New York – Name-calling exists, unfortunately, across the societal spectrum. We can observe it happening in the sandbox in nursery school to corporate boardrooms in Manhattan, to the highest echelons of political office. And it seems that everyone is fair game. “Slick Willie” was the name coined for former president Bill Clinton while he was still in office, “Dumbya” was the name given to former President George W. Bush. And President Obama is often referred to pejoratively as the “Community-Organizer in Chief” a negative reference to his limited work experience.
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SEVERITY OF THE PROHIBITION
The effects of name-calling can be both devastatingly hurtful and genuinely harmful to people. It is no wonder then that it is a Torah violation of a verse in VaYikra (25:17)- “Do not afflict one another .” (See Bava Metzia 58b). Name-calling is the most severe form of afflicting another person. It invariably involves shaming another person in public. Chazal are quite serious about the repercussions of name calling. The Gemorah (Bava Metziah 58b) tells us that all who go down to Hell arise – all except three. One of the three that do not arise is one who engages in name calling of his friend. The Menoras HaMeor (Chapter 20) writes that this literally means eternal damnation.
WHO IT APPLIES TO
All people – men, women, and children are subject to the prohibition of name calling. The Talmud (BM 58b) draws no distinction between genders, and women are not exempt from this issue since it is not a time bound Mitzvah. Parents must model and educate their children in not violating this prohibition, just like they are obligated in all other forms of Chinuch.
As far as the victims are concerned, this prohibition applies to everyone – even if the person being called a name is a child (See Bava Kamma 86a) or a gentile (See Rambam Hilchos Avadim 9:8).
FIERY PIT VERSUS EMBARRASSING ANOTHER
Our sages tell us (Bava Metzia 59a) that it is preferable to cast oneself into a fiery pit than to shame another person in public. There is a question as to whether this is a literal obligation or whether it is merely an example of the sages speaking in hyperbole so that we will recognize how serious the issues involved are. The fact that the sages point to Tamar and her avoiding the embarrassment of Yehudah, indicates that they did mean the statement to be taken literally. Nonetheless, The Meiri in Sotah (10b) indicates that it is not a literal obligation.
Rav Elyashiv shlita (Haaros Bava Metziah 59a) poses a question from the Talmud in Brachos 19a. There it states that if a person sees a friend wearing Klayim, he should rip it off him. Clearly, the Gemorah permits the embarrassment of another in public. Why then, asks Rav Elyashiv, did Tamar not embarrass Yehudah? His answer distinguishes between saving another person from a prohibition – which is permitted, and saving oneself from harm by embarrassing another. Saving oneself at the expense of another is not permitted.
NATURE AND DETAILS OF PROHIBITION
There is some debate as to what is the exact nature of the prohibition. Tosfos (Megillah 27b) writes that the severe prohibition is only when it includes a Pgam mishpacha – a family embarrassment. However, it is certainly proper (Midas Chasiddus) to refrain from name calling under all circumstances. There are other opinions, however, that understand the prohibition to apply across the board (Tosfos Menachos 37a “RY”, Meiri, Megillah 27b)
The name calling is still problematic even if he is already known by that name (Gemorah in BM 58b).
The prohibition of name calling is only when one does so in front of him. This is clear from the Gemorah (Bava Metziah 58b) where this prohibition is discussed as being exactly similar to embarrassing someone in public. There are, however, other prohibitions that are violated when one calls him names behind his back.
The Chazon Ish is cited by his nephew Rav Chaim Kaniefsky Shlita (See Toras H’Adam L’Adam Vol. VI p.108) as saying that calling someone a “Yekke” with a pejorative connotation is also a violation of this prohibition.
There is a view that if someone does not extend the appropriate title to someone who deserves it, it is also a violation of this prohibition. The Pele Yoetz (“Kinui”) that merely referring to Maran Rav Yosef Karo zatzal as “Rabbi Karo” would thus be a violation of this prohibition.
EXCEPTIONS
On the other hand, sometimes a nickname can actually reinforce self-esteem. It may even be an active method of implementing the Torah Mitzvah of VeAhavta Lerayacha Kamocha. We therefore find in Eiruvin 72b that Rabbi Yehudah Hasber is called “Hasber” because of his sharpness. Hasber means “the explainer.” In Bava Basra (115b) Rabba refers to Shmuel as Shavur Malka, the Sassanian Persian King, because the halacha is always like him in law. Shmuel also called Rabba “Abba” as a term of endearment (Kesuvos 107a- see Shita Mekubetzes). When the nickname is a positive one, there is no prohibition either (See Tosfos Taanis 20b).
We find other exceptions too. When someone is being playful or joking, one may call another person a negative name. This explanation is found in Tosfos Psachim 112a “Tziva” where he addresses how Ben Azzai could have called Rabbi Akiva “Korach.”
Rav Chaim Kaniefsky also ruled (ibid) that the prohibition is only violated when the name calling is done on a regular basis. However, if it is done only once or twice – then it is not considered to be a violation, rather just teasing or joking. This answers how it could be that we find name calling of a sort in numerous sections throughout the Talmud (see e.g. Sanhedrin 59b, Megillah 16b, Krisus 8a, Psachim 70b, Chullin 110a, Shabbos 121b, Niddah 12b).
WHY PEOPLE NAME CALL
The reasons people resort to it are manifold as well. Some resort to name calling as a means of arguing. In other words they cannot argue with the facts or the underlying logic of their opponent, so they resort to a tactic that has a base appeal and a quick laugh – name calling. Others resort to name calling because they have not been taught how to communicate effectively as a child. Instead of saying, “You idiot, you ruined my Leggo menorah!” the child should have been taught to say, “I do not like what you did to my Leggo menorah. Please do not ruin the things that I made.” As a child grows into adulthood the lack of proper modeling in how to effectively communicate frustration is baggage that is carried into adulthood as well.
CONCLUSIONS
We have seen that our sages view name calling as a terribly devastating form of abuse which warrants a most severe punishment. It is an issue in which we must demonstrate enormous concern. At the same time, however, we note that when done in a friendly type of way, not only are there exceptions, but Chazal actively engaged in assigning friendly terms of endearment. Nicknames, like anything else, can be a tool that is used both positively and negatively. Just because we see that it can often be used negatively, does not necessarily mean that it should be abandoned entirely – even for its positive uses. Rather, what is necessary is education as to how it can be used appropriately and positively, and within the guidelines of our Holy Torah.
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Rav Hoffman as usual clearly lays out the issue. The biggest chillul hashem are the negative comments and name calling that many here post regarding our President and his administration. The best way to start doing tshuvah for all the name calling would be to show great respect for our president even if you occasionally disagree with his policies.
(reply to #1 ) although I agree with your point, I find it odd that the only example you can give is for when people bash the president, however you don’t seem to mind all the chareidi bashing that goes on far more frequently, and far more vile in the comments.
We should look at our heilige noviem to see how they dealt with calling someone bald. See the end of perek 2 in Melochim 2 how Elisha dealt with children who use bad names.
Name calling is a way of avoiding the discussion that you disagree with.
It is much more helpful to look for the good in people What people don’t realize is that it is a mitzvah to notice and express the good you see about others.
This applies very much here on VIN and all the other frum news blogs.
I constantly see name calling in the responses to posts, and that is certainly not in keeping with the tradition of the Torah.
If you want to disagree with someone, you do it with logic or with facts, but not with words that are meant as weapons.
I would like to see VIN announce that they will no longer accept responses if they are derogatory or mean.
Our reason and our ability to speak are what separates us from the animals. Proving our point with logic and speaking in a pleasant way to others is what separates us from the nations of the world. We are supposed to be an “am chacham v’navon”, using wisdom and reason in our beliefs. We are supposed to be an “am mamleches cahuna” in our speech.
Great article! yasher Koach for printing!
is shiktsa or shaygitz considered name calling?
But it’s OK for Rabbonim to call someone a “RODEF”? Or a “GANEF”? Or a “Mechutzav”? You get the idea.
According to this we cannot call Obama any names. I will stop I guess. According to the Pele Yoetz we may be unable to call him Obama, it has to be His Honorable Obama. Hoffman, er Rav Hoffman, often takes the fun out of life..
I love the halacha articles!
המכנה שם לחבירו אין לו חלק לעוה”ב
rabosai the 2nd bais hamikdash was destroyed because of name calling. if we could all just have derech eretz for each other maybe we will be zocheh to see the 3rd bais hamikdash. amen
Children learn from their disrspectful parents how to talk.
I agree with Rabbi Hoffman that the problem is ultimately conditioning. Children internalize what they hear around them, and when they are subjected to a culture of name-calling, they react accordingly. It is important to teach your children how to effectively communicate with other people, and that starts with being able to disagree without being disagreeable. Even if a person may have a good point, the act of name-calling diminishes and often discredits their underlying argument. It screams of insecurity and intolerance, and does nothing to bolster ones position.
#10 – Yes, it very much is — and especially when used to disrespect Jewish people. And this leads me to #18 . The Chofetz Chaim zt”l said that, while it may not be subject to the literal prohibition, one should not speak לשון הרע about non-Jews, because it accustoms one to speaking לשון הרע.
So too here. The actual din of חבירו is not the deciding issue as to whether or not something is OK to say. It’s just not fitting to use derogatory names for people. Period. Especially about the duly elected Hawaiian-born legal President of the United States (for #9 ). Especially when things like race, disability, baldness, etc., are the reason behind the derogatory name.