Monsey, NY – Could This Possibly Be True? YES! Time to Get Frightened

    103

    Rabbi Yakov HorowitzMonsey, NY – Since the news broke about the arrest of a heimishe man, for repeatedly doing unspeakable things to a girl/young woman over many years, people have been asking me the same question again and again, “Could this possibly be true?”

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    To all worried parents and community members who are asking this question; my unequivocal answer is, “YES.” Period. Exclamation point.

    I do not know any specifics of this particular ghoulish tale other than what I read in the hair-raising copy of the federal indictment but I have heard far more than one or two stories like this one from credible, heimishe people in the past. (For the record; I always ask the victims to go straight to the police and report the abusers.) So even if this story is not true – and it is beyond naïve to think that federal agents would convene a grand jury and make an arrest like this one, merely on the say-so of a vindictive family member, without substantive forensic proof – the terribly sad fact is that it most certainly could be true.

    It is exactly these types of horrible stories that I was referring to in the opening lines of my column in the Jewish Press a month ago titled, L’maan Hashem, What Will it Take? Here are the first two sentences of that column: “It is difficult to describe the sickening, gut-wrenching sensation I experience when I get phone calls from parents whose children were sexually abused or from adults who have carried the horrible scars of childhood abuse for decades, often shredding their relationships and ruining their lives. And, I am sad to report that those calls are getting more frequent as time goes on.

    If your children are married and out of your home, feel free to join those who blame these stories on “Anti-Semitic, goyishe newspapers,” and “Self-hating-Jews-who-love-to-bash-charedim.” Or, you can join those who would rather stay clueless and say things like, “Wow, did you hear that story? Please pass the salt.” You can also trust the ‘leaders’ who tell you not to worry about this since there are only an infinitesimal number of frum pedophiles. But, if you are a parent still entrusted with the care of your children, please read the non-airbrushed story in the secular newspapers and be frightened. Very, very frightened.

    I suggest that you develop a mental image of a deranged frum adult walking around your neighborhood with pruning shears viciously cutting off the index fingers of any children that he can get his hands on. Then imagine seeing hundreds of frum kids walking around with bloody bandages around their hands. Are you sufficiently terrified now? Well, that is a tamed down version of how I see things as far as the abuse/molestation issue is concerned. Because these evil monsters that molest our innocent children and the soulless, immoral people who cover for them are cutting out the very neshomos of the poor kids whose lives they ruin.

    I honestly do not have the time or emotional energy at this moment to write yet another column on abuse. As far as I am concerned, I have already written and lectured more than enough on the subject. (I encourage you to read these columns that I’ve written on this matter – The Monster Inside, Safe and Secure, Human Problems. Also, here is a clip of a radio interview I gave recently on abuse.)

    I am heartbroken that so few others in our community have had the courage to do what I have done, and that there are still charedi publications and websites that refuse to discuss this life-threatening, colossal threat to our children. I am also perpetually stunned that our communal anger is deflected from the predators and directed at those who courageously try to improve things.

    All I can do is to beg all parents b’chol loshon shel bakasha to take this issue seriously and, l’maan Hashem, please start protecting each and every child of yours as if his or her very life depends on it.

    Because it does.


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    103 Comments
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    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    I’m a teenage girl and I had someone try to do something to me but thank god I was able to stop it. But had something really happened, I would NEVER tell my parents. They would make a whole deal out of it and be way overprotective over me and I don’t want that. I would tell my friends, but no one else because I wouldn’t want my parents to find out.

    moshe
    moshe
    15 years ago

    as someone who has done mental health work in Monsey, whatever rabbi Horowitz says is true, and the situation is probably worse than he knows about.

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    I have been in chinuch for over 20 years. I have had to deal with about twelve cases of molestation abuses and accusations. nine were true. two were false accusations and one I am still not sure about but tend to think was a false accusation. I am not sure if my experience is reflective of the real world, but I tend to think that it is. My findings are:

    1] In our world – they are relatively rare – BH.
    2] Although they are rare – they do exist and should be taken seriously.
    3] 75% of the time the accusations are true.
    4] 17% of the time the accusations are clearly false
    5] 8% of the time no matter how much you dig – you will still be unable to know with certainty either way..
    6] I must also say that I have run into numerous , numerous true heroes in chinuch out there that have done a lot for klal yisroel and no one will ever know.. Please be mispallel for them..

    Esq.
    Esq.
    15 years ago

    Dear teenage girl – Thank G-d you were able to “stop it” whatever that means. How close did it get – dont answer that. Please Please Please report the individual that tried to do something to you. Even withour giving yuor name. Tell someone. If you can’t tell your parents tell someone at your school or even confide in a young married woman. Anyone you think you can trust. Unfortunately if this person tried something on you he probably also tried it on someone else and Chas v/shalom succeeded. You owe it to other girls to report it – even if you dont give your name. Let someone investigate who this person is and whether they have acccess to other girls in a school or camp setting. Please tell somenone.

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    Is there anyone out there able to give us an EDUCATED opinion as to whether or not the experiences of Anon #5 are enough to be considered indicative of patterns in ‘our world’?

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    הרב הורוויץ, היש היתר להאמין על אדם מסיום ענין זה, בפרט כשהוא מסובך בשלום בית, בפרט בענין שהי’ לפני רבנים חשובים במונסי, האם אין זה נכנס בגדר מקבל לשון הרע.
    נכון שחייבים לזרז, האן כבודו מכיר את רבנים במונסי לשאול אותם קודן שמציע שיתכן להיות אמת על אדם הזה

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    I actually agree with the girl who made the first post…nothing happened and Im sure she will be more careful so there is no need to tell her parents.

    To “in chinuch for 10 years”,
    I love how you came up with your own stats. Its for sure the same everywhere….

    Upset and Sad
    Upset and Sad
    15 years ago

    I have been involved with several cases of serious abuse(from the victims end being some of the people they confided in), and let me make it very clear that most victims are afraid to speak out to the authorities. in one particular case a victim went into the Mashgiach (M.S.) who threw the victim out saying it was not true. only after the victim told him that I had a recording of the entire story did he take the victim seriously since he knew his job was on the line . the Mashgiach then threatened me to ruin my Shidduch if i told anyone since he was in the process of a new position and he did not want the story to ruin the prospects of his possible new position.

    Today the Mashgiach got his new job, and the victims are all VERY Scarred and damaged! That Mashgiach (M.S.) keeps on brushing it all under the carpet. THERE IS NO MORE ROOM UNDER THE CARPET!!!!! how many more cases do we need??? does it have to happen to your child? in most cases these are wounds that will never heal until Moshiach comes.

    swiss
    swiss
    15 years ago

    Rabbi Horowitz, I agree with you 100% !! I am about your age, and growing up I have seen many Rabbi’s abusing kids! some in a sexual way, But, more in a beating and physical abuse way. Most kids never told their parents of fear that the parents would say, The Rabbi was right, and probably would get another spanking from the parent! Please keep up your great work, don’t quit on us!!! Have a g’mar chaseemah tova, and a good gebentched yur!

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    comment #5 you are 100% correct.
    As a mechanech and business person the unsung heroes of klal yisroel are our mechanchim who are severely underpaid overworked and underappreciated.
    Every industry has rotten apples but that dosent diminish the incredible mesiras nefesh and devotion our melamdim have.
    Let’s call our child’s morah rebbe or teacher before yom tov and thank them for the projects and halachos they taught and you will appreciate. And yes you can send a tip with derech eretz. aAfter all you do trust them with your most prized investment! (I know you pay alot of tuition but the teachers and mechanchim are still struggling!!)
    Good yom tov.

    shmiel glassman
    shmiel glassman
    15 years ago

    its probaly true : but this is not what the typical molesting case looks like “this is extreme evil
    as always the solutions are far from simple!!!!!!!!!!

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    Reb Nochum Rosenberg. please reopen your hot line we need you ,

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    I was a victim of abuse by a rebbi who is no longer living and by camp staff members. I suffered greatly because of them.

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    Rabbi Horowitz,

    Me personally, am not interested to hear what you have to say, someone like you who has no problem to have mixed seating at your yeshiva dinners has no say whatsoever when it comes to issues concerning our Orthodox community.

    Levant
    Levant
    15 years ago

    I wonder if part of the source for these problem is a lack of a decent intimate life at home. This is also prevalent today with girls not being taught the correct hashkfa towards intimacy in marriage.

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    you are absolutely right. if i tell you what happened to me, your hair will stand up. This happened by NUMEROUS staff members to me and a boy that slepped next to me. I never told anyone about it but suffice to say that we were forced to do things we didnt want and things were done to us as well.

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    If you have a reason to believe the story then you are right for assuming that it is true. If however you are relying on the fact that there must be forensic evidence, I do not believe there can be forensic evidence on a crime that happeded 10 years ago. Again that does not mean that it did not happen and if it is true he should go to jail for life.

    Monsey resident
    Monsey resident
    15 years ago

    I live in Monsey and it is utter nonsense that Darchei Noam’s dnners are mixed.

    And what a stupid thing it is to mention mixed seating at dinners, something all gedolim of the previous generation had in the context of these pikuach nefesh topics.

    #31; YOU and people like you are the reason we are in this mess.

    Shteig
    Shteig
    15 years ago

    #31 ’s response sums up the whole problem; as does the fact that some other Jewish Blogger never mentions this topic and ignored the entire Dr. Twersky event etc. Wow – mixed seating a problem, child abuse not so much?

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    Isn’t there a provision somewhere in the Torah that forbids being an informant? Perhaps that is what is keeping people silent.

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    Rabbi Horowitz says, “YES.” Period. Exclamation point! and then he continues “I do not know any specifics of this particular ghoulish tale… other than what I read in the hair-raising copy of the federal indictment”… And then the bombshell “So even if this story is not true – and it is beyond naïve to think that federal agents would convene a grand jury and make an arrest like this one, merely on the say-so of a vindictive family member, without substantive forensic proof – the terribly sad fact is that it most certainly could be true.”

    In other words… True…not true…maybe… I trust the FBI.. Heard the same in the past….

    Go figure…The main thing to make headlines..

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    As someone that was abused as a boy, i will tell you that i did not know what to do. These people are in positions of authority and you are afraid to say anything. They also gave me small gifts to keep me happy and quiet.

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    Rabbi Horowitz I understand what you are saying to be afraid for our children from molesters outside the home such as from teachers, rebbeim, neighbors and so on. But this case of incest is not something that noone could really do much about. If the parent of a child is so sick as to do this to their own child, who can protect them. Are you trying to say that incest is rampant in our community? That does sound a little incredulous although I could believe that there are a disproportionate amount of pedophiles in Chinuch since that is a natural place for them to go.

    eyeswide open
    eyeswide open
    15 years ago

    let’s keep lines of communication open with our children. TO protect them we must prepare them as young as they are in a careful manner to understand what is and isn’t appropriate.
    To the young girl, B”Hashem you were not hurt, girls should be alert and aware that while not all men are beasts some are alittle ill and to be aware of that.
    GMar Chasima Tova to all and may this openness create fear in future inapporpriate attepts.

    deepthinker
    deepthinker
    15 years ago

    I am also aware of such people in Boro-Park.

    Rav Avigdor Miller, ZT”L, used to warn the community about this during his Thursday night lectures, but many people laughed and said “It can’t happen to us.”

    He used to urge our community to get rid of perverted politicians who supported these deviant activities, but to no avail. It was “business as usual.”

    Now, we are, unfortunately, reaping the results of our neglect.

    Monsey resident
    Monsey resident
    15 years ago

    to #44 :

    Rabbi Horowitz spells it out clearly

    COULD it be true (title of column) YES
    IS it true? I DON’T KNOW
    Is it true that there are sick cases like this in the frum world YES

    Survivor
    Survivor
    15 years ago

    I was molested by a rebby in a well known yeshivah. When one boy told the rabbis what happened to him, he was thrown out of yeshivah. I never told anyone. Now I heard that the rabbi is “retired” after many many years of hurting children. But the yeshivah has not reached out in any way to the victims. They want people to believe that Rabbi Horowitz is wrong and that it could NOT happen. They want to protect their image. Rabbi Horowitz is a Tzaddik Gamur who is putting his own neck on the line courageously to protect children. Same for Dov Hikind. We need to stand behind them, back them, believe in them and their worthy cause. Lmaan Hashem.

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    I’m 15 years in chinuch, I’ve come across molestation accusations, some were bitterly true, while some were just hoax designed and framed by attention seekers figuring to get some attention through the allegations (mostly broken complexed kids, or kids from unstable homes) but they turned out to be 50%- 100% false!

    however, unfortunately some stories were real, and molestations did take place sometimes going on for a nice period of time. but, in most cases the abusers were either classmates, school mates or neighbors the same age or close to it.

    FACTS:
    1. all allegations were taken seriously, all of them were fully investigated. and the proper action was taken in each and every case.
    2. you can’t call it an epidemic, and thanks to hashem it does not happen so often by mechanchim, educators or teachers.
    3. most (if not all) mosdos have serious board members to take care on such situations one way or another!

    bottom line: when an accusation comes up, it has to be dealt with the fullest interest, and to the biggest extent with no compromises. but, many of those “activists” on sexual abuse are no more than attention seekers craving to see their names in the headlines (unfortunately).

    Benny
    Benny
    15 years ago

    what is meant by a “heimish” man.? What is meant by a chasidic man? What is meant by a “frum” man. this beast is neither. He is a monster in a clever disguise

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    #50 – which “perverted politician” can you name who “supports” this deviant behavior?

    Joe
    Joe
    15 years ago

    Folks, here’s the bottom line: for most of us it DOESN’T MATTEr whether THIS story is true. The POINT is that we should realize it COULD be true and take precautions in our own lives. If you really love your kids, spend some time alone thinking about how to discuss preventing it happening to them, and KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN!!!

    eckeldig
    eckeldig
    15 years ago

    Rabbi Horrowitz, THANK YOU for shining your spotlight. we need you to form a coalition with more prominent members of the community who are witness like you and know the TRUTH, and bring these molesters to public shame and defamity. we need to give them from the arba misos beis din in public au de fe. speaking from personally being there.

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    חייבים לגונן על הצעירים בכל תוקף ועוז, וגם חייבים ללחום בעוז נגד המשחיתים ומושחתים
    אבל אסור לקבל לשה”ר על אדם מסיום עד שיבורר בב”ד או לרב מוסמך, אין לנו שום הוכחה מהאשמה הנובע מפרשת שלום בית, איני נוקט צדדים, אבל אל נא תחטאו לפני יוה”כ בקבלת לשון הרע מבוזה בענין שכבר ישבו עליה גדולי ישראל, ולהחליט לקבל לשינא בושה כזה, לא לזכות יחשב
    ומ”מ מה שצריכים לעשות נגד המנובלים צריכים לעשות

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    I cannot believe that there are people in our community who want to deny that child abuse is rampant amongst the heimishe community just as it is rampant in all other communities. As long as cases of child abuse are swept under the carpet, the greater the number of perpetrators our communities will unfortunately have. These abusers are sick and they need help. That is the only way to try to stop the buck. Where there are “raglayim ledovor” both parents and rabbonim have an obligation to listen to the facts. Are there any Rabbonim out there besides Rav Horowitz who are open to listening?

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    i was molested in overnight camp over 30 years ago. This was by a (i am guessing) 15 year old kid who was taking over my learning group – we were the youngest kids in camp. He would find reasons for which he said i need to be punished and the punishment would always be having my pants pulled down and then usually hitting or pinching me in private places. At the time i did not realize what he was doing and was embarressed to tell anyone (Rebbi’s in yeshiva would always be threatening us with spankings so i assumed that this was deserved). If it happened to me then I am sure tht it happened to many others.

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    Here is a real question who does the investigation a rebbe a menahel oh no wait the rosh yeshiva.. are they detectives do they know how to read a lie on someones face how to read between the lines see what is there in the darkest corner i dont think so leave the investigating to the pros not amateurs who are looking in every way to hide the truth so as not to blemish the yeshivas name or the monster(rebbes) name
    PARDON THE FRENCH CUT THE CRA… you talk about percentage of what is true and what isnt whats worse to hide the truth by not investigating (the molesters) or bring out the truth by proving the rabbi is innocent (the ones fabricated)

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    I can tell you that Pedophilia or such abuse is not cured, at least not easily. From what I am told unfortunately they could revert. I personally know of someone who was jailed and “treated” for his “problem” by therapists while there and reverted to his past deeds. I won’t say in public what these guys deserve.

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    This happened to me when I was 12. An age when we are supposed to be taught about Kedusha and not the reverse. I dont have to tell you what the implications were both in Camp and School.

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    In Volume 15 of “ישורון – מאסף תורני” there is a section called דם רעך which is about reporting child molestation to the police. It it there are Paskim from Rav Elyashiv slita, Rav Moshe Halbershtam Zt”l, Rav Zalman Nechemyah Goldberg, Rav Asher Zelig Wiess & other Gedoley Yisroel, all of them Paskin that it is mandatory to report child molesters to the police if there is “raglayim ladavar”

    Amazed
    Amazed
    15 years ago

    It is amazing that even on these postings people are timid and do not name names. It is time to stop being a bunch of timid jews. Ban the rabbis and stop with all the nonsesensical fake restrictions which are at the root of this and other problems.

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    Regarding Dan Lkaf Zchus – A freind pointed out to me many years ago that the very next mishna in Avos instructs us to ‘harchaik mishochain rah v’al tischaber larosha’.
    Obvious problem here: If one is dan lkaf zchus all the time, who should he stay away from? Everyone he meets is a Tzaddik!!!
    Apparently, the second mishnah is there to clarify that yes, we should try to be dan lkaf zchus, but don’t be stupid and use that as an excuse for getting buddy-buddy with your freindly local pervert.

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    Shmiel, I am very disappointed in you. Just because this particular case is extreme, doesn’t make the typical horrible abuse case any more palatable.

    been there
    been there
    15 years ago

    Rabbi horowits is a tzadik yesod olam . Puts his neck out where others have failed . One question i have for you Rabbi horowits is why are you telling us to be **frightened** . Being frightened will just make the problem bigger . Tell us to go to the proper authorities. Not only will this nighmare come to a major halt but it will bring closure to many out there who have been hurt.

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    Rabbi Horowitz, Thank you for being the voice for those who have none. I would like to know what is being done to protect the public from the molesters who are not prosecuted legally by their victims (legal shlep & statute of limitations) but the victims just want them away from the position they are in to prevent easy access to other children? Case point would be a long time (30+ years) 1st grade Rebbe from a very large Monsey yeshiva who was fired last year for molestation.(Make no mistake he is %1000 guilty!!! This is not “allegedly”!!) He is still free to roam the streets and repeat his crimes against children, get a job with children, etc. Nowhere has this been publicized the way it should have been to warn the public nor is there any imposed house arrest or any accountability for whereabouts or tracking. He has not been run out of town either. That only seems to happen if you sell Perdue chicken as kosher. I am sure that there are other molesters like him as well. How do you think this should be handled?

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    #30 , the fact that intimacy, due to Tznius boundaries, is never discussed, is not really an issue which is relevant to young children, although I do agree that young adults would benefit from a proper forum for discussion in a clean environment.

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    B”H there is someone taking a stand in support of the people who have chas v’shalom experienced abuse. More than 99% of rebbeim and moros are good fine people. There are exceptions and it’s mind boggling to believe it happens, but it does. I know since I was abused years ago.

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    No wonder Moshiach is staying away!!!

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    15 years ago

    We are so hung up on Tznius that the real problems in our community are pushed under the rug. Even if only 5 percent of the reports are true that means that MANY people have been abused.

    ploni
    ploni
    15 years ago

    would u live near a known offender? would u trust him with ur children. always after horrid crimes, people say, I cant believe it, such a nice guy…. well, if u really think he is innocent, live next door to him, have him tutor ur children, go ahead…I dare you…check into the national sex offender registry…hold onto ur socks !!!

    rebbetzin hockstein
    rebbetzin hockstein
    15 years ago

    anonymous   7;:56 a.m. said: We are so hung up on Tznius that the real problems in our community are pushed under the rug. Even if only 5 percent of the reports are true that means that MANY people have been abused.

    EXCUSE ME? did I hear you correctly? TZNIUS is the problem? No, lehefech, Tznius is the answer!!! A proper understanding of tznius, and proper education regarding tznius is the key. NOT hitting people over the head with tznius, chumrah after chumrah, do this, don’t do that, wear this, don’t wear that…..this is not education in Torah and mitzvos, and not darchei noam. Rather, we need to educate with a deep understanding that tznius is about PRIVACY. We need to appreciate that it is a gift that you give to yourself and NO ONE is to cross that boundary. It starts when the children are young, teaching the names for all their parts in a matter of fact way (eyes, ears, nose, PRIVATES!) No one is touch parts that are covered by a bathing suit. Even at the doctor, only with mommy, tatty or a nurse there!!! If educated in this way, we are accomplishing 2 goals: Appropriate understanding of a yesod of Torah hashkafa AND also protecting your kids from perverts.

    This is a HUGE hot button issue for me, as someone who has taught childbirth classes/parenting education for years. I agree, in part, that inappropriate understanding of Tznius can be very damaging and create a breeding ground for all kinds of garbage being swept under the sheitel or the hat, but that is because, like a lot of other mitzvos, Tznius is misunderstood. . NEVER say that a mitzva in the Torah is a problem. Rather, Proper education and hashkafa regarding tznius and other mitzvos is what is needed.

    When approached properly, Tznius is the key to PREVENTION!

    Think about that when you are in shul on Yom Kippur and we read all about illicit relationships……what is the message there?