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New York - Historic: Charedi Newspaper Publishes For First Time Editorial By Rabbi About Abuse In The Frum Community

Published on: March 27, 2009 10:45 AM
By: Yated Ne'eman Page 5 By Rabbi Pinchos Lipschutz
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Rabbi Pinchos Lipschutz Editor Of Charedi Newspaper YatedNew York - There is an issue that has been on my mind for several years. It is an extremely sensitive topic and I tried writing about it many times but couldn’t find the right words with which to express what I wanted to say in a way that would be beneficial and adhere to standards of derech eretz and fairness.

I have discussed my predicament with many gedolim and they all encouraged me to write about it here in the Yated and said that Hashem would help me find the proper voice.

The sad fact is that children in our community are being abused by perpetrators who prey upon their innocence and our silence. We don’t have a count of how many people are hurt, but it is much larger than we realized, even a short time ago. There is no real debate about the catastrophic effects of abuse.

The innocence and purity of children is destroyed for life. The victims remain hurt, shamed and scarred. They suffer in silence, afraid to reveal their secret to anyone. They are hounded by feelings of guilt and embarrassment and live lives of tortured pain. The overwhelming majority of survivors suffer in silence, unless they are lucky enough to endure agonizing, arduous, expensive therapy. However, even a lifetime of therapy doesn’t ensure that the victim can ever be fully healthy again. Not every young victim’s psyche can be healed. Victims are much more likely to go off the derech, become addicted to drugs and lead a life of abusing themselves and others.

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Let us be clear: For too long, we weren’t tuned in to these innocent victims’ stories and their pain. For too long, we weren’t sufficiently aware that this problem existed and thus were able to ignore the quiet pleas, the sad eyes, the pained lives, and the personalities withdrawn. We didn’t recognize the warning signs and thus largely ignored the phenomenon. Equally clear, this inattention was not a function of some high level conspiracy to harm people or cover up for criminals or abet nefarious activities. It was simply a function of a lack of education about a complex and highly sophisticated problem. It was a result of our leadership simply being unaware of the depths that such sordid people could sink to, and the extreme skill perpetrators exhibit in covering their tracks. And yes, it was undeniably a gezeirah, which, as so often is the case, claims innocent holy souls - bikroyvai Ekodeish.

I am all too aware that it is fashionable in certain circles to blame this all on our rabbinic leadership. These people have yet to explain why our rabbonim, who devote their lives to serving people, would want to hurt anyone. The days when being a rov or rosh yeshiva meant strictly paskening shailos or teaching Torah are long gone. Rabbonim routinely spend an overwhelming portion of their time dealing with every type of personal problem imaginable. I don’t have to elaborate on this now, but suffice it to say that it defies logic to accuse our most choshuve leaders, who exhibit much mesiras nefesh, of coldhearted indifference. As I said, the problem was a lack of understanding.

Those days are behind us. We understand our challenges now and we have to live up to them. There are many things we have to do to help prevent future cases. In fact, in recent years, much has been accomplished. It would probably surprise some of the critics to know that in the past five years, the Vaad Roshei Yeshivah of Torah Umesorah has devoted many meetings, encompassing scores of hours, to these issues. As one who regularly attends these meetings, I can tell you that no single subject has been discussed in greater length and depth, in excruciating detail, than preventing abuse. Many sophisticated guidelines and programs have been designed and disseminated in all our schools. Implementation has not been universal, but we have clearly begun to turn the tide in the school area. I will devote another article to detail some of these efforts. Today, I want to focus on the topic I began with - the innocent victims.

We almost never do anything for these victims. We look at them as small children. We don’t peer into their little hearts. We don’t follow up with them. We don’t do anything to assuage their piercing pain and harrowing hurt. Usually, we don’t know who the victims are, for their parents are petrified lest they be stigmatized for life.

They go through life distressed and tormented, and the fact that they think that we don’t care adds insult to injury and makes the wounds that much more difficult to heal. They think that if we would know what happened to them, we wouldn’t respond with compassion and love. They think that the world around them would turn a deaf ear to their cries and be uninterested in their stories.

So they go through life feeling isolated, betrayed and abandoned. It is about time that as a community we join together and shout out to them that we have been silent for too long. We have been oblivious for too long. And we are going to do something about it. This is what we say:

“We realize it wasn’t your fault. We realize you didn’t do anything wrong. We realize that you were singled out for punishment due to no fault of your own. We realize you were taken advantage of. We love you. We care about you. We are here for you. We will listen and we will hear. You are not alone.”

We have to get a message to the children who have been wronged that they don’t have to resort to drugs or worse to cleanse themselves and restore their self respect and self worth. 

How do we get that message across? Neither by being quiet, nor by being shrill. First we strengthen those groups in our machane who are devoted to counseling and aiding victims. We tell the victims they are innocent; we feel their pain and are here to help them. We prove that by continuing to implement parent and community-wide education and prophylactic programs to prevent future horrors. Above all, we deliver the message by living lives of Torah - a Toras Chesed and Toras Emes - by being kind and compassionate to all. We do it by not embarrassing anyone and not jumping to conclusions about the reasons people act the way they do. We must conduct ourselves to all with true love and compassion. We should treat victims like brothers, without prejudice, never knowing what pain and hurt lies in their hearts, forcing them to act the way they do.

One thing is clear: silence is acquiescence. Silence permits the affliction to fester. We must be prepared to lift the veil off the more embarrassing goings-on in our communities so that we rid ourselves of evil and malice and the pain they cause. We will thus be preparing the world for the coming of Moshiach and the erasure of all tears.



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Read Comments (135)  —  Post Yours »

1

 Mar 27, 2009 at 09:48 AM Anonymous Says:

NEWS FLASH: Moshiach's arrival is imminent.

2

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:02 AM fahrfrumt Says:

Mazal Tov!
Boruch Hashem the next line has been crossed towards safety and healing for our children. This is a big step.

3

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:05 AM gevaldig Says:

brilliant....give him a piece of potato kugel

4

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:04 AM Anonymous Says:

SO? this makes up for years of silence?

5

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:04 AM Yosele Pondrek Says:

Maybe they could start reporting current news too! I already know what happened last month.

6

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:04 AM yitzy Says:

YOUR UNCLE MORAN RAV ELYA WOULD BE PROUD OF YOU FOR HAVING THE GUTS TO WRITE ABOUT THIS ISSUE

RAV ELYS TOOKE ON CERTAIN WELL KNOWN ABUSERS

AGAINST PUBLIC OPNION IN BALTIMORE

AND HAD A ZERO TOLERANCE FOR ABUSE

7

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:10 AM Anonymous Says:

Read the mishpacha this week!!

8

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:03 AM fahrfrumt Says:

Mazal Tov!
Boruch Hashem the next line has been crossed towards safety and healing for our children. This is a big step.

9

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:03 AM Alteryid Says:

What is he saying? He is telling us there is a problem. He is telling us we should listen to the children. But he is avoiding the issue as to what should be done to the perpetrators of this terrible deed. Beautiful words but nothing else.
Why doesn't any one get up and say how the accusations be handled. That issue is being sidestepped.

10

 Mar 27, 2009 at 09:59 AM Liepa Says:

One major point that's important to add, actually very critical to add, in order to reduce or control these tragic episodes, we need to have the full force of our judicial system bear down on the perpertrators of these heinous acts and not let them get away with their evil doings. They need to be exposed as a danger to the community. We musn't let them get away with it. In my neighborhood everyone can point out a specific individual whom we keep our kids away from, especially in the mikvah.

11

 Mar 27, 2009 at 09:57 AM DerNister Says:

It's a wonderful thing to use G-d as a tool for the abrogation of personal responsibility.

12

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:15 AM George Says:

You can try to write it off as a lack of understanding or unawareness by "rabbonim" but the facts speak from themselvs. Victims were ignored because it wasnt conveniant for them to be heard. That it's against any logic is beside the point.

And just like the "Rabbis" who ignored the victims cries, you chose not to write about it for the past few years - not because of a lack of words - but because you hoped it would pass or it wasnt conveniant. After all youre being advised by the same rabbis who were acquiescence to these crimes - by not taking action.

If not for some shrill bloggers and other truly caring people, this matter would have continued to fester, the issue would wallow below the surface, and most definitly your paper would'nt have touched the topic.

Rabbi Lipschutz wheres the apology for your acquiescence to this atrocity!


13

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:15 AM Boroparker Says:

I like the homodia newspaper. Its so big mit lots of pages so I could fill up the bird cage for a whole week and trow it away with the bird poop.

14

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:14 AM Anonymous Says:

Finally a sane voice for a catastrophic phenomenon. A much needed break from the cacophony of blame-gamers.

15

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:28 AM Loshon Hora Says:

A Loshon Hora tabloid with an agenda, which has now changed direction, will do nothing. IMHO
We really need a Yom Tefilah at least once a year, with signatures of all and all in attendance, plus very strong speach. A hand stretched out to teshuva [even though impossible overhere where others are damaged in an unfogivable way] at least gowing foward. Some system where sickos could turn themselves in,and be registered in a heimishe rehab center lockup, similar to a mental asylum, where they would only be able to leave after physyciatric evaluation, with or wiothout electronic monitoring.They would also have to reveal their victims so that they could be helped.
I guess a super program with the help of the government should be set up. This will cost the taxpayer a lot less than pursuing the legal system, and would probably be more effective. Yes some will try to cover it up, they may evemnn be the Shatz at their local asifa, etc, but the more alert the oilam is, the easier to catch them.
Only my opinion, I am not aware if this has been tried yet, or how these warped people work, or react to know if it will succeed.

16

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:27 AM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #9  
Alteryid Says:

What is he saying? He is telling us there is a problem. He is telling us we should listen to the children. But he is avoiding the issue as to what should be done to the perpetrators of this terrible deed. Beautiful words but nothing else.
Why doesn't any one get up and say how the accusations be handled. That issue is being sidestepped.

The problem in our community was the silence, and the biggest solution is to expose it, the help would be - with no other choice, exactly like in others communities, the have at least a way who to deal with it.

17

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:29 AM Wrong Focus Says:

While I commend Rabbi Lipschutz for his concern and compassion, respectfully, he should focus his efforts on a more important aspect of this issue, namely, the prevention of these atrocities.

18

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:31 AM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #9  
Alteryid Says:

What is he saying? He is telling us there is a problem. He is telling us we should listen to the children. But he is avoiding the issue as to what should be done to the perpetrators of this terrible deed. Beautiful words but nothing else.
Why doesn't any one get up and say how the accusations be handled. That issue is being sidestepped.

You are missing the point, if the children will talk we could find ways to help them.

19

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:33 AM CBS Says:

It all sounds so good but..........nothing will change until the haredim change their views that being religious and pious doesn't make abuse any more acceptable than this type of behavior does for the gentiles. Until we all understand that abuse of children is wrong no matter who/ what/ where or when it is practised nothing will change. Bottom line............if guilty.............nothing less than prison.

20

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:42 AM Anonymous Says:


Rabbi Lipschutz misunderatnds the criticism leveled at the Rabbinic leadership.
A Manhig has to be pro-active and daring, Our Torah leadership comes from the judicary and therefore is re-active and cautious. In other words it is misnomer to call the Gedolim keaders, they are in fact followers .

21

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:37 AM Noach Says:


So after all the castigation UOJ was right!

22

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:37 AM Anonymous Says:

What was done to me is unforgivable at least now now things are starting to be done and hopefully other kids won't have the ruined childhood I had!

23

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:48 AM Anonymous Says:

"And yes, it was undeniably a gezeirah, which, as so often is the case, claims innocent holy souls - bikroyvai Ekodeish" "rabbi" lipshitz, who do you think you are to think that you know g-ds plans & reasons!!???

24

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:47 AM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #19  
CBS Says:

It all sounds so good but..........nothing will change until the haredim change their views that being religious and pious doesn't make abuse any more acceptable than this type of behavior does for the gentiles. Until we all understand that abuse of children is wrong no matter who/ what/ where or when it is practised nothing will change. Bottom line............if guilty.............nothing less than prison.

And I will explain your point, most people in our society thinks that molestation is a tznuas issue, so when they find a yid who stays by smonah esrah a long time, than it's not possible that he is a molester, but the fact is that they are sic people and the government know how to take care!

25

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:58 AM Anonymous Says:

We have to realize that nobody is Denying that when someone is really sic we go to a doctor - who want in college 7 years, so with molesters. Only the experts can take care, not our community!!!

26

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:52 AM Gefilte Fish Says:

Oh the joy! finally we can write something meaningful to so many! I'm so excited about this, although I never buy jewish newspapers I will now.
This is such a great historic day, I'm sure historians will remember this for a long time to come. I can imagine the joy and celebrating in the high heavens right now, they are all dancing with these newspapers in their hands...

27

 Mar 27, 2009 at 10:51 AM We Need Rabonim Says:

We need Rabonim & Manhigim, they don't neccesarly have to be the same person. A Rav to paskin shailos and a Rosh hakheila to manage the rest, a Rebbe for the spiritual and a Rosh Hakohal to run the rest.

28

 Mar 27, 2009 at 11:06 AM Chremzel Says:

Reply to #25  
Anonymous Says:

We have to realize that nobody is Denying that when someone is really sic we go to a doctor - who want in college 7 years, so with molesters. Only the experts can take care, not our community!!!

When you need to go shopping maybe your banker should pay for the groceries. When you want to make dinner maybe you should hire a chef. When you have a headache maybe you can call Hatzolah to come to your home and give you some aspirins....... Everyone in the community is responsible for one another......stop passing the buck!

29

 Mar 27, 2009 at 11:21 AM PMO Says:

It is incredible how much attention is finally being given to this issue. It reminds of how the "silent" marital abuse victims were ignored for so long.

One problem, that we do not talk about, is that parents will not allow their children to come forward for fear of ruining their ability for a shidduch, and possibly ruining the siblings' chances as well. As I've heard from so many sick individuals here... "nobody wants their son/daugher to marry into a family with problems". How vile.

I only hope that as we move through the process of dealing with this issue that we can find some way to protect the victims and their families from the disgusting and vile prejudice they will face for publicly coming forward. This is a matter of p'kuach nefesh as the chances of suicide or drug overdose are very high in victims.

Personally, I would like to see the rabbonim find a way to punish those who further victimize these children by getting in the way of shidduchim or any other kind of harassment.

We have a long way to go, but at least the train has finally pulled out of the station.

30

 Mar 27, 2009 at 11:18 AM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #17  
Wrong Focus Says:

While I commend Rabbi Lipschutz for his concern and compassion, respectfully, he should focus his efforts on a more important aspect of this issue, namely, the prevention of these atrocities.

Rabbi Lipschutz has to start somewhere. So I think he started with the victims to see what the fallout would be with this first. If the community (the part that is still in denial) will start realizing the problem we then can take the next step in ridding ourselves of this problem. We first need to get to "first base". From there to "second" and hopefully later on to "home plate" .

Rabbi Lipschutz does write that there will be more articles to come. So we will see what happens.

31

 Mar 27, 2009 at 11:31 AM Isn't Says:

Isn't the reason we buy heimishe newspapers that they don't write about schmutz that people commit???, so why is this any different???.

32

 Mar 27, 2009 at 11:29 AM Chillul Hasehm Says:

It's a chillul hashem for a Torah newspaper to write about such issues!!!. Plenty of little children read this paper, and it's not a proper format for them to hear about theses issues. If you want to educate your children by all means go ahead, but the newspaper should not be the place for it.

33

 Mar 27, 2009 at 11:26 AM IS IT Says:

Is it really the place for a Heimishe newspaper to write about Sex???.

34

 Mar 27, 2009 at 11:36 AM Jack Says:

Yasher Koach on bringing out in the open this shame and to change the mentality of silence and hiding to the forefront of the masses.
Unfortunately the stigma and shande will still be prevalent in the ghetto mentality we live in.
Unfortunately the victims if their names are ever recorded will find getting a shidduch a near impossibility.
Unfortunately many rabbonim and askanim are still able to apply extreme pressure to silence the victims of abuse.
Unfortunately even if we win the hearts and minds of the masses the victims will still be alone in dealing with their immense pain and personal anguish.
Unfortunately many are still so preoccupied with protecting the abuser that they perpetuate the abuse for many more years.
Unfortunately the abused rarely ever gets a chance to lead a normal existence after suffering years of abuse, while the community often times dismisses his/her behavior or attitude as going off the derech.
Unfortunately we shed tears about nonsense and we demonstrate our unwitting acceptance to the widespread disregard of the kedusha of a child.

H' Yerachem aleinu.

35

 Mar 27, 2009 at 11:54 AM za003 Says:

I cant believe it took this long for someone to speak up

36

 Mar 27, 2009 at 12:00 PM a kollelfaker Says:

it is nice that some one other then dr. twerski realizes there is a problem in our community. but the fact remains that our rabbis rosh yeshivas and leaders still dont get it. its the lack of respect the abuse not always sexual but emotional and physical that are killing our children
i remember a time of tolerance and mutual respect in our community its not there anymore. i've seen people stare at someone that doesnt wear a hat yet he davens with more meaning and feeling then those arond him and yes doesnt talk
The head of project yes said it best that if your child can not PLAY Yeshiva he will not be successful.
though this is an improvement it needs to go a long way before we end our crisis
children are walking away because thewy see the facking and phoneyness in our communitees. they are stupid just turned off

37

 Mar 27, 2009 at 12:28 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #33  
IS IT Says:

Is it really the place for a Heimishe newspaper to write about Sex???.

NO, the situation and the discussion is about torturing children!!!

38

 Mar 27, 2009 at 12:24 PM gailmag Says:

Reply to #33  
IS IT Says:

Is it really the place for a Heimishe newspaper to write about Sex???.

VIN is not writing about sex; they are writing about abuse in the Jewish community and the fact that it's been covered up all these many years. It's time to admit that the "elders" have NOT paid attention to the cries of the abused.

39

 Mar 27, 2009 at 12:23 PM Anonymous Says:

It's really easy for him to be a hero and "speak up" after so many before him have made all the noise already. A REAL hero is one who will speak up BEFORE it becomes fashionable and take the heat, like Rabbis Twersky and Horowitz, not after. Because before Dov Hikind and others like him spoke up, he was just as silent as everyone else.

40

 Mar 27, 2009 at 12:21 PM Anonymous Says:

"""YASHER KOACH R' NUCHEM""""
The earth quake happened when you started it all by discussing it in the open, all these articles finally coming out in the open, all these meetings, are all the aftershocks, THANKS TO YOU .

41

 Mar 27, 2009 at 12:21 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #9  
Alteryid Says:

What is he saying? He is telling us there is a problem. He is telling us we should listen to the children. But he is avoiding the issue as to what should be done to the perpetrators of this terrible deed. Beautiful words but nothing else.
Why doesn't any one get up and say how the accusations be handled. That issue is being sidestepped.

You have to understand that before we can get to step 2, we first have to get past step 1 and that is AWARENESS. I don't think this will be the end of this issue.

42

 Mar 27, 2009 at 12:17 PM Shaul in Monsey Says:

Pinny, you're a day late and a dollar short. How can you acknowledge that "silence permits the affliction to fester" when your paper has had its head in the sand while umpteen young victims were trampled on and destroyed and all the while you're paper ignored this issue like Kolko was a dream, Mondrowitz was a fiction and Weingarten just a bubbe maiseh?

I disagree completely with the ridiculous notion asserted by Lipschutz that we should neither be silent nor shrill. I reject that completely. We must be shrill. The abusers are not playing by the rules. Neither can we. This article is kalte litvak in a new package - same turn your head attitude with a different spin. We should be shrill. We should be aggressive. We should demand that any yeshiva that keeps a rebbe accused of abuse open its books and doors to outside investigation so that animals like Margo who used Torah Temima like a personal bank account and who let Kolko use the student body as his personal harem be exposed, driven out of business and as far out of the "machaneh" as possible.

43

 Mar 27, 2009 at 12:14 PM The Truth Says:

Reply to #12  
George Says:

You can try to write it off as a lack of understanding or unawareness by "rabbonim" but the facts speak from themselvs. Victims were ignored because it wasnt conveniant for them to be heard. That it's against any logic is beside the point.

And just like the "Rabbis" who ignored the victims cries, you chose not to write about it for the past few years - not because of a lack of words - but because you hoped it would pass or it wasnt conveniant. After all youre being advised by the same rabbis who were acquiescence to these crimes - by not taking action.

If not for some shrill bloggers and other truly caring people, this matter would have continued to fester, the issue would wallow below the surface, and most definitly your paper would'nt have touched the topic.

Rabbi Lipschutz wheres the apology for your acquiescence to this atrocity!


#12 is very true.

What made him write this article now after at least 20 years of abuse being covered up? - Now is all been hyped up and everyone knows about it, so he can write it in the paper. I doubt there is 1 adult who reads the article who hears this 'news' for the first time. It is good that this is now being discussed more openly but does nothing for the past crimes and so far very little to stop future crimes like these.

44

 Mar 27, 2009 at 12:12 PM Moshe Says:

The other websites are ignoring this

45

 Mar 27, 2009 at 12:09 PM Yossi Says:

Reply to #33  
IS IT Says:

Is it really the place for a Heimishe newspaper to write about Sex???.

This is where the sick ignorance begins. The Torah speaks about sex too. get over it.

46

 Mar 27, 2009 at 12:08 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #35  
za003 Says:

I cant believe it took this long for someone to speak up

It hasn't! How can you say this? Have you been living under a stone? VIN has been publishing articles & reports on this subject for months. Sorry, but how come nobody screams disgusting things at Rabbi Lipshutz, yet Rabbi Twersky, VIN, & most importantly, THE VICTIMS, are attacked every time this topic is raised?

Is there one response for Rav Elya's nephew & a different one for everyone else? I don't get it. All of a sudden this is OK to talk about. Why now? What happened last month that it wasn't OK????

47

 Mar 27, 2009 at 12:06 PM Jack Says:

Yasher Koach on bringing out in the open this shame and to change the mentality of silence and hiding to the forefront of the masses.
Unfortunately the stigma and shande will still be prevalent in the ghetto mentality we live in.
Unfortunately the victims if their names are ever recorded will find getting a shidduch a near impossibility.
Unfortunately many rabbonim and askanim are still able to apply extreme pressure to silence the victims of abuse.
Unfortunately even if we win the hearts and minds of the masses the victims will still be alone in dealing with their immense pain and personal anguish.
Unfortunately many are still so preoccupied with protecting the abuser that they perpetuate the abuse for many more years.
Unfortunately the abused rarely ever gets a chance to lead a normal existence after suffering years of abuse, while the community often times dismisses his/her behavior or attitude as going off the derech.
Unfortunately we shed tears about nonsense and we demonstrate our unwitting acceptance to the widespread disregard of the kedusha of a child.

H' Yerachem aleinu.

48

 Mar 27, 2009 at 12:40 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #39  
Anonymous Says:

It's really easy for him to be a hero and "speak up" after so many before him have made all the noise already. A REAL hero is one who will speak up BEFORE it becomes fashionable and take the heat, like Rabbis Twersky and Horowitz, not after. Because before Dov Hikind and others like him spoke up, he was just as silent as everyone else.

Are you afraid to say the name of rabbi Rosenberg?!

49

 Mar 27, 2009 at 12:40 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #32  
Chillul Hasehm Says:

It's a chillul hashem for a Torah newspaper to write about such issues!!!. Plenty of little children read this paper, and it's not a proper format for them to hear about theses issues. If you want to educate your children by all means go ahead, but the newspaper should not be the place for it.

Oh for heaven's sake! Get your head out of the sand & stop believing in the tooth fairy.

If we don't keep on about this tragedy in our community, it will just get worse. I hope your kids know who to go to if G-d forbid it happens to them, because you won't be any use to them, You'll just be worrying about Shidduchim for your other kids if it gets out.

50

 Mar 27, 2009 at 12:36 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #33  
IS IT Says:

Is it really the place for a Heimishe newspaper to write about Sex???.

Do you deny that we must teach our children to know how to say NO to molester?? And a molester may have a long long bird!!!

51

 Mar 27, 2009 at 12:36 PM moishe Says:

to #23 , R Lipshutz didn't say he knew why G-d does these things, he just said they r a gezeirah why are u so quick to hate?

52

 Mar 27, 2009 at 12:50 PM Anonymous Says:

The abuse problem will continue until the "leadership" states clearly that cases of abuse are to be reported to the civil authorities. Period.

53

 Mar 27, 2009 at 12:50 PM shakons Says:

"Historic"?? Thats pathetic- Says a lot about Chareidi-ism.

When are people going to realize that being frum is not about externals and clothing, hats, bekeshes and shtreimels but its about how you perform mitzvos bechadar chadarim.

CHADAR CHADARIM!!!

Everyone has their demons- time to stop bashing other places and types of yeshivos and start looking inward.

54

 Mar 27, 2009 at 12:50 PM Anonymous Says:

This is the single most important to the yiddeshe community today and should take priority over ANY other issue of torah or halacha. The rabbonim should declare a day of fasting and special tfilos ot beg hashem for forgiveness and for the redemption of the victims.

55

 Mar 27, 2009 at 01:11 PM PMO Says:

Reply to #32  
Chillul Hasehm Says:

It's a chillul hashem for a Torah newspaper to write about such issues!!!. Plenty of little children read this paper, and it's not a proper format for them to hear about theses issues. If you want to educate your children by all means go ahead, but the newspaper should not be the place for it.

This is the thinking that got us here in the first place. The chillul H' is when a criminal child molester like Kolko or Mondrowitz are finally exposed and the world sees that we knew about it and DID NOTHING, or worse that we DEFEND them.

Anyone can accept that there are evil people in every walk of life. Its not the molestation that people can't stomach, its the COVER-UP.

The best solution is for the rabbonim to give these animals the opportunity to come forward in private and agree to some kind of forced detention. Maybe we have some kind of dormitory (more of a relaxed prison) for them where they can be cut-off from the rest of society and spend their days learning with no Internet or TV to encourage their sick compulsions. Perhaps we find a discreet way to let the perverts know that their victims have come forward first. Those who choose to fight it, can live with the consequences of a trial and state prison. This makes the choice THEIRS to make. Any who choose to take their case to state court only shows the world that we take these issues seriously and we have no problems putting a chazer in a cage.

56

 Mar 27, 2009 at 01:09 PM Voice In The Wilderness Says... Says:

As the veil seems to have been lifted a bit concerning s**ual abuse, I would hope that another heretofore unrecognized abuse will also begin to be dealt with in our community: EXTREME EMOTIONAL ABUSE. I am not referring to the "garden" type of power play, but rather of children who suffer from Parents and/or others with psychological issues, such as extreme narcissism or selfishness, that run their homes, etc. like boot camps where their every whim MUST be honored, regardless of the impossibility of fulfilling their wishes.

I would hope that our community finds ways of recognizing the danger signals which help identify such children and that they are offered a Torah-True blueprint of how to act and react to such Parents. This would include a clear elucidation of the Halachos of Kibud Av Ve'em, knowing when and where and how to deal correctly with parents that habitually make impossible requests. This would also require a Torah-true Hashkafa to help weigh what should and should not be considered unreasonable...

At the very least, I would hope that the Manhigim recognize this issue, and seriously listen to teenagers that cry out for help (unlike some cases of which I have first hand knowledge).

Anybody care to comment?

57

 Mar 27, 2009 at 01:06 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #51  
moishe Says:

to #23 , R Lipshutz didn't say he knew why G-d does these things, he just said they r a gezeirah why are u so quick to hate?

who is lipshuts to decide whether molesting is a gezaira . maybe gay parades are a gezaira too. how about ganovim?. are news papers who refuse to cover important issues also a gezaira?

58

 Mar 27, 2009 at 01:24 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #48  
Anonymous Says:

Are you afraid to say the name of rabbi Rosenberg?!


I was thinking if I should add him in or not because he's slightly controversial. But the truth is I should have mentioned him also, because he still had the guts to speak it out. :)

59

 Mar 27, 2009 at 01:47 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #22  
Anonymous Says:

What was done to me is unforgivable at least now now things are starting to be done and hopefully other kids won't have the ruined childhood I had!

#22-

Went through it to, and guess what? It's not going to stop.

I keep my eyes open for victims everywhere I go, and have found many of them and done what I can to help (nothing like speaking to someone who has already gone through what you are going through now.) The most we can do is watch, watch, watch - NO ONE is above suspicion, and stop things as soon as we get a hint of anything.

I'm certainly trying to do my part.

60

 Mar 27, 2009 at 01:40 PM YidfromFlatbush Says:

A most highly overrated newspaper.

I would like to see a newspaper called a "Torah Weekly" that has interesting and fascinating divrei torah and stories spanning the chassidishe and litivishe velt. THere is so much out there that can be published, if done correctly. I am tired of reading dozens and dozens of silly advertisements each and every shabbos in this so-called chareidi newspaper. High time a real Torahdike newspaper came out.

61

 Mar 27, 2009 at 01:04 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #4  
Anonymous Says:

SO? this makes up for years of silence?

This is a Start.

62

 Mar 27, 2009 at 01:04 PM morah w Says:

to say that [some] were naive and weren't trying to hide the molestation is simply a lie.i begged the rav of our small community to involve the police instead of sending away a ''frum'' pedophile.the rav had the evidence[i did't] but he refused.HE DIDN'T WANT THE SCANDAL.This pedophile is now in prison for other molestations perpetrated later!

63

 Mar 27, 2009 at 12:59 PM Chana Says:

Excellent article. What a kiddush Hashem. Thanks for posting. He begins to restore some of the honor that has been lost to our Rabbis in this article. .

Hashem's way is one of compassion and kindness, and of truth and justice. Hashem has extra compassion and respect for those who are downtrodden. He sees the amazing courage, refinement, sensitivity, and greatness of spirit that one has to have to survive it.

And when we as a community turn a blind eye to the suffering of people, or treat those who come forward like second class citizens, and pretend it's not happening, or is not really so bad, or makes them less of a respect worthy person, we cause untold pain, suffering and isolation.

It is Rabbis like these who earn our respect, it is courage like this that is worthy of our respect.

64

 Mar 27, 2009 at 01:57 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #60  
YidfromFlatbush Says:

A most highly overrated newspaper.

I would like to see a newspaper called a "Torah Weekly" that has interesting and fascinating divrei torah and stories spanning the chassidishe and litivishe velt. THere is so much out there that can be published, if done correctly. I am tired of reading dozens and dozens of silly advertisements each and every shabbos in this so-called chareidi newspaper. High time a real Torahdike newspaper came out.

The ironic part about it is that the Yated only in the past few years took the cue from the Jewish Press and introduced halacha articles and other Torah thoughts, things they never did before. Also the letters to the editor wasn't done before.

65

 Mar 27, 2009 at 12:56 PM Anonymous Says:

"Above all, we deliver the message by living lives of Torah - a Toras Chesed and Toras Emes - by being kind and compassionate to all."
1)It seems that this Chesed is on a pick and choose basis i.e. Yated's constsant bashing of certain groups.
2) The Rosh Yeshivahs and Rabbonim have an interest in grandiosing themselves and their respective Mosdos for prestige, power and money. This resulted in the TT fiasco. So they need to get off their hgh horse.It is well known that at certain Yeshivahs there was serial abuse. Can you imagine a RY or Rav come out in public stating we have a problem. Gehenom will freeze over first!

66

 Mar 27, 2009 at 12:56 PM Anonymous Says:

um, why is anything he's saying a chiddush?? hikind has been saying this for the last seven months. where was he? i didnt see anything hikind and others were doing published in the yated...

67

 Mar 27, 2009 at 12:55 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #40  
Anonymous Says:

"""YASHER KOACH R' NUCHEM""""
The earth quake happened when you started it all by discussing it in the open, all these articles finally coming out in the open, all these meetings, are all the aftershocks, THANKS TO YOU .

No, you are incorrect. Before, R, Nuchem, there was UOJ. And he was the lone voice that got everybody else talking about it much later on. Kol Hakovod, UOJ.

68

 Mar 27, 2009 at 02:06 PM Sherree Says:

Reply to #32  
Chillul Hasehm Says:

It's a chillul hashem for a Torah newspaper to write about such issues!!!. Plenty of little children read this paper, and it's not a proper format for them to hear about theses issues. If you want to educate your children by all means go ahead, but the newspaper should not be the place for it.

The definition of a newspaper is to relate the "news" and to inform the public about important issues. If you do not want your children to be informed, screen the newspaper before you allow them to read it. The newspaper is exactly the right place to inform the public!

69

 Mar 27, 2009 at 02:08 PM Sherree Says:

Reply to #33  
IS IT Says:

Is it really the place for a Heimishe newspaper to write about Sex???.

As far as your questions is concerned, we are not talking about "SEX" in the Heimeshe newspaper, we are talking about "ABUSE", please try to focus on the issues. SEX is defined as an act between two consentual adults.

70

 Mar 27, 2009 at 02:29 PM PMO Says:

Reply to #67  
Anonymous Says:

No, you are incorrect. Before, R, Nuchem, there was UOJ. And he was the lone voice that got everybody else talking about it much later on. Kol Hakovod, UOJ.

I have read pieces of the UOJ website. While his tactics are extreme and a bit 'over the top', he has certainly helped push these coverups out into daylight and for that he deserves great kavod. He has openly exposed corruption in our systems like tearing a BIG scab off. It is scary to see names named and such, but at the same time can we deal with issues like this without being THAT honest with ourselves? As we discuss this, remember that it is not our system (halochos) that is imperfect, but rather we are.

If I knew, for certain, that a particular Rav was covering up for a child molester, I would never send my kids to that yeshiva. Period. I find myself more afraid that I won't know, and unknowingly put my children in a position where they may have to defend themselves in a way that they are not equipped to handle... in a way that could push them off the derech... in a way that may lead to me getting a phone call late at night that my child is dead in a crack-house.

I recently made some decisions for myself on this issue and realized that all the "talk" is not worth it. I will never sell my children's soul to protect the "reputation" of any Rav who rapes children. I will never consider the shidduch potential of a molester's children over the safety of my own children. The only criminal is the rapist. The one who didn't care about his own children is the rapist. The one who made the chillul H' is the rapist. The one who deserves to have his very being stripped from him is the rapist, not my child.

71

 Mar 27, 2009 at 02:29 PM Friend Says:

Why is it that the best (only) Daas Torah Dov Hikind was able to put up at his rally was R' Gershon Tannenbaum (Iggud Rabbonim), but when it came to the Sugar and Spice kol koreh he was able to get leading Rabbonim, including the Noviminsker Rebbie Rosh Agudas Yisroel and Torah Umesorah.

72

 Mar 27, 2009 at 02:51 PM Anonymous Says:

Rabbi Lipschutz,Thank You so much that you finally got the approval from the Gedolim to come out about abusing the children of the past 20 some odd years. I honestly do not know your age, but one thing i can say, where were the Gedolim 50YEARS AGO ? NOBODY DID OR SPOKE A WORD! YES I CAN SAY ON MY SELF THAT WHEN I WAS AROUND 10 YEARS OLD, I STOOD UP TO MY PRINCIPAL, & SMACKED IN THE FACE JUST FOR TOUCHING ME & I TOLD HIM, DON'T YOU EVER TRY THIS AGAIN, BECAUSE I WILL TELL THE CHIEF RABBI OF THIS SCHOOL & HE WILL KICK YOU OUT. He said to me lets talk about it, & i stated no. I went home in the middle of the day & my mother asked me why i am home & crying , i stated i do not want to be in a Chasidsha school anymore . I have had it. My mother A"H asked me what happened , i stated when Tatty Z"L will come home i will talk . When my mother heard that , she immiedatelycalled my Father A"H & the next thing i knew was that my father was home in less then1/2 hour . He asked me whats going on, I told my Father & other A"H (may they rest in peace) & my father got very frustrated & he did go into the Chief of the school & stated that this Asst.Principal has to leave .I cannot go into all details for certain reasons , but one thing I will tell you Rabbi Lipschutz, If you fight for something you will find it & get things done, but if you leave it & go away from the problem it will not be solved. One thing i have a ccomplished, This so to speak asst. Principal eventally got out from that Yeshiva about 18 years ago, but when he sees me in the street driving or walking he goes to the other side of the street . It just shows that you have to fight this matter. But one thing let me tell you Rabbi Lipshutz , this is a sickness that it was a problem all the way back hundreds or maybe even a thousand years ago & there's always something thats missing & cannot be helped. B"H i helped myself by fighting in my life & i wll fight for others

73

 Mar 27, 2009 at 02:45 PM Sherree Says:

Reply to #33  
IS IT Says:

Is it really the place for a Heimishe newspaper to write about Sex???.

I commend Rabbi Pinchos Lipschutz for finally speaking up about this issue in his paper the "YATED". I would like however, to point out a few misconceptions on his part so that he has a more educated and clearer picture of what he is finally speaking about.

For one thing our children are not korbonos and have not been singled out for "punishment". Sexual abuse and molestation, or any other form of child abuse is not a "punishment" it is a "CRIME" against the victim. And the only reason they were singled out is because they were "easy prey" and children who were uninformed and ill prepared to speak up and say "NO, you can't touch me like that, my Mommy said so!" Or if the child was older to pull away and say "STOP, you are not going to destroy me!" It has nothing to do with gezeiros that Hashem has placed on the children. Children are innocent neshomas and Hashem doesn't do that.

Secondly, no one accused ALL Rabbonim and Roshei Yeshivos or all Gedolei Yisroel of turning a blind eye and a deaf ear to the truth. No one accused ALL these Rabbinic authorities of protecting the evil predators. Those who fall into these categories know who they are and so do we, maybe not all of us, but those in the "know" and those involved in the parsha such as victims, families, therapists, pediatricians, attorneys and advocates. So lets not pretend to throw a wet blanket over the flames to absolve all those guilty parties of accountability and responsibility. WE must hold them accountable or there will never be any change. If they cannot acknowledge the mistakes that they made, there is nothing that can be done to promote healing and change. If they can't lead appropriately let them step down and allow someone else who has OUR children’s' safety, health and welfare as a priority take over.

In addition, for all the talk about Torah V'daath and other institutions working behind the scenes, discussing these issues, etc. where are ALL these wonderful groups when it comes time to promote legislation that will protect OUR children. Which one of these chashuv Rabbonim, Kehilos, Yeshivos came out in favor of the mandatory fingerprinting and background checks bill currently in congress, or the Markey bill in favor of extending the statute of limitations and open a one year window for victims to come forward and have their day in court?

In addition, anyone of these Rabbonim or Roshei Yeshivas could have picked up the phone and called Dov Hikind and asked "Do I have a problem in my yeshiva that needs to be addressed?" Dov was barred from calling them, but not even one of them called him to find out if their students are safe. Why is that? Wasn't anyone curious, nervous, concerned, upset or even uncomfortable knowing that so very many victims told their stories to Dov? Shouldn't even a handful of Yeshiva menahalim, administrators or Roshei Yeshivas have called Dov to find out if they had a problem and how they should go about handling it? Dov would not have had to say who the abuser was, just “Yes, you have a problem”.

There just is no room for "buts" anymore. If you honestly and truly understand this horrific parsha, then you have to take a stand right here and right now for or against. And by not coming out in favor of these two pieces of legislation you are absolutely coming out opposed to it. Where are the speeches to every Kehilla urging the Olam to call their representatives in support of these bills? Where are the letters from the Roshei Yeshivas to the parent body of their yeshivas asking them to call their representatives in favor and support of these bills?

Where is the request to all the major Jewish Organizations to come out in support of these two bills? Rabbi Lipschutz what truly motivated you to write this article? If you are truly compassionate about protecting children from the monsters within then you can't seesaw in your editorials. You have to choose a side. And if you choose to finally support the victims and survivors of child abuse and molestation and hear their pleas to clean house of all the perpetrators cloaked and disguised in the levush and/or other actions of "tzadikim", then speak up for them without any ifs, ands, or buts to soften the blows to responsible parties.

74

 Mar 27, 2009 at 02:45 PM Voice In The Wilderness Says... Says:

As the veil seems to have been lifted a bit concerning s**ual abuse, I would hope that another heretofore unrecognized abuse will also begin to be dealt with in our community: EXTREME EMOTIONAL ABUSE. I am not referring to the "garden" type of power play, but rather of children who suffer from Parents and/or others with psychological issues, such as extreme narcissism or selfishness, that run their homes, etc. like boot camps where their every whim MUST be honored, regardless of the impossibility of fulfilling their wishes.

I would hope that our community finds ways of recognizing the danger signals which help identify such children and that they are offered a Torah-True blueprint of how to act and react to such Parents. This would include a clear elucidation of the Halachos of Kibud Av Ve'em, knowing when and where and how to deal correctly with parents that habitually make impossible requests. This would also require a Torah-true Hashkafa to help weigh what should and should not be considered unreasonable...

At the very least, I would hope that the Manhigim recognize this issue, and seriously listen to teenagers that cry out for help (unlike some cases of which I have first hand knowledge).

Anybody care to comment?

75

 Mar 27, 2009 at 03:33 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #17  
Wrong Focus Says:

While I commend Rabbi Lipschutz for his concern and compassion, respectfully, he should focus his efforts on a more important aspect of this issue, namely, the prevention of these atrocities.

the prevention of further such cases is the exposure of all ongoing cases, making perps names public so people will know to protect themselves and perps will know noone will keep silent anymore

76

 Mar 27, 2009 at 03:11 PM Anonymous Says:

bekitzur azla gavra demistefeena meeneh.

77

 Mar 27, 2009 at 03:46 PM susan Says:

Reply to #73  
Sherree Says:

I commend Rabbi Pinchos Lipschutz for finally speaking up about this issue in his paper the "YATED". I would like however, to point out a few misconceptions on his part so that he has a more educated and clearer picture of what he is finally speaking about.

For one thing our children are not korbonos and have not been singled out for "punishment". Sexual abuse and molestation, or any other form of child abuse is not a "punishment" it is a "CRIME" against the victim. And the only reason they were singled out is because they were "easy prey" and children who were uninformed and ill prepared to speak up and say "NO, you can't touch me like that, my Mommy said so!" Or if the child was older to pull away and say "STOP, you are not going to destroy me!" It has nothing to do with gezeiros that Hashem has placed on the children. Children are innocent neshomas and Hashem doesn't do that.

Secondly, no one accused ALL Rabbonim and Roshei Yeshivos or all Gedolei Yisroel of turning a blind eye and a deaf ear to the truth. No one accused ALL these Rabbinic authorities of protecting the evil predators. Those who fall into these categories know who they are and so do we, maybe not all of us, but those in the "know" and those involved in the parsha such as victims, families, therapists, pediatricians, attorneys and advocates. So lets not pretend to throw a wet blanket over the flames to absolve all those guilty parties of accountability and responsibility. WE must hold them accountable or there will never be any change. If they cannot acknowledge the mistakes that they made, there is nothing that can be done to promote healing and change. If they can't lead appropriately let them step down and allow someone else who has OUR children’s' safety, health and welfare as a priority take over.

In addition, for all the talk about Torah V'daath and other institutions working behind the scenes, discussing these issues, etc. where are ALL these wonderful groups when it comes time to promote legislation that will protect OUR children. Which one of these chashuv Rabbonim, Kehilos, Yeshivos came out in favor of the mandatory fingerprinting and background checks bill currently in congress, or the Markey bill in favor of extending the statute of limitations and open a one year window for victims to come forward and have their day in court?

In addition, anyone of these Rabbonim or Roshei Yeshivas could have picked up the phone and called Dov Hikind and asked "Do I have a problem in my yeshiva that needs to be addressed?" Dov was barred from calling them, but not even one of them called him to find out if their students are safe. Why is that? Wasn't anyone curious, nervous, concerned, upset or even uncomfortable knowing that so very many victims told their stories to Dov? Shouldn't even a handful of Yeshiva menahalim, administrators or Roshei Yeshivas have called Dov to find out if they had a problem and how they should go about handling it? Dov would not have had to say who the abuser was, just “Yes, you have a problem”.

There just is no room for "buts" anymore. If you honestly and truly understand this horrific parsha, then you have to take a stand right here and right now for or against. And by not coming out in favor of these two pieces of legislation you are absolutely coming out opposed to it. Where are the speeches to every Kehilla urging the Olam to call their representatives in support of these bills? Where are the letters from the Roshei Yeshivas to the parent body of their yeshivas asking them to call their representatives in favor and support of these bills?

Where is the request to all the major Jewish Organizations to come out in support of these two bills? Rabbi Lipschutz what truly motivated you to write this article? If you are truly compassionate about protecting children from the monsters within then you can't seesaw in your editorials. You have to choose a side. And if you choose to finally support the victims and survivors of child abuse and molestation and hear their pleas to clean house of all the perpetrators cloaked and disguised in the levush and/or other actions of "tzadikim", then speak up for them without any ifs, ands, or buts to soften the blows to responsible parties.

your article hits the nail in the right spot. yes jewish board, why don't you step up and inform the acs of cases you know about but prefer to down play it so as not to get your feet dirty. how about counterforce, where are you? evaluating children and then choosing to not to write your findings, for fear of getting "stuck" in a mess! I'm not making this up, these are real facts, and first hand experiences

78

 Mar 27, 2009 at 03:46 PM whoopee do Says:

OO - how gutsy - GIVE ME A BREAK - all those with titles including this BRAVE editor should be hjanging their head in shame. I'll bet that the editor didn't want to come out before because they were worried what would be the reaction to the 'holy paper' and lose circulation. It's the victims that have stood up and shamed the leaders into action.

This whole cover up is an avlah - and it has been for years. The time has come to act like a gever and to make these predators understand that they can get 'klep' too - vi dos darf tzu zein

79

 Mar 27, 2009 at 03:38 PM Huh ? ? ? ? Says:

Reply to #58  
Anonymous Says:


I was thinking if I should add him in or not because he's slightly controversial. But the truth is I should have mentioned him also, because he still had the guts to speak it out. :)

Thinking if you should mention him ? He's controversial ? R' Nuchum Rosenberg deserves ALL the credit for being controversial and bringing this to the forefront. If it wasn't for him and his so controversial methods that this issue would still be buried. Sometimes it takes a kanoie like Pinchas to say the truth and take the blinders off of everyones eyes.

80

 Mar 27, 2009 at 03:36 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #74  
Voice In The Wilderness Says... Says:

As the veil seems to have been lifted a bit concerning s**ual abuse, I would hope that another heretofore unrecognized abuse will also begin to be dealt with in our community: EXTREME EMOTIONAL ABUSE. I am not referring to the "garden" type of power play, but rather of children who suffer from Parents and/or others with psychological issues, such as extreme narcissism or selfishness, that run their homes, etc. like boot camps where their every whim MUST be honored, regardless of the impossibility of fulfilling their wishes.

I would hope that our community finds ways of recognizing the danger signals which help identify such children and that they are offered a Torah-True blueprint of how to act and react to such Parents. This would include a clear elucidation of the Halachos of Kibud Av Ve'em, knowing when and where and how to deal correctly with parents that habitually make impossible requests. This would also require a Torah-true Hashkafa to help weigh what should and should not be considered unreasonable...

At the very least, I would hope that the Manhigim recognize this issue, and seriously listen to teenagers that cry out for help (unlike some cases of which I have first hand knowledge).

Anybody care to comment?

there is also another abuse the affects childrens emotional well being, is the physical and emtional abuse given by their rebbes and menehalim

81

 Mar 27, 2009 at 04:12 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #12  
George Says:

You can try to write it off as a lack of understanding or unawareness by "rabbonim" but the facts speak from themselvs. Victims were ignored because it wasnt conveniant for them to be heard. That it's against any logic is beside the point.

And just like the "Rabbis" who ignored the victims cries, you chose not to write about it for the past few years - not because of a lack of words - but because you hoped it would pass or it wasnt conveniant. After all youre being advised by the same rabbis who were acquiescence to these crimes - by not taking action.

If not for some shrill bloggers and other truly caring people, this matter would have continued to fester, the issue would wallow below the surface, and most definitly your paper would'nt have touched the topic.

Rabbi Lipschutz wheres the apology for your acquiescence to this atrocity!


So pinny lipshits, you and the gedolim you have been consulting are running scared. This wont do. And nothing will to atone the sin of turning a blind eye and worse. Perhaps if all of you are great enough to apologize for looking on as hundreds died for your own sin of covering up and inaction, perhaps then can you hope to quiet the storm of scorn and abject disgust we all have for you frock preening gavaniks. As long as Margo rules this is just grandstanding.

82

 Mar 27, 2009 at 04:52 PM Sam Says:

Rabbi Lipchitz...how dare you write this letter after giving cover to the pro abuse/lets sweep it under the rug, community for the past few years.
How dare you state it's a gzeira like you have direct line to heaven. Its a crime!
How dare you tell us not to be shrill, when shrillness is what forced you and your ilk to finally come around.
You're a few years too late my friend.
Shame on you!

83

 Mar 27, 2009 at 04:48 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #66  
Anonymous Says:

um, why is anything he's saying a chiddush?? hikind has been saying this for the last seven months. where was he? i didnt see anything hikind and others were doing published in the yated...

hikind has been saying, but his actions are another thing

84

 Mar 27, 2009 at 04:44 PM blondi Says:

i hate to scare u , but these animals can roam the streets and pick out easy prey there too.. our sweet neshamos are playing without adult supervision in the spring time before pesach, they can speak yiddish and convince a child to come to his car ch'v..most children are innocent and trusting, and wouldnt dream that he is evil. and they wont even be able to identify him. he will get away with murder ch'v

85

 Mar 27, 2009 at 04:41 PM ballplayer Says:

Reply to #57  
Anonymous Says:

who is lipshuts to decide whether molesting is a gezaira . maybe gay parades are a gezaira too. how about ganovim?. are news papers who refuse to cover important issues also a gezaira?

He is right in a way. Like Tzaddik Goyzer V'Hakadosh Baruch Hu Mekayem. Our "tzadikim" in our dor, the Gedolim, were gozer to keep this quiet a long time ago, and Hashem allowed them to do it. They all have much blood on their hands, as does the Yated and Hamodia for the gneivas daas of saying that our community is so perfect all these years.

Even Dr. Pelcovitz in the Mishpacha says that the only two "real problems" he can think of in "our otherwise beautiful safe and happy community are schools not teaching uniqueness, and the shidduch crisis."

Say what? WHAT? How can he of all people cover up like that? Its like saying the biggest problem in the Catholic Church is the use of the internet or something.

86

 Mar 27, 2009 at 04:59 PM David Says:

I was at the Agudah Convention. I saw Margo get to make the Siyum. I left Sick To My Stomach.
Enough Said!!!!

87

 Mar 27, 2009 at 05:10 PM boroparkyenta Says:

Reply to #56  
Voice In The Wilderness Says... Says:

As the veil seems to have been lifted a bit concerning s**ual abuse, I would hope that another heretofore unrecognized abuse will also begin to be dealt with in our community: EXTREME EMOTIONAL ABUSE. I am not referring to the "garden" type of power play, but rather of children who suffer from Parents and/or others with psychological issues, such as extreme narcissism or selfishness, that run their homes, etc. like boot camps where their every whim MUST be honored, regardless of the impossibility of fulfilling their wishes.

I would hope that our community finds ways of recognizing the danger signals which help identify such children and that they are offered a Torah-True blueprint of how to act and react to such Parents. This would include a clear elucidation of the Halachos of Kibud Av Ve'em, knowing when and where and how to deal correctly with parents that habitually make impossible requests. This would also require a Torah-true Hashkafa to help weigh what should and should not be considered unreasonable...

At the very least, I would hope that the Manhigim recognize this issue, and seriously listen to teenagers that cry out for help (unlike some cases of which I have first hand knowledge).

Anybody care to comment?

Yes, I care to comment. How about requiring all engaged couples to attend parenting classes to teach them HOW TO PARENT PROPERLY? This may stop the current cycle. Also there should be a hotline that every child should call if they are living a life of misery, and feel they are choking and suffering. This hotline should be free and should be available and easily accessible to every child.
Everyone should be able to call if they hear or see their neighbors treating their children inappropriately. Yes lots needs to be done! Let's do it!

88

 Mar 27, 2009 at 05:02 PM boroparkyenta Says:

Reply to #13  
Boroparker Says:

I like the homodia newspaper. Its so big mit lots of pages so I could fill up the bird cage for a whole week and trow it away with the bird poop.

I pity the poor bird in your care, you have to go back to school and learn how to spell. And this article was in the Yated, not the Hamodia.
Hamodia does have more pages of old and boring news. & editorials written by women who don't write their names.

89

 Mar 27, 2009 at 05:01 PM Boruch Says:

Lipshitz how dare you go against Das Torah who clearly instructed us to sweep this under the rug.
You rebelious one!

90

 Mar 27, 2009 at 05:47 PM A Poshitter Yid Says:

I have a kasha on Reb Pinny's article. First he taynas that there is no way that there was chas v'shalom any conspiracy at the top. Just lack of knowledge of the problem.

But then he actually admits that for the past FIVE years all the gedolim have been doing at their meetings is talking about the problem of molestation!

It appears that their discussions were actually in fact a conspiracy to cover it up. Or else why not inform parents that there is a problem if they knew about the seriousness five years ago? Why all the secret meetings? The answer is....

Because every single one of them has had at least one molester either as a family member, a friend or a colleague. They did not want to admit this. They wanted to cover it up. At the meetings if someone said "Why don't we inform all the Jewish parents about the problem and warn them and even tell them who the molesters are so they can watch out? Everyone laughed. Yeah right. Seriously, raboysay, we need to spend five years of meetings to figure out how to cover this up some more, its starting to get out because of the internet, UOJ, etc. "

Also, now that they are finally ready to ADMIT there is a problem, five years and hundreds of molested kids later, what are they going to do? As the President of the Agudas Yisroel told a friend of mine....they are going to have more meetings.

How many children will be saved by meetings? In Lakewood someone got a call from askanim that said "you should know that a molester moved onto your block. watch your kids." But they would not say who it was!!!! The gedolim have taught them well. No lashon harah. No chilul Hashem and absolutely no mesirah to the police.

The Rosh Yeshivah of Ner Yisroel has said that it is absolutely assur to tell about molestation to the police. Even though Rav Elyashiv has said it is a mitzvah. Rabbi Feldman feels that the rabbanim can do a better job of a forensic evaluation. His son in law is currently covering up a molester in Ramat Beyt Shemsh as is being reported in various sites.

But most importantly, the Rabbanim that Rabbi Lipshutz refers to will NEVER come out and warn parents about the molester from Torah Tmimah, or from Satmar or from Ner Yisroel, and they will NEVER come out and proclaim that Mondorwitz should be extradited. They don't want to offend his chassidic sect that is protecting him then.

The most we can hope for is that the Gedolim will let Ohel have one of their events entitled "how to teach your kids to protect themselves from rebby molesters, because we sure as hell won't". In which David Pelcovitz and David Mandel tell everyone to tell your kids to tell you if the rebby molests. Then the parents can tell the Rabbanim and they can cover it up some more!

91

 Mar 28, 2009 at 03:29 PM Anonymous Says:

Convene a Beis Din and kill them. Such an act is akin to murder, and the punishment is death. I am quite sure that these utterly cowardly sexual predators who daven in shul and put on their black hats and tefillin everyday would have enough fear for their own hideous lives to be recidivists... however, the question remains what about yirat shemayim, and the fires of geheninom burning brightly ready to receive them? If we let them alone, we do our children, ourselves, our communities and Hashem's holy Torah a great evil...

92

 Mar 27, 2009 at 06:20 PM seen it all Says:

Reply to #81  
Anonymous Says:

So pinny lipshits, you and the gedolim you have been consulting are running scared. This wont do. And nothing will to atone the sin of turning a blind eye and worse. Perhaps if all of you are great enough to apologize for looking on as hundreds died for your own sin of covering up and inaction, perhaps then can you hope to quiet the storm of scorn and abject disgust we all have for you frock preening gavaniks. As long as Margo rules this is just grandstanding.

let's cut his some slack, maybe he is coming clean. Our job is to keep his and his gedolim's feet to the fire, and not be yoitzeh with an article 1 week before pesach when most people r too tired or too busy to pay attention.

93

 Mar 27, 2009 at 06:16 PM seen it all Says:

Reply to #57  
Anonymous Says:

who is lipshuts to decide whether molesting is a gezaira . maybe gay parades are a gezaira too. how about ganovim?. are news papers who refuse to cover important issues also a gezaira?

WW2 and the 6 million was according to everyone a gezeirah, that doesn't mean we don't go after and rid the world of the nazis YM"SH. When something terrible happens, Torah says, "Yifashfesh b'maasov", but that doesn't stop justice. One is a internal cheshbon hanefesh for each of us, the other is doing justice and U'Biartah harah mikirbechoh

94

 Mar 27, 2009 at 06:12 PM seen it all Says:

Reply to #48  
Anonymous Says:

Are you afraid to say the name of rabbi Rosenberg?!

rosenberg is a nutcase who set back the issue for over a year by his over-the-top fantasies and attention-seeking antics. Bec. he's been ignored for the last 6 months, people r now able to come forward and talk honestly and openly about this.

B"H NR is back in his cave where he belongs.

95

 Mar 28, 2009 at 09:08 PM YidfromFlatbush Says:

Reply to #76  
Anonymous Says:

bekitzur azla gavra demistefeena meeneh.

I am bli neder switching to the Hamodia.

Lipschutz is making himself a rosh yeshiva, when in fact he has a very clear political agenda to push which includes hatred for certain segments of the Yiddishe world.

I will tell you that Lipschutz did not include the Lubavitcher Rebbe last year under the column Yartzeits. Can someone explain to me why he chose to leave the Lubavitcher Rebbe out? I am not a chabadnik, however the Lubavitcher Rebbe was considered a godol by all rabbonim.

Why did Lipschutz not include the 8 yeshiva bochurim slaughtered last year al kiddush hashem in Merkaza Horav yeshiva under the column, Yartzeits, just a few weeks ago? Because these holy neshamos did not dress like Lipschutz?

96

 Mar 28, 2009 at 08:36 PM Competition Yenta Says:

Reply to #87  
boroparkyenta Says:

Yes, I care to comment. How about requiring all engaged couples to attend parenting classes to teach them HOW TO PARENT PROPERLY? This may stop the current cycle. Also there should be a hotline that every child should call if they are living a life of misery, and feel they are choking and suffering. This hotline should be free and should be available and easily accessible to every child.
Everyone should be able to call if they hear or see their neighbors treating their children inappropriately. Yes lots needs to be done! Let's do it!

Shavoah Ton BoroParkYenta, You have a very strong point, but lot has to be done & i do not think that it can be done, because it's in all Saviva's (surrondings) Whether it's Chassidish, or litvisha, Big problem Yenta . I share along with you that things have to be done, but obviously, there's not much that can be done, it's just like someone that has a habit of drinking & cannot stop or someone that smokes, & u will never stop him . There's one thing that we all can do together , which is To pray to Hashem & ask him to help us with our problem . By the Way Ms.BoroPakYenta, this Month Chodesh Nissin is the month that is AHSEEDEN L"GEULA & YESHIOUS TOVOS, so we have ask & keep in mind when we say the Hagaddah That The Geula should come soon, so our Brothers & sisters can be helped out from their burden

97

 Mar 28, 2009 at 09:42 PM tzatzkele Says:

Reply to #81  
Anonymous Says:

So pinny lipshits, you and the gedolim you have been consulting are running scared. This wont do. And nothing will to atone the sin of turning a blind eye and worse. Perhaps if all of you are great enough to apologize for looking on as hundreds died for your own sin of covering up and inaction, perhaps then can you hope to quiet the storm of scorn and abject disgust we all have for you frock preening gavaniks. As long as Margo rules this is just grandstanding.

your third word says it all!

98

 Mar 28, 2009 at 09:31 PM Emes Says:

Reply to #95  
YidfromFlatbush Says:

I am bli neder switching to the Hamodia.

Lipschutz is making himself a rosh yeshiva, when in fact he has a very clear political agenda to push which includes hatred for certain segments of the Yiddishe world.

I will tell you that Lipschutz did not include the Lubavitcher Rebbe last year under the column Yartzeits. Can someone explain to me why he chose to leave the Lubavitcher Rebbe out? I am not a chabadnik, however the Lubavitcher Rebbe was considered a godol by all rabbonim.

Why did Lipschutz not include the 8 yeshiva bochurim slaughtered last year al kiddush hashem in Merkaza Horav yeshiva under the column, Yartzeits, just a few weeks ago? Because these holy neshamos did not dress like Lipschutz?

THis paper did not give wide coverage considering this was the first yarzeit of the 8 bochurim slaughtered while learning Torah. It was a most tragic and most unusual event in the history of yeshivos, that bochurim should be killed in the midst of learning. The paper should have covered this first yarzeit in more detail.

99

 Mar 28, 2009 at 10:30 PM Rippin Pinchas Says:

It is sad that this blog has become the bash Pinny blog and did not stick to the point. The issue is our children, not Pinny Lifshitz.

Approximately 10 years ago, a rebbe at the Netiv Mayer Yeshiva in Bayit Vegan admitted to molesting at least 80 boys over the years. Guess what happened to him? Nothing. He kept his job, no problem. Where were all the enlightened bloggers then? Sticking their heads in the sand. Where was the Israeli army, which takes in many of those boys into the army through the hesder program? All we heard, or did not hear, was silence.

Many bloggers have complained that the Gedolim never do anything. Ok, but have these bloggers done anything? I guess you could say they have, they complained that no one else does anything. They read UOJ and his rants. What does that do for anyone? Why not do something about it?

I have done something about it. I educate my kids, to the best of their ability, to know that this is wrong. They are instucted to tell me if something happens. I have followed the advice of professionals as how, to the best of my ability, to safeguard my children. Although limited, there are certain things you can do to help protect your children.

For the pathetic bloggers on this page, you scream and yell about the Rabbonim but will do nothing about it. Stop reading UOJ and start doing something about it.

100

 Mar 28, 2009 at 11:17 PM chuchum Says:

Reply to #95  
YidfromFlatbush Says:

I am bli neder switching to the Hamodia.

Lipschutz is making himself a rosh yeshiva, when in fact he has a very clear political agenda to push which includes hatred for certain segments of the Yiddishe world.

I will tell you that Lipschutz did not include the Lubavitcher Rebbe last year under the column Yartzeits. Can someone explain to me why he chose to leave the Lubavitcher Rebbe out? I am not a chabadnik, however the Lubavitcher Rebbe was considered a godol by all rabbonim.

Why did Lipschutz not include the 8 yeshiva bochurim slaughtered last year al kiddush hashem in Merkaza Horav yeshiva under the column, Yartzeits, just a few weeks ago? Because these holy neshamos did not dress like Lipschutz?

babies talk like you

101

 Mar 28, 2009 at 11:14 PM chuchum Says:

Reply to #13  
Boroparker Says:

I like the homodia newspaper. Its so big mit lots of pages so I could fill up the bird cage for a whole week and trow it away with the bird poop.

oh yeh? lets see you put together a newspaper and take all the flack from people all the time

102

 Mar 28, 2009 at 11:29 PM chuchum Says:

Reply to #95  
YidfromFlatbush Says:

I am bli neder switching to the Hamodia.

Lipschutz is making himself a rosh yeshiva, when in fact he has a very clear political agenda to push which includes hatred for certain segments of the Yiddishe world.

I will tell you that Lipschutz did not include the Lubavitcher Rebbe last year under the column Yartzeits. Can someone explain to me why he chose to leave the Lubavitcher Rebbe out? I am not a chabadnik, however the Lubavitcher Rebbe was considered a godol by all rabbonim.

Why did Lipschutz not include the 8 yeshiva bochurim slaughtered last year al kiddush hashem in Merkaza Horav yeshiva under the column, Yartzeits, just a few weeks ago? Because these holy neshamos did not dress like Lipschutz?

There is a detail that people are not realizing. Please be aware that most of these type of perpetrators are people who are mentally ill, not necessarily are they just "bad" people. They need medications to control what normal people control without medication. That is a big reason that we do not report them to authorities, because jail will not undo the problem, only a good psychiatrist can help them change.

103

 Mar 29, 2009 at 12:18 AM you are mistaken Says:

Reply to #102  
chuchum Says:

There is a detail that people are not realizing. Please be aware that most of these type of perpetrators are people who are mentally ill, not necessarily are they just "bad" people. They need medications to control what normal people control without medication. That is a big reason that we do not report them to authorities, because jail will not undo the problem, only a good psychiatrist can help them change.

It is well documented that child molesters are RARELY successful candidates for therpy (with or without medicine) - their compulsions are just too strong and deep-seated for them to overcome. That is why they are experimenting with actual castration in Europe - which is STILL not 100% effective !!

104

 Mar 29, 2009 at 06:13 AM goldy rosenberg Says:

let us acknowledge a step in the right direction -- and this editorial is a step there. The fact that he outlines that victims are that -- and innocent -- is a HUGE step in our world. Until now, victims were the pariah, shunned worse than the abusers. For those farfrumt folks who don't want to read about this topic in "frum" papers, I hope you also avoid going to shul on Yom Kippur -- because you will find that Kriyas HaTorah by Mincha is all about forbidden relationships. Our community thought we were being frum by skipping parts of the Torah and not discussing certain topics with our kids -- but that was really Christian influence. Christians believe man is born in mortal sin -- not Jews. We discuss relationships --forbidden and permitted. We ned to begin educating our kids so they know warning signs. And for those bigmouths who are touting Jewish Board and Ohel, give me a break. Mt. Sinai has free thearpy that is worth its weight in gold -- it is called Takkanot/Saavvy. You are better off going that route.

105

 Mar 29, 2009 at 06:45 AM Huh ? ? ? ? Says:

Reply to #94  
seen it all Says:

rosenberg is a nutcase who set back the issue for over a year by his over-the-top fantasies and attention-seeking antics. Bec. he's been ignored for the last 6 months, people r now able to come forward and talk honestly and openly about this.

B"H NR is back in his cave where he belongs.

Rosenberg's actions is what got Dov Hikinds attention and brought legitimacy to these stories. At that point R' Nuchem was able to go back to his cave.

106

 Mar 29, 2009 at 01:02 AM Abisle seichel let your brains rule not just emotinon Says:

Ok I might be out to lunch here but I this k the articule is popules and nothing else no solution and his stupetedy about the rabanaim sorry let me be honest rabonim new and did and do they just don't publicize in order to protect the inocent secondly who are the victims and who are the prrpe aren't the peeps In many cases victims of abuse themselfs and don't they deserve help as well and I'm sorry to say this most ppl here are talking emotinaly but there are halachos that come into play like prooving guilt lashon harah and one more issue do we belive in teshuvah what's this a law about 20 year old crimes now the perps should pay but whats ois gehalten al pi Torah and if u ask anyone in the field they will tel u the one adiction that is totely recoverabul is sexual now have many of us ever done things wrong that we regrate In a previous life that we don't want dug up so what's going on here do we belive in teshuvah or are we hell bent on nekumah even if it means destroying evryone else in the process so let's get some sens and yes we should punish perps who keep at it a don't get help but we should be carefull where we tred

107

 Mar 29, 2009 at 12:46 AM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #17  
Wrong Focus Says:

While I commend Rabbi Lipschutz for his concern and compassion, respectfully, he should focus his efforts on a more important aspect of this issue, namely, the prevention of these atrocities.

how do u stop a madman from being mad? u can't stop these perverts or the atrocities they commit. What we can do is educate the public; educate the parents, educate the children, open their eyes and make them aware that these things exist and that they should protect themselves. Get real man!

108

 Mar 29, 2009 at 08:14 AM boroparkyenta Says:

Reply to #96  
Competition Yenta Says:

Shavoah Ton BoroParkYenta, You have a very strong point, but lot has to be done & i do not think that it can be done, because it's in all Saviva's (surrondings) Whether it's Chassidish, or litvisha, Big problem Yenta . I share along with you that things have to be done, but obviously, there's not much that can be done, it's just like someone that has a habit of drinking & cannot stop or someone that smokes, & u will never stop him . There's one thing that we all can do together , which is To pray to Hashem & ask him to help us with our problem . By the Way Ms.BoroPakYenta, this Month Chodesh Nissin is the month that is AHSEEDEN L"GEULA & YESHIOUS TOVOS, so we have ask & keep in mind when we say the Hagaddah That The Geula should come soon, so our Brothers & sisters can be helped out from their burden

B"H things have improved since awareness has grown. There is still much to be done and it CAN be done. Starting at the beginning (before children are born) is better than dealing with this later, when kids are all messed up due to bad parenting, or bad experiences. We daven all the time for a yeshua, and for the geula shelaima.
But we need to actively do whatever we can to prevent and acknowledge this.
There are so many so-called heimish organizations for every possible reason.
Why not one to educate parents? Help children who are suffering?
There are many success stories of drinkers that stop drinking, smokers that stop smoking, and these are also things that should never START in the first place.
There is hope, but children are living in an adult world, they need our help.

109

 Mar 29, 2009 at 09:28 AM Anonymous Says:

By the Goyim they do discuss it openly. What percentage of cases get covered up. I'll bet as many as by chareidim. You people use unprovable stories to attack the charedi way of life. Nobody knows how many people were molested and by whom and Hikind has finally admitted that he exaggerated his figures by a factor of 10. The Rosh Yeshivas were right to ignore him. Anyone who is screaming that something has to be done must also show us a method that will protect the innoccent. If anyone can accuse anyone of such a story and go to the police with a heter from horav hablogger shlita what will stop revenge accusations for any fight (aaron vs. Zalman, Mordechai Dovid vs. Bentzy, Shmulik vs. Leizer etc.). Even someone who trusts the judicial system will admit that an acquittal is not enough to cleaan a person's reputation. Until the really difficult questions are answered there is nothing to be done. Children are not worth more than adults unless those adults are guilty.
BTW, Pinny sahadi shikrei aoigrayhu zili. You tried to be a hero to the bloggers and now you have ended up a pariah there too. Give up your Loshon Horo rag and get a real productive job.
P.S. Mondrowitz is a gerrer and lipshits has an agenda against ger. That may have driven this article but the depths of his murky brain are too hard to fathom.

110

 Mar 29, 2009 at 10:38 AM Enuff Says:

Reply to #81  
Anonymous Says:

So pinny lipshits, you and the gedolim you have been consulting are running scared. This wont do. And nothing will to atone the sin of turning a blind eye and worse. Perhaps if all of you are great enough to apologize for looking on as hundreds died for your own sin of covering up and inaction, perhaps then can you hope to quiet the storm of scorn and abject disgust we all have for you frock preening gavaniks. As long as Margo rules this is just grandstanding.

I find your first three words quite telling. No need to have continued the rest of the comment.

111

 Mar 29, 2009 at 11:13 AM PMO Says:

Reply to #102  
chuchum Says:

There is a detail that people are not realizing. Please be aware that most of these type of perpetrators are people who are mentally ill, not necessarily are they just "bad" people. They need medications to control what normal people control without medication. That is a big reason that we do not report them to authorities, because jail will not undo the problem, only a good psychiatrist can help them change.

Chuchum: Statistics show that these men never stop. No medications have ever worked on a large enough scale. No amount of counseling has ever worked on a large enough scale. The recidivism rate for this is extremely high. Thats why I feel that before going to the police, give these men a chance to turn themselves in. Let them go to some kind of "monastery" (I couldn't think of a better word for it). Somewhere behind walls where they can spend their time learning for the rest of their lives with no interaction with women and children (or anyone for that matter) in the outside world. That is the only acceptable way of handling this without the police. Consider it like a private prison-yeshiva.

There is an organization called "Perverted Justice" that sets up sting operations to catch men doing just this sort of thing. Maybe, with the supervision of a beis din, these professionals should be brought into our community secretly to help flush out these people. They know better what to look for and how to catch them in the act. Maybe they can find a way to get some some trustworthy people working undercover to catch these pigs. It may be time for us to get outside experts to help us deal with this. Our gedolim don't seem to be equipped with the right knowledge, answers, or tools to help solve the problem (although I do believe they TRY).

We CAN do this. We just have decide that we WANT to.

112

 Mar 29, 2009 at 12:29 PM little sheep Says:

i think some people here are missing the point. this article does NOT claim to have a solution. all it has done, and all it claims to do, is bring Yated into the circle of people and publications who are not pretending the problem doesn't exist. i have bigger issues with the article in the mishpacha magazine, which claims on the front cover "preventing, identifying and halting abuse", yet fails to do so in the article.

113

 Mar 29, 2009 at 12:37 PM Children grow up to be adults...I think! Says:

Hello! I love how everybody is so concerned for the innocent young children. Well from the little that I know, children tend to grow up to be adults. These adults either become very private or lash out. It is a vicious cycle and I want to remind any Rabbi, councilman, or therapist that is not only the school children who need help and guidance but it is the adults who need help as well. Hashem delegated positions to certain individuals so that they can RISE to the occasion and HELP OTHERS! We should be zoche to see Moshiach now!

114

 Mar 29, 2009 at 01:36 PM Sherree Says:

For those who are on the "teshuva" train. Let me ask you this. Many of these perps such as Kolko, Mondrowitz, Reichman and others came to shul Yom Kippur after Yom Kippur. Year after year, consistently for over 20 years. On Yom Kippur the greatest time of teshuva, when we read about this abomination in the Torah and they know it is them perpetrating these atrocities, why have they not taken any of those appropriate opportunities to do teshuva?

In addition, how can one claim to have done teshuva or claim that someone has done teshuva and is now healed if that person, the abuser, the guilty party seeking to do teshuva, has never ever asked his victims for mechila? Can one actually do teshuva without asking for mechila? NO!

No if a child stole from a store, is he not made to go back and return the item and apologize and ask mechila from his victim? Is this less of a crime than a young child making a poor choice?

115

 Mar 29, 2009 at 01:44 PM A Victim (please read this) Says:

Anyone that leaves comments about Pinny Lipshitz insults and ignores the subject of his article, victims like myself and others that I know. Forget about of Pinny, and start caring about the victims whose lives have been disrupted in a way those of you who are not victims will never understand.

Imagine, not trusting authority, hating yourself because you think it was all your fault, having no childhood memories other than the fear of the next attack and then being so alone with no one to talk to about all these problems. Imagine that every day you feel that pain and shame of being molested. Not one day goes by without being reminded how you were violated.

I have waited all of my life since the first time I was molested when I was 11 for the frum world to acknolwedge the existence of the problem and the toxicity of its effects.

You cannot imagine the pain a victim feels each day that he or she knows that their predator is still on the loose able to attack freely. But at this point there is no choice. Known predators live in our communities. Known predators are working in our day schools, yeshivas and camps. It is unconscionable that we are harboring these sickos and giving them the green light to continue.

I challenge any "gadol" to look a victim in the eye and say "It's okay if this happens to more people", "molesters know how to control themselves", "I can't believe such a great person would do such a bad thing", "It probably is not as big a deal as you're making it out to be". With the psychological evidence that we have today it is unacceptable to say or even think those things.

I beg you all, please help to stop sexual predators from molesting our children. I have 2 sons and every single day I fear that chas v'shalom, Hashem yerachem, they could become the next victims. We should not have to live in fear.

We are the mamleches kohanim v'goy kadosh, why is it acceptable to molest innocent children?

Stop fighting about whether the yated is a good newspaper or if Pinny Lipschitz is a good guy or it the hamodia is better. No one cares. Seriously. NO ONE CARES!

What we care about is saving our precious children.

PS - the assumption seems to be that Rebbeim are the only molesters in the frum community, this is simply not true at all, there are "older bochurim" in yeshivas, counselors in camps, fathers, brothers and neighbors that have molested our fellow yidden as well, please be vigilant and let us begin to eradicate molestation from within our midst.

116

 Mar 29, 2009 at 01:46 PM Anonymous Says:

Trust Rabbi Lipchitz he is is not going to to do it in joy like Nuchem Rosenberg, he will _as always- do it in a daas torah fashion, sp all you that wait to joy the garbage, you will be disappointed

117

 Mar 29, 2009 at 02:04 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #115  
A Victim (please read this) Says:

Anyone that leaves comments about Pinny Lipshitz insults and ignores the subject of his article, victims like myself and others that I know. Forget about of Pinny, and start caring about the victims whose lives have been disrupted in a way those of you who are not victims will never understand.

Imagine, not trusting authority, hating yourself because you think it was all your fault, having no childhood memories other than the fear of the next attack and then being so alone with no one to talk to about all these problems. Imagine that every day you feel that pain and shame of being molested. Not one day goes by without being reminded how you were violated.

I have waited all of my life since the first time I was molested when I was 11 for the frum world to acknolwedge the existence of the problem and the toxicity of its effects.

You cannot imagine the pain a victim feels each day that he or she knows that their predator is still on the loose able to attack freely. But at this point there is no choice. Known predators live in our communities. Known predators are working in our day schools, yeshivas and camps. It is unconscionable that we are harboring these sickos and giving them the green light to continue.

I challenge any "gadol" to look a victim in the eye and say "It's okay if this happens to more people", "molesters know how to control themselves", "I can't believe such a great person would do such a bad thing", "It probably is not as big a deal as you're making it out to be". With the psychological evidence that we have today it is unacceptable to say or even think those things.

I beg you all, please help to stop sexual predators from molesting our children. I have 2 sons and every single day I fear that chas v'shalom, Hashem yerachem, they could become the next victims. We should not have to live in fear.

We are the mamleches kohanim v'goy kadosh, why is it acceptable to molest innocent children?

Stop fighting about whether the yated is a good newspaper or if Pinny Lipschitz is a good guy or it the hamodia is better. No one cares. Seriously. NO ONE CARES!

What we care about is saving our precious children.

PS - the assumption seems to be that Rebbeim are the only molesters in the frum community, this is simply not true at all, there are "older bochurim" in yeshivas, counselors in camps, fathers, brothers and neighbors that have molested our fellow yidden as well, please be vigilant and let us begin to eradicate molestation from within our midst.

#115 -

I really feel everything you say - it hits me too. But one thing I have realized - and I think that you can also gain from this - is that your kids (and mine, IY"H when the time comes) will have a much lesser chance of getting molested Ch"V...because YOU can tell them what it's like. YOU can tell them what to look for, when to realize something is wrong, and who to go to when something starts.

Obviously life handed you a rotten lot, and I'm sure we will all be compensated when the Time comes. But until then, you can turn horrible pasts into a slight positive.

Go for it!

I, for one, am behind you 100%.

Hatzlacha.

118

 Mar 29, 2009 at 03:31 PM Sherree Says:

Please note the response of Rav Sternbuch to the Yated article:



"Why isn't there any mention about stopping the perpetrators?" Why isn't there a condemnation of those who committed the crimes against these children? Why are they afraid to condemn the perpetrators?"
This editorial is a welcome step forward but it 1) acknowledges that American gedolim have been aware that there has been a significant problems for years - without doing anything about it. 2) he claims that our American religious leaders were ignorant about how to handle the problem - so why didn't they ask the police, why didn't they ask psychologists and social workers? 3) why has there been an active repression of talk about these issues and pressure on the families not to come forth? 5) why is his focus on belatedly helping the victims handle their suffering without acknowledging that a significant cause of the problem are family, friends and rabbis who should should have been protecting the children instead of abusing them? 6) what is this talk about the abuse being a gezeirah? Does he think that G-d's name is being sanctified by the abuse of these unfortunate children?! That is obscene!

119

 Mar 29, 2009 at 03:49 PM little sheep Says:

Reply to #115  
A Victim (please read this) Says:

Anyone that leaves comments about Pinny Lipshitz insults and ignores the subject of his article, victims like myself and others that I know. Forget about of Pinny, and start caring about the victims whose lives have been disrupted in a way those of you who are not victims will never understand.

Imagine, not trusting authority, hating yourself because you think it was all your fault, having no childhood memories other than the fear of the next attack and then being so alone with no one to talk to about all these problems. Imagine that every day you feel that pain and shame of being molested. Not one day goes by without being reminded how you were violated.

I have waited all of my life since the first time I was molested when I was 11 for the frum world to acknolwedge the existence of the problem and the toxicity of its effects.

You cannot imagine the pain a victim feels each day that he or she knows that their predator is still on the loose able to attack freely. But at this point there is no choice. Known predators live in our communities. Known predators are working in our day schools, yeshivas and camps. It is unconscionable that we are harboring these sickos and giving them the green light to continue.

I challenge any "gadol" to look a victim in the eye and say "It's okay if this happens to more people", "molesters know how to control themselves", "I can't believe such a great person would do such a bad thing", "It probably is not as big a deal as you're making it out to be". With the psychological evidence that we have today it is unacceptable to say or even think those things.

I beg you all, please help to stop sexual predators from molesting our children. I have 2 sons and every single day I fear that chas v'shalom, Hashem yerachem, they could become the next victims. We should not have to live in fear.

We are the mamleches kohanim v'goy kadosh, why is it acceptable to molest innocent children?

Stop fighting about whether the yated is a good newspaper or if Pinny Lipschitz is a good guy or it the hamodia is better. No one cares. Seriously. NO ONE CARES!

What we care about is saving our precious children.

PS - the assumption seems to be that Rebbeim are the only molesters in the frum community, this is simply not true at all, there are "older bochurim" in yeshivas, counselors in camps, fathers, brothers and neighbors that have molested our fellow yidden as well, please be vigilant and let us begin to eradicate molestation from within our midst.

why is it that only we survivors take this stand?

is this really all about fighting? i can give my opinion on lipschutz, rosenberg, and a million other people too. that's NOT THE POINT HERE!

120

 Mar 29, 2009 at 03:57 PM A Victim Says:

Reply to #118  
Sherree Says:

Please note the response of Rav Sternbuch to the Yated article:



"Why isn't there any mention about stopping the perpetrators?" Why isn't there a condemnation of those who committed the crimes against these children? Why are they afraid to condemn the perpetrators?"
This editorial is a welcome step forward but it 1) acknowledges that American gedolim have been aware that there has been a significant problems for years - without doing anything about it. 2) he claims that our American religious leaders were ignorant about how to handle the problem - so why didn't they ask the police, why didn't they ask psychologists and social workers? 3) why has there been an active repression of talk about these issues and pressure on the families not to come forth? 5) why is his focus on belatedly helping the victims handle their suffering without acknowledging that a significant cause of the problem are family, friends and rabbis who should should have been protecting the children instead of abusing them? 6) what is this talk about the abuse being a gezeirah? Does he think that G-d's name is being sanctified by the abuse of these unfortunate children?! That is obscene!

NO ONE CARES!!!

Please stop criticizing Pinny Lipschutz!

We finally have a forum for victims to feel understood and you are diverting the focus to critiquing the article.

This is not about the article - it is about stopping molesters.

If your comments won't help stop molesters - don't type.

We don't care how you feel about the article.

121

 Mar 29, 2009 at 05:14 PM Anonymous Says:

So the next step is to publish a list of perpetrators so that the kehilla will be forwarned. Do it now. Or point to the websites which list the perpetrators.
That would go a long way to preventing future abuse.

122

 Mar 29, 2009 at 04:46 PM really Says:

Reply to #120  
A Victim Says:

NO ONE CARES!!!

Please stop criticizing Pinny Lipschutz!

We finally have a forum for victims to feel understood and you are diverting the focus to critiquing the article.

This is not about the article - it is about stopping molesters.

If your comments won't help stop molesters - don't type.

We don't care how you feel about the article.

i was under the impression that is why there is a comments section. there was an article written and now people are giving their comments on it.

123

 Mar 29, 2009 at 05:46 PM A Victim Says:

Reply to #119  
little sheep Says:

why is it that only we survivors take this stand?

is this really all about fighting? i can give my opinion on lipschutz, rosenberg, and a million other people too. that's NOT THE POINT HERE!

(And this is for #122 to read as well. Try and understand this - you can do it.)

#119: Maskim.

It boggles my mind how petty the comments can be in response to the article when the greater point here is that FINALLY molestation is being addressed and victims are being given a voice.

Still these petty people find it necessary to take that voice away so they can comment on Pinny's grammar and the fact that he is a nephew of R' Elya (through marriage)!

It just reinforces the point that non-victims just don't get the victims, they cannot understand the pain we are in and can't differentiate between dealing with molestation and dealing with whose side Pinny Lipschutz is on...

124

 Mar 29, 2009 at 06:41 PM PMO Says:

Reply to #123  
A Victim Says:

(And this is for #122 to read as well. Try and understand this - you can do it.)

#119: Maskim.

It boggles my mind how petty the comments can be in response to the article when the greater point here is that FINALLY molestation is being addressed and victims are being given a voice.

Still these petty people find it necessary to take that voice away so they can comment on Pinny's grammar and the fact that he is a nephew of R' Elya (through marriage)!

It just reinforces the point that non-victims just don't get the victims, they cannot understand the pain we are in and can't differentiate between dealing with molestation and dealing with whose side Pinny Lipschutz is on...

I'm behind you 110%. Such a stupid side argument.

The issues here are simple:
1. Molestation occurs in our community more often than anyone really understood.
2. Our rabbonim have mishandled this issue and (I believe unintentionally) caused tremendous harm to victims.
3. Our lack of action has led to the rape/molestation of more of our children and subsequently to destroyed lives (including deaths).
4. Parents of victims who have helped cover these things up for the sake of shidduchim are just as responsible for the continued abuse and should be held accountable for it.
5. Victims are finally learning that many (if not most) of the community is finally ready to listen, stand side-by-side with them and ACT.

Thank H' for those who have had the courage to stand up (no matter how late they be).

I only hope that these animals do the right thing and turn themselves in to avoid the chillul H'. Go quietly in the night and confess what you've done to the appropriate authorities and agree to ***life*** in some kind of facility. From a cell you can devote your life to learning Torah without the distraction of your taivos. If not... the victims are coming for you. You will be exposed in public. You will never again be able to get near another child. Unfortunately, you will take your whole family down with you. At least by turning yourself in quietly, you give them the opportunity to say that you and your wife divorced and you moved to Israel or something. I'm sure some kind of heter can be worked out for that.

Much in the way that the door to this discussion was finally opened in a real way (thank you UOJ and Lipschutz), the door into the world of every child molesting chazer will also be kicked open... and our children will be better off for it.

125

 Mar 29, 2009 at 08:45 PM A Victim Says:

Reply to #124  
PMO Says:

I'm behind you 110%. Such a stupid side argument.

The issues here are simple:
1. Molestation occurs in our community more often than anyone really understood.
2. Our rabbonim have mishandled this issue and (I believe unintentionally) caused tremendous harm to victims.
3. Our lack of action has led to the rape/molestation of more of our children and subsequently to destroyed lives (including deaths).
4. Parents of victims who have helped cover these things up for the sake of shidduchim are just as responsible for the continued abuse and should be held accountable for it.
5. Victims are finally learning that many (if not most) of the community is finally ready to listen, stand side-by-side with them and ACT.

Thank H' for those who have had the courage to stand up (no matter how late they be).

I only hope that these animals do the right thing and turn themselves in to avoid the chillul H'. Go quietly in the night and confess what you've done to the appropriate authorities and agree to ***life*** in some kind of facility. From a cell you can devote your life to learning Torah without the distraction of your taivos. If not... the victims are coming for you. You will be exposed in public. You will never again be able to get near another child. Unfortunately, you will take your whole family down with you. At least by turning yourself in quietly, you give them the opportunity to say that you and your wife divorced and you moved to Israel or something. I'm sure some kind of heter can be worked out for that.

Much in the way that the door to this discussion was finally opened in a real way (thank you UOJ and Lipschutz), the door into the world of every child molesting chazer will also be kicked open... and our children will be better off for it.

Unfortunately waiting for these animals to turn themselves in is a pipe dream. They are sick and hungry for more. More importantly, many of them are in self-denial.

Victims will only be willing to speak up when we will be:
1) believed
2) assured that it will not effect our standing in the frum community (if they, like me, have stayed along the derech hayashar) and
3) something will be done to the predators ie jail / halfway house / or at the very least l'maan hashem keep them away from children.

(see my first post in 115 for an idea of how we feel)

126

 Mar 29, 2009 at 09:25 PM Anonymous Says:

Give me a break! Of course it makes sense that our leaders covered it up. They are always in denial about any problem in the frum community until there is a critical mass with all the korbanos along the way. They don`t get that the Torah is perfect, Jews aren`t. Those who do these perverted behaviors are very sick but those who don`t have such a yetzer harah but refuse to protect innocent children when they could, for them I say Hashem yerachem.They put their mosad before the safety of their talmidim. Shame on them!

127

 Mar 29, 2009 at 09:48 PM victim alike Says:

Reply to #125  
A Victim Says:

Unfortunately waiting for these animals to turn themselves in is a pipe dream. They are sick and hungry for more. More importantly, many of them are in self-denial.

Victims will only be willing to speak up when we will be:
1) believed
2) assured that it will not effect our standing in the frum community (if they, like me, have stayed along the derech hayashar) and
3) something will be done to the predators ie jail / halfway house / or at the very least l'maan hashem keep them away from children.

(see my first post in 115 for an idea of how we feel)

Mr 115 and 125;

Your writing and thought process is very impressive. As a victim myself I would like to share with you the following thought; when Yosef Ha'tsadik said "Ani Yosef" the brothers were most likely in a state of shock. The awareness they had at that very moment is something we most likely can't fathom. As a victim myself who went through unspeakable torture, I had buried the pain into the far recesses of my mind. It was only many years later and with siyata dishmaya, that the memories starting piping through etc... until I finally took him down. However as the memories starting surfacing the pain and shock of my own self awareness and what happened can only be described as a similar awareness the brothers had with "ani Yosef" - utter shock, awe and raw pain! A kind of shock that is absolutely indescribable.

I also noticed when discussing the abuse with outsiders that knew this individual, that they also went through a shock reaction. It is my opinion that it is precisely because of the pain that is too difficult to deal with, that many leaders cover-up, deny etc.. curious to hear your take on this?

128

 Mar 29, 2009 at 10:16 PM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #127  
victim alike Says:

Mr 115 and 125;

Your writing and thought process is very impressive. As a victim myself I would like to share with you the following thought; when Yosef Ha'tsadik said "Ani Yosef" the brothers were most likely in a state of shock. The awareness they had at that very moment is something we most likely can't fathom. As a victim myself who went through unspeakable torture, I had buried the pain into the far recesses of my mind. It was only many years later and with siyata dishmaya, that the memories starting piping through etc... until I finally took him down. However as the memories starting surfacing the pain and shock of my own self awareness and what happened can only be described as a similar awareness the brothers had with "ani Yosef" - utter shock, awe and raw pain! A kind of shock that is absolutely indescribable.

I also noticed when discussing the abuse with outsiders that knew this individual, that they also went through a shock reaction. It is my opinion that it is precisely because of the pain that is too difficult to deal with, that many leaders cover-up, deny etc.. curious to hear your take on this?

Unfortunately, having "been around the block", I don't think that there's anyone who would shock me if he did this. When I was in Yeshiva, I was able to give a list of names (including two of the three valedectorians at my graduation) who were, um, looking.

129

 Mar 29, 2009 at 11:06 PM A Victim Says:

Reply to #127  
victim alike Says:

Mr 115 and 125;

Your writing and thought process is very impressive. As a victim myself I would like to share with you the following thought; when Yosef Ha'tsadik said "Ani Yosef" the brothers were most likely in a state of shock. The awareness they had at that very moment is something we most likely can't fathom. As a victim myself who went through unspeakable torture, I had buried the pain into the far recesses of my mind. It was only many years later and with siyata dishmaya, that the memories starting piping through etc... until I finally took him down. However as the memories starting surfacing the pain and shock of my own self awareness and what happened can only be described as a similar awareness the brothers had with "ani Yosef" - utter shock, awe and raw pain! A kind of shock that is absolutely indescribable.

I also noticed when discussing the abuse with outsiders that knew this individual, that they also went through a shock reaction. It is my opinion that it is precisely because of the pain that is too difficult to deal with, that many leaders cover-up, deny etc.. curious to hear your take on this?

#128: 2 things:

First, I am a victim, however I am a unique victim. I was molested "only" twice. Once when I was 11 by a virtual stranger in shul during Shalosh Seudos. I did not understand that I had been molested but I knew the pain and fear that I felt afterwards. It certainly affected me.

The second time I was well into my teens. A (very choshuv) older bocher molested me for a very extended period of time. Here is the key - my brain did not even tell me what was happening. I am sure it is because I was molested once before so my brain was unable to process what was happening. I went through a period of about a week where I did not leave my dorm room until I finally mustered enough courage to tell my Menahel what happened. Baruch Hashem my Menahel is an outstanding mechanech and he knew exactly what to do. He dealt with the bochur (severely) and I truly believe that the predator was regretful and worked on himself to he point that he may have nisyonos but is able to overcome them. He apologized to me and we reconciled. I was not allowed to have anything to do with him and we had very little contact. I called him the day of wedding and was mochel him. I see him once in a while and we are "civil" around each other.

My situation is unique because I did not keep the abuse inside and my attacker actually acknowledged and apologized for what happened.

Second, my wife is a victim. Also unique, but much more severe. She was molested by an older brother (yeshiva bochur) for a period of 5-6 years. Much of what I understand about molestation victims comes from her therapy and our growth and self discovery together.

She has suffered tremendously and continues to suffer each day. She has no memories from her teenage years. She blocked out the pain and only now through therapy does she even begin to feel what she never felt as a child. You can imagine the inner conflict that she feels keeping such a powerful secret...

We are so grateful for each other because we truly understand one another.

As I mentioned earlier - I have been waiting 16 years for a day like today to come. It is time for Klal Yisrael to do something about this problem - now.

As to your vort, I think it is evident that I agree wholeheartedly to a point. All victims deny that they are victims. This is part natural and part because there is no outlet for a victim to report such behavior. I truly believe that a real mechanech would know what to do just as me menahel did. However, true mechanchim are few and far between. The reason for the cover up is simply because no one knows what to do!

The first step must be to provide outlets for victims to come forward to people who are qualified to deal with the molestation victim and attacker.

I was unique, I was the exception, I had the confidence to do what needed to be done and report my attacker. Sadly nearly every other victim does not share this with me.

130

 Mar 29, 2009 at 11:47 PM A Victim Says:

(I meant for the last post to say #127 not #128.)

sorry

131

 Mar 30, 2009 at 12:12 PM YankleShtrudle Says:

Perhaps becasue of the late hour of the night that I read Lipshutz's article, however, I did not see anything profound in what he said. Did I overlook something?

132

 Mar 30, 2009 at 02:52 PM Asher Lipner, Ph.D. Says:

Reply to #127  
victim alike Says:

Mr 115 and 125;

Your writing and thought process is very impressive. As a victim myself I would like to share with you the following thought; when Yosef Ha'tsadik said "Ani Yosef" the brothers were most likely in a state of shock. The awareness they had at that very moment is something we most likely can't fathom. As a victim myself who went through unspeakable torture, I had buried the pain into the far recesses of my mind. It was only many years later and with siyata dishmaya, that the memories starting piping through etc... until I finally took him down. However as the memories starting surfacing the pain and shock of my own self awareness and what happened can only be described as a similar awareness the brothers had with "ani Yosef" - utter shock, awe and raw pain! A kind of shock that is absolutely indescribable.

I also noticed when discussing the abuse with outsiders that knew this individual, that they also went through a shock reaction. It is my opinion that it is precisely because of the pain that is too difficult to deal with, that many leaders cover-up, deny etc.. curious to hear your take on this?

As a therapist who deals with abuse and tauma in general, I can attest that to hear shocking stories can sometimes lead to what is called "secondary trauma". Overwhelming feelings of fear, pain, sadness and anger about what has been perpetrated on another innocent person do not leave the average listner emotionally unscathed.

This presents a dillema for trauma survivors who want to share their stories and is one of the main reasons that Holocaust survivors preferred to suffer in silence for years and years. In their case, the outreach of Steven Speilberg's Survivors of the Shoah Oral History foundation reaching out and asking them to please tell their stories, that we want to and are emotinally prepared to hear them, engendered thousands of survivors telling their stories for the first time. It was healing for many of them, and was helpful to all of us to know the horrible truth.

If we as a community are going to help the survivors of sexual abuse among us, we are going to need to do something similar. Rabbi Liphshutz's article says one thing we need to do: to reach out and care.

One idea would be for everyone to ask their rabbi to speak about the problem from the bima, and perhaps to say a few kpitlach thillim for survivors. It is a very small token, but a good first step to show caring. Then, if rabbis would invite proffessionals to talk in their shuls to reach out to survivors and parents of survivors and to train everyone about abuse, that would create an environment in which being a survivor is not so laden with stigma.

There are actually a group of frum survivors who recently spoke out publicly for the first time at an event in a shul on the Upper West Side. The meeting was cosponsored by the Jewish Board of Advocates for Children, The OU, The RCA and The Council of West Side Synagaogues and was covered by the Jewish Star. I was surprised VIN didn't publish it.

Anyone who wants a survivor to come and speak in their shul can contact me directly at lipnera@gmail.com, or can contact the Jewish Board of Advocates for Children at our webstie jewishadvocates.com. Furthermore any survivor reading this who is ready to volunteer to speak about their experiences, feel free to contact us as well. Finally, any survivor or family member of a survivor who would like to participate in a support group that is forming, we already have an informal group, but are working on putting together groups to meet in every neighborhood.

Thank you VIN for all you do to publicize this problem. We as a community are only as sick as our secrets. Awareness will lead to healing.

Asher

















133

 Mar 31, 2009 at 08:01 PM victim alike Says:

Reply to #129  
A Victim Says:

#128: 2 things:

First, I am a victim, however I am a unique victim. I was molested "only" twice. Once when I was 11 by a virtual stranger in shul during Shalosh Seudos. I did not understand that I had been molested but I knew the pain and fear that I felt afterwards. It certainly affected me.

The second time I was well into my teens. A (very choshuv) older bocher molested me for a very extended period of time. Here is the key - my brain did not even tell me what was happening. I am sure it is because I was molested once before so my brain was unable to process what was happening. I went through a period of about a week where I did not leave my dorm room until I finally mustered enough courage to tell my Menahel what happened. Baruch Hashem my Menahel is an outstanding mechanech and he knew exactly what to do. He dealt with the bochur (severely) and I truly believe that the predator was regretful and worked on himself to he point that he may have nisyonos but is able to overcome them. He apologized to me and we reconciled. I was not allowed to have anything to do with him and we had very little contact. I called him the day of wedding and was mochel him. I see him once in a while and we are "civil" around each other.

My situation is unique because I did not keep the abuse inside and my attacker actually acknowledged and apologized for what happened.

Second, my wife is a victim. Also unique, but much more severe. She was molested by an older brother (yeshiva bochur) for a period of 5-6 years. Much of what I understand about molestation victims comes from her therapy and our growth and self discovery together.

She has suffered tremendously and continues to suffer each day. She has no memories from her teenage years. She blocked out the pain and only now through therapy does she even begin to feel what she never felt as a child. You can imagine the inner conflict that she feels keeping such a powerful secret...

We are so grateful for each other because we truly understand one another.

As I mentioned earlier - I have been waiting 16 years for a day like today to come. It is time for Klal Yisrael to do something about this problem - now.

As to your vort, I think it is evident that I agree wholeheartedly to a point. All victims deny that they are victims. This is part natural and part because there is no outlet for a victim to report such behavior. I truly believe that a real mechanech would know what to do just as me menahel did. However, true mechanchim are few and far between. The reason for the cover up is simply because no one knows what to do!

The first step must be to provide outlets for victims to come forward to people who are qualified to deal with the molestation victim and attacker.

I was unique, I was the exception, I had the confidence to do what needed to be done and report my attacker. Sadly nearly every other victim does not share this with me.

Sorry for the delayed response; I don't know if you'll still read this, but I would like to thank you you for your reply. It appears that the abuse I endured is far, above (I should say below) and way beyond the kind you went through, but similar to the traumatic experiences of your wife. I am happy to hear that you are so supportive and understanding toward each other. Abuse will definitely have an impact on marriage and only through talking and openess can couples like this survive. I know this first hand.

If you'd like to continue this dialog please feel free to email me at emeshurts@gmail.com

134

 Apr 03, 2009 at 11:52 AM Anonymous Says:

Reply to #18  
Anonymous Says:

You are missing the point, if the children will talk we could find ways to help them.

and how do u want that to happen we should just line up at ure door step
tell me wat are u goin to do about it are u willing to convict these sick ppl who think they can get away with this
they may as well be murderers!!!!
for that is wat they are doin killing scores of inocent children

135

 Apr 12, 2009 at 09:14 PM Anonymous Says:

Why not publish a list of molesters in big black bold letters in every single issue of your YATED and in the HAMODIA just like the JEWISH PRESS does for recalcitrant husbands. how about actually DO SOMETHING with your YATED ?????????

136

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