Originally Posted 5/6/07 @2:58 AM
Monroe, NY – When Rachel Freier opened her office above a deli on Route 17M two years ago, she was no ordinary law school graduate hanging her shingle while studying for the bar exam.
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She was a 40-year-old mother of six and a Hasidic Jew. Her budding career was unique: Few people in her intensely religious culture go into law. Too many inducements to assimilate into the secular world are strewn along the path to a law degree, starting with co-ed classrooms and a full schedule of nonreligious courses.
Besides, she was a woman, raised in a culture that teaches girls to become mothers and homemakers, not briefcase-toting professionals.
But don't call her a rebel or the Rosa Parks of Hasidic women, seeking emancipation from the home. Raising a family is her primary purpose, she insists. And immersion in secular life, she says, is rightly discouraged.
Only by praying for divine guidance, she says, does she straddle two worlds. "I'm the last one out there holding up the banner and saying to Hasidic women, 'Go out there and get a degree,'" she says in her Monroe office. "It's not for most people. They shouldn't do it. I have a very supportive family, and I have a passion for the law."
Within her own circles, Freier's pursuit of a law career drew mixed reactions. Some were enthusiastic; others asked husband David Freier why he was letting his wife do what she was doing.
Those who were dismayed might have thought she was turning away from her community and its traditions. But on the contrary, she says, spending her days working and studying in the secular world only heightened her appreciation of Hasidim.
"I would take the train back to 18th Avenue; I was so happy to be home," she says.
At least three days a week, Freier crosses the Brooklyn Bridge in her minivan and heads to Monroe, where she caters largely to the Satmar Hasidic residents of nearby Kiryas Joel. She says she opened her office there because she relished working with such a fervently religious population.
And in a larger sense, she sees herself as an unofficial public advocate for the Hasidim — a group whose insularity has fed misunderstanding and caused it a public-relations problem, in her view.
She desperately wants to lower the hostility sometimes directed at her community — which is why she agreed to be featured in an article. The publicity might strike other Hasidim as immodest, but she says she wanted to lend a human face to her community and thereby chip away at the stereotypes.
One perception she'd like to counter is that Hasidic women — most of whom don't drive or take up careers as she has done — are treated as second-class citizens. Mothers may work if they choose, but being the anchor of the home is the most important job of all, she argues.
"In the Hasidic world," she says, "the girl is really the premium, because you know she's going to be setting the tone of the household." [Record]
As a Kiryas Joel resident and a businessman who needs to use attorney frequently and not YET used her profession as an Attorney, but from now I will consider her because at this point and time when the ladies doesn’t have what to do all day instead going shopping from one mall to other, and from one store to the other its better and much healthier when she has a profession in the hands as an attorney, may a lot woman take the lesson and don’t spend the hard working $$ from your husband and just going shopping work for you money and then spend it. I bet you it will not be the same she will think twice before buying and when she buys something she will like it much more not a week after that going to buy a new one.
Good for her.
Rachel sounds like bright woman who is doing a needed service for the community and setting a good example for frum women everywhere.
I’m sure her children will be just fine. I know many families here in Lakewood where the men are spending 15 hours a day in yeshiva and the woman are working long hours too.
At least Rachel only works 3 days a week.
“Might I remind you that HaShem is still in the driver’s seat. It is HIM who directs parnassa at HIS discretion.”
when there is a problem, don’t you look for the top doctor or the best lawyer. When the Rebbe has a family issue, he doesnt even take it to a Beis Din, he goes to court.
it must be you guys know when to look for “sayata dishmaya”. a cliche used by chinuch for our kids.
Att: Mr. Yeshiva University graduate (1:55 am)
Might I remind you that HaShem is still in the driver’s seat. It is HIM who directs parnassa at HIS discretion. It is HIM who regulates the economy. (“..only in a great economy can Hashem provide parnasa..”) What does the ‘Y” in YU stand for??? (“..men who sit around ‘learning’ (what %?)..”) Hey ignoramus! May I again remind you that that is the WHOLE purpose of creation! Even if one learned 1%!
anon 155
Be careful who you call YU or who you call Lakewood….
YU is sounding like Lakewood… I should know, as I am anon 422 — a graduate of YU!!!
As a Yeshiva University graduate, I relish reading the Lakewood responses to this article. The Parnasa “question”? I’ve never read anything so ridiculous. If selecting a derech that provides comfortable sustenance for your family is questionable, then there is no hope for the Yeshivish world as it stands today. Eventually, there will not be enough deep-pocketed shvers to support leaching kollelnicks and everyone is going to have to go out there and figure out how to put food on the table. I realize this particular husband does work, however, the comments are telling. “Bitachon”? only in a great economy can Hashem provide parnasa for men who sit around ‘learning’ (what %?). As in Israel, women are shafted with raising the kids and putting food on the table while the husbands burden the community. These women deserve to choose whichever profession they like without fear of the yenta backlash.
9:59, you discuss the work vs. no work issue; you do not address the who is raising the kids issue. And leaving children in the hands of a non jew when you wouldn’t leave your jewelry around the cleaning woman…
Anonymous said…
The question still remains: Is it the right thing for women to go to work while the men learn all day, and even if the husband is working, if the women work as well, who is raising wholesome children who dont feel that they need to fit into their mothers work schedule?
May 7, 2007 9:05 PM
You got to raise the kids together and make time…
AND the why, do both husband and wife need to work?, must also be asked. Is it to pay the mortgage or to go to Miami for Pesach? This is the triage required of both parents. Is it to support the son in kollel or does the couple still have small children at home? These are things that must be worked out and as problems arise a Moreh Derech (Rebbe Rosh Yeshiva or Rav) is to consulted. These are dinei nefashos – the lives are our children- we try our best and consult our parents and teachers what to do, as one would consult a pediatrician or school advisor.
May our children be a great source of Yiddishe Nachas to us all and to Klal Yisroel!!
Wow, this is one of the most bizarre bunch of comments I have seen on this site. I sincerely hope some of them were in jest, but at least I know at the end of the days, its Hashem who will judge me and not some of the people on this board. Personally, where I live its the norm for many frum women to be lawyers, social workers, doctors, accountants or whatever. Many of my friends work hard, have gone to prestigious schools, and have gotten great jobs where they are able to contribute to the household finances. We all have to decide whats best for ourselves, whether a man or woman, Jewish or not Jewish. Nobody can have it all. There are plenty of “kids off the derech” from all families and ways of live. And there are plenty of divorces of couples – where the kids have all grown up and moved out and the wife who has never worked decides there was nothing keeping the marriage together except for the kids. And there are plenty of people out there who don’t have to work but do, otherwise they would go crazy.
To anon 9:05pm;
You answer your own question.
Presumably the average young woman (Kollel wife) is working a job to support her family. Depending on her salary, half her wages can go straight to the babysitter. That having been said, she may as earn as much as possible so that her efforts will earn more!!!
The question still remains: Is it the right thing for women to go to work while the men learn all day, and even if the husband is working, if the women work as well, who is raising wholesome children who dont feel that they need to fit into their mothers work schedule?
to anonymous 4:27 and others who are objecting that this is not the “ideal” or are uncomfortable that such articles seem to be “glorifying” a bas Yisroel with a profession: ok, it’s not the ideal for a woman to HAVE TO WORK, right? But we are already being taught to work by our Bais Yaakovs. Do you mean the ideal is to be poor? Supported by family members? And if it’s “the ideal” according to Bais Yaakov for women to work while their husbands learn, why should they spend their holy life-force making a pittance (the “ideal”) and becoming an indentured servant to pay for simchas, schools, camps, healthcare, and then STILL probably have to go into debt? Some people can handle poverty with a smile, and SOME children can handle not having while the majority of their classmates do have, but not the majority! The IDEAL in times of wealth is to glow with the ability to give and help — not to be taking section 8 and food stamps and whatever shtik you happen to have a heter for. Yidden who maintain their integrity in the workplace are ALSO a kiddush Hashem. In addition, they are being a light to the nations, as the R”SHO told us to be. They are ALSO yerei shomayim. And, as everyone agrees, if they are out there scamming people or amassing wealth to clothe themselves better and all that, it’s not the ideal. But this woman is commuting to MONROE to help YIDDEN! No individual person should have to feel inadequate if s/he is not the perfect embodiment of the Yid in gan Eden. This is golus!! Hashem sent us here for sinas chinam!! Validate what’s good and live your own ideals (which I’m sure includes farginning those who gain acknowledgment for trying to do their avoda creatively).
To Anonymous 5:29 PM
and all other Anonymousis and Anonymisters:
To belittle and look down upon Talemdei Chachomim whether ‘The HOLY city of LAKEWOOD’ or anywhere else, to use the phrase “KVECH ..” – borders on apikorsus: as the gemorah (talmud – for those uneducated) teaches, דאמר מאי אהני הני רבנן. So before writing something drastic (against the one above) let us watch our mouths (pens, keyboards..).
Now to the issue at hand; None of the Tanoim and Amoraim who had businesses (not buisinessess) glorified the business. Actually many of them had jobs. Do we find R. Yochanan HaSandler glorifying the occupation of shoe making? Do we find R. Yehoshua praising the craft of smithing? We STRIVE to be better Jews. However since parnossa is needed, we occupy ourselves with the best possible craft / employment / business, to do our Hishtadlus. Indeed, it was the Tanoim who taught that a father must teach his son a craft, else it is as if he trains him to steal. But let’s not let it get to our heads. Work is solely for money. Our life is to be a better Jew.
To the woman in question whom I don’t know, let HaShem shower her with a Shefa of blessings in her work, while she’s at it.
If the gemorah can openly discuss about Tanoim and Amoraim who had buisinessess , if the chofetz chaim set aside time to run his buisness why then can we not discuss others who are in buisiness. The Buchurim in The HOLY city of LAKEWOOD are encouraged to marry girls that are going to college so they can sit and KVECH the bank then why cant this lady from monroe do just the same. GET A LIFE and mind your own buisiness. Just because you are a LO MUTZLUCH does not mean everyone else has to be that way.
May 7, 2007 5:29 PM
Actually I own a very successful business which supports my family. Thank you. All your points are vaild except to mind my own business. Why dont you mind your own business as the the blog is for the exchange of ideas. Why are you so farbisen (bitter)!We are not to be defined by our professions (as the Chofetz Chaim was not known as the Radinner Storekeeper)whether we are Lawyers, Plumbers, Deliverymen or Kollel Yingeliet!!!.
I was in Kollel for a number of years and then built up my business. Yes BH I can afford alot of things I could not have while I was in Kollel, but I do not define myself as MR SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSMAN but as a pashute yid who stands by his kesuva. I did not in any way knock Mrs Frier, as may she have lots of success in her profession(See first post ANON 427). But all I did is question the gadlus people give to the “Professions” let it be for either Jewish men or women.
`If the gemorah can openly discuss about Tanoim and Amoraim who had buisinessess , if the chofetz chaim set aside time to run his buisness why then can we not discuss others who are in buisiness. The Buchurim in The HOLY city of LAKEWOOD are encouraged to marry girls that are going to college so they can sit and KVECH the bank then why cant this lady from monroe do just the same. GET A LIFE and mind your own buisiness. Just because you are a LO MUTZLUCH does not mean everyone else has to be that way.
Let us strive to be JEWS not Lawyers Accountants or Businessmen!! “
It’s not a contradiction!
May 7, 2007 4:36 PM
Anonymous said…
427 shes not doing anything against torah or hashkofah keep your striving to yourself
Who said that its a contradiction!!! Just let us not glorify ourselves in the Professions where we work , The Nisyones are great and we do it to put bread on the table – but nothing else!!! If you Moreh derech disagrees with me then follow him of course but please do not fight what we all Jews want to follow which is the ways of the Torah. There are greater people out there, greater than you me ie our rabbonim Roshei Yeshiva, Teachers and Tzadikim, let them decide what is the Torah and Hashkafah based upon our Mesorah worth thousands of years, This is what we all strive together, not was us, myself incl, little people think
you can be a good jew, and a good accountant, lawyer or businessman,
otherwise who would be paying for at the tuition scholorships you are getting? who would be making the payroll at the yeshiva/bais yaakov if all the parent body had fathers who sat and learned and mothers who were home with the little ones. Who would be paying for them to go to school? It is us, accountants, lawyers and businessman who give to the yeshivas/bais yaakovs, everytime the administration comes knocking on our doors, sending us letters, and inviting us to $300pp dinners. not the Kollellites!!!
427 shes not doing anything against torah or hashkofah keep your striving to yourself
“Let us strive to be JEWS not Lawyers Accountants or Businessmen!! “
It’s not a contradiction!
Is this really the prototype a bas yisroel should strive for???
Yes, I am sure Mrs Frier is doind an outstanding job and creating a kiddush Hashem in how she behaves and perform professionally, but is this where the masses of Bnos Yisroel look up to?
I agree on a personal level and upon hadrachah of a Rebbe or Tzaddik or Rosh Yeshiva that the path of entering the professions may be permitted (men or women for that matter) but to become a poster child of the “Frum Chassidic Professional” is contrary to for what we all want our daughters or sons to be!!!
Let us strive to be JEWS not Lawyers Accountants or Businessmen!!
listen up all you “lydig-gayer’s” here who sit on the internet all day, and feel like they “have” to defend hashem and yidishkeit by poking these stupid comments. while you’re all busy sitting on your whatever to defend your rabbi or chasidus being busy with lushon hora and machloikes all day, this woman went out and worked hard to do something good for her, her husband, and family, and also for the jewish chasidishe community.
I know a little of Ruchei’s work, and those who know her, and have dealt with her will al agree that it’s a pride for the chasidishe community to have a woman like her, working for the community not only with her skills, but more so with her devotion and yiddish heart.
keep on going Ruchie! hashem is with you!
and all you tzeit shtippers here: get of the lushon hora and machloykes train and get a life already!
There should be many many more like her who use their skill and talent to help their co-religious out. She also got it right in her final sentance that the girl is the premium and sets the tone in the household!!!!!!
I showed my Bais Yaakov High School daughter this article, she has wanted to be a lawyer since she was 7 years old. she even dressed up one purim in a suit with a brief case as said she was dressed up as a lawyer. You are an inspiration to our daughters. Way To Go!
kudos to you, Rachel, I wish all woman in todays sick sad world would follow you, instead of talking loshon hora and rechilus let them all get a life like you , then moshaich would definately been here already
Be strong and continue to climb the ladder, you might one day be like Yehudis- saving Yisroel
congratulations to you. What a beautiful, outstanding job you have done.my hats off to someone who is making a difference to the yiddish world. How nice that you had a loving & supporting husband & family to stand by your side. I wish we had more of you in our community. When I walk into a hospital & I see a frum doctor I am so proud of them,especialy a woman. May you be zoche to lots of yiddish nacahs from your family & may you be able to help many yidden. Thank you for all your hard work.
A fellow working woman.
actually the negative complaints are not unfair.
if a haimish man anounces that he is going to law school or medical school he’s a rasha.
when he finishes school and is a service to the community he’s a tzadik.
As a resident in the Village of Kiryas Joel and one of the many clients of RACHEL I would like to take the oppurtunity in my name and in the name of my friends here in the village who know her hard work and good deeds to publicly Thank her for her selfless and tireless work she is putting in on our behalf, may hashem give her strenth for many many more to come, and may she be zoche to see nachas of her children, AMEN, GO RACHEL GO!!!
These posts are a sociological gold-mine! As a secular-educated, chareidi mother who has put her children through the system and cannot stop shaking her head in dismay at the hypocrisy of our society when it comes to the parnassa question, I see how true ALL of the previous posts are — except the personal insults: what in heaven does your “comment moderation” feature do, Reb Editor, if not excise personal attacks on frum Yidden?!!!!!
This woman tried to do it all — and, it seems, with the brocha of her husband. So, nu??? if it can be done with shalom bayis and the kids don’t feel second-class, why not??? Why did this woman have to be a secretary at Wilkie Farr in the first place?? If she’s already out there in the goyishe velt working, she can at least put her yiddishe kop to work for the family and klal Yisroel! (And she did it over a long period of time.) If Yiddishe women have to work to support their family because that’s what we’re taught in Bais Yaakov, why should they make nothing, get no benefits, and have to pay the babysitter a third of it?? And the point about shnorring for chasunas is TRUE!!!! Yidden, wake up! This is the 21st century and there is a whole world of choice we are not even considering. We need to try to make those choices work FOR US — not to be tied at the ankles by ideas of bitachon which clearly aren’t working today. If the oilam doesn’t like it, the oilam has to come up with a better alternative than poverty and debt. SOME PEOPLE HAVE TO WORK AND SUPPORT MOSDOS!! IT”S A FACT, UNTIL MOSHIACH COMES. Bitachon is not stupidity — it requires a basis of hishtadlus. And extreme yiras shomayim, which, unfortunately, most of us don’t have.
a big shekoach goes to Touro college that provides such woman the opportunity to help their families make a living.
in todays frum world one income just does not cut it and if you are supporting children sitting and learning even 2 incomes aren’t enough. I would just wish the machers in Lakewood would let a branch of Touro to open in Lakewood so that the woman who are now the “roiv” breadwinners shouldn’t have to shlep in to the city. its ok for the woman to work so that their husbands can sit and learn but its not ok to make their lives easier
silence the nayasayers – if you don’t know Ruchie, hold your tongue, if you do know her – you’re as proud as we are.
Bottom Line as always – it’s the big F – Fargin – those who can’t are always naying – go join the horses in the hay.
Unfortunatly most kids today are “orphans” in the sense that both parents have to work to survive. If she would have baked cakes all day for people & become a GROBBE YENTE thats fine. A career no good= brainwash. My hat off to her, her children won’t have to schnorr to get married.
Chaza”l say only one pharse in conjunction to this article: “KOL KVOIDU BAS MELECH PNIMA” everything else is just nonsense, for the good and the bad.
I know Rachel. She is truly an Eishet Chayil who personifies what a Jewish woman should be like. The fact that she is also a lawyer helping the chassidish community is the icing on the cake. She is not doing it to be wealthy. Some women devote 24/6 to various tzedaka and chesed organizations. How is this any different? She is just serving a part of the community that wasn’t catered to before. She is not working at a corporate law firm to put moeny on the bank! What a kiddush HaShem. Kol hakavod to her!
All that is true, kids can turn out either way. However, when you have a mother who is away from the house for years-while the father is making loads of money-I know that personally as a fact-Why is she doing it, to be Marbeh K’void Shomayim !? Come on, let’s cut to the chase. Everyone can do what they want, but don’t rub it in others faces as a symbol of what a woman can be. She wanted a career, fine, but I tell you for a FACT, knowing them well, that the children did, are, and will continue to suffer from not having their mother around. On the other hand, like many who know them say, probably the kids would have turned out worse had she been home, knowing her and her husband……….
No one’s children are guaranteed to turn-out any which way regardless of whether the mother is a “stay at home Mom” or she works full time. I know plenty of parents who are disappointed how their children turned out, yet the mother was home all day. Vice versa is common too.
she didn’t beleive the REBONEH SHEL OLAM could support her husband as an acct. ???????????????
if her husband sat and learned in kollel I would think different but why discuss a women that doesn’t have BITACHON….
as usual the commenters here completely missed the point. Dus vent zich oib zi macht asach gelt uder nisht. Oib zi macht asach gelt in is shein menadev tzi di heimishe mosdos is ma tov i’ma nuim. Oib zi macht nish asach gelt is dus a shander as a heimishe froi lust up di kinder in geit chas v’shulem in college.
yoelit ester
i think the bring it on comment was sarcastic.
i think they teach sarcasm in college.
Is this our business? It’s the business of the family and children? Does anybody know how she spends her time with her children? I think “bringing on the comments” encourages nothing but loshen Hora and all things not toradik.
Lets hear all the jealousy comments! C’mon, Bring ’em on!!
Its simple, woman who are jelous on Mrs. Freier, most problams in the jewish community would have been prevented if the woman would at least hold some type job for a few hours a day, instead of being bz with losha horah and all kinds of nonsense.
with all due respect the entire lakewood community lives like this where the mother is outside, and all kids are orphans.
And all Gedolim are mechazik this what a shame… in the name of torah..
To Anon May 6, 2007 8:20 AM :
I’d love to see your kids!
Are her kids miserable and doing poorly in your opinion, or in theirs?
Yup, that;s why her kids are growing up as live orphans, raised by jewsih and non-jewish goytes for the last ten years ! The woman is full of it ! She wanted a career, fine, but don’t try to convince anyone that you can be both career oriented and a mother and wife at the same time ! Maybe it’s possible, but she failed miserabely at the mother part !
She grew up in the Orthodox Jewish world of Borough Park, Brooklyn, the oldest of five children. She never planned on a career, and the religious, all-girls high school she attended discouraged her and her classmates from going to college out of fear that some might be tempted to leave the fold.
At 17, she graduated and landed a secretarial job in a Manhattan law office.
It took a while, though, for her ambitions to develop. At 19, she married David Freier, and then came children. She continued working as a legal secretary and paralegal, eventually making her way to the firm of Wilkie Farr & Gallagher in 1994.
She was working there when her husband earned his accounting degree at Touro College in Brooklyn. Rachel, who by then had turned 30, remembers sitting at David’s graduation, thinking: “Now it’s my turn. Now it’s my turn.”
She enrolled at Touro, which had separate-gender classrooms, and graduated in six years with a political science degree. Then she went to Brooklyn Law School. In June 2005, her family watched her cross the stage to accept her parchment.
Getting through law school while raising three boys and three girls — including two infants — took a lot of juggling. But the most grueling ordeal came when Freier failed the bar exam and realized she would have to retreat from her family and immerse herself in her studies the second time around.
“It was heartbreaking for me,” she recalls. “I had to be like every other law student. I didn’t even answer the phone for three months.”
Her sacrifice paid off. She took the bar exam again in February 2006; the following month, she learned that she had passed.
if everyone would just keep their negative comments to themselves, clean out the garbage from their own refrigerators, do more acts of chesed, and care about people more, we’d all be much better off. period.