Bethesda, MD – Eating disorders and religion? Bulimia, anorexia and other such maladies are growing among Orthodox Jews, according to a recent “Food, Body Image and Eating Disorders in the Jewish Community” workshop I attended in Bethesda, Md.
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The Jewish culture is centered on food. Matzo ball soup, hamentaschen, gefilte fish, latkes, challah, you name it. Passover is built around a meal, as are the weekly Sabbath repasts.
The major Christian holidays usually include feasting, but the actual holiday rituals don’t require that one eat.
“The emphasis on food in the Jewish culture is relentless,” said Julie Dorfman, director of nutrition services at the Renfrew Center in Bethesda, which treats eating disorders. “Holiday tables are groaning with food. People are told to “eat, eat, eat,” but not to get fat. The Jewish mother says, ‘Show me you love me by eating my food.’
“At family gatherings, comments about food are incessant. People aren’t talking about current events or music, they’re focused on the food.”
Staff members at Renfrew, where 12 percent of the patients are Jewish, said they noticed an uptick in Orthodox clients in recent years.
The main pressure, they said, is on the Jewish mother, who is responsible for keeping a kosher kitchen (a mammoth amount of work), providing a generous Sabbath dinner and dessert for not only her household, but various guests who wander in at any point during a Friday evening.
Jewish holidays are the worst, they said, as the amounts of food required take weeks to prepare. A woman’s worth often rests on the quality of her cuisine.
My mind flashed back to such a dinner I attended in Brooklyn’s Crown Heights section, where I was invited to a home where the table was groaning with huge amounts of food. Each course had about 10 dishes. Stacks of desserts sat in the kitchen, waiting for all the drop-in guests, who wandered in after services at the synagogue.
And the woman who oversaw it all was the mother of several children who had a sylph-like figure and a sparkling clean home. I could see what these panelists meant by the standards of perfection expected for these Orthodox women.
“Within the Orthodox community, there’s matchmaking, so there’s pressure on the bride to be fit,” said Dr. David Hahn, who works out of Renfrew’s Philadelphia center. “There’s early marriage, having multiple children and the pressures of running a huge home.”
Some of these women cannot deal with the pressure, and so turn on their own bodies, giving up food until they become dangerously thin. The Orthodox Union got so concerned with this trend that it produced a film, “Hungry to be Heard,” warning viewers to watch for signs of these afflictions, particularly among teenage girls who feel their looks aren’t good enough.
In Orthodoxy, I was told by Adrienne Ressler, one of the panelists, the Orthodox girl wants to be chosen “by the best groom and by the best groom’s family.”
“So the pressure is to be very thin.”
In some cases, the prospective groom’s family not only wants to know the girl’s dress size, but that of her mother, so they can project what the potential bride will look like in 18 years.
“Sometimes, they put a girl’s health records online,” she said. “It’s like buying a horse. I think women can be silenced in that community. The eating disorder is the red flag.
Awful awful awful article I don’t understand why VIN would post this, it has such a condescending and derogatory tone to it. The issue may very well be true but the way the article is written leaves much to be desired. Way to much negativity.
There is no basis in halacha or daas torah for this obcession with food, esepcially the wrong types of food which seem to be so prevalent. We could get by with small portions of fish and chicken and minimize the amounts of red meat, starch and salty foods. Unfortunately, some of the worst offendors are the shuls, batei medrashim and the tish at the home of the rabbonim who host meals after davening
This article makes no mention of secular icons like Sarah Silverman, who brag about how skinny she is and makes fun of everyone who doesn’t have her eating disorder.
Jewish holidays aren’t the worst; they’re the best. YUMMMY.
Years ago, I sat at my front window on a Yom Tov afternoon watching the people walk by when 8 oversized-load, very heavy women walked by as a group. I jokingly asked my wife if that was a weight watchers group. A visiting neighbor answered that they were going down the street to Anash (a ladies group) I resonded “That looked more like a FRESS !”
“Jewish holidays are the worst, they said, as the amounts of food required take weeks to prepare. A woman’s worth often rests on the quality of her cuisine.” What a misleading statement. Buying pre-prepped food from Meal Mart and delivered by Mexicans to your door step is hardly a “weeks” worth of cooking. Jewish women are lucky they don’t live in Arab/Muslim cultures where men force women too cook fresh dinners from scratch every day. (Not pizza or microwave dinner.)
The author is confusing “religion” with societal pressures within our commuity. These societal pressures are not a reflection of Torah.
Even if it were true that eating disorders are caused by shidduch pressures, that still does not mean that eating disorders are caused by “religion.”
Eating disorders are a big problem in our community and it has more to do with lack of self esteem and control in ones life then yom tov food, maybe our schools should put more effort into building self confidence then overloading with work
all we talk about at a shabbos/ yontif tish is food? every single week i stay by people so i can go to a shul. i have stayed by chassidim, non-chassidim, lubavitch, yeshivish, modern, everything. never have i been to a home where all they did was talk about food. and it takes weeks to prepare???!!! tables groaning with food??!!!they are obviously talking about chabad shluchim, who i dont thinkave a big problem with eating disorders
When was the last time these people looked at any magazine? Hardly a Jewish problem. The world at large is obsessed with being thin and yet many are obese because there is way too much junk food in our markets.
Very few people realize that the stress of “keeping up with the Cohens” also leads to compulsive overeating. It is also a serious eating disorder.
Studies show that the above mentioned eating disorders are a mix of genetics and peer pressure as well as self esteem.
Definitely not connected with shabbos or yom tov eating.
Studies show that most of the times the subject is from a very controlling environment, and they use the food as ‘weapon to speak out’ for themselves.
Jews have had this diet for the longest time albeit not very healthy, but I highly doubt it leads to the above mentioned maladies.
In terms of what is expected of a woman, do the above mentioed women work?
The Jewish mother says, ‘Show me you love me by eating my food.’
I’m a Jewish mother and have never said this to my kids, my mother has never said it to me and I have never heard it being said at any table I’ve been at for the past 30 years!
YES: Judaism is a kitchen religion!!! 1000%correct YES: The pressure is heavy for the girls in Shiduchim age to be. 100% frum, model thin and beautiful, BIG BALABOSTAS in the kitchen, but chas vesholom to eat more then a half a bite. Cook for the men, but stare at the food. This article is a LITTLE OFF, but the points are crystal clear.
Yidishe mama stuffing with food ????????????? Not today’s Yidishe Mama. I never ever forced or coaxed anyone into eating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wonder where WE picked up these things ?! perhaps not from the Goyish culture around us . I still think if you’ll ask my wife she’d tell u living in a chasidic environment is the most pressure free and enjoyable !
folks, this issue is clearly dealt with by the Rambam, who gives still very timely suggestions on how to eat to stay fit. Everything is in Torah, if you look for it. The obesity in the “chamishe” is obscene and embarssing to witness. Folks, does the Torah not dicate that one should wear clean clothes and have a nice appearance…let me just say that 300 pounds does not a pleasant visage make. When you start to pant from standing up for Shomeh Esrei you got issues. The catch, though, is that our Yom Tovim and Shabbosim, and tishs, and ferbrengens, and kiddushes, and chasunahs, fundraising dinners and melava malkas and sheva brachos and sholom zochers etc etc etc are chock ful of overly fatty, high sugar foods. It is a problem, but not just with the heimishe. Here is my suggestion…cut down signifcantly on your sugar and fat intake, and you will see some serious improvement. I an way, we are still in the shtetl mentality where you “better eat now ehn there is food because you never know whee hte next meal is coming from.” tat was in my Zayde’s z”l day, in our day our tables are filled with plenty, and even the poorest among us get public assistance to have decent meals.
A large part of the problem is to be attributed to lack of exercise. The typical frum person of course doesn’t exercise on Shabbos and Yom Tov- the days you have the largest meals. During the rest of the week, after going to minyan, going to the daf, a long day of work, commuting, doing homework with the kids, then another seder – I am zonked – there is no time for exercise.
shabbos the yumim tovim are the best, yes you have to prepare for the family and guest that is right way the jewish way you do not have to “fress”. all they like to show that being Orthodox is bad shame on you all
This author has no idea what eating disorders are. If only the people with eating disorders would eat. The maladies mentioned in the article are control issues, expressed through food (and do not stem from food).
Any catered human event has lots of food, and is not limited to Crown Heights or Williamsburgh and the Upper West Side.
In reference to dress sizes, yes, it is terrible, but true in this day and age, and not isolated to Jews, or the religious population.
This article is nothing more than a grammatically correct stew of words which amounts to nothing.
I personally have studies eating disorders and find no merit in this article.