset with the response of rabbinic leadership to the abuse issue; “Deal With It,” as the kids say. And do something constructive with your passion and energy.
In the early 1990’s, I was an eighth-grade rebbi and was frustrated to tears at what ‘the system’ was doing to the weaker talmidim that I was teaching. I wrote a column, An Ounce of Prevention, submitted it to a mainstream publication, The Jewish Observer, who ran it despite the fact that it pointed out fundamental flaws in our chinuch system. At the age of 36, I was given an open microphone by Rabbi Moshe Sherer z’tl – with no scripting whatsoever – at the 2006 Agudah Convention at a plenary session with 4,000 delegates, hundreds of rabbonim and several members of the Moetzes Gedolei HaTorah present. I have proudly served as a department head of Agudath Israel for 12 years now in my capacity as Director of Project Y.E.S. and never once have any of the gedolim s’hlita even suggested to me that I tone down my writings or remarks despite the fact that I am, well, … outspoken at times (OK; often). I was invited to several meetings of the Moetzes Gedolei HaTorah and the Rabbinic Board of Torah Umesorah to share feedback with our Roshei Yeshiva s’hlita from the at-risk kids and their parents. And whenever I have the zechus of spending time with our gedolim s’hlita, they thank me for my efforts to improve things for our children and offer their assistance.
So, if you want to make positive change in the arena of abuse prevention – and we all know that much change is sorely needed – roll up your sleeves and become part of the solution instead of complaining or just hoping that things will improve on their own.
• Organize lectures in your community to train parents and educators about how to speak to their children about safety, privacy and personal space. These are very easily done in a Torah-appropriate manner. Awareness saves lives. It is just that simple. You cannot follow your children around for the rest of their lives, but you can teach them to have the self-confidence to ward off predators. My experience has shown me that pedophiles have a twisted sixth-sense that immediately lets them know which kids are ‘safe’ to molest and which are not. The ignorant and unaware ones are always the ‘safest.’ To quote U.S. Supreme Court Justice Louis Brandeis, “Sunlight is the best disinfectant.”
• Reward and support the moderate, progressive educators. It is so frustrating to watch child-friendly programs get shot down time and again by judgmental communal attitudes. Principals who give children sufficient play time get their schools branded as shvache (weak) mosdos. Schools that are tolerant in their admission policies or with the misdeeds of their students are often shunned and relegated to second-hand status. The result is that there are lots and lots of really great people in our chinuch system whose hands are frozen on the wheel – afraid to do reasonable things for the kids because they rightfully assume that it will be the ‘kiss of death’ for their schools. I keep seeing this time and again – and I keep listening to such educators complaining to me that their hands are tied by parental pressure. “They” (our gedolim) didn’t create this mindset. We did. And we must stop this self-destructive behavior if we would like to see our schools initiate much-needed abuse-prevention programs.
• Do your homework and see what you can do to support organizations whose mission it is to prevent abuse and treat its victims. There are quite a number of established organizations who have programs for abuse prevention and/or treatment and several which have been created over the past few years to address this issue.
One such effort is “Project Innocent Heart” (http://innocentheart.org, [email protected]) founded by my dear friend Dr. Sam Lupin and his wife Lynda in memory of their beloved daughter Lois a”h, who tragically passed away after a long bout with cancer. Innocent Heart is a visionary project looking to train therapists, help parents and educators teach their children about safety and provide abuse victims with professional therapy on a sliding-scale payment basis.
Dr. Lupin prepared a budget that would allow for the treatment of ten abused children in the first year – a number he felt was far more than a new unadvertised program would attract. Well; six months later there are twenty-five children receiving help, and whenever I see Dr. Lupin in shul or around town, he tells me how he takes calls from parents of victims that leave him sickened and heartbroken, and wonders how he will continue to fund this program. So, drop him a line and offer your support. Contact your local bikur cholim or other communal agency and ask if they are providing services for abuse victims – and then offer to give your time and some of your charity funds to support their efforts.
To quote the Mishnah, “The day is short and there is much work to do.” We all know what the problems and challenges are regarding the abused and molested children in our community.
Let finally, “Deal With It.”
B’H your still on board I was afraid that after what happend to twersky you sorta hid there
Rabbi Horowitz, there have been many comments on both this and othe blogs that a. there was no abuse problem and b. when it could no longer be ignored, they maintained leave it to Daas Torah. Well, if that’s the case, who else bears the responsibility for molestors preying on kids for years but Daas Torah ?
The Rabbis abuse their Power and do not care enough about people, but about appearances and money.
The rabbis abuse their power
if rabbi h agrees that ‘he’ is NOT daas torah, well then why dont we just ask the gedolim how to “deal with it”?? why do we even acknowledge his opinion??
Horowitz, you too have fallen victim to the ‘sweep it under the rug’ mentality, and that fake rabbis should not be bashed. Who are you kidding? Why do so called rabbis have time and resources to bash an innocent concert promoter and cause him and known singers to lose alot of money (has it been paid back yet as promised?), yet they are silent on real important issues – the silence is deafening and you are part of the problem as well. Why don’t you talk out against abusers of this system?
unfortunately rabbi horitz for being well intentioned needs to understand that true gedolim who dont seek kovod dont want any part of the charade calle the moetzes
gedolim are leaders naturally and not apponted by people who have agendas that unfortunately are harmiong the jewish community
Very nice article, Rabbi Horowitz.
I think the guys harrassing Rabbi Twersky are osid leetain ess ha’din. the only problem I have is, who is Dov Hikind to form this type of organization. How did he deal with Kedushas Yisroel all his years in Politics?……………..
Pepole like you and other Marbitzei Torah can do the job much better.
I doubt you would listen to, and encourage school dropouts to alledge prominent Menahalim……..
(p.s. I’m not affiliated w/ the Satmar community)
1. Don’t let the Gedolim off the hook – as leaders they bear responsibility to speak up – however action must come from PARENTS.
2. Demand your school fingerprint and background check ALL Principals Administrators Teachers and anyone else employed – any decent Private Investigator can do this quickly – its done at CPA, Law, Brokerage, Defense etc. And that’s just money not your kids.
3. This article has a great idea there are many school psychologists who can give a yearly talk to kids about personal space and when it is breached etc. Demand your school take part.By NY law they must provide a school psychologist available to students.
4. Be willing to organize other parents in your kids class – just a few phone calls is all it takes. Phone calls are a lot cheaper than years of therapy and broken hearts.
Rabbi H,
you suggest that we “Reward and support the moderate, progressive educators… Principals who give children sufficient play time get their schools branded as shvache (weak) mosdos. Schools that are tolerant in their admission policies or with the misdeeds of their students are often shunned and relegated to second-hand status… “They” (our gedolim) didn’t create this mindset. We did. And we must stop this self-destructive behavior…”
I agree with you wholeheartedly. It is clear (at leastb to clear thinking people) that much of what we consider to be the minimum standards of frumkeit today are fashions promoted by the “hamon am”. I also agree that we can’t blame the gedolim for that. But why is it unreasonable for us to expect the gedolim themselves to speak up more clearly about these distortions if they really believe they are wrongheaded. That is what makes the situation frustrating.
For example, if godol x believes that schools that skimp on playtime in teh name of hasmada, are doing a disservice to the children, would it be so hard to simply say – in public – that the trend towards increasing learning tiome for young chioldren at theexpense of recreation time, is harming their chinuch?
Why the deafening silence on all these issues?
why dont we just ask the gedolim how to “deal with it”??
Good idea. I would think that if they had a plan, they would have shared it with us by now.
I hate to say it, but it sounds like he’s saying “look, the Rabbonim are not going to deal with it, so it’s up to us.” But he says it without placing blame on the Rabbonim, who’s job it is to weed out the perpetrators.
To Rabbi Horowitz,
I want to thank you for coming to my community to speak about this issue that is plaguing us, r”l. However, I have to say that if the gedolim do not speak out against this horrendous situation, nothing will change. When gedolim hide behind an organization like Agudas Israel (and I am not knocking Agudas Israel. They do many good things for the Klal) and not stand up like yourself, Dov Hikind, and Rabbi Twerski, shlita, it only sends the wrong message that all is okay in the frum world.
This also includes not just child abuse, but yidden who go off the derech because they are being pressured by their parents as well as mechanchim who want them to become talmudei chachamim. So, how can we as concerned parents change the elitist attitudes of most yeshivos?
I would love someone to define what makes someone Daas Torah or a Godol in todays time???
I have listened to Rabbi Horrowits tapes he is a wonderful person and he has the knowledge in chinuch of these days right to the point I had never heard someone that is that proffesional and right to the botton. BUT! I don’t understands what he writes: I was given an open microphone at age 36 by R’ Moishe Sherer zt”l at 2006? I believe he passed away 8 years ago
I must say that this is an excellent article by Rabbi Horrowitz and it touches on some very important issues facing the frum world today. However I take exception to one point. While I find it deplorable that every person with a laptop and internet access feels free to take shots at or Gedolim, we do need to take them to task on the underlying basis of these issues. In my humble opinion the issues revolving around weaker students and Yeshivas (and it the low self esteem that they have that often makes them fall prey to these pedophiles) is the fundamental structure of our “Charedi” community! Look, the elementary schools and their parent bodies are demanding elitist reputations so their kids can get into elitist high schools. They want elitist high schools so they can get into elitist Batei Midrashim and seminaries. They want elitist BM and seminaries so they can get elitist Shiduchim! WE MUST ROOT OUT THIS ELITIST TENDENCY FROM OUR COMMUNITY! It is this very issue that is destroying us and it is ONLY the Gedolim that can bring an end to this! We are K’LAL Yisroel and a K’lal is made up of many types. we are a Mamleches Cohanim V’goy Kadosh and a nation has all types in it (see R’ Hirsch). Until we stop trying to force everyone into a single mold this problem will never go away. So yes, stop complaining and take action… but we need our venerable leaders to speak out against the trend. It is a phenomena that never existed before and only they can effect this change.
Horowitz, u r now roadkill! Your true colors show. How do you explain the sanctioned policy of YOUR gedolim in agudah who all these years took the position of Amei Haaretz telling victims you need 2 witnesses to molestation. Why did they NEVER recommend going to the police. I personally went with my story to an agudah rov AND then to a rabbi on the agudah presidium and they acted with inaction. The result was 2 huge scandals. And these idiots are now protected by you. For shame! It will have to be Dov Hikind and Nuchem Rosenberg who will go down in history as trying to save kleinne yiddishe neshomas.
wonderful article, we have to speak up!.
Regarding the rabbonim whom signed the kol korah. Our family has a foundation. We decided not to give funds to anyone who signed that kol korah. we felt it was wrong to ditch a tzedaka.The harm they caused sheya mendowtiz and lipa was disgusting to say the least.
It is very easy to sit here and knock evrey ruv or rebbe,I don’t think a ruv or rebbe that is into torah and taking care of his people is the one that needs to deal with this issue on a daily basis,this has to be a thing where every school has to keep an eye on the kids and mlamdim behavior,parents have to look at there kids every single day to see if they are acting happy or that they are down and hiding something,it is not the job of a rebbe of thousands or a rosh hakolel who learns the hole day to be involved in this,and if a school is caught EVER covering up such a story the people involved should let the hole world know about it!,it will stop
People are upset at the fact that strawberries get more attention then our vulnorable kids. As a society we have to do the utmost to protect the innocent. As you said, we need an openness and willingness to deal maturely with such delicate issues. The “gedolim” have a real PR issue here. If the people they serve cannot trust them to ensure the safty of their kids, then they can all close shop. To regain the peoples trust, they need to come out and show the people they can lead.
R’ Horowitz,
Thank you for the article. May Hashem grant you the koiach to continue on your tafkid of protecting our Yiddishe kinder.
I propose that all the Melamdin, Menhal, Magitshiurum that deal with our vulnerable children need to have qualifications. Our system is way behind the times! Right now anybody without any qualifications, certifications, or training becomes a “Rebbe” for our boys! They can be abusers, they can have emotional problems and we have no idea until our teire kids are exposed to them. I therefore propose the following:
1. Lets have training for our Melamdim
2. Let them get certified that they have had training according to the ages they will teach
3. Let them be listed in a “Public database” and hired from the data base.
4. If there are complaints that this so called “Melamid” is an abuser he should be listed as such so that he cant go from one Yeshiva to another and continue what he has been doing!
As the New Year is arriving it is our duty to protect our most valuable assests, our children! We would not entrust our money without a guarentee, so how can we entrust our children to a “corrupt” system! I challange all Yiden of all denominations whether Satmar, Belz, Bobov, Square, and all the rest Chasidishe, and Non-Chasidish to implement this system! How is it that we go to Drs, Lawyers, Dentists, etc. that MUST have training and qualifications and yet send our children to schools, Yeshivahs etc. without knowing who is REALLY TEACHING THEM??
Rabbi Horowitz, with all due respect, I do see that you have the complete backing of Agudah. May I suggest you take one Rebbe from your Cheder that has successfully met your approval and swap him with another Rebbe from another Yeshiva, one Rebbe per Yeshiva, until as many yeshivos as possible have someone on staff trained by you, who will then be charged with implementing your successful classroom instruction “al pi derech haTorah” to the rest of the yeshiva world. I understand the monumental task this is, but who else can do it?
Perhaps you ought to consider changing from being a Cheder Menahel into the next Teacher Training Course Director? We need your talents broadcast all over the New York area, not just Monsey!
I finally proved it…… I’ve always felt that many of the commenters on this and other blogs (I’m not refering to the professionals, rather to the anonymous “do gooders”) regarding abuse issue were less interested in rectifiying the problem and more interested in knocking our Torah leaders and institutions AKA “sonai da’as” and finally I’ve proven it to myself. Rabbi Horowitz a well respected professional and expert in the field of abuse says that the correct approach is not to bash the gedolim………… Just take one look at what these “concerned” commenters have to say, the same people that heap praise everytime Rabbi Horowitz speaks strongly against the current system, suddenly feel that he’s mistaken. Gimme a break, you guys could care less about abuse. Torah is our sustenance and those that devoted their lives to it are the greatest asset that our generation.
Individuals need to do more?
Tell that to Dr. Twersky. He may be a bit more than the average individual, but the thugs our “gedolim” allow to run amok put him in is place.
Tell that to UOJ — the over-the-top blogger who first brought the abuse issue to the forefront — and had the abusers and their protectors shaking in their yeshivas. The daas torah set pulled out all stops to unmask and marginalize him.
Tell that to the mind-numbed masses who are programmed to stay in line and resist individual thought, lest they ruin their children’s shidduchim.
Individuals need to do more? Indeed!
why every time there is a conversation about this the comments get full so quickly? take your heads out of shmuts we are going to say ol chate in 12 days
Dear Rabbi Horowitz,
Firstly, I commend you for all that you. You are a persion who seems to really “get it”, so shkoyach!
I find it telling that the best you can say about the gedolim is that they don’t sop you from stopping the bad guys. Do you yourself have that little regard for them to find this non action worthy of accolades? Hey, I didn’t eat treif today! (I hope).
That said, I do strongly agree with your main point that all of this “gedolim talk” is a distraction from the real issues about which we ourselves must take action if we indeed feel as strongly as we say we do. Ironically, just sitting back and complaining about the gedolim is, in effect, to buy into the belief that they are “all that”. Otherwise, why focus on them so much. Please fel free to email me if you like.
– Aaron
this time i am deeply disappointed with what u said. dont bash rabbonim.. ok i wont. but they shouldnt silence us either! r u a professional? trust only licensed and experienced people in this field. they r the ones who will report it to the authorities or support u to do that. there r rabbonim that would do that too. but very few.
Deflection. If so called gedolim made a takonah that each yeshiva must have a program discussing these issues with students, it would get done. Parents mentionaing it to school gets response that not in character with yeshiva to discuss and parents should address these matters with their kids. Unfortunately, the parents making the inquiry of school are the ones already warning their kids and do not have teh “kids at risk of pedophiles” — it is he kids w/out active parents or problem homes that are found by pedophiles to be weak and are abused. The community – GEDOLIM- must stand up for the weakest.
This is all very nice but the bottom line is Wht are the Gedolim doing abut this as well.
were is dov with the news conference? if the rabbonim said satmer should take back the mellamed then were in bad shape!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!